Chapter Seven

He stood on the porch staring at her front door. He wanted to go in, but his head was such a mess. He had a lot to process, but decided it would have to wait. He knew she was upset, and he wanted to make it better. He ran his hand through his hair, took a deep breath and opened the door.

He found the house dark, it's occupants having retired for the night. He headed up the stairs, unconcerned about waking her. He knew she wouldn't be sleeping. He paused just outside her room for a moment, then knocked. Opening the door a crack, he said, "Mer? Can I come in?"

She was laying on top of the bed, still dressed. She had sat like that for hours, just staring at nothing, breathing feeling like too much effort. She sat up when she heard him. "Yeah," she said quietly.

He came in to the room and climbed on to the bed with her, taking a similar position to hers. They sat in silence for several minutes. He ventured to look at her. He hated the sadness on her face, and the thought that he caused it, however indirectly, was crushing to him. "Mer, I'm not going anywhere."

Her eyebrows raised. "What? You have to go…"

Alex held up his hand. "Jo broke up with me."

She leaned forward, mouth open in surprise. "What? Why?"

Alex stammered. How could he tell her this. Sighing, he began. "After you left, I was…I think I was in shock. I just sat there for a couple hours." He looked at Meredith, devastation on his face. "How did I not realize this? I just assumed she would stay in Seattle. She never said anything!"

Meredith reached over and stroked his arm as he continued the story.

"Anyway, she found me, and when I questioned her she got mad. She said I should have known, we'd been training her for this for five years, and she didn't do anything wrong."

Meredith nodded. "That's all true. How does this turn into a breakup?"

He nervously ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat.

"She started to walk away and I didn't go after her. She came back and accused me of letting her walk away over a misunderstanding. I told her it wasn't a misunderstanding. She unilaterally decided to take me from my family, and then decided to tell my family she was taking me away."

Meredith grimaced. "Ooh. Not good."

He turned to Meredith. "I told her you were going to offer her the general fellowship."

"Alex! You know you're not supposed to say anything!"

He nodded. "I know."

She sighed. "I'll talk to her tomorrow. I'm sure we can work this out."

He raised his eyebrows, shaking his head. "No, this is over. There is no working things out."

"Really, Alex, that doesn't sound so bad. It was just a bad day!"

"There's more I haven't told you."

Her eyes widened. "Did you cheat on her?"

He was offended. "No! I would never do that!" He caught the look she gave him, clearly indicating the time he cheated on Izzie. "Okay, I would never do that now."

"Then what could be so bad? You gotta tell me so I can help you."

"Mer, I can't."

"Of course you can. What can't you tell me?"

He leaned back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. If he was going to say this, he couldn't do it while looking at her. "I was very upset that her actions hurt you."

Meredith watched him intently. "Oh, Alex."

He decided to go with the rip the band aid off approach. "She said it was never about her, that I treated her like a stray dog scrounging for scraps, and…" he gulped. "You and I better figure out we love each other before anyone else gets hurt."

The room fell silent. He was glad he could hear her breathing. He could at least know she was still in the room. After five minutes, he could take it no longer, and turned to look at her. She was lying flat on her back, staring at the ceiling with tears streaking down her cheeks.

"Mer…"

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I told you earlier that I want you to be happy, and somehow I've ruined your happiness. I'm so, so sorry!" she was inconsolable. The stress of the day had hit it's peak, and the tears needed a release.

Alex's face fell. He came here to make her feel better and was having the complete opposite effect. He scooted over to her and gathered her in his arms. "Shhh, it's not your fault!" He felt terrible. "Please Mer, don't cry."

She couldn't stop the tears. Tears of sadness at almost losing her best friend. Tears of fear at facing a future alone. Tears of frustration at the stupid dream. But worst of all, tears of devastation at having destroyed the happiness of someone she loved. Loved? Why did Jo think that? Why did she break up with him over It? Did he deny it? Slowly, her thoughts turned to what this meant, and the tears stopped.

Alex kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair. His eyes stung with tears. He ruined every relationship he had ever had. He was in such a shame spiral that he hadn't noticed that she had stopped crying.

"So what did you tell her when she said that?" Meredith wanted to know.

"Nothing. I didn't know what to say. She had already made up her mind, and ours as well. But I know one thing. When she told me it was over, I wasn't that upset. When you left me tonight, I couldn't move for two hours." It was more than he planned on revealing, but couldn't let that go unsaid.

Meredith relaxed into him. As sad as she felt that his relationship had ended, she couldn't help but be relieved that he wouldn't be leaving.

"Mer?"

"Mmm?" she murmured as sleep threatened to take hold.

"Can I stay here for a while?"

She chuckled. He knew he had a permanent spot with her in that house, his for the taking whenever needed or wanted.

"Stay as long as you want." She murmured into his chest, losing the battle to stay awake.