Chapter 14: Filler - Technological Terror
In the last installment, the Hoshiyume children had to return to school, but they may or may not have forgotten that they left the entire Akatsuki in the house...alone. This is a slight filler chapter that I have been wanting to try out for quite some time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the Akatsuki!
Deidara's POV
Four hours had passed since the children had left for school.
I was alone in the house with a ton of psychos, but then again, I'm one to talk. After all, I did blow buildings and villages up and had called it art, so…
Needless to say, I was bored. If I had been in the shinobi world, then I would have probably spent hours and hours working on more powerful and colorful art. But thanks to that stupid jutsu, I was still drained, and had absolutely no clay. Aside from that pot that I had blown up, I noticed that none of the children seemed to play with clay at all.
Sasori was sitting in the corner, using a few of Kagami's building blocks to make small, fragile puppets. He didn't seem too happy about not being able to use poison or sharp blades, but at least he had puppets. On the contrary, I had absolutely nothing.
Tobi was upstairs in Kagami's room, doing Kami-knows-what. Kisame was in the kitchen, trying to practice water manipulation of some sort. Itachi sat on the couch, reading the Naruto manga that we had found while mumbling "Foolish otouto" every few seconds. And Hidan...well, I had no idea where that stuck-up, silver-haired know-it-all was.
Guess I'm going to be alone for the time being.
Sighing, I decided to go upstairs and look at Kaiya's room again, since I had found some interesting things there. I knew that the room was empty, since Konan and Prince were having a talk at the dining table downstairs. Quickly, I tiptoed into the room, then was about to close the door behind me...until I heard a voice.
"Brat," grumbled the voice of Sasori from behind me. "Where do you think you're going?"
"Kaiya's room, un," I told him, although it was already quite obvious, since both of my hands were on the door.
He cocked a brow at me. "Fine, but just remember, no firework launching. If I hear one explosion, I'm going to notify Konan immediately. You know the rules around here: we remain friendly to the Hoshiyume family, and they can help us find a way to reverse the jutsu."
I nodded in understanding. "I know, danna. But I wanted to see what her computer was like, un. Maybe we can use it to figure out more about this Naruto show."
Shaking his head, he entered the room, surprising me. "Then I'll come with you. I also feel like knowing more about the show will be able to help us counter the jutsu that brought us here."
Sighing, I walked into her room as well, still feeling bored. Spotting her computer still in the same place where it was, I pulled the chair out and sat on top of it, happy that I didn't have to make such precarious leaps from the bookshelf to the top of her desk anymore.
"How does this computer even work?" I asked myself. Placing my fingers on the side of the strangely shaped computer, I opened it up, revealing the computer screen that immediately buzzed to life. The keyboard lit up as I watched the computer start in awe. That was, until I saw the two phantom words.
Enter Password.
I growled, slamming my fist down on the keyboard in frustration. "How the hell am I supposed to know what the freaking password is, un?"
Off to the side, Sasori just shook his head. "Even if we did ask Kaiya, we would probably not receive an answer, brat. There's a reason why she placed a password on the computer in the first place. If you really want to unlock the computer, then I can't help you. We're serial killers, not electronic hackers."
Growling, I began typing random words and testing them out. Naruto, I tried. Star Wars. Kagami. Firework. Hoshiyume. Welcome. However, not a single word I typed was working. Each time, a message that said, Access Denied would appear.
"I don't know what else the password can be," I muttered in defeat. "I've tried almost every single word that they can possibly be associated with, un. Maybe you can figure it—"
"Senpai!" squealed a childish voice from the hall. "Tobi wants to play another game because Tobi is bored! Where are you, Deidara-senpai?"
Cringing, I cursed under my breath. Oh Kami-sama, not again…
"Is senpai in here?" I heard from the hall, followed by a door being opened, only to be violently slammed shut again. "Nope! Tobi will go look somewhere else!"
Please don't find us, I mentally begged.
But as always, luck was not on my side. At that very moment, the hyperactive idiot burst through the door, glomping me in a tight hug.
"Tobi found Deidara-senpai!" he squealed, bouncing up and down. "Can senpai play with Tobi? Can senpai play with—?"
"Shut up!" I growled, whacking him on the head. "Can't you see that I'm trying to figure out the stupid password, un?"
Tobi ignored me completely, eyeing the computer screen. "Ooh!" he cried. "Lots and lots of buttons! Look, senpai! One, two, three, four!"
Before I could stop him, he shoved me aside and began pressing the keys at random, deleting it all, and then pushing the number keys.
"See!" he squealed, bouncing up and down. "Tobi can count to four!"
Once he had finished pressing the number keys in order in the password box, he pushed the Enter key, clapping his hands when the little ding sound was heard, followed by a robotic voice:
Access Granted.
I blinked at the screen in disbelief as it took me to a screen that said Welcome to Google Chrome. Although I didn't have much experience with computers, I had seen a couple of Iwa nin use them during my genin days.
Grabbing what people had called the mouse, I moved the cursor and clicked on the search bar.
"Danna," I called to Sasori, who was simply sitting on the bed and puppeteering Kaiya's fennec fox doll. "What should I search up online?"
He shrugged. "Just search up your name, brat."
Nodding, I typed my name in the search bar and pressed Enter, curious about what would pop up. When the results appeared on the screen, I gasped.
There were hundreds and hundreds of images of me, whether they were of me in real life or fan art.
Wait, I realized. Did I say fan art?
I visibly twitched upon the realization. Great. More fangirls. As if the ones back in Iwagakure weren't enough already.
But curious as my mind was, I decided to scroll through the photos a little bit, since some of them — I had to admit — were quite nicely drawn. Most of the photos depicted me smirking or with my creations, and there were even some of me beating up Tobi. But some of them…
"Why the hell am I wearing a bikini, un?" I screamed at the computer, catching Sasori's attention. "And a dress? Pigtails? Makeup? What in the world is wrong with my fans? I'm a freaking man, for the last time! Who came up with the theory that I was a woman?"
Sasori only shook his head. "Brat, I'm sure there's worse—"
"Worse?" I growled, seething in anger at what I had just seen. "How can it possibly get any worse?"
"Deidara-senpai!" squealed Tobi, entering the room again. My eyes widened, not remembering him leave the room, but then again, I never paid much attention to him. "Tobi called all of the members up here to see what senpai was trying to figure out!"
Hold up. What?
"What'cha looking at, Deidara-chan?" sneered Hidan as he walked in. Kisame snickered, and Itachi just followed his partner while uttering an emotionless "Hn."
"Tobi told us that you were trying to search for something," said Konan, walking into the room. "What did you need, Deidara?"
I shook my head. "Not exactly. I was curious and...looked up my name on Kaiya's computer." I paled again, being once again reminded of the disturbing photos that I had just seen. "Unfortunately, that was not the best idea, un. Where's Leader-sama?"
She shrugged. "Pein is looking through that manga book that you and Sasori found when we arrived here. For some reason, he was reading it with wide eyes, mumbling something about a Sexy Jutsu or something—"
Kisame's eyes lit up almost immediately. "Where's that book? I want to read it!"
Konan shook her head uneasily at the shark-man. "Anyway, I would like to see the computer, Deidara. If you can search up your name and be granted access to all of these pictures of yourself, then there's got to be information about the Akatsuki somewhere on this place called the 'Internet'."
Nodding, I stepped aside, allowing her to take a seat. Konan sat down, placing her hands on the keyboard and typing "Akatsuki" into the search bar. However, in the midst of our conversation, I had forgotten to warn her and the rest of the Akatsuki about the horrific images that might pop up. Especially the ones about us in disturbingly detailed outfits.
But as my luck would have it, before I could tell any of that stuff to her, Konan had already pushed the Enter key.
As all of the Akatsuki leaned in to get a better glance at what was appearing on the computer screen, Konan gasped. I leaned in to get a better look at what horrific sight she had to see, but to my surprise, it was only the red cloud pattern of the Akatsuki.
"I guess more people know about us than I had originally thought," commented Kakuzu.
Kisame nodded in agreement, smirking. "I wonder how many of them are girls—"
"Pervert!" I growled, slapping him on the head. "Anyway, is there anything other than our cloud pattern, Konan?"
She continued to scroll down the page, each of the Akatsuki members occasionally gasping when an image of themselves popped up. Konan did not seem fazed at all whenever a photo of her popped up, but I was quite surprised when some of the fan art pictures depicted her smiling.
For the entirety of the five years that I had spent in the Akatsuki, I had never once seen Konan smile. The same went with Leader-sama. I didn't know too much about their past other than the fact that they were from Amegakure, so I wasn't exactly sure what caused them to be as stoic-minded as they were today. The only good thing was that Konan still laughed every now and then, but in an emotionless and dull manner.
Suddenly, Sasori's eyes widened to the size of saucers. His jaw dropped, surprising me, unable to recall the time when something had previously shocked him.
"Danna?" I asked him, poking his shoulder. "Are you okay? What happened?"
Konan stopped scrolling in order to let all of us see what Sasori had been so surprised at. However, I could tell that she regretted it immediately, because once all of our eyes locked on that one fan art, all hell broke loose.
Sure enough, it was a picture of me and Sasori. When I had searched up my name, a vast majority of my images included either Sasori or Tobi in them as well, but what separated this photo was that the others were not as creepy and weird.
This photo was one of a female version of me sitting on a tree with Sasori, who was half-naked.
French kissing.
My face turning white with horror, I immediately turned around, not wanting to stare at the computer anymore. Sasori was about ready to faint. Konan was visibly twitching, but other than that, she seemed rather indifferent, as if she was used to seeing such things.
"So," Hidan smirked, "when did you two f****** hook up?"
Kisame nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "I've been waiting for you two to get together for a long time! After all, you have a few more arguments than normal couples do in Icha Icha!"
I socked him in the head one more time, then slapped Hidan. "Are you out of your minds, un? I'm not gay, especially not for danna! The reason why we argue is that we have different views of true art, not to heat up this nonexistent love life! And for the last time, I'm not a girl! I swear, those fangirls are just freaking insane!"
Itachi, who had no clear reaction, just shrugged and shook his head.
I guess he knows what that feels like, I thought. He did mention something about how back in Konohagakure, girls were constantly asking to marry him. I also have experienced that odd feeling as well, with my fangirls back in Iwa.
"Um," I stuttered, not able to find the words to speak anymore. "K-Konan, c-can you please scroll past that image of me and danna kissing, un?"
But instead of scrolling past it, Konan exited out of the images altogether, sending us to a screen with Akatsuki-related links.
"Tobi thinks those letters look pretty!" the idiot suddenly piped up, having remained silent for quite a while. "Tobi wants to click on them!"
Blinking, Konan allowed Tobi to sit on the chair, putting him in charge of the computer.
Bad idea.
Clapping in glee, he started by clicking on a link that read The Akatsuki and Tobi Community: For all lovers of DeiTobi, SasoDei, KisaIta, KakuHida, and more.
"Tobi wants to click on Tobi's name!" he exclaimed, ignoring the worried looks a couple of the other members were giving him. "Tobi wonders what clicking on these words do!"
I watched the page load, showing more images of the Akatsuki, especially with me and Tobi together. In a couple, I was beating him up, which made me smirk lightly. Unfortunately, it quickly faded as soon as I saw what kind of photos were next.
"What the hell, un?" I growled at the computer screen, causing Kisame and Hidan to laugh. "Are Tobi and I...kissing? That's even worse than the image with me and Sasori kissing!"
Tobi, oblivious to how inappropriate they were, was still sitting on the chair and chortling with joy. "Look, senpai! Tobi is on the screen!"
Zetsu appeared out of the ground and threw a blanket over Tobi, covering the boy's eyes. "Don't look now, Tobi! But then again, he doesn't seem to have noticed anything other than himself anyway."
"Tobi can't see!" whined the boy, struggling to throw the blanket off of him. "Tobi wants to see!"
"You don't want to see, idiot!" I growled at him, keeping the blanket on his face. "What kind of fangirls do we have in this world, un?"
Luckily, by the time he had been able to remove the blanket, Konan had grabbed the mouse and scrolled past the horror that appeared to be labeled "DeiTobi". However, she scrolled so fast that she went straight to a new section that read "KakuHida".
Upon seeing some of the pictures that were on the screen, I burst out laughing, though they were still kind of creepy. Hidan and Kakuzu were twitching hard, and Kisame looked as if he were about to die laughing.
"What the f*** is this s***?" cursed Hidan, about to smash the computer. "Am I kissing that old b******?"
Kakuzu couldn't say anything at that moment. He had been stunned into silence, his body twitching all over.
"I'm not a f****** woman!" Hidan continued to complain. "Why am I wearing a f****** pink dress? Who's the b**** who drew this s***?"
He forgot the fact that whoever drew him like that drew him wearing makeup as well, I noted, smirking to myself. Along with adorable little barrettes and kitty ears.
Kakuzu was still silent, although I could actually see the tick marks on his forehead at that point.
"Moooving on…" sighed Konan, rolling her eyes and scrolling down to another section of the site. This time, the label read, "KisaIta".
Of course, anybody can imagine the horror that followed when the shark-man saw a fanart of himself and the Uchiha kissing under a waterfall.
Kisame's laughter had completely ceased, and he was glaring at the screen angrily. Itachi twitched slightly, his eyes wide.
After a few seconds, the shark-man exploded in fury. "What the hell is this? I am not gay! What has corrupted our fangirls' minds, huh?"
"Kisame," muttered Itachi, still remaining as emotionless as Konan. He zoomed in on the screen to read the name of the person who had signed it, then shook his head. "This picture was not drawn by a fangirl. It was drawn by one of our fanboys."
Kisame's eyes widened as he began to twitch even more. His jaw dropped to a height I didn't even know it could drop, eyes glued on the horror of the fanboy's drawing. Hidan and I snickered, and Itachi somehow managed to remain calm throughout all of this terror.
Why did the Uchiha Clan have to be gods of emotionlessness?
Konan exited out the site after that. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I'm going to try a different site."
She clicked on another site that was labeled SasoDei Fanfiction for Everyone. When she clicked on it, we were taken to a site with...hundreds of links to other sites. I assumed that underneath each link was a summary of what the link contained.
Hidan tried reading some of the summaries of the links. "'I love you, Deidara-kun,' moaned Sasori as he deepened the—"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I roared, putting a hand over Hidan's mouth. "Stop right there, un! What?"
Sasori was twitching even more. After staring at the summary for what seemed like an eternity, his eyes rolled back, closed, and he straight-up fainted.
I guess even puppet boys have their limits.
"See, you old b******!" taunted Hidan, extending a hand out to Kakuzu. "Pay up, a******!"
Kakuzu sighed, handing Hidan what appeared to be five thousand yen. I had no idea where they had gotten the money, but I was more irritated over the fact that they had bet on me and Sasori being a couple than about the mysterious yen. However, I decided to keep silent out of embarrassment and shock rather than yell at Hidan at the moment.
Her eyes wide, Konan quickly exited out of the horrifically disturbing site. This time, she tried typing in her name and pressing the Enter key. To our relief, no more disturbing photos appeared, and more links were present on the screen.
"Narutopedia," she read, clicking on the corresponding link. "Since this is the first option of all these links sorted by relevance, there has got to be some information about the Akatsuki there."
However, just as the site was about to load, a message popped up that blocked the entire screen.
I read the message for everyone. "Narutopedia is currently experiencing a fatal error in their systems. Until this error can be fixed, the page cannot be viewed by anybody. Unfortunately, the process may take over four months to fix, as this error has never been encountered before. Thank you for your consideration."
"This site must be down," remarked Konan. She exited out of the site and clicked on the second most relevant one.
"Blocked as well," remarked Sasori as the message popped up on that site.
"What is going on with these websites, un?" I muttered in irritation as Konan tried another site. "The one that had all of the fan art was fine! Are the fangirls and fanboys trying to sabotage us or something?"
Konan shook her head, clicking out of the fourth site. "I doubt they know we're here, Deidara. Perhaps it's this computer."
We kept on trying every nearly website about the Akatsuki, but we received the same results every time. Konan was doing a fantastic job at staying calm and collected, but Hidan, Kisame, and Kakuzu looked as if they were about to explode.
"If we check out all of these sites," Kakuzu grumbled, "I believe that the electricity bill will only increase. After all, we did spend more than an hour on the girl's computer."
Konan nodded, closing the computer. "You're right, Kakuzu. Let's go do something else."
Suddenly, Tobi got an idea, expressed by him bouncing excitedly up and down. And by the height of his bounce, I could tell that it was a really, really bad one.
"Let's play hide and seek!"
A/N: Math test got the best of me, so this chapter was a day overdue. Next chapter, I think I'm going to try writing from Konan's POV!
Question: What's your favorite animal? For me, it's a tie between the neko and the kitsune (cats and foxes).
See you all tomorrow, folks!
— Tenshi —
