Chapter Fifteen
A/N: I got inspiration for this scene from Season 2, Episode 11, Owner of a Lonely Heart. There's a scene between Meredith and Alex where she asks him if he's okay, and the look he gives her has always made me think that was the first time anyone had ever asked him that.
I hope you enjoy, and please review!;)
Thanks! -Kris
They gazed into each other's eyes, unmoving, neither wanting to sacrifice the feeling of safety and security each had found in the other.
He reached out and stroked her hair lovingly. He searched her eyes for any signs of regret, relieved to not find any. She had been the first person to care about him, to truly be concerned for his well being, and as such, he was very protective towards her. She meant more to him than he felt that he could ever adequately express in words.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, needing to know she was okay with their new found familiarity.
"I'm thinking about you."
"I hope they're good thoughts," he said, smiling.
"Oh yeah. Very good thoughts." She said, chuckling along with him, a mostly happy laugh tinged with a miniscule amount of nervousness. After a short time, she continued. "I see you, Alex." She had been thinking about the dream, and she wondered had she ever told him this? Did he know, had she ever told him, how much he means to her?
His head tilted quizzically and he shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Okay…" he said, drawing out the word.
They laid on their sides, facing each other, a blanket covering them. His hand rested on top of the blanket, and she reached out to hold it, interlacing her fingers with his.
"I was thinking about everything you've done for me, and for the kids. The things you do without me even asking you." She squeezed his hand, and spoke more softly. "The things you do thinking I won't find out. You've been my person for so long, I feel like maybe I was taking advantage of you. I'm so sorry for that, and I don't know if I've ever properly thanked you for all you do for us. I see you, Alex."
His breath caught in his throat and he paused a moment before speaking in order to compose himself. "It's nothing Mer." He said quietly, brushing it off and looking away as he had done numerous times before. He had never been comfortable receiving praise, never felt it was deserved. Receiving such high praise from the most important person in his life made him infinitely more uncomfortable.
She reached over and gently grabbed his face, turning it so he was once again looking at her. "No, Alex. It's not nothing. It's everything. And in case I've never said it before, thank you."
He flashed her a half smile, attempting to maintain tight control of his emotions. He swallowed at the lump in his throat before speaking, deciding how much of himself he wanted to give up. "There's a reason why I say it's nothing," he began quietly. "Back in intern year, we were assigned to the quints. Do you remember that?"
She thought for a moment before responding. "Yeah, I remember."
He turned his face towards the ceiling, as per his habit when revealing something of himself. "You and I were in the NICU together, and you asked if I was okay."
"And you told me you had failed your practicals."
He nodded. "Yeah. And you helped me study."
"Okay, but I don't see how…" she started to ask him, but he interrupted her.
"I was in a really bad place that day, Mer. When I found out I failed, nothing made sense anymore. Before that, I could say at least I was a doctor. So the abuse, the crazy mom, the foster homes…I don't know, I guess I felt it kind of evened the score a little. So when I heard I failed, I started to think.. maybe I deserved it. Maybe my loser dad was right, maybe I was nothing. And then the situation with Izzie just made it so much worse. That morning, I had decided that I was going to tell Webber I quit. I was going to go back to Iowa and probably wind up like my dad. I just couldn't see another way around it." He paused, giving her a chance to digest what he had said, and to give himself a moment to check his emotions. "When I was at my lowest point, you came in and saved me." He glanced at her and gave her a quick small smile. "I decided in that moment that I would always watch out for you, because honestly, you saved my life." He let the words hang in the air for a minute. "That's why I say it's nothing. Because you truly gave me everything."
The tears came easily once he had started his story, and she could not hold them back. In all of their years of friendship, she had often wondered why he not only put up with her, but also was her champion so many times. She had no idea what influence she'd had over him.
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" she asked, sniffling.
He turned back to her. "I guess at first I was afraid you'd pity me. And then, it wasn't really relevant…until now." He moved towards her and caressed her face softly for a moment before leaning in to kiss her gently. "It's like I told you tonight. You're worth everything."
He moved closer and leaned in. His lips pressed against hers softly, then pulled back and stared into her aquamarine eyes, which were brighter than usual due to her recent tears. He again felt the stirrings of desire rising up within him, and he plunged his mouth onto hers. She opened to him, and he tasted the saltiness of her tears.
Her hands gripped the back of his neck desperately and she moaned against his mouth. She felt him disengage from the kiss, and a small whimper of disappointment escaped her before she felt him tracing a line with his tongue down her collarbone, then lower…
They spent the next couple of hours thoroughly exploring with hands and mouths, each eager to please the other. Afterwards they lie together, their limbs intertwined, and Alex started laughing softly.
Meredith looked up at him through tired eyes, smiling. "What's so funny?" she asked.
"I was just thinking that your sisters are going to have a lot to say in the morning."
Meredith's mouth opened in surprise. "You think they'll know?"
His laughter increased. "Oh, they know. These walls are thin…and you're a little loud!" he chuckled, leaning down to kiss her.
"Oh God." She said, embarrassed.
"It's no big deal. We will just tell them. They'll be okay with it," he said, reassuringly.
She sighed. "I sure hope so," she said, drifting off to sleep.
