Tomoe hopped down from a stepladder, carrying a cardboard box in her arms.
Her room had a couple more boxes placed on the floor. Most were marked to be given away, while others were labelled with years or a specific person or event. Tomoe navigated herself around the boxes, humming to herself as she made her way to her bed. She plopped the box down first, before throwing herself onto the bed. It'd take the rest of the day to move everything from her room to the car then the donation center, but for now, Tomoe wanted to particularly take her time with this box.
Spring cleaning was one of life's annual hobbies, and Tomoe liked the excuse to go through her things. The time of the year felt invigorated as students greeted the new school year. With that in mind, she took it upon herself to start everything anew, blowing off the dust on the clutter that had accumulated.
She was never one to hold onto trinkets. She was far from what she'd consider a packrat. For Tomoe, the best way to appreciate what she treasured was by incorporating them into her daily life.
It was for that reason that Tomoe liked dropping by the Yamabuki bakery after long shifts, catching up with Saaya as the girl tossed a few leftover baked goods into a brown bag. It was why Tomoe and Ako texted a constant flow of food pictures to each other. It was why, even if they didn't live near each other, Tomoe found ways to include her girlfriend in her life.
Tomoe didn't need mementos or souvenirs. She just needed the people she loved in her life.
Tomoe hoisted the box onto her lap. Her hand rested on the scribbled label that read Himari, before peeling the duct tape away.
On the other hand, Himari Uehara hoarded memories like shiny objects, as if she were a magpie claiming that there was always more to add to the nest. Opening the box revealed the well-worn head of the Afterglow mascot. The patchwork and stitches of the bear were undeniably Himari's handiwork. Tomoe picked up the band mascot. If her memory served right, Tomoe only had to turn the bear around, and… one of the button eyes dropped onto her bed, just as she predicted.
"Time hasn't treated you well, Mascot-san," Tomoe laughed, playing with its mismatched arms.
If you have any heart in you, let this old bear stay outside of the box, it seemed to plead. Tomoe tightened the bowtie at the bear's neck, turning the bear over and around to inspect for more loose ends. Hii-chan wouldn't want to see how you've treated meee…
"When did you start sounding like Moca?" Besides the initial despair, the bear was holding up alright, so Tomoe placed it beside her on the bed.
The rest of the box's contents seemed to jump out to Tomoe. Tucked to one side was manila folder stuffed to the brim with pictures, while letters between Himari and herself covered the bottom of the box. There was a little coin purse that Himari had bought for her after a trip up north. A broken music box rested in the middle of it all.
Tomoe was never one to hold onto broken things, but Himari had gotten it for her, and—well, even she had to admit that some gifts were irreplaceable.
She plucked the manila folder out of the box. Time and time again Tomoe swore she would buy a photo album, but again and again she would forget, until the bulky manila folder became the monster that it was to this day. Himari had printed out and sent her even more photos since she'd last held this folder. The problem only worsened.
Next time she was at a store she'd get that photo album. Next time.
A hand fished into the folder and pulled out a handful of pictures. The first that she laid eyes on was a photo of Tomoe sitting between Moca and Himari, her arms thrown over the two girls. They were at a family restaurant, and half of Himari's plate was devastatingly clean; Moca had stolen most of it while the girl got their drinks. Himari was trying to be angry while Moca was attempting to be sorry, and Tomoe played peacekeeper, holding them close together. It was most likely Ran taking the photo, if Moca's amused side look at the camera meant anything.
Another photo had Tsugumi and Moca huddled in front of the oven, waiting for their cupcakes to finish baking, and one other photo was of Himari and herself posing in front of fireworks. Ran showed up the least in the pictures, but they were there, in all these moments. It was all in harmless fun. Tomoe, twenty-one and figuring out her place in the world, wondered what else life had in store for them.
She poured the photos back into the folder. She then inserted it back into the box, before feeling it press down on something. Tomoe reached her other hand in.
When she withdrew her hand, she had the coin purse resting in her palm. It was simple and dark red. Tomoe hadn't used it much even when she first received the gift, but she thought to keep it in case she would ever need it. Holding the coin purse in her hand now, however, Tomoe could feel that something was inside.
Tomoe set the box aside as she crossed her legs, unzipping the coin purse and turning it upside down. Shaking it once, then twice, a piece of wrapped candy fell into her other hand.
Ooh. Tomoe recognized this candy.
Himari liked carrying around candy and snacks for the group. It always seemed like she wanted everyone to expect it to, with the way that Moca would wait with bated breath between classes, or how Tsugumi slowly stopped bringing her own snacks from home. The most notable of Himari's treats were the hard candies, like the one in her palm right now. On some live performances, she'd press these candies into each of their hands, forcing them to sit down and enjoy the taste.
At the memory of artificial strawberry, Tomoe unwrapped the piece of candy and popped it into her mouth.
Tomoe wound back to memories she'd forgotten.
The first time that Himari gave her this candy was in middle school, when Tomoe had scrapped her knee and cried at the sight of blood. She was still getting used to the sudden growth spurt, with Himari watching over her every step of the way. The sweetness of the candy had washed away the taste of iron, and Tomoe smiled up at Himari, saying she liked strawberry the most.
It was the first day of high school when Himari saw Tomoe lingering outside of the front gates, trying to put on a brave face for Ako. Himari unwrapped the candy for her. Before Tomoe could think of an excuse—that she was fine, that she wasn't nervous about every new thing—Himari had pushed the candy into her mouth.
How could something so minute remind Tomoe of so much? She remembered kisses. She remembered their first kiss, clumsy and awkward, and she recalled more of them, random kisses throughout the days because they wanted to express so many things in one little gesture.
Himari always had this little habit, of standing on the tips of her toes as she kissed Tomoe, despite knowing Tomoe would gladly meet her halfway.
The candy soon melted in her mouth, and Tomoe bit into it, relishing in its sweetness. The warm feelings brought about by her girlfriend settled in the pit of her stomach. Then she grew uneasy. Then she realized that it wasn't happiness that had settled, but a keen sense of longing. All these memories, of having Himari close and being able to hold her, they were reminders that Tomoe had stayed near home while Himari had moved away.
They'd been through this conversation before, of course.
Being in a long-distance relationship wasn't convenient. It didn't make either of them happy. It was hard for Tomoe to mention a significant other to a classmate, then be unable to bring Himari to any random event. At uni, it felt like Tomoe was especially aware of other couples, and how walking together hand in hand was a given. It wasn't like anyone was outright telling her that they wouldn't work out, but—when Tomoe remembered how much easier their relationship was, sometimes it felt harder than before.
Tomoe leaned backwards until she landed on her pillows. The candy had melted away.
That didn't make accepting the distance any less difficult.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, unlocking it with a swipe and flicking to her recent calls. Tomoe pressed on Himari's name. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she held her phone up to her ear.
Himari answered her call on the second ring.
"Tomoe, hey!" Himari cried out. She sounded out of breath; was she jogging?
Small words like "I miss you" came to mind, but other messages, like getting frustrated at the distance, or feeling like she couldn't go another day without Himari, those weren't as easy to convey. Tomoe listened as Himari caught her breath on the other side of the call.
Tomoe had left a large part of her heart with her girlfriend. That had to be why her chest hurt so much, knowing that she couldn't see Himari right then and there.
Did she always love Himari this much? Had they'd been overseas, or their time zones weren't compatible, Tomoe imagined that she would still love Himari all the same. Her feelings wouldn't be changing anytime soon.
"Tooommoee, you there?"
Was that all Tomoe needed? To hear her girlfriend's voice?
"Yeah," her voice came out garbled, as if all her emotions had backed up into her throat and she had to pull syllables out herself. "I'm here."
"Oh my God, are you crying?" Himari became frantic at that. Tomoe could hear shuffling, then keys jingling. A car beeped a second later. "You're supposed to call me before the crying starts, you know! I'm picking up Tsugu, then I'm on my way, and we can knock on Ran and Moca's apartment after we get you. You're home, right?"
"No, no wait," Tomoe laughed, her other hand brushing wet cheeks even as more tears filled her vision. It was just like Himari to charge ahead without thinking. "You don't need to come all the way for that. It'll be way too late by the time you go back."
"But you called me because you were sad," Himari deflated. Then, in a quiet voice, Himari asked, "Are you okay?"
Was she okay?
Tomoe heard the car door close. It beeped once more, in what she could only call remorse.
Nothing would be solved by today. Himari couldn't up and leave her life to be closer, and neither could Tomoe, so they were at an impasse. After this call, Tomoe would still miss Himari. It was another month before they'd have time to be together in person.
"I'm better now that you answered," Tomoe sniffled. She drew her knees close to her chest, curling up into a tight ball. Her mouth still tasted of strawberry. The aftertaste made her think of childish wishes, the kind that only Himari could tease out of her. "Himari?"
"What's up?"
"Let's move in together. After college."
"Huh?!" Himari yelped into the call. "Tomoe—I mean, what brought this on?"
Tomoe rolled onto her side, anxious after her request. Was she rushing it? They'd been dating for a couple of years now, and been at each other's sides for much longer, but was this too forward? They talked about the distance, but nothing about the future. Or, well, nothing about a permanent future. She didn't know how to go about this at all.
"I was cleaning out my closet today, and I was goin' through a box full of things that reminded me of you," Tomoe admitted. There was no way about it but forward, she thought, raising a hand to wipe her cheeks. At least she wasn't crying anymore. "I don't think I can miss you any more than I do right now, Himari. I really, really wish you were here. We call and text every day, but it's not the same as seeing you in front of me. I can't force you to drop everything all the time, though. You wouldn't ask me to do that…"
"So you wanted something in the future?" Himari finished her train of thought in a small voice.
"Just to get me through the hard times," Tomoe clutched the phone closer, as if it could do anything to lessen the distance between her and her girlfriend.
She heard Himari sigh, and then what sounded like her entering her apartment.
"I," Himari started. She then coughed loudly, as if to ask for a restart. "I know it's been hard… it hasn't been easy for me, either. Like, we're only getting busier, too! It's actually amazing how far we've come. All of us. Even Ran's getting things figured out."
"Mm," Tomoe agreed.
"What I'm saying is that-! It's hard to see the future, right? I don't know what my life'll be like by the time I graduate," she continued speaking. It was a giveaway of Himari's, to ramble when she was nervous. "I do know that, right now, I want to be with you, and I don't see that changing."
"Yeah," Tomoe sat up, trying not to hold onto her words too tightly. She couldn't help herself, though, not when that was exactly what she needed to hear. Himari wanted her in her life. "I feel the same. Right now, I want to be in your life."
Himari laughed, something melodic and a little choked up. And Tomoe laughed alongside her, because it wasn't her girlfriend if it didn't leave a sweet aftertaste.
"Hey, you dork," Himari jabbed at her. "Let's talk about this again, okay? After our leases end on our last year.
"Okayy, okay," Tomoe acquiesced. Her eyes landed on the patchwork Afterglow mascot, button eye missing and seams struggling to stay intact. Somehow, while she'd rolled around in bed, the candy wrapper had landed on its little bear head. "I'll hold you to it, Himari."
"Pffffbt, I'll be the one reminding you, if anything!"
"Then I'll just have to beat you by asking you first, in a year," she countered.
These memories are preeeetty sweet, huh? The bear seemed to muse in its Moca-voice. Tomoe picked the mascot up. A younger Himari had stayed up, exhausted from tennis and band practice, to finish these for everyone. In its stuffing were all the thoughts of Himari from a long time ago. A lot of love and effort went into making this little bear.
Pretty sweet, indeed, Mascot-san, Tomoe played around with the bear in her hand.
"Do you still carry those strawberry candies?" she wondered aloud. "You know the one."
"Huh? Oh, those? I've tried eating them less… but yes, I still carry them around, hehe. My college friends like them too."
"Bring some the next time we see each other, yeah?" Tomoe pressed her forehead onto the bear. "Strawberry is my favorite flavor, after all."
It might not be immediately, but Tomoe found herself feeling better. They'll be together again soon, in the near future and after, and more times after that.
Thanks for reading!
