Disclaimer: Bioware makes awesome characters. I hope I do them justice.


Walking alongside my favorite character in the entire Dragon Age franchise should have been a dream come true. Well, it certainly felt like a dream, but more like one of those uncomfortable ones that I would get, and I wasn't sure why.

Varric was helping me out, finding this... Nathaniel. His family name, Howe, sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger one it. Maybe he was someone who offered a quest. That couldn't be right though, Nathaniel's family was in Ferelden, right? Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at the dwarf I was walking with. He seemed perfectly content pointing out some of the more well known areas of Kirkwall as we passed them, including some shop stalls I would have to remember for later.

For now though, my mind kept running over what he had told me about my target. Nathaniel was apparently Ferelden nobility. Was that why I recognized the name? His family could be the one from the origins for a human character. That didn't seem right though. Besides, most of the members of that family were dead now. Some other noble dickbag had done that. Wait. Maybe that's who the Howes were? As I pondered it further, I became more certain I was right.

So, this was not the guy who had killed an entire family estate, but his son? What was his son doing here? I couldn't come up with anymore answers, so I let it go, hoping to figure it out as I spied on him, or whatever.

Shifting my attention back to Varric, I noticed us climbing up several flights of stairs, the ground and walls looking more well-kempt as we went up.

"Hightown?" I said aloud.

"Absolutely. You catch on quick for someone fresh off the boat." He grinned at me. "Or that's the reason Athenril picked you for this job."

I scratched at my arm and tried to smile back. "I don't know. How good should I-? Well, I don't think she expects much out of this. Hopefully." I gave a nervous laugh.

"She wouldn't have sent you if she wasn't expecting something." But his expression seemed to imply something else entirely as he furrowed his brow in thought, eyes trained ahead.

I looked around as we finally reached the top of the current set of stairs. The market we reached was open, spacious, and had plenty of air. People walking around were in the nicest clothes I'd seen, the fabrics still foreign, but nicer looking and better cared for. Even the people wearing them looked cleaner, and I mused that they must have private baths.

When Varric started moving again I stumbled after him, trying not to let him out of my sight. I was sure, given his line of work, that he could disappear into any crowd if he had to. Plus, he was short.

People that we walked past were not subtle in their disdain or scathing looks, though I tried my best to ignore them. Hey, I had made it through public school. Couldn't be much worse than that. My confidence grew at the thought, and I strode side-by-side with Varric.

"Here's a possible place," Varric announced. We were in another space that looked like it might have normally been wide open, though it now had a theatre stage constructed on one end. Many seats and benches filled the rest of the space, some mismatched, as they were likely brought by the people milling around.

He must have noticed all my staring, because he chuckled. "Kirkwall likes to go all out for Wintersend. Since it's a day for trade, and the city gets most of its business from travelers from all over the Waking Sea, and further."

"Oh," I said. "It looks... really interesting." I was flicking my eyes everywhere now, taking in the people running around in what I presumed to be costumes, or others carrying props. "So they put on plays."

Varric nodded, but then cocked his head. "Isn't that something they do in Ferelden? Granted, it may be on a smaller scale, but I thought even they would put on plays celebrating the Maker, and especially Andraste."

I tried not to wince. Ferelden culture was completely unfamiliar to me. Hell, I didn't know any holidays for Thedas, period.

So I just nodded and said, "I've seen a couple plays, but my hometown was pretty small, you know? There wasn't anything fancy, it was just the local families putting something together with whatever we had." I was thinking of my church's children's Christmas plays, but close enough.

"Must be something for you to see all this, then." I was happy when he seemed to drop the subject, glancing around the area. "Well, see your man?"

Right, I had a mission. How had I gotten so distracted? I hadn't even been looking for the Howe when we walked through the Hightown market. I looked around the theatre area again, this time paying attention to the actual people rather than just what they were doing.

Granted, I didn't know who I was looking for, so I dithered on whether or not a couple men might be correct.

"I'm not entirely sure what he looks like," I admitted, "I only have Athenril's description."

I hesitated when saying my boss' name. Varric seemed bitter towards her for some reason. This time though, he just made a noise of frustration.

"Let's walk." I followed next to him as we started a leisurely pace around the open area. "I haven't seen much of him, but apparently it's more than you've got."

"It's not like I've got the same contacts you do," I muttered, pouting. "Sorry for being so new to the place."

He laughed again, though his eyes were back to being calculating. "Yet she sent you out anyway. Like I said before, she must see something in you."

I shook my head, frustrated. She knew I couldn't fight, and I hadn't proven anything during our trial run. What did she know about me? Really, only that I was a mage. Though I hadn't shown her any of those skills, either. Hmm.

We were both silent for a few minutes, scouting out the people around us while trying to stay out of the way. I did point out a couple candidates, though Varric shot them down, saying he'd seen them as well.

Eventually, we saw a small group of people whom I assumed to be knights by their armor. One of them stood apart, looking different for not just his choice of weapon-a bow and quiver of arrows slung across his back-but his appearance. Only a couple of the men had dark hair, and only one was a close match for Athenril's description.

"Varric-" I started, intending to point the man out.

"I see him." He stopped walking immediately, settling himself down on the decorative wall surrounding a tree bed next to us.

I sat down as well, awkwardly moving my swordstaff so it wouldn't hit the grass behind me point first. When I looked to Varric, he was already looking at me.

"What now?"

I paused, then shrugged a shoulder. "I'm just supposed to see what he does. I'm not sure what she's expecting to find out, but that means maybe nothing will happen?" I forced a breathy laugh. "Maybe she's just a huge gossip."

That got a grin from him. "I doubt that. I'll tell you what though, I know how you can pay me back." When I hummed, he continued. "For helping you find him. You'd think Athenril would know better than to send someone who never navigated the city."

"What would you like me to do then?" I asked, ignoring his comments on my new boss.

"Just tell me whatever you find out, alright?" He gave me a roguish smile, one I couldn't help returning. He looked so mischievous, it was funny!

"Sure," I agreed.

His eyes widened a little. "Just like that?"

I titled my head, scratching at an irritated spot. "I mean, you helped me out, so...?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Oh Marie, my friend." He reached an arm up to place on mine. "Might I make a suggestion?"

I nodded, now thoroughly confused.

"Get a new job."

I tried to hold it in, but some laughter escaped me regardless. My eyes felt like they were looking straight through him. "I don't think I'm allowed," I said in a half whisper.

His eyes held mine for a short time before he patted my arm and stepped back. "Then how about some advice instead? Don't go around trusting everyone you meet. This isn't your little town out in the middle of nowhere."

It probably wasn't his intention, but that only solidified what I had already known. Varric was as good a guy here as he was in the game. Here he was, probably a competitor to Athenril, and not only did he help me out, but he was worried for my safety. God, I loved this man. Well, he didn't have to worry too much. I wasn't planning to trust any one else but him and some of the other party members, even if he didn't know that.

I tried to harden my expression and let him see how seriously I was taking this. "I know. I'd like to think I'm a good judge of character, Varric." I let my lips curl up a little as I continued. "Just because I'm new, doesn't mean I'm stupid."

He chuckled. "Good to know. Well then, seems I'm done here. You can find me at the Hanged Man whenever you're done. The barkeep will know where to find me, if I'm not downstairs."

"Okay. Uh, thanks. Thank you."

"Thank you, Marie," he responded, giving me another look before leaving.

If I can keep my identity a secret from him longer than a year, it'll be a goddamn miracle. I took a fortifying breath and settled myself down, ready to watch and listen.


I made my way back to Lowtown, more than ready to escape the elitist stares of upper Kirkwall. Though I had watched Nathaniel and the other knights for about an hour, he had soon left the area, and I was getting too hungry to follow him. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't eaten since breakfast, early in the morning, and the sun declared it was past noon.

The alcohol obviously didn't count. Actually, how did I not feel tipsy from it? Hmm, it must have been one just meant for drinking normally, with a low alcohol content. Since regular water was apparently unsafe.

I found my way to the Hanged Man easily, since it was fairly close to the Hightown staircases. I dithered a bit, slowing down as I neared the doors. I did need to tell Varric what I'd found out, I had promised. But I also didn't remember my way back to Athenril. The kind dwarf I was to speak to would probably be adamant on not going near her, and I understood that, but it left me with some trouble. Dammit.

Bracing myself, I entered the tavern, scanning the thin crowd for a dwarf. Varric was in a corner closer to the staircase this time, so I joined him.

"Finished already?" he asked as I sat down. "That was quick. Must've been something juicy."

I shook my head, but couldn't help my small smile. "Not really. I just, uh, I got hungry," I admitted.

He laughed. I flushed, embarrassed at leaving so quickly when I had clearly had a mission. Especially since more experienced people would have stuck it out and managed to learn something interesting.

"Well, at least I know where to go now?" I said, my desperation making my statement come out as more of a question. "I can always look for him again."

"I suppose so." He quieted and faced me more fully. "I'm guessing you're here to tell me what you heard. So?"

"Yeah. So from what I understand, Nathaniel is here with his knight, Ser Rodolphe, for the tourney." I'd been confused about that, but apparently there was an area just outside Kirkwall where some competitions would be held for Wintersend. Nathaniel wasn't a knight himself, but he served under one, and so accompanied him.

"Now, I wasn't able to hear everything, but, well... They did a lot of talking for people who said essentially nothing." I sighed.

"That's the upper class for you," Varric agreed, "Always ready to talk about anything, whether it means something or not."

I muffled a laugh. "Truth. Anyway, I did figure out one other thing. It might be just a noble thing but, you know how politics are." I scrunched my face in disgust, and though Varric was more subtle, I was sure I saw his nose wrinkle too.

"Ser Rodolphe and Nathaniel hang out in the court of, umm, the Vael's! That's right. They hang out there a lot." Amusement spread on Varric's face. "Well I never said I was particularly eloquent. Get this though," I lowered my voice a bit, "They were... requested, to come here by a Vael family friend."

That seemed to get Varric's attention, and he leaned in a bit more, eyes now focused on mine. I couldn't help the smile spreading on my face. Gossip wasn't my usual thing, but interesting facts were. The Vaels were supposedly the ruling family of another city-state in the Free Marches: Starkhaven. Spitting out random bits of people's lives, people who had been in the background, or nonexistent, in Dragon Age II was like finding a whole bunch of world building canon I'd never heard. I was hooked.

"I didn't catch the friend's name, but I'm sure you know nobles with connections to the Vael's here." Seeing Varric's brow dip, I quickly continued. "Nathaniel himself seemed worried, but I think that was because of what's going on in Ferelden. And... that's all I got."

Varric took it all in, nodding to himself. "You know, I honestly wasn't sure whether you'd come back here."

I blinked. "To... the Hanged Man?"

"You said you were too hungry to work, isn't that right? Might as well grab something here before you head out again."

My face fell. "Varric you know I don't have any money," I mumbled.

He scoffed. "What, she doesn't pay her lackeys now?"

I scratched the back of my neck. "'Fresh off the boat.' You said it yourself. She's... the reason I'm inside the city, instead of hanging in the Gallows." I paused then laughed as I realized what I had said. "That was an unintentional pun, I swear."

I calmed myself when I saw that he wasn't quite as amused as I was. "But, yes. I've only been here for like, a day? I told you that was my first job, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at that. "As a matter of fact, you didn't." He sighed. "I'd repeat my advice to you, but it seems this... skulking around is more than just a job."

I hummed in confirmation. He rubbed his chin in thought before motioning the waitress over.

"Well, then at least stick around for lunch today."

"Wait, I-"

"What can I get for you two?" the waitress asked.

"Varric!" The dwarf ignored me.

"Hey Norah, can you bring some ham and bread over here? And a drink for my lovely friend."

"Sure thing," she replied, taking the coins placed on the table. As soon as she was out of sight, I was seething.

"Varric, I can't pay you back." He waved me off.

"Think of it as thanks for the information then." I balked.

"But- No, that's why I came here in the first place! You were the one who helped me."

"By showing you where to go in Hightown? Lucky guess on my part. You could have run into him eventually."

"But-" I opened my mouth, even though I couldn't think of a way to argue my point.

"Marie, are you not hungry anymore?" My stomach answered that question for me, apparently grumbling loud enough for him to hear. "My point exactly."

"If you won't change your mind..." My seat held me as I slumped down.

"Not a chance."

"Then, thank you. Again."

The food was surprisingly pleasant. It reminded me a little of what I would have eaten at a New Year's party. We cut pieces of ham off the main hunk and ate them with our rolls of bread.

The sweet ale helped washed things down when they felt too salty or dry. The taste was still not something I was accustomed to, but I dealt with it. Though I did hope I wouldn't be here long enough to grow used to the flavor. Maybe I should be thinking of ways to go home. Of course, that would require that I figure out how I got here.

My thoughts were constantly pushed to the back of my mind as Varric engaged me in conversation. The dwarven businessman didn't bring up the situation I was in, for which I was grateful.

Instead, we ended up discussing Kirkwall, and I got a lot more information on what the city was like, where I could find things, and how things worked around the city. I eagerly drank it up, something that Varric seemed pleased about.

In return, I told him some stories of my life before coming to Kirkwall. I had to be careful about what I said, and obviously I had to leave out a few details, but I enjoyed telling him about some of my life, even stories about my family. It didn't hurt as much thinking about them this way, and it only strengthened my resolve to get back to them.

"So, let me get this straight," Varric said. He looked at me over the top of his mug, the firelight dancing in his eyes. "You thought you could just break through the fence and walk home, without any help."

I laughed, feeling much lighter. "Yeah, I was a sneaky little devil. Give me some credit though! I knew where I was going, even that young." Wiping some tears from my eyes, I took another swig of my ale and noticed it was low. "Ah, no one expected it from me, not even my parents. My dad didn't even notice the tool missing until the caretaker returned it to him."

We laughed over it for a moment. My latest story to Varric was about my school escapades at the tender age of 5 years. Since chain link fences and modern schools didn't exist here, I edited the details.

"What was so bad about the place anyway?" he asked.

"Nothing really." I shrugged. "I just wanted to go home."

"What a troublemaker."

"Hey!"

"Don't deny it. You absolutely have that 'I'm so innocent, no one would suspect me' vibe, but I bet you like trouble more than you let on."

Laughing, I said, "You gotta watch for the quiet ones."

"I'll agree with that." Varric stood from his chair, prompting me to do the same. "Well, this has been fun. Any chance you'd like to do it again?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded for a few seconds. "Meet up? At- here? Um... sure." I bit my lip, wondering if I would have the time. I certainly hoped so. But I didn't know his schedule either, and the Hanged Man wasn't a place I would ever come to alone.

"No need to sound so enthused," he joked.

"No I am! I want to, come I mean. Um, when?"

He looked at me for a few moments, then shifted his weight to be more relaxed. "How about at the end of the day? Just come by any time, I'm usually here. And hey, you hear anything else interesting, we can discuss it over dinner, huh?"

He said it in a light tone, but I could tell he was serious about the offer. If it were anyone else, at any other time, I probably would have been more wary. Instead, I just had one thought bouncing in my head. He was offering dinner for information. Free food. The chant sounded over and over in my mind, and I only realized I was being oddly quiet when he cleared his throat.

"Marie-"

"I think I love you." My eyes blew wide at my unintentional proclamation as I hurried to make sure he wouldn't take it the wrong way. "I mean yeah! Sure, sounds good. I'll uh-"

I trailed off at Varric's laughter, scratching at the back of my head.

"I don't think I've had a reaction like that before," he chuckled, "Are you sure it's not the food you're enamored with?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

I snorted, though I could still feel the heat in my face and down my arms. "You caught me."

"So long as you're honest." He held out his hand. "See you around, Marie."

I took his hand and shook it, swallowing down my guilt about the fake name. "See you."

0-o-0

It was mid afternoon now, and there were a lot more people crowding the streets, especially as I got closer to the docks. I figured trade ships must have brought more wares. I wondered how many more refugees got through, if any.

Mama Hawke and Calenhad greeted me as I entered the house. I sat down and gave the dog some solid scratches along his neck, grinning as he tilted into it and nearly fell onto his side.

"I expect you're hungry, after all that," Mama Hawke offered. I tried to keep my expression neutral.

"Actually, I've already eaten. Thank you though."

"Hm. Good to see that smuggler will take decent care of you then."

I focused on Calenhad, rubbing his loose skin along the shoulders. "Actually, I ran into a really nice, uh, Kirkwaller today. He treated me to lunch."

"Is that so?" I didn't turn to look at her. "Then I'm just glad to find there are kind people here."

"Me too."

"Are the others done today?" I finally looked up to see Mama Hawke, noticing a bit of worry in her expression.

"Well, the twins were just giving a final report. I think they'll be here soon. I... don't know about Marian. Sorry."

Since I trained with Cyras, he took my report; he promised to do so whenever Athenril was busy.

"That's all right dear. Well, since you've already eaten, then would you help me with lunch? We can heat up the rest of that porridge, and I think there's still some meat here..."

I stood and watched her bustle around the small fire. When she moved to another area to look for meat, I added some logs to the fire and stoked it, glad for the extra warmth. Kirkwall wasn't as cold as Ferelden had been, nor was it as bad as being on the open sea, but the air was still very chilly, and I wasn't used to going without heat for so long.

The pot with porridge was sitting nearby, so I grabbed it, lifting with my legs, and put it back on the hook, swinging the pot over the fire to heat.

"Thank you," Leandra said. She came up behind me and added some dried meat to the porridge, stirring slowly. "There we go."

As I looked around and listened, I realized she and the hound were the only ones home. Gamlen was probably out gambling or at that prostitute house. However, it wasn't like the Ferelden redhead to up and leave. "Where's Aveline?"

"You know, she said she was going out to look for work. I had to assure her I would be perfectly fine here, especially during the middle of the day." She chuckled.

Since everything did appear to be in order, I let it go. After all, if it was a big deal, I was sure her children would talk to her about it.

"I guess she's going to talk to the guard or something," I wondered aloud.

"It seems so," Leandra affirmed. "It does suit her, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. That's close to what she did before, right?"

"I believe she was in the King's army," Leandra pointed out.

"Right. But she seems like a guard, you know? They protect people just, differently," I said, holding my hands out in a shrug.

Leandra hummed in agreement. Bethany and Carver came through the door not long after, and both settled down with their meat porridge.

"Sabrina? Aren't you going to eat?" Bethany was looking at me with worry in her eyes.

"Ah, actually I already ate."

"You finished everything in the time it took us to get here?" Carver questioned. "That's unlikely."

"No, I meant that I ate before I reported to Cyras."

Leandra jumped in with a smile on her face. "Yes, Sabrina was lucky enough to run into a kind man here in Kirkwall. He treated her to lunch."

"A man treated you to lunch?" Carver said, disbelief written all over his face. "No strings attached?"

"That's wonderful," Bethany cut in, "What was his name?"

I hesitated and chuckled to cover up my pause. Should they know about Varric already? Just seeing both the twins here, I knew the story was off track, but would talking about a future party member be too much? Bethany seemed to take my silence as something else though.

"It's alright if you can't remember. You've only met once after all."

I nodded and felt my shoulders slump in relief. Until I remembered something else, that was. "Actually, I think I should t- I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Well... has anyone mentioned my name to Athenril?"

Both the twins paused, likely thinking back.

"I don't think so," Carver said, "Why?"

"I went by a different name today." I fidgeted then just blurted everything out. "When that guy I met today asked my name, I just kinda panicked, cause I didn't want my actual self getting caught up in this shady business you know, cause then people might come after you for things you did while smuggling, and, like-"

I took a deep breath and tried to get my thoughts in a coherent order when I saw both of the twins getting confused, Carver showing some irritation as well.

"What name did you go by?" Mama Hawke asked.

"Uh, Marie. It's actually my, my middle name." I shrugged.

"What's a middle name?" Bethany questioned. "You mean you have three names?"

"Yes." I said, my brows furrowing. "Don't you?"

"I thought only nobles had more than two names." Her hesitance caused Carver to speak up.

"No way. You're not a noble. You wouldn't be living here if you were."

"W- Of course I'm not." I hummed and rubbed my nose. "I guess there's really no need for more than one personal name. It's just, where I'm from, it's perfectly normal. Expected even. Though people don't usually use or even mention their middle names unless someone close to them asks."

The Hawkes all seemed to be thinking about the concept of having a hidden name.

"Well, my point was, I'm probably going to go by the name Marie while I'm on the job. So if you could keep my first name to ourselves..."

They all agreed. Then Carver said, "Now that we're both here, and there's no more work for the day, we should get to your training."

I groaned in despair.

Training with the twins wasn't nearly as awkward as training with Cyras. I had known the Hawkes for over a month now, and been through terrifying situations with them in that time, so it was to be expected. We went out to the back of the house in a small alley to practice. Since I was still tired from my session earlier in the day, they went easy on me. That was, until they asked for run down of the critiques I had gotten. Carver was particularly adamant that I should work on my endurance, once he found out my trainer had complained about it.

It took both Bethany and I insisting that we should wait for the next day to start anything too rigorous to get him to agree, though he did still make me go through drills of sword strikes and blocks.

"If you're going to use a swordstaff, you need more upper body strength," he had said.

I was just glad when it was declared over and I could enter the house again, arms and abs burning from the training. It was when Aveline finally came back from her search, with "Nothing to report," that she finally asked what had probably been on everyone's minds.

"The new gear suits you," she said.

I looked down at all the armor I was still wearing. The thought of moving my arms around seemed like too much effort, so I left it. "Thanks. I guess."

"I meant to ask you about your old clothes, and I suppose I never got around to it again." Oh dear. "That symbol on the front of your shirt, what was it?"

I meant to hold her stare and lie to save my ass, but instead I felt a fluttering in my gut, panic in my mind, and I looked straight at the floor I was sitting on. I muttered something that might have been an answer, but it came out garbled.

"What was that?" I didn't repeat myself. It felt like disappointing my parents, something I was intimately familiar with. "Sabrina?"

I sighed. "It's not that important."

Aveline huffed. "If you don't want to talk about it, just say so."

"Well, I don't."

"Fine."

I felt increasingly more awkward in the room, so I left to the bedroom the women were using. I slumped down on the nearest bed, glad for a break to quiet my screaming leg muscles. Explaining my origins was out of the question. The only problem, how I would avoid it. Everyone was so damn curious.

Mama Hawke was the one to interrupt my thoughts. "Sabrina? I know you were, tired, yesterday. However, we do have a small tub here. If you're willing to help me fill it with water, Bethany said she would heat it."

Dirt and grime surely covered me by now. A bath was an excellent idea. I shook off my nervousness and nodded, following her to the front door. Aveline was engaged in a discussion with the recently returned Marian, so I tried to avoid looking at her. Mama Hawke and I each grabbed a large bucket before she gestured me out the door.

We didn't have to walk far for a water pump, thank God. I knew my muscles would hate me for this, but if carrying a full bucket of water was what it took to get something like a bath, I was going to do it, and damn the consequences. My arms really were shaking when we made it back to the house, and Mama Hawke had to open the door.

I concluded she was stronger than she looked. We both emptied our buckets into the small tub. It was partially filled, barely enough to sit in, but I knew I couldn't haul another.

"One more should do it," the older woman said, "Or at least make for the bare minimum. I'll be right back sweetie."

I tried to stop her but she just hushed me and took both buckets, claiming her son to help her in the next round. I sat in the boys' room on a stool, awkwardly looking around. I could see a large sheaf of cloth nearby that they were probably going to hang over the entrance to give me privacy. I also saw a clean cloth hanging on a rung of the bunk bed's ladder, probably to dry off.

When they came back with two more buckets full of water, the tub was filled a bit more, probably enough to reach around my stomach when sitting. Then again, it was a small tub, barely large enough to sit cross legged in. My body would displace a good amount of water.

I thanked Mama Hawke, a bit embarrassed by her kindness and what I was going to do. She just smiled and assured me I would have privacy. Bethany came in shortly after, and showed me how she was going to use magic to heat the water.

"It's a lot easier since the tub is metal, so it's rather like heating a pot." I managed a laugh at the comparison, though surprisingly she looked flustered. "Not that I'm suggesting a bath is like cooking, just, heating is... well..."

"I-it's fine," I said, chuckling, "I get it. So, does that mean you heat the tub rather than heating the water directly?"

"In a sense, though you should focus most of the energy on the water, this way, you don't have to worry about a wood tub catching fire. Using magic for more subtle manipulations can end with unintended consequences."

So magic was easier to use when the objective was straightforward. I nodded, filing that away for later. She had me try just a bit as well, stating that lightning was also heated, so I must have some affinity for warmer elements. My magic had become electrical twice, but calling it my affinity seemed premature. I did try what she suggested, and felt the water get a bit warmer, though I noticed it was difficult to change the temperature.

"Does that mean that trying to ice this water would also be difficult?" I asked.

"Yes, good question." Bethany was beaming. "Summoning ice from the Fade is different than trying to create it from the water here. Summoning elements pulls it directly from the Fade, already in that form. Changing the water temperature like this is attempting to use the Fade to manipulate a physical object, something that takes a lot more time, as reality tries to hold everything to its current form."

"Oh, that makes sense. So if I were summoning, er, rocks, that would be easier than trying to rip chunks of earth out of the ground in front of me?"

"Correct!"

Okay, so now some of those stupid sounding spells actually made some sense. It was conservation of energy. Good to know. Bethany finished when the water was lukewarm, and stood up.

"That should be good. Hey, do you need help getting out of your armor?"

I blinked and looked down at the different pieces I was wearing. It probably wouldn't be too hard to figure out but...

"Sure. Yes, please. I'm not used to how this works yet." I had only put it on once without assistance. And this morning, Aveline was the one who helped me straighten it out...

I thought back to how I had basically snapped at her earlier and immediately felt guilty. She was asking questions anyone would have asked, and I shut her down so harshly because I was scared. Scared to come up with a lie or tell the truth. But that wasn't her fault. Aveline didn't know why I acted the way I did, and I shouldn't have taken my feelings out on her.

Bethany's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Let's start with the gloves, okay?"

After hanging the cloth over the room entrance, she showed me how each piece of armor was connected, and soon I was just down to my regular clothes. Well, as normal as my new clothes could be.

"And I'll tell my sister you wish to be called Marie at work," Bethany said. After setting some items on the nearby stool, she left to let me get started, closing the cloth curtain behind her.

I carefully removed the rest of my clothes and set them in a neat pile on the bed. Washing them would be nice, but they'd be wet and cold until the next day. A new set of clothes would allow me to switch back and forth. I sighed.

I sat down into the tub, glad that I was right about the water level coming up higher. I looked over at the stool and the items Bethany had left me. A crumbly looking soap and a small cloth. She was so sweet.

First, I had to change positions to get my hair wet, and after some finagling, just carefully knelt down and bowed my head almost upside down to dunk my scalp in. I scrubbed and felt tons of nastiness coming out, even if I couldn't see a difference. When my hair was soaked, I sat back down and reached for the cloth. I scrubbed my skin in the water, watching a lot of dirt come right off. The water was already looking murkier. I quickly grabbed the soap and scrubbed it over the cloth. I washed as thoroughly as I could, and though I was washing with dirty water, I still felt cleaner than I had in weeks.

My skin red from scrubbing and freckles reappearing from under the filth, I did my best to rinse. The soap was different than what I was used to, and didn't leave any moisturizing feeling behind. Right, wasn't it lye or something, made from campfire ashes and a plant root? I wasn't sure I remembered.

I left the little cloth hanging off the tub, wrung out my hair, and shook off as much water as I could before reaching for the "towel." I caught it in my fingertips and began toweling off my upper body. I didn't see any way out of stepping onto the floor, and cringed at the feel of dirty floor on my cleaner, wet feet.

I got dressed as quickly as I could, trying to keep clean and dry before putting on each piece. I wrapped my hair in the towel and left the armor off, just carrying it in my arms as I entered the main room.

"I'm finished," I said quietly when I noticed several eyes one me, one of which was an annoyed Gamlen.

"About time," he grumped. "Next time you decide to take an age to bathe, go to the public one near Hightown."

He pushed past me to get to the room for who knows what. With the earlier awkwardness about my clothes staunching my words, I hid in my shared bedroom and concentrated on drying my hair. I would talk to Aveline. Tomorrow.


The next day started much the same as the first. Simple breakfast, weapon training with Cyras, then get an assignment that required me to sit around and listen. Same for several days after that. Sometimes I would meet with Varric, depending on how interesting my spying session had been.

During the last part of the day, I would spend my time training with one or more of the Hawke siblings. Marian and Carver would have me work my body, from hand-to-hand combat to muscle toning, with various exercises. Those sessions had me almost crying from anxiety.

Bethany would always come to me at the end of the day and have me work on meditation and energy manipulation. So far I hadn't been able to produce anything tangible, but she assured me that she could feel shifts in the Veil, and I was getting closer.

"There's always a type of magic that comes easiest to a mage. A way that your aura naturally wants to flow, and a shape that is easiest for it to take. That's how father explained it. I've always found fire comes to me naturally. We just need to find yours."

Gamlen, as I suspected, was often out. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to run across him out in the city, considering what he was probably doing.

Aveline was also out of the house during the day, still trying to get work as a guard. From what I gathered, she was getting rebuffed due to her status as a Ferelden refugee. I wanted to head over the the barracks and punch someone, even though I knew it probably wouldn't have helped. Aveline seemed to appreciate the sentiment though. I still hadn't managed to find to words for an apology or explanation, but the longer I waited, the more unappealing speaking up seemed.

About two weeks later, Athenril gave me an unusual job. I had been to Hightown before, but never had I been told to infiltrate the Chantry.

"Simple, in-and-out. See if the target is in the area; Make sure you stay long enough to be positive. If he isn't, leave. If he is, see what information you can get."

I wasn't as sure as Athenril was, but I nodded regardless. "Who's the target?"

"A Chantry brother by the name of Sebastian. Tall, mid-twenties, light hair and eyes. I've been told he's an archer."

I took in all the information carefully. "Understood."

"Get going then."

Finding the Chantry's church was easy. I had been wandering around Hightown multiple times, and the church stood quite tall. As I walked through the courtyard leading up to the building, I calmed my breathing and settled my expression into something neutral, but soft and open. It was the same expression I had always felt when praying at my own church.

The door slid open easily, obviously well taken care of. Surprisingly, there was a sister that came scurrying out from a side door, a kind smile on her face.

"Weapons are to be left here, serah. You may pick it up when you leave." I handed over my swordstaff and watched her move back into the side room.

The entryway had a few large statues of women, each holding an incense burner. Red candles were scattered around their feet, bringing flickering light along with the sconces on the walls. The smell of burning herbs and candle smoke filled the entry hall.

I walked slowly towards the central area, keeping myself at a sedate pace and relaxing my muscles even more. I was a pious refugee come to pray. A huge bronze statue of Andraste stood before the back wall on the level above me, many candles sitting around her and light pouring in from some expensive looking stained glass windows. She stood solemnly, a sword in one hand, looking every inch an idol that the other statues attended. With her face pointed up, and the ceiling painted with the night sky, it looked as though she could ascend at any moment. I could see why many would seek comfort here. It was a magnificent sight.

When I finally tore my eyes away, I noticed there was nowhere to sit myself. Was I supposed to stand? Kneel on the floor? Neither option really appealed to me, so I was grateful when I noticed yet another Chantry sister waving me over from the upper level. I turned towards a set of stairs and made my way up, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

"Andraste's blessings upon you," she spoke quietly, "Are you here to pray?"

I lowered my hand in a slight bow and swallowed. "Yes, Sister."

When I raised my head, she was smiling at me and gestured to a set of cushions. "Please, stay as long as you like."

"Thank you." I bowed again and grabbed a plush blue cushion, ready to settle down for quite a while in prayer.

Kneeling down, I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and clasped my hands together near my chest. I tuned in my ears around me, making sure I could identify ambient sounds. It was quiet in the chantry, so I knew it would be easy to tell when others were walking in the area. Hopefully, the religious sect of town was just as willing to gossip as the rest of the citizens.

As I waited for anything interesting to come up, I pondered my own problems as well. I had been given plenty of time to think over the past few weeks, and my conclusions amounted to this.

One, I was really here. There was no getting around it. This was nothing like a dream, and I couldn't keep holding on to the delusion that I could "wake up."

Two, this world was nothing like the games. Okay, well, it technically was, but it was obviously more like real life, which meant, surprise, I could die. Since I really didn't want that, I knew I would have to try my hardest to stick with Hawke and make sure everything went smoothly.

And finally, three, I had no idea how to get home. Since I was dealing some alternate dimension or AU bullshit, I had to find a way to bust back to my world. Problem was, I had no idea how I had gotten here in the first place. My only clue was all those heat waves that happened before I flew out of my car. Could that have been a portal? Maybe that was how the Veil worked.

Bethany had tried to explain it to me, but she had only ever had one teacher-her father-and it hadn't been his area of expertise. Which meant that at some point, I would need an unsuspicious way to access the Gallows and the Mages' Circle there. Good fucking luck to me. I knew it was improbable to have access now, but I really didn't want to wait a year and some months before the Hawke family had enough influence.

I took in a slow breath through my nose, held it, then slowly released it. Okay, no problem. Maybe, eventually, I would have some contacts that could help me with that. Until then-

Two pairs of footsteps broke me out of my thoughts. They were different than some of the individual sisters that had gone through the room before. One pair sounded similar, but stepped with more confidence and weight. The other came down heavier, so I assumed they weighed more. Could it be the man I was looking for? Peeking from beneath my lids, I shifted discreetly to better see the room from the corner of my eye. Two people appeared on the bottom floor, in front of the statue.

Looking through my lashes, I saw a tall, young man and and older woman walking side-by-side. The older woman I recognized to be the... what was she called? The Grand Cleric, I think. The man walking next to her was clearly my target, Sebastian. He wasn't wearing the typical robes, but his mainly white clothing still made him seem like a holy warrior.

They spoke softly, but some of their conversation still reached me. Most of it was typical stuff about their religion, like the Maker and other related topics. At one point, they debated what should be done about all the refugees that had been flooding in, a conversation I carefully filed away, despite the burning in my chest. Near the end of the conversation, a couple comments jumped out at me.

"Nathaniel has been asking about Ferelden as well," Sebastian said.

"You may tell him what we have told all the others who ask. I have heard little word from our sisters in Denerim, but Revered Mother Perpetua has informed me that the Grey Wardens are denied access to the country, by order of it's new regent."

"What is he thinking?"

"The best we can do is offer our prayers for those in harm's way."

"Yes, Your Grace."

"It is always good to talk with you, Sebastian."

"You as well, Your Grace."

I wanted to throw up. Offer prayers? Great, now how about you actually, I don't know, HELP some of the refugees? They could start with the ones in Kirkwall, maybe offer clothing, food, medical care, or start a donation campaign to benefit those in Darktown, the lowest and filthiest part of the city. But of course not. That would be too damn helpful.

I took another deep breath to clear my thoughts. Well, I'd heard some interesting stuff. Might as well meditate to calm my feelings before reporting back.


Athenril seemed intrigued, but not surprised at what I told her.

"Go back tomorrow as well. We'll see if there's anything else you might have missed." She took a few coins out of her pouch and handed them to me. "Good job."

I thanked her and took my coppers, already planning a meal with Varric. A small part of me wondered if I was taking too much advantage of the situation, but the thought of warm meat and bread quickly quieted that train of thought.

"I've also heard from Cyras that you're coming along in weapons training."

"Oh, I guess so. I still have a lot to learn, but he's a good teacher."

She raised an eyebrow. "Was that modesty or a lack of self-confidence?" She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. After this job is done, you're going out with one of your friends. As great as all this info is, I'm going to need you to start moving some cargo."

I agreed, my nerves pinching my voice and making it come out quieter than I'd intended. Honestly I'd rather just skulk around Kirkwall forever, let's do that. I left quickly after being dismissed, heading for the Hanged Man.

After the first several times reporting to Varric, I had wondered if I would ever be tracked. It wouldn't be good to get caught "selling" information, regardless of my intentions. But I figured Athenril probably wouldn't bother, and I always had the excuse of food. I kinda doubted many people in the Hanged Man gave a shit about what Varric and I did anyway. So until it blew up in my face, I would keep meeting him. And I did keep an eye out for potential followers anyway. After almost a month of practice doing it myself, I figured I was pretty good at spotting other followers.

Varric ordered us stew that day, and I was especially grateful. It seemed that Thedas followed similar weather patterns to Earth, or at least my area. February, or Guardian, was the coldest yet, with gloomy days, biting winds off the sea, and occasional bouts of snow and sleet.

Sleeping at the Hawke's house had become nigh unbearable, thanks to the fact that the windows were just holes in the wall. I honestly would have slept next to the fire if it wasn't in the main room, and I had even considered asking to share a bed for the body warmth.

Everyone had assured me it would warm up soon, whenever that meant.

"Cold, Marie?"

"Yes. Shut up, Varric."

He chuckled. "Alright, alright. You try to be comforting, and what do you get?"

"I only return the necessary amount of sass." I sniffed in false disdain and sipped at my food.

"Is that so? Then why the sudden need to cleanse your sins?"

"Huh?"

"A little birdie told me you went to the Chantry today."

...Okay, so maybe my casual persona could use work. "Seriously, who are these people?"

"I don't tell them about you, you know."

"Hm. Fair. I was there to find some Sebastian."

"Interesting." I shrugged, downing some more stew before answering.

"I guess. He knows Nathaniel."

"That doesn't surprise me. He was a part of the Vael family."

"What?"

"The Vaels, the ones Nathaniel and his knight 'hang out' with?"

"Oh. Wait, he's royalty?" I rubbed my forehead, muttering, "That explains so much."

"Not anymore. From what I've heard, he was... 'given' to the Chantry in order to keep sibling drama to a minimum. Considering what my brother and I get into, probably a smart move."

"Ugh. But a painful one."

"Maybe. What's got you so upset?"

"They- when you talk about Ferelden you kinda expect-" I couldn't even form a coherent sentence I was so mad. "Look, Ferelden is going through some bad shit right now. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't care, or that I can't imagine it." I did have a game to work off of. Varric gestured for me to continue.

"But they just- prayers? That's all they really offered, all they're planning for. No seriously, the Grand Cleric said they 'couldn't do anything else' at the moment. What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I was whisper shouting at this point.

"The Grand Cleric, huh?"

"Yes, exactly! She, of all people, should have the power to, I dunno, start a charity or something. Isn't that the whole point? To help those more unfortunate than yourself?" I was shaking now, trying to hold myself together. "But not only, does she not give a fuck about Ferelden, she doesn't even have plans to help the refugees here in her own city."

I let out an irritated groan that came out more like a growl and grabbed my ale, downing several gulps without really tasting it. I sighed as I came back up for air. At least I no longer had the urge to scream.

"I guess it makes sense she was talking to formal royalty." I mumbled more about people in power while Varric was eerily silent. I finally looked up from my ale, and saw... pity? His eyebrows were slanted down at the corners, as well as his mouth.

"That's a pretty... interesting opinion to have of the Chantry," he said carefully. I snorted.

"Well, if you're all about peace and acceptance and whatever, call me stupid, but that should mean you're all for actually helping those that need help, not just hoping someone will come along that'll do it for you."

He smirked. "Some people would call that faith."

"Those people are wrong," I said, crossing my arms.

Somehow Varric managed to look both amused and incredulous, mouth tilted up even as his brows climbed. "You won't find me arguing that. But I won't argue anything about the Chantry."

"Smart move."

"I've been known to have those." I laughed at him, needing some stress relief.

We discussed simpler things until I decided to head home. Home. I'd been living in Thedas for so long now, it was feeling less like a vacation gone wrong, and more like a permanent exile.

If I was going to make it back home, that meant information, which in turn, meant proper contacts. Perhaps it was time to get over my nervousness about the actual jobs I was going to do.


Aveline was the first one to learn about my "promotion" that day. Since I had been too nervous to tell Varric, I spilled my guts to Aveline. She was a good listener, I'd found. She always looked at me, made sounds to show she was listening, and only asked questions when I wasn't being clear. That made it a lot easier to talk to her about subjects like this. She seemed to always have a fair assessment.

"Well, that is part of why you were training, correct? Though I can see why the idea might bother you." She frowned. "Is this your first time being involved with something illegal?"

I rubbed both of my hands over my head, wondering if I could just curl up and disappear before next week. "On this scale? Yes. I mean, obviously as a kid you do small things here and there, and learn from them, but... No I've, I've never broken the law like this." I let out a heavy breath.

Aveline laid a hand on my upper arm. "Sabrina. I hope you know that none of us will think any less of you for it. Do you think badly of the Hawkes?"

"Of course not."

"There you have it. Besides, seeing you react like this, I think it's pretty clear you wouldn't be doing this if we had better options."

"Thanks, Aveline."

"It's not a problem. I know you'll make the right decisions."

I felt moisture build up in my eyes at the trust she was putting in me. A fire grew in my chest, and I hardened my resolve, right there, to act in a way that would make Aveline proud. Smuggler or not, I was going to stick to my morals.

"But um, I was wondering..." I coughed a little to cover my nervousness, though I'm sure it did nothing of the sort. Especially since my voice continued to get higher pitched. "Do you know how any of this works?"

"Smuggling?"

"Um, yeah. Or just, underground stuff, in general. I figure you must have run into it before..."

Her eyebrows raised. "Why would you think that?"

"You were a soldier." I blinked then furrowed my eyebrows. "Doesn't that- I mean, it's different than what guards do, but you can't have always been in epic battles."

She smiled a bit. "No, you're right. Sometimes I did have to deal with petty squabbles. But I didn't run into much as far as crime syndicates go. Usually it was just one of my men getting in over his head, and having to deal with the fallout."

I nodded, absorbing anything. Her face hardened as she spoke. "What I've learned from those experiences is this: know when to pull out. There's no shame in backing out of something that's likely to get you killed."

"Right, pride can kill. Got it."

"Good." Her eyes softened. "We're all here for you. We didn't abandon you in Ferelden, and we won't do so here."

I looked at the floor and tried to push back the moisture in my eyes. "Thanks."

Silence reminded me that I still had not apologized to her. A couple deep breaths helped steel my nerves and dry my eyes.

"And um... I'm sorry." She didn't say anything, but her eyes were still soft. "I still don't want to talk about it, but it's. It's not because of you or anything. Just-"

"It's fine, Sabrina." I bit at my lip, but she just smiled. "I understand. You don't have to speak of it if it's difficult. I-," she paused and sighed, then put a hand on my shoulder. "I should trust you. You're a good person."

To cover up the returning tears, I just laughed. "Thanks, Aveline." I won't let you down.


The next day, I followed through on what the boss asked me to, heading up into Hightown after my weapons training and making a beeline for the Chantry. Slipping on my calm demeanor, I headed inside. It was just like the day before, quiet, with flickering lights and majestic statues. I handed my weapon off at the door and went for the upper level in the main area. Grabbing a cushion, I settled down at a good angle near Andraste's statue and waited.

Nothing happened for a good while; just the sun dancing on my hair, sisters walking through the room, and incense tickling at the inside of my nose. Then, I heard footsteps walking up behind me. I looked from beneath my lashes, noticing a woman also grabbing a cushion to kneel and pray near me.

After a few minutes, I paid her little attention, choosing to focus on my previous goal. It was only when another set of footsteps came to join her that I regained interest.

"Good afternoon, Lady Irma. Andraste's blessing on you," a young man said softly.

"Good afternoon, Brother Sebastian."

I nearly spun around right there, but managed to keep my muscles to only a twitch. Was this coincidence or some sort of cosmic interference bullshit? For now, I'd settle with convenient.

"How are you this day?"

"Well Brother, and yourself?"

"I am well, thank you."

They exchanged more pleasantries like this, and I began to grow bored of how her family was.

"I've heard that there was news from Ferelden?"

Sebastian was quiet for a few moments. "...No, I'm afraid it is much the same as before."

"Those poor folk, falling prey to such an evil. And no one willing to trade, or take messages. It's such a shame." She sighed, probably had a her eyes wide in sympathy and a pout on her lips. I wanted to punch her.

"Are you here to pray for them, Lady Irma? That is kind of you."

"Oh! Yes, of course. But for my uncle as well, you know. He's just had a hard time of it lately, what with his sons constantly bickering over his money."

Somebody please shut her up before I blow my cover yelling at this stuck up piece of trash. Deep breathing helped me tune her out, and once I was sure I wouldn't scream, I stood up and returned my cushion to its proper place. Tuning out the sound around me turned out to be a mistake, as I didn't notice the person next to me.

"Excuse me," I said after bumping them. White armor with bright gold accents filled my vision, and I was startled to see Sebastian's face above me. Their conversation was over already?

"It's alright. Please excuse me for surprising you. I didn't realize you were so deep in thought."

"It's fine," I murmured.

Up close, I was able to make out more details. He really did look like royalty, with his high cheekbones and startling arctic blue eyes. With the copper tint to his swept back hair, he perfectly fit his Scottish accent.

For a few moments, I felt my mind shut down and my blood rush to my face to compensate, until his conversations with the Grand Cleric and the noblewoman a few feet away smashed back into my consciousness. Disinterest was the only emotion I managed to conjure on my face to hide my anger. I turned away, ready to leave, but he stopped me.

"I don't believe I've seen you here before." Oh, really. Since I'd only been once before, I should have cut him some slack. But fire still burned through my veins. I let a large, ingenuine smile cross my face.

"Oh, no, I'm new here," I said, trying to sound polite. "Just came from Ferelden."

I only just resisted the urge to turn and watch "Lady Irma's" reaction. Not that I expected remorse, or even guilt, but I hoped she knew how bad it was to be caught out with that fake compassion. Sebastian, on the other hand, looked pained, his eyes pinched.

"You have my sympathy," he said.

A frown pulled at my lips, and it took great effort to keep them in place; muscles twitched for the effort. Sympathy. Again. No word of reinforcements, no offer for assistance in the city.

"I see." He seemed less than enthused at my response, but I couldn't find motivation to follow it up with a less flat tone. It was almost amusing to watch him flounder.

"Did you come with your family?"

"...Yes." There was no other answer I wanted to give. He didn't deserve my life story. But he did relax.

"The Maker must have guided you safely." Laughter bubbled up my throat, and a small titter managed to make it out of my throat.

"I'm pretty sure a mage is the reason we all survived." My mind was reeling-myself saving Carver and Flemeth rescuing our whole group-and suddenly everything was morbidly funny. His expression pushed a couple more laughs out of me, but I held them in my mouth, afraid they would push out tears with them.

"A... a mage...?" The furrowing of his brows brought me back to my situation. Telling this stranger any more about the situation would be disastrous. Shoving my smile flat, I managed to make my neutral face again.

"The sentiment is... appreciated though." Other Andrastians would have felt something more, knowing their Maker was watching over them. But unlike them... "I actually managed to leave Lothering."

Shaking concern filled Sebastian's eyes, whether from apprehension at the news or my forced cheer, I wasn't sure. He cleared his throat.

"You come from Lothering?" I jerked my head down. "How i-?"

"It's gone."

Silence filled the room at my declaration. If I hadn't been certain of the noblewoman listening in before, she was now. It took a few moments to realize I was the one shaking and not the Chantry brother before me. A tense ache grabbed my throat, even as words came again.

"It's gone. Darkspawn overran the whole town. Everything is ashes, and corpses, and blood." I took a wavering breath to whisper a deep, "And no one... No one cares to help."

When a stray tear slid down my cheek, I turned away from him, lifted my head, and walked away.

"I'm sorry," I heard from behind me. But I was finished. No more spying on the Chantry. I would report to Athenril, then move on to my real jobs. At the rate the Chantry was going, I would probably be of more help to refugees than they were.

I held my head high, tear track displayed proudly, until I left Hightown.


The next few days I didn't have any official jobs. That didn't mean I was off the hook with training though, and in fact, it ramped up in difficulty and time spent. It also branched out to include more stealth, like hiding, running quietly, and sneaking around patrols. Athenril said it was to get me ready for the actual work, but I was sure she was just testing my limits. Cyras was tough on me during sparring, and whenever he was one of the "guards" I had to sneak around, he would never go easy on me, pointing out my position if I made even the slightest mistake.

Training with the Hawke siblings had helped my endurance, for sure, but now that they knew about me joining their jobs, their training seemed to intensify as well. Bethany worried about sending me into actual battles, while Carver just seemed annoyed I might slow them down. Marian took a diplomatic, if awkward approach to the whole thing, saying I wasn't going to get out of it, so they "might as well make sure she's ready."

The day before my new mission, I had a breakthrough. I had come back from training with the smugglers in the late afternoon, sorely missing the times I could spend with Varric. Not to mention the food.

That day, the two Hawke warriors were out, so Bethany decided to do different training.

"We're working on your magic today. If you're in a life or death situation, it'll be better to defend yourself, by any means necessary. That means being able to focus and control your magic. Those spontaneous bursts you've had so far aren't reliable, and can't be guaranteed to protect you."

Sighing internally, but nodding on the outside, I followed her to the boys' room. Gamlen was out as well, thank god. This area had more space than our room, since there was only one bunk bed. Bethany stopped across from me and took a relaxed stance.

"Now, watch how I pull energy through the Veil."

I paid close attention as she slowed her movements down. Her hand moved delicately, but with purpose, staying with the palm up and fingers slightly curved. She pulled towards herself before flicking her wrist out, heat gathering quickly before it burst into bright yellow flames. Her hand acted like a sconce, cradling the flames.

"Can you feel how the Veil is being manipulated to create this?"

I tried, I really did, but I just wasn't especially good at sensing it yet. At least, the not way she explained it. I figured it should feel like a significant difference to how the world felt normally, but all I could tell was that the fire was heating the air around her hand.

I shook my head. "Sorry."

She smiled and dampened the flames. "It's alright. It took me a while to tell when magic was being used, and years to get a proper sense of things. Let's just focus on what you can feel."

Nodding, I took my stance. Bethany had been showing me how to relax my muscles while standing, something she said would be important when first getting used to magic.

"Now, relax your mind, and feel around you. Not just what you see, or hear, but what you can feel in your very bones."

I tried to relax even more, staring blankly through her at the wall and almost tuning her voice out.

"Good. Feel the Veil, feel the power thrumming on the other side, and pull it to you."

A tingling sensation danced in my arms. Instead of brushing it off like usual, I focused on the feeling. The tingling continued and started on my scalp as well, feeling like little ants were crawling along it. I resisted the urge to scratch my head, and instead tried to "pull" in those areas.

A strong current rushed down through my head to my toes, and I moved almost on instinct to fling an arm out in front of me, fingers pointing in the same direction. A slight hum filled the air and my eyes widened as small arcs of electricity flew from me to a griffon statue in the corner of the room.

"Yes! Congratulations, Sabrina." I looked at Bethany, her smile wide across her face. "You've successfully channeled energy from the Fade."

I matched her smile and gently shook my hand out. It still felt a little numb, and I wondered if that would happen every time. Bethany looked to be pondering something now, bringing a foot up to tap her toes at the ground. "Lightning though, hmm. Makes sense. That is some of the first magic we saw you perform..."

She sighed and looked up at me with drooping eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't have any experience with that type of magic. It just isn't my strength." At my frown, she quickly continued. "I'll still help you as best I can, of course. Learning the basics will help in all of the fields of magic, and just having someone to practice with should make learning easier. I just won't be able to teach you some of the finer points of that element."

"Right, yeah, it's no problem. It's not like that's the only spell I'll learn anyway."

"Of course. Don't dismiss it though. That's three times that your magic has come out in that form. It means you have a strong penchant for it."

"You've said that before," I murmured. Odd, I thought, but whatever. There were worse elements. A fluttery feeling appeared in my stomach as I pondered the idea that I could learn something similar to Thunder Blade. My mind wandered, conjuring a daydream of me standing on the edge of a battlefield, wind blowing through my hair as I chanted the spell's incantation in a very Colonel Jade-esque voice.

Bethany cleared her throat; With a sheepish smile, I paid attention.

"Now, when you try again, remember where the feeling started."

We continued training until the others came home, during which I was able to successfully produce lightning four more times.


"You'll be with the older Hawke on this one," Athenril said, "Job is simple enough. Grab the items from our contact, Richard. Bring it back here without suspicion. Hawke, you're familiar with the man."

"I believe we've met."

"Good. You've been good to our operation. Show her the ropes." She looked at both of us, serious. "Don't let me down."

We nodded and headed out. Marian relaxed as we walked away, a sardonic smile growing.

"Charming woman, isn't she?"

I sighed even as I smiled back. "She's pretty straightforward. Doesn't beat around the bush." Marian gave me a raised eyebrow.

"So. I heard you've been getting better with your... talent."

I flicked my eyes around to check for listeners, but everyone seemed too cold to worry about anyone else's business.

"Bethany thinks so. I actually made some progress so, there's that."

"That good. I'm glad you're getting the hang of things."

"Thanks. Honestly though, I'm not sure whether I want to be getting better faster, or if I want it all to go away. You know?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder as we walked. Marian looked at me sympathetically. "I'm not sure I do, or that I can. What I do know is that your abilities don't determine who you are. Surely the others have told you something similar?"

They had, in their own way. None of them were going to desert me, not even Carver, I knew. I nodded. "Of course. I guess, it's not really that. Just... sometimes I want my old life back. And I don't know if I'll ever have it." My voice cut off at the end, too soft to even be a whisper. The hand on my shoulder squeezed.

"Do you regret coming to Kirkwall?"

My head snapped up. "No! No, I don't." And that was surprising, considering. But these people, I knew I could trust. Even if they couldn't get me home, I felt protected with them.

"Good." She gave one more squeeze before retracting her hand. "And remember, I did promise you that map."

That startled a laugh out of me. "I had forgotten about that. How big did you say it would be?"

"I don't believe I ever specified."

"Than I want something huge. An atlas, maybe." I gestured with my arms spread out wide.

"So demanding." But I saw the smile on her face. "First, I believe we have a job to do."


A/N: Don't anyone tell me Varric wouldn't help out/get attached to an informant! He's that kinda guy! Funny enough, I had this headcanon about his character months ago. I thought, "This seems just like him, the softie." Then when my roommate started playing DA:I, Varric confirmed it! I I just kinda "Ah?! I knew iiit!" Then slowly sunk down to the floor clutching my roommate's arm mumbling "I knew it," over and over, until she told me to let go because she couldn't play the game without both hands.

So, Bethany's little speech on magic is her own idea of how the Fade to physical world transition works. While close, my headcanon is more along the lines of mages summoning the IDEA from the Fade. The Fade, after all, does not contain ice just waiting to be summoned, and the dimension is always in flux. So what would actually happen, is mages are pulling on an idea, using the sheer transformative energy of the Fade, and shaping it into a "physical" form in the mortal realm.

But wow, I always forget how much moving takes out of me. Just... energy. What is that. Soooo this chapter might not be as polished? Lemme know if I missed something, or left a confusing scene. (Asking for spoilers doesn't count ;3) I really want to hear your thoughts on this one, since I'm not as comfortable with Sebastian.

Next chapter: Finishing a job that will definitely go super well and have no complications! More Varric! And other stuff!