Hey there! I'm really sorry for not updating sooner but life is pretty stressful right now. I just want to say that I won't abandon this story. Also, I'm super excited because I got my first follows and review. So thank you for that and here is the next chapter.
Let me know what you think!
Chapter 3
Breathe. Just keep breathing regularly and everything will be fine.
Minutes must have passed since Shelly stepped in front of room number 26. She had raised her hand already two times, but each try she gave into her fears before actually knocking on the wooden door in front of her. She could feel her heart beat way too fast and way too unregularly. This was in no way an unfamiliar feeling for her, but she didn't expect it to happen in this situation. Until last night, she believed this to be a hard and rather annoying task that would bring her to her limits. Now, however, she knew it was an impossible mission.
Shelly had spent the whole night reading through his file and trying to memorise the main details. The task usually would have taken about two hours. This time Shelly needed almost seven full hours, because she had to stop and take a break every now and then. She knew her past was painful and filled with blood, but he … if he even remembered only a small part of what he did, he had to be in indescribable agony.
The file had also told her about Sergeant James Barnes – the life he had before Hydra took him and turned him into their personal killing machine. Most of it, she had already been familiar with. He had been a Lady's man and when she looked at the picture from 1944 the file had included, she had no trouble believing it. Barnes was further described as 'one of the good ones'. To be honest, that broke her for a moment. If that good man was indeed still inside of the Winter soldier, then how could he live with his memories? How could she possibly help him accept these actions? Or maybe … just maybe … he was better off locked away from the outside world.
Again, Shelly raised her hand and this time she actually knocked. Her breathing was still shallow but so what? It's not like he could hear her heart beat anyway, right? … Right? The rational part of the agent's mind knew that this was not a possibility, but then again, she had heard just one too many rumours about what the Winter soldier was capable of.
xXx
Another full minute had passed since Shelly had knocked on the wooden door in front of her and nothing had happened so far. No movement, no sound at all. She knocked one more time but inside the blonde could already feel her patience wearing thin. As there was still no sign of life to be heard, she sighed. She really didn't want to do it like this, like she was controlling him. She had wanted to let her in on his own accord, meet on a friendly note. But apparently, the soldier had other plans.
Reaching for the set of keys in her pocket, she looked down her body again. Shelly wore a simple dark green sweater and black skinny jeans. Her appearance didn't exactly say 'I'm the boss of you' and that was exactly what she was going for. She tugged a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear and, with another long sigh, unlocked door number 26.
The door creaked slightly as she opened it and pushed herself through. The first thing she noticed was that the room was very brightly lighted. The second thing was that it looked exactly like her own new home. The wooden bed was situated on the wall straight ahead and the desk and closet were on her right. There were really only two differences. The first being the smaller door leading into the bathroom, which was on the right side, not the left. The main difference, however, was the long-haired, bearded, muscular man sitting on the bed and frowning at her.
Shelly struggled to adjust to the brightness for a moment and then closed the door behind her.
This is it. This might be my last moment on earth. I'm here, no going back now.
Instead of saying something or even simply greeting him, Shelly nodded at the soldier once before sitting down against the wall next to the door. She crossed her legs in front of her and alternated between looking at him and staring at the ceiling.
Whenever it was him she was looking at, she observed another detail. His amazing blue eyes that seemed to look inside of her. His almost shoulder-length hair that desperately needed a wash. The twitch of his left eye that signalled he was getting angry. The way his shoulders tensed even when she was not looking at him.
Shelly had no idea how much time had passed already, but she didn't care. He would take as much time as he needed to react to her presence, she didn't want to overwhelm him right away. Every now and then, she would do something that the soldier obviously did not expect. Like smile. Or crack the bones in her fingers. Or sometimes she just closed her eyes for minutes that seemed endless to her.
Finally, he snapped. "Is this supposed to be some sick kind of trick to get me to talk?" Barnes nearly spat the words at her and his blue eyes glared dangerously. His face represented honest fury, but the words themselves sounded weak. His voice was strained, like he hadn't used it for days … maybe even weeks. It fit the counsellor's description of the soldier saying he never spoke. Nonetheless, he had just spoken to her.
"No trick", Shelly answered calmly, eyes locked with the soldier's ones. "I'm simply here to keep you company. If you don't want to talk, don't talk. Easy as that."
The glare in his eyes was still evident, but she saw his facial expression morph into something else. Curiosity. He was probably wondering if she was telling the truth or if this was indeed some cruel psychological experiment. In the end they both knew that only time could reveal the answer to his silent questions. As Barnes seemed to go over the possibilities in his head, they fell back into the silence. Shelly, for the first time in ages, did not mind the silence surrounding them. She was too focused on the man on the other side of the room to listen to her inner daemons.
xXx
Judging from the growling sounds her stomach emitted, it had to be lunch time already. Should she just go and get herself something to eat? Should she stay here? Well, given that Barnes had not shown any reaction for at least two and a half hours, it wouldn't make any difference to him. Right when she decided to fill her basic needs, however, the soldier turned his head to look at her. Something he hadn't done for at least three hours.
"Aren't you supposed to ask me questions like the other counsellors?" His voice was deep and still rough, but there was a curious pitch to it now.
Shelly gave him a small but genuine smile. "Well, I'm not a counsellor… so no, I'm not going to ask you questions we both already know the answers to. I'm an agent, or rather I used to be, now I'm your recovery buddy."
Barnes parted his lips slightly in surprise, apparently this was a development he hadn't seen coming. The twitching left eye, on the other hand, still conveyed his growing agitation with the unwanted guest. "Doesn't that include talking as well?"
"It will, eventually. But I thought for now you might appreciate getting used to my presence in silence." The soldier's brow furrowed at her statement, calmly delivered. With an almost unnoticeable nod he motioned Shelly to continue her explanation.
"You see", she started, trying to formulate the thoughts inside her head. "You like the silence, or rather, you need it. When I read your file, I noticed you got aggressive whenever the counsellors just kept talking to you. It's all too much, isn't it? The voices in your head are loud enough and they are driving you to the edge of sanity. But when more voices join the conversation, it's just too much. So you tried to shut the counsellors up, but they wouldn't and you attacked. That's also why you had six different experts talking to you so far."
Shelly's words were more statement than question, but Barnes nodded nonetheless. His blue eyes were wide open and staring at her curiously and maybe he was even a bit scared.
For a moment Shelly had to hold back a chuckle. This man was supposed to be Hydra's most deadly assassin, cold-hearted and unforgiving. But right now, she could see every emotion he was feeling, no blank face to hide behind. He was scared of her … scared because she truly understood what was going on inside his head. The endless fight to accept what can't be changed anymore.
"Who are you?"
Shelly gracefully stood up and made her way over to the wooden bed Barnes occupied. Arms crossed, shoulders tense as she got closer, but his eyes followed her every move. Finally, she reached the bedside and stretched out her arm for him to take. As the soldier simply stared at her to answer his question, she let her hand fall to her hip instead.
"I'm agent Michelle Collins, but you can call me Shelly."
