Chapter Eleven

Alex still had a few hours before his date with Meredith. He had checked Jo's schedule, and found that she was still working for a few more hours, so he decided now was the time to gather his belongings from the loft.

He brought some boxes with him, and made quick work of packing clothing, toiletries, his old wrestling trophies, and the relatively few odds and ends he had accumulated through the years.

He opened the drawer to his end table. His forehead creased and his mouth was drawn into a tight line. There in the drawer lay the engagement ring he had tried to give to Jo. He picked it up and opened it. He had spent hours over several trips to different jewelers to find this ring. It had to be perfect, just like he thought Jo had been. His jaw tightened as he thought back to how hard he had worked to plan the perfect proposal, and how excited he had been when it was finally at hand. He remembered the feeling of breathlessness as he waited for her answer after he had asked the question, and the crushing pain she delivered when the answer was no. With a sigh, he swallowed hard and, with one last glance, closed the box to the ring – and his future with Jo. He placed the box inside one of his moving boxes with some other odds and ends.

He stood and looked around at the apartment he had shared with her. They'd had some happy times here, but all he could remember at the moment was pain. Pain at her rejection. Pain he had felt when he had come home to reconcile, and found Deluca on top of her. Pain of knowing what he had done to an innocent man. Pain of possibly going to prison.

He took out his keys and removed the key to the loft from his key ring. He placed it on the counter, letting his hand rest on it for just a moment. It was difficult to comprehend that just yesterday he had planned a future with her, had thought she was his forever. Now, he saw their relationship for what it had been: two people who'd had good intentions, but were ultimately bad for each other. She needed to fly, and he was holding her back.

He then gathered the boxes that contained everything he owned. He didn't worry much that all of his worldly possessions were contained in four boxes. He had, in fact, developed this as a survival strategy while living in foster care. If he didn't have much, he didn't have much to lose. It made leaving, which was always inevitable, so much easier. He had trained himself to keep a distance, don't get attached. You can't get hurt if they can't get in. That had been his mantra from a young age. And then he met Meredith, and somehow, when he wasn't looking, she got in. If it hadn't been for her, in fact, he doubted that he ever could have had the relationship with Jo at all. And, as much as the end of his relationship with Jo hurt, he acknowledged that without Jo, he wouldn't have had a chance with Meredith.

You can't get hurt if they can't get in. He thought once more about his longtime mantra. He closed his eyes tightly, sinking into a chair as his heart constricted and he permitted the tears to fall. He allowed himself a moment to feel the pain he had spent the majority of his life avoiding.

Afterwards, he swallowed the rest of the pain. He sighed, stood, and took one last look around the loft. He picked up the last box and left the loft.

Meredith had finished the surgery and was washing up in the scrub room. Dr. Bailey had left a short time earlier after completing her portion of the operation. As she turned off the water and reached for a towel, the door to the scrub room had opened. When Jo saw her there, she turned to leave.

"Jo, wait."

Jo turned to face her former friend. She narrowed her eyes at her and crossed her arms across her chest. "Yes, Dr. Grey?"

Meredith looked at her and knitted her eyebrows together. She placed her hand flat against her chest. "Jo, I'm sorry. I know it sounds absurd, but I really never realized that we were training you to – to leave! It threw me for a loop, and I didn't handle it well."

Jo glared at her and pursed her lips. "Is that it?"

"Jo, you're my friend…"

"Ha! You have never been my friend! I tried for years to get you to like me, to be part of your illustrious circle. I tolerated it when you would be unnecessarily mean to me at work. I grit my teeth when you kicked me out of bed. I listened as person after person told me to give you a chance, because you were so great. And then suddenly, it seemed like my patience was paying off, and I was welcome with you, and then with Paul, to have your support meant everything to me. I finally saw what all those people were saying! But it was all part of your plan, wasn't it?"

Meredith tipped her head to the side. "My plan?" she questioned.

"You acted like you were my friend. You acted like you wanted to mentor me. But it was just a way to keep him here, with you!" The volume of her voice had steadily been rising, and now could officially be classified as shouting.

Meredith looked up in an effort to keep the tears that stung her eyes from spilling. She crossed her arms, swallowed hard and blew out a breath. When she felt she was in control of her emotions, she met her gaze and spoke. "It was not an act, Jo. It took me a while to warm up to you, to trust you. Because he's my family, and had been hurt so many times before, I am protective over him. I always will be. But you proved yourself. I know it took a long time, but I finally trusted you, that you wouldn't hurt him like the others." Tears stung her eyes, and despite her efforts spilled down her cheeks. "It wasn't an act, Jo. I was your friend. You are a gifted surgeon, and I enjoyed teaching you. It wasn't an act."

She brushed past Jo, who still stood in the doorway. Once Meredith had left, Jo turned and punched the wall.