Chapter 24: Love Whisperer Arc - Just Three Words

At first, I wasn't sure how to write this chapter, but got some extra inspiration after I thought about a time when I had tried to confess to the boy I liked. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except for the plot and my OCs!


Deidara's POV

I clutched the pink electronic device in my hand, growling uncomfortably as I waited for Kisame to give me the signal.

In order to easily communicate about a plan from a distance, Kaiya and Naoki had been kind enough to allow Kisame and me to use them to talk. They called these objects "cell phones", and they are apparently supposed to be super popular in their world. Even I was impressed by how high their technology seemed to be, with all of these communication devices that could play so many different sounds and perform so many different actions.

But somehow, I had ended up with the pink phone. Kisame was able to smirk and get away with keeping the blue one, which I did not find cool at all. I admit it: pink isn't a bad color, but for someone who spent hours perfecting bombs to blow up buildings and other stuff, it was rather degrading.

I sat outside of the school, watching as teens exited the school campus, as Kaiya had called it. She had also informed me that phones were not allowed to be out during class hours, which in my opinion was a pretty stupid rule. Those things could type, narrate, record videos, and even chat with others from long distances. Why weren't lessons and tricks about using them taught at school?

Bored, I stared at the blank screen of the phone, wondering when in the world Kisame was going to call me. Sighing to myself, I pressed what Kaiya had called the "home button", and immediately, a different screen popped up, displaying the time and the date, along with a background of bubbles.

Naoki had swiped his screen towards the right to unlock his phone, so I gave it a try, and—

"Enter Passcode?" I growled to myself. "What is up with this world and everything being password protected, un?"

I froze, recalling what Tobi had done to unlock Kaiya's computer not too long ago. Quickly, I punched in the four numbers in the exact order the idiot had punched them on the keyboard.

"Wrong Passcode?" I seethed with anger at the stupid pink device, about ready to crush it into smithereens. "What else is there to try out, un?"

At that moment, I recalled the warning Kaiya had given me before trying so many different password attempts on her phone.

Deidara, she had told me, if you enter the wrong password six times in a row, then the phone will disable itself. To avoid that, just don't mess with the phone, no matter how bored you are. Just wait for Kisame to call you and give you the signal to intercept Daichi-kun.

Just as soon as I had thought that, the phone rang, a rubber ducky ringtone playing. Flinching from the sudden noise, I quickly pressed the green button on the phone in order to silence the annoying noise that Tobi probably would have enjoyed. Placing the phone to my ear, I waited patiently for Kisame to give me the signal.

Unfortunately, the person on the other end was not Kisame.

"Deidara-senpai!" squealed an all-too-familiar voice. Almost screaming, I moved the phone to a place where Tobi couldn't scream in my ear, which was probably permanently damaged.

"What the hell, Tobi?" I roared into the phone. "Where's Kisame?"

"Putting out the fire in the gazebo!" he answered calmly.

My eyes widened to the size of saucers, and I gulped nervously despite not even seeing the fire for myself. "What fire? I don't hear the firemen, or whatever Kaiya called the citizens who put out all the fires."

From the other end, I could hear the screams of a couple of the Akatsuki members in the background just before Tobi exclaimed, "Does senpai see the giant smoke column in the air?"

Sighing, I turned around, finally seeing what Tobi was trying to show me. Cursing under my breath, I asked the first question that was on my mind.

"Who the hell started the fire, un?"

Suddenly, I turned back around, hearing a new voice.

"Kaiya-chan said she left early to do something," Daichi was telling Chizuru, the black-haired girl who was walking beside him. "I wonder if she's alright, Chizuru. I mean, Osaka was absent, and it seemed as if Takumi and Naoki-san were cutting classes and disappearing for long periods of time during break and lunch."

"P-Perhaps they had a family emergency?" suggested Chizuru. "When I found out that my little sister broke her leg in PE a couple of years ago, I rushed to the hospital immediately to go see her. I-I didn't care that I was cutting classes on exam day, but she was more important to me than anything else."

Daichi shook his head. "I don't think so. Kaiya-chan lost her parents a year ago, and Naoki-san is still fine, although he can be quite grumpy and short-tempered at times. But then again, maybe Yukio-san or Kagami-chan had an accident at their schools. The only thing I don't understand is why all of the ones that leave in the middle of class come back for an hour or so, then leave again."

Chizuru shrugged. "I-I guess only Kaiya-san and the others know. Perhaps we could ask one of them, Daichi-san?"

Before I could sprint out and inform him, another person seemed to pick up the other end of the line.

"Deidara?" called Kisame, making me heave a sigh of relief. "Hello? Are you still there?"

"I'm here, un," I responded. "Tobi mentioned something about there being a fire at the gazebo...did something happen that wasn't supposed to?"

I could hear him swallow nervously. "Oh yeah, that. When Tobi was lighting the candles to set up the romantic atmosphere, he accidentally poured too much chakra and energy into the jutsu. Almost every single part of the gazebo was charred, and the table and flowers were on fire."

"That masked idiot!" I growled angrily. "I can even see the smoke from here. Is it all under control, at least?"

"Sort of, answered Kisame guiltily. "Konan and I were able to smother the fire with paper buckets and water before more people started to notice what Tobi had done. But almost all of the flowers we picked earlier have been destroyed, and Itachi is quite upset that Tobi had also burnt a plate of dango to a crisp. The gazebo...well, thank goodness it was already dark-colored, so perhaps Daichi won't be able to tell the difference. But now, most of the things we've set up have been ruined."

"When I get my hands on that annoying little jerk," I grumbled, "I'm going to kill him, un. But still, do you want me to give the signal to Sasori-danna?"

"I don't know if we're ready yet," Kisame admitted.

"Daichi is leaving the campus right now," I replied. "Shouldn't we at least lead him there before it's too late? The time it takes him to walk there should be plenty of time in order for you to get ready."

Kisame paused, then gave me his answer. "Just wait a little more, Deidara. He can't arrive and see such a mess. Here, I'll let you speak to Kaiya."

Before I could comprehend his words, I heard her pick up her brother's phone.

"How did you get to the gazebo so fast?" I asked her before she could greet me.

"Don't you remember?" she responded skeptically. "I left about twenty minutes early during Art. But then again, I don't think you noticed me leave at all. You looked as if you were so into your clay that nothing could snap you out of your artistic trance."

"Interesting," I muttered. "So, do you just want me to get Daichi right now or not? He's at the front gate."

"I don't know!" she suddenly panicked. "As much as I don't want him to leave, Daichi-kun can't arrive and see this mess! He'll be wondering what in the world could have happened, especially since tons of things that we've worked so hard to set up for today have been destroyed by Tobi!"

"I'll just stall him, then," I told her. "I've got to make sure that—"

Suddenly, I gasped, realizing that I had forgotten all about Sasori the entire time I had been conversing with Kaiya and the Akatsuki about the date. I turned to check where he was supposed to be hiding, and sure enough, he wasn't there.

As soon as I began looking for him, my eyes focused on a tuft of platinum blonde hair. At first, I was going to turn away and look for something bright red, but realized that Sasori's haired had been dyed that color.

Even worse, he was already talking to Daichi.

"I heard that a ton of doves were roosting at a certain area in the park next to this school," he mumbled emotionlessly. "Naoki and Kaiya wanted to meet you there and watch them with you, but had to get there quickly with a ton of bread before the doves flew away."

"That's why," Daichi responded. "I knew something must have been up in order to have both Kaiya and Naoki cutting classes with their friends. She loves birds a lot, especially doves and other white birds. Even though one accidentally mistook her head for a bathroom back in fourth grade, she loves them nonetheless."

My ears perked up at his last statement, and my brain took mental notes about it. That's definitely got to be a great way to bribe that girl whenever she annoys me again. Thank you, Daichi and Sasori.

Sasori continued speaking. "They're waiting for you right now."

Daichi nodded immediately. "I've got nothing to do, so I guess I can go right now. Chizuru and Miyuki already left, and all of Kaiya's new friends disappeared to go see the doves. I'll be there as soon as possible."

With that, Daichi sped off towards the park, and I decided it was an okay time to leap out of the area where I was hiding. Jumping out of the bush, I tried to make a scary face and frighten Sasori a little. However, before I was able to grab his shoulders and scream, he turned around and muttered five words.

"I know you're there, brat."

Yelping slightly after being caught, I jumped backward and landed on the ground several feet away. Sasori just stared at me, blinking and shaking his head at my playful antics.

"There's no time for messing around," he muttered. "We've got to follow Daichi and make sure he gets to Kaiya, even though I wasn't even too interested in this plan from the beginning. However, Konan seemed quite fine with it, and since I was bored, I thought that I should just go along with it."

Nodding, I turned to Daichi, who was still running towards the park, then back to Sasori. "You're right. Let's follow the boy before he disappears from our line of sight."

Quickly, both of us sped off towards the boy, making sure that he would safely be able to reach the park — where Kaiya was waiting — and be able to have a nice date with her.


Kaiya's POV

I glared at the masked man in front of me as he cowered in fear, guilty of what he had done to the innocent gazebo.

"Tobi…" I growled, and said boy backed up even further. "Why...must...you...burn...everything?"

Motioning towards the gazebo, both of us glanced at the damage that Tobi had caused to the entire thing. Part of the room had disintegrated into ashes, and the entire thing was charred to some extent. Completely melted candles sat by the edge of the gazebo — the ones Tobi was supposed to light — with puddles of melted wax underneath them. The wooden table and chairs that Kisame had stolen were pretty much nothing but a burnt crisp, and half of Itachi's and Konan's dango were also caught in the jutsu. The flowers that we had worked so hard to plant around the gazebo had been reduced to cinders, except for a lucky few that Kisame had been able to out just in time. Nevertheless, they were still damaged.

Off to the side, Kakuzu was giving Tobi a death glare, and I could tell that he was ready to strangle the boy with his tendrils without hesitation. Hidan was holding the older man back, but he too, glared at Tobi while muttering some inaudible curse words. Konan and Itachi were crossing their arms, but remained more emotionless compared to everybody else. But if somebody looked hard enough, they could easily detect the fury flashing in their eyes.

"Look what you've done!" Kakuzu growled. "Don't you realize how much money all of that was worth? Besides, we barely got away with stealing the table and chairs for the date!"

"Never mind that," Kisame responded, "but look at the date itself! There's barely any romantic atmosphere anymore! The only thing that I was able to save—" Kisame paused to pull out the red rose from underneath his cloak— "was the rose! Well, at least you can try giving it to him…"

I nodded. "Sure, I guess that could work. After all, presentation isn't what a date is all about, but how you make the other person feel. And the red rose represents all I have been feeling for Daichi-kun."

I turned back towards the shark-man, and he smiled at me. "You can do this, Kaiya. Just pretend that we're not here—"

Suddenly, Deidara's voice rang from the phone, making me jump slightly.

"Target is closing in on Point B. Scatter immediately. At the speed he's going, his current E.T.A. is in one minute."

And with that, Deidara hung up.

"What in the world does that even mean?" I growled into my brother's phone.

"Deidara says that Daichi is approaching in the direction where the sun is setting," Kisame explained, and I immediately turned myself west in anticipation. "He'll be here in one minute, so except for you, we all must...hide!"

Hearing Kisame's signal, my brother and every member of the Akatsuki disappeared into some nearby bushes, and a few of them climbed up trees and hid in the dense foliage.

I stood there, waiting for Daichi to come, which he did about thirty seconds later. He was panting, as if whatever Sasori had told him was super exciting and couldn't be missed.

I wonder what Sasori was able to come up with, I wondered.

Once he saw me, he slowed down, and his eyes seemed to scan the entire place for something.

"You know," began Daichi, "Akihiko told me that you, your brother, and your friends were sneaking out of class to go see some doves. Where are the birds now?"

Taking in Sasori's excuse for playing truant, I was tempted to giggle, but quickly made up a reason as to why the "doves" were not here.

"Um," I stammered, "well, when I got here after school, I-

I-I may have accidentally scared them off."

Daichi laughed, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't worry, Kaiya-chan," he reassured me. "All of us are clumsy sometimes. Remember that one time in third grade when I was trying to feed the class hamster? I forgot that you're not supposed to run with a giant spoonful of food, especially not on freshly mopped tiles. Of course, I tripped, and...you remember what happened, right?"

I nodded, giggling to myself as I recalled the sight of Daichi being covered in seeds and vegetable pieces all over. "Oh, you bet I do! I-I still have that memory fresh in my mind!"

He smiled. "At least Mari-chan had a fun time, jumping on me in order to eat up all the food. That little furball...but of course, we just gushed at her. She was just too cute, even though it was pretty embarrassing, especially when our teacher snapped pictures."

"Yup," I said, still chuckling. "You were practically begging her not to post them online, but she did anyway. That day was absolutely hilarious!"

We continued laughing for a little while, before Daichi checked his watch and realized that he had to be heading home.

"I'm sorry that I can't stay around to see the doves come back," he apologized, "but at least I'll see you tomorrow, Kaiya-chan. Bye!"

Before I was able to register what had just happened, Daichi had turned and walked away, heading back towards his house. Taking a deep breath, I decided to run towards him and made sure that I at least told him how I felt before he left.

"Wait!" I shouted, making him stop in his tracks. He turned around to face me, quite surprised. His shock only increased when I pulled the rose out of my jacket and handed it to him.

"I-I-I was able to find this," I stammered, my blush darkening by the second. "Do you like it?"

I handed him the rose, and he took it, the shock still evident on his face, despite his blank expression.

"Er...thank you?" he said, looking at the rose oddly.

I bet he's wondering why in the world I just handed him a flower — a red rose, of all things — when it's supposed to be the other way around, with boys giving it to the girls…

"What's it for?" he asked curiously.

"Well…" I stuttered, "I...I...I…"

He gave me an odd look, before nodding his head, realizing that I was kind of nervous.

"It's just that...I...I...I…"

"Hm?" Daichi said, raising a brow. "Is there something else you need, Kaiya-chan?"

"I-I-I just wanted...to say that I...I...I…"

Say it, Kaiya, my mind literally begged. It's just three words, and then the whole ordeal will be over. You already gave him the rose, so there's no going back now. Just say, "I like you," or just simply "Daisuki." How hard can it be?

Taking a deep breath, my cheeks flushing bright red, I obeyed what my mind was trying to tell me. Slowly and in a barely audible voice, I whispered three words to Daichi.

"I like...flowers."

But not the right ones.

I could hear every single Akatsuki member facepalm from behind their hiding places, even though Daichi did not notice.

A very, very, very awkward silence followed, and I used the moment to gaze into his brown eyes in order to try and detect his emotions. However, if he did flash any sort of emotion in them, I failed to see it. His expression was simply blank and unreadable.

I was pretty sure around five minutes had passed before he spoke.

"Er...cool," said Daichi awkwardly, "Well, I'll...um, see you tomorrow?"

Subconsciously, I waved to him, and with a nervous smile, he turned and walked away, heading back towards his house.

As I watched Daichi leave, my heart felt heavy, and I sighed sadly.

Of all things… I mumbled inside of my head. "I like flowers"? What in the world was I—

Suddenly, my trail of thoughts was cut off by the angry glares of the Akatsuki, specifically from Deidara and Kisame the Love Whisperer.

"What was that, un?" Deidara asked me as soon as Daichi had left the gazebo. "You had the chance to tell him how you felt, so why did you resort to a normal conversation?"

Kisame nodded, glaring at me while he held his head in his hands. "We set all of this up for you, and all you tell him is that you like flowers? Pretty much every stereotypical girl likes flowers! That's not what you're supposed to say when you hand the boy you have a crush on a rose! Even more, a red rose of love!"

"Kisame," I mumbled sadly, causing him to soften a little. "You're the love expert here. Have you ever fallen for someone before?"

His eyes widened at my sudden question, and after a few moments of silence, he merely shook his head. "Although I loved helping people in Kirigakure become couples before I became a killer, I never really had a crush on anybody. There was this one girl named Miru that I bonded with for a little, but in the end, I had to kill her. Other than that, I haven't really felt romantic love for myself. I got most of the tactics I learned from reading—"

"Icha Icha?" finished Naoki, and Kisame nodded.

"Yeah. I've got to admit, although most girls hate the content in the books, the plot and details are actually really good. I've read them...about fifty million times. I mean, I did have them since I was a little boy."

Naoki nearly had a heart attack. "A kid? Kisame, how did you even manage to get your hands on them if you were so young?"

He grinned, showing his rows of sharp teeth. "People were easy to fool with a single Henge no Jutsu back then. I could easily disguise myself as an adult just to gain access to all the better books in the store. Trust me, they were so much better than the stuff they used to teach little—"

"Pervert!" I growled, pointing an accusing finger in his face. "You got all of your romance tactics from reading porn? No wonder why this date did not go well!"

"B-b-but…" Kisame stammered in protest, "my matchmaker skills always worked back in Kiri! Everybody was so happy that they dubbed me as the Love Whisperer! Why didn't it create a strong romantic atmosphere so that you could easily let your feelings out without worrying about any consequences?"

"Remember how Tobi burned everything?" I answered. "And besides, with or without a romantic atmosphere, nothing would make it comfortable enough to allow me to tell Daichi how I really feel about him. Perhaps we're just cut out to be only friends…"

Sighing again, I sank to my knees, holding my face in my hands. Kisame, Deidara, and Konan immediately rushed to my side and attempted to comfort me by placing their hands on my shoulder. Unfazed, I shook them off, wanting to be alone.

"We can try again another time," Deidara suggested, lifting my spirits slightly. "Just as long as your crush doesn't disappear, you can practice telling your feelings to a picture of him or something until Kisame comes up with a different plan. Like Kisame, I have no experience with crushes, but know that we're all supporting you."

Some of the other members nodded, including Konan and Itachi. I wasn't surprised that Konan nodded, since I slightly suspected that she had loved Yahiko, but Itachi nodding came as a surprise to me. Maybe he had liked somebody at one point, but perhaps she had died like this Miru girl did.

But then again, I thought, if you really think about it, they all used to be children at some point. Not every part of them is a serial killer. Nobody is truly "born to be a criminal", are they?

Suddenly, I heard a loud sparkling noise behind me, and knowing exactly what it was, I immediately snatched it out of the air, not caring that Kisame and Deidara were giving me strange looks.

"What was that all about, un?" Deidara asked me.

"I think it was a fragment of the scintillating orb," I answered truthfully. However, Kisame laughed and shook his head. "Seriously! It sparkled loudly and everything! Didn't you at least hear it?"

"Don't joke around like that, Kaiya," he said. "I was watching you the whole time, and I saw nothing there. I guess it was just a fly that I couldn't see."

With that, Kisame and the rest of the Akatsuki began to head home, and I followed them, still clutching the tiny fragment of the orb. In all honesty, Kisame should have been able to see it, since it sparkled so brightly and made such a loud noise just before I had grabbed it.

How strange, I thought as I pocketed the fragment of the scintillating orb. The scintillating orb is meant for the Akatsuki to use, and not us. If that's the case, then why does it seem like I'm the only person who can see them?


A/N: Poor Kaiya-chan...but still, that was almost the exact same situation I had when trying to confess to that guy that I had liked. Now, the only people I fall in love with are anime characters.

Question: Favorite band/singer of all time? I absolutely LOVE Toy-Box. I made my whole family laugh by singing "Superstar" and usually listen to "Best Friend", "Tarzan and Jane", and "The Sailor Song" in my free time, the last of which I can definitely imagine the Akatsuki singing.

Peace out, lovelies!

— Tenshi —