Chapter 33: The Signature

It's been a day since the three suspects were apprehended. None of them have coughed up yet. Not even Link, who has a few broken limbs from a past incident at a barn. We've used our best methods of torture to get them to talk, such as forcing them to watch Dora the Explorer, tickling the bottom of their feet with feathers, and force feeding them burnt toast. Kirby ate the toast, as well as the toaster, Link had been surprised-tickled so much that nothing happened, and Lucina turned out to be a huge Dora the Explorer fan. Other than that, they seem very cooperative. Lucina seems to sit by Link, who can't really move, and talk to him most of the time, and Kirby just watches them curiously. Every once in a while, one or more of them would laugh. What they talk about, I'm not sure. Probably criminal stuff. Like stealing candy from a baby. Or jaywalking. Or taking more than one sample from the sample-givers at the mall. Scum, the lot of them. Well, that's all for today's report. SherLucario, signing out.

Lucario hit the stop button on his tape recorder, and put it away in his pocket. What's that, you say? Lucario doesn't have pockets? Well, overnight, Lucario got a specially made detective outfit for himself, and he even made a hat to go with it. The suit came with a magnifying glass the size of a pizza, and wherever Lucario went, he was holding the magnifying glass ahead of him.

Obviously, Lucario wasn't making any progress in the investigation like that. This lack of progress started to drive everyone mad. The goombas thought Link did it, the koopas thought Lucina did it, the waddle-dees thought Kirby did it, etc. Some people even thought that all three did it. As for their motive, everyone had varying theories. The most accepted motive for Lucina was that the meeting with Pit was a trap, and that she wanted to get rid of him for that one time that he pranked her by replacing her shoes for Sonic's (when she went to run in their battle soon after, she accidentally ran off the stage and self-destructed). Most people thought that Kirby just wanted to eat Pit, whose angel wings Kirby claimed "tastes like chicken wings." A group of gossipers spread a rumor that Link had a crush on Palutena, and that he got rid of Pit so that he would stop getting in his way of his romantic conquest. Palutena believed it. Zelda didn't.

Toon Link, however, had his own suspicions, but not for any of the three main suspects. In fact, he didn't know who he suspected. But he suspected nevertheless. He called Ness and Lucas over today to discuss what was going on.

"Hey Toony! We're here!" Ness shouted from the front door. Toon Link opened it to find Ness and Lucas. Lucas was holding a notepad, which Toon Link assumed was for notes.

"Ness! Hi! Lucas! Congrats on getting back into Smash!" Toon Link cheered.

Lucas's face lit up. "Thanks! I brought a notebook so that we could write ideas down."

Toon Link led the others into his room. Once inside, they sat down at a table and started discussing the crime.

"To be blunt, I don't think it was any of them." Ness said. "None of them are bad enough to do it." Toon Link nodded in agreement.

"But, who else could've done it?" Lucas asked. He was furiously scribbling in his notebook.

"Well, I dunno, but i have a feeling that this crime can be solved using that note." Toon Link said. "Why don't we head down to Lucario's office and ask to see the note?"

"Sounds good to me." Ness said. Lucas nodded as well.

Upon arriving at the office, they soon found out that Lucario was out investigating. "Aw… looks like we're gonna have to find him." Toon Link sighed. "This is gonna take forever…"

"Hey, I found him!" Lucas shouted, pointing across the street. Lucario was holding a poor koopa against a wall. A fully charged Aura Sphere was in his hand, and he was holding it very close to the koopa's face. Villager and Megaman were with him, trying to stop Lucario.

"Tell me who did it!" He yelled.

"Look, man! Don't hurt me, please!" The koopa whimpered.

"I will hurt you if you don't tell me everything you know!" Lucario growled.

"Um… I don't think he knows anything." Villager said.

"Nonsense! All you have to do is look closely…" Lucario pulled out his magnifying glass, and examined the koopa up and down. "Aha!" Lucario screamed in triumph. "Here it is!" He pulled the koopa's shell off, revealing his underwear underneath. He was wearing a shirt with an manga drawing of Link, and his boxers had a bunch of Kirby's on it.

"No! Not my shell!" The koopa yelled. He broke out of Lucario's grasp by tickling him. and started running away.

"Hey! Get back here! Your underwear is evidence!" Lucario yelled, running after him.

"SherLucaio, wait!" Megaman yelled. Him and Villager started running off after him.

"Wow… I don't think underwear has ever been used as evidence in court before…" Lucas mumbled.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Ness chuckled. "I've seen some crazy cases."

"Well, it looks like we have to chase them too." Toon Link said. As he was about to start running, he noticed that there was a scroll and a magazine where the Ace Detective had just been. "Hey, what's this?" He picked the scroll up. "This is the note! We found it!"

"Oh, and what's this magazine?" Ness asked. A picture of the three suspects on a wanted poster was on the front. "Pink puffball substitutes chicken for angel? Swordswoman gets revenge after terrible loss? Hero of Hyrule become villain out of love for a goddess?! What kind of scandalous article is this?"

"Nobody pays them any attention, Ness." Toon Link said. "I highly doubt anything in their is actually true."

"Well, we should probably return those." Lucas said. "We might get in trouble if we don't."

"We will. Eventually." Toon Link replied, slipping the note and magazine into his pocket. "C'mon, let's get back to my place so we can look at this in secrecy!" They ran back to Toon Link's house, and spread the note on the table. Toon Link started combing it with his own magnifying glass.

Meanwhile, in the holding cell, the three suspects were discussing a matter of great importance.

"So, you're sure you don't have a crush on anyone yet?" Link asked.

"Oh course I don't!" Lucina answered, getting quite irritated. "All of the people I'd even consider good looking are either taken already or are my ancestors."

"Well, I'm not taken." Link said. "Not that I'm interested or anything."

"Well, I said all of the good looking people were taken." Lucina replied. "And I'm right."

"Hey!"

"Poyo!" Kirby squeaked. It turned into Ice-Kirby and started chilling Link's face.

"Uh... Kirby? What are you doing?" Link asked.

"Oh, he's just getting you some ICE for that BURN!" Lucina yelled. She fist bumped Kirby, and the two did that "Whoooooooaaaaaa!" thing from Regular Show.

After Link's roast session ended, Lucario entered the room. "Hey, scum!" Lucario said cheerfully. "Looks like you got some new inmates!"

"What? What do you mean?" Link asked.

"Well, when we searched the rooms of these two, we found a To Do List. One of the things was 'Destroy Pit.' So, we apprehended them." Bowser and Ganondorf walked in, cursing under their breath.

"Wait, these two?" Lucina asked in shock.

"Yep. Have fun!" Lucario said. He then shut the door, leaving the two villains with them.

"Hey, you wanna know what the rest of the To Do List said?" Ganondorf asked menacingly.

"No, but I guess you're gonna tell me anyways." Link said.

"The other thing it said was 'Destroy Link.'" Bowser growled. The two villains started advancing towards Link, Lucina, and Kirby. "Hah!" They linger towards him, but instead of ripping him apart, they started drawing various body parts and kissy marks all over him and his cast.

"This is gonna be a long day..." Link whispered to Lucina as Bowser and Ganondorf giggled like teenage boys at their drawings.

Back at Toon Link's room...

"Alright, the note itself has nothing particularly unusual." Toon Link said. "However, this signature over here seems a bit odd."

"You mean this Dre het steb person?" Lucas asked. "Well, maybe he's related to Dr. Dre, the rapper."

"Wait… you listen to rap music?" Ness asked.

"Just a little." Lucas replied, smiling slyly. "Oh, and maybe this guy meant to say 'hat' instead of 'het.' And maybe 'steb' refers to a 'stab!'"

"So, you're saying that the sender of this note is a hat stabber who raps and sells headphones?" Toon Link asked. "That's genius!"

"Heh. I know." Lucas said.

"Guys, it may just be me, but I would've thought that a kidnapper would make sure not to make spelling mistakes on his own signature." Ness said, shaking his head.

"Poop, you're right." Toon Link said. "Well, I give up. Let's just let the Link stay in jail forever."

"Wait! Why don't we ask someone for help?" Ness asked. "I bet one of the wiser smashers can figure something out! What about…"

"Bowser!" Lucas suggested.

"...no."

"Darn."

"I was gonna say Palutena." Ness continued. "I mean, she's a freaking goddess! She must know something!"

Toon Link praised him. "Good idea!"

"Well, I was gonna say that next…" Lucas bitterly mumbled.

They found Palutena sitting at a bench at the lake. She seemed to be admiring a picture of someone in her hand, but when she saw them arriving, she quickly pocketed it. The three greeted her, not suspicious of anything.

"Hey, Palutena. You holding up ok?" Lucas asked.

Palutena was smiling widely. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, Pit was just kidnapped, so…"

"Oh, right! Oh, poor Pit!" Palutena cried. However, she was still smiling, which Toon Link found odd.

"Hey, Palutena. Why are you smiling?" Toon Link asked.

"What? I was smiling?" Palutena asked. "Um… sorry!"

"Right…" Toon Link said. To him, she was either trying not to burst out laughing, or she was extremely flattered. He bet it also had to do with you-know-what. The question was, which feeling was she feeling? Was she struggling not to laugh, or was she actually extremely happy? And if she was happy, what did it mean? He didn't think that pursuing the matter was worth it, though. He had other things to worry about.

"Hey, so... can we ask you about this?" Toon Link asked, pulling out the note. He pointed to the signature. "Do you have any idea what this 'Dre het steb' thing means?"

Palutena took a look at it. "Dre het steb? Nope, sorry."

"Aw, c'mon! at least think a little!" Ness pleaded.

"Sorry, but nothing's coming up." Palutena said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend." She tapped her staff on the floor, and disappeared in a whirlwind of feathers.

"Well, she was no help." Lucas said. "Maybe we can find someone else who can help us." he looked around and saw Zelda, who was arguing with Lucario. "Hey, look!" The three of them ran over.

"Sorry, but I just can't release him." Lucario said.

"But he couldn't have done the crime even if he tried! Half of his limbs are broken!"

"Well, Pit is pretty weak. If Link snuck up on him, I'm sure he could've-"

"That's ridiculous! How can Link sneak around with a broken arm and leg? I'm exercising my right as princess to free him."

"That's not how it works…"

Ness nudged Lucas and Toon Link. "Looks like they're really going at it."

"I'm gonna stop things before it gets too bad." Toon Link said. "Guys! Stop it!" Toon Link shouted.

"What? Oh, great. more people." Lucario sighed. "The great SherLucario just can't get a break today. First I lose my evidence, then this pain in the butt comes along, and now you're here."

"What did you call me?!" Zelda gasped.

"About your note…" Toon Link said sheepishly. "I have it right here."

"What? Give it to me, you thief!" Lucario growled. "I'll have you arrested!"

"It's not my fault you lost it!"

"Well, why didn't you return it?"

"Um… you never asked."

"Why you little-"

"Guys!" Lucas yelled, interrupting the fight. "Calm down! Remember what we came here for, Toony."

"Oh! Right." Toon Link pulled out the scroll and showed it to Zelda. "Do you know what this 'Dre het steb' means?"

"Hmm…" Zelda closed her eyes in thought. "Well, considering the strange order of the letters, I think that the letters of each word are scrambled up."

"What? That's ridiculous!" Lucario scoffed.

"No it isn't!" Ness gasped. "Look, if you but that letter here, and this letter here, and... OMG OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! O!M!G!" Ness shouted. His shocked face is a fave worthy of Phoenix Wright himself. "I've found it!"

"Well… don't keep us waiting! What does it say?" Lucario asked.

If you haven't figured out what it says yet, then try it now!

Go on.

I'm waiting.

You can do it. I believe in you.

You got it?

You sure?

Here it comes!

"It says… 'Red The Best!'"

A/N: Dun. Dun. DUUUUUUUUNNNNN!

Anyways, I'm off to train for the Splatfest in Splatoon. Team Dogs for me! I want a cat, but I can't have one, because parents and stuff.

Until next chapter!