Chapter 8
Allana practically sprinted down the hall away from Poe's room. When she reached the Falcon, she dropped down on the ramp and buried her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook with sobs. When she had cried until nothing was left in her, she wiped her eyes and stared out over the empty base. She slowly rose on shaky legs and started grabbing crates to load on the Falcon. As she set one down in the storage compartment of the Falcon, she laughed mirthlessly.
How was this her life? She was leaving no she was running away. She didn't want to admit it, but Luke was right. She ran from what scared her, and she hated herself for it. She took after her dad in that respect. Allana kept on loading crates into the Falcon. Once she secured all of them, she headed for the cockpit, but stopped at the open door of the captain's quarters. Her eyes landed on the stack of holos and letters. Allana slowly entered the room and sat down at the desk. She pulled out the letter addressed to her mother and ran her fingers over the black ink. She sighed softly and left the room with the letter in hand
…
Leia couldn't sleep. After hours of lying in the dark staring at the ceiling, she flicked the light on. She went over to her closet and dragged a box out from the back. She knelt down on the floor and opened it. Inside were stacks and stacks of holos. Leia grabbed the one off the top and smiled softly. It was a picture of a tired and sweaty Leia smiling through tears as she held a small baby in her arms. On the back, Allana's Birth was written in Han's messy handwriting. She set that holo down and picked up the next one. When she saw it, she choked back a sob. Han was sitting on the couch reading a story Ben, who was snuggled into his right side, and Allana, who was snuggled against his left. Leia closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the edge of the bed.
It felt like those photos were taken ages ago. It almost felt like it happened in a dream, a dream world where Han was still alive, Ben hadn't done what he did, and Allana still trusted her. Leia's eyes snapped open. She had to see Allana one more time. She had to say goodbye. She had to tell her how much she loved her. She couldn't let her little girl go. Leia grabbed a jacket and tore off down the hall.
She sighed with relief when she saw that the Falcon was still there. She reached the bottom of the ramp when Allana appeared at the top. The two women stared at each other for a long time.
''Here.''
Leia's eyes darted to her extended hand. In her hand was a letter.
''It was on the Falcon. Dad wrote them to all of us. This is yours.''
Leia took the letter and stared at her name written in Han's blocky handwriting.
''I thought you had left by now.''
''I had some things to do first.''
Allana shifted her weight from foot to foot, and Leia fiddled with the letter in her hand.
''Allana?''
''Yeah mom.''
''I just want you to know…''
Allana's face softened.
''I know mom. I need to go.''
''Be safe.''
''I will.''
Allana turned around and started to walk away, but she stopped and turned around.
''Hey mom?''
''Yes?''
''Read the letter.''
Leia smiled softly.
''Of course.''
When Allana reached the doorway of the ship, Leia called out, ''Allana!''
''Yes mom?''
''Where are you going? How long are you going to be gone?''
Allana stood silently for a long moment.
''Goodbye mom. I'll be fine.''
Allana hit the button to raise the ramp and headed deeper into the ship. Leia sat down on a crate and watched as the Falcon flew away from the base and disappeared into hyperspace.
…
A splash of cold water didn't help Poe in the slightest. He hadn't been able to go back to sleep since Allana left, but when he tried to work on new strategies for his squadron but, he couldn't concentrate. Her words just kept running through his mind. ''Be happy,'' she had said. Didn't she know he couldn't be happy without her? Did she have any idea how much she hurt him by leaving? It killed him every time he watched her go. He groaned and slammed his hands down on the sink. BB-8, who had been powered down, woke with a start at the sound. He beeped loudly and nudged Poe's leg.
''I'm good BB-8. Don't worry about me.''
He beeped again.
''Yeah. She left. Again.''
BB-8's head drooped.
''I know buddy. I'm sad too.''
Poe glanced at the rays of sunlight that were streaming in through the window.
''There's no use dwelling on it. We can't do anything about it.''
Poe pulled his work clothes on.
''Come on,'' he said to BB-8 as he opened the door. ''Lets go work on the X-wing.''
Before closing and locking the door, he looked back in the room and his eyes landed on the hairband on the nightstand that Allana had left behind.
''At least we got to say goodbye.''
…
Leia walked to the top of the hill that overlooked the base. She always went there when she needed time to forget about her obligations and just be alone. She sat down on a fallen tree trunk and pulled the letter out of her pocket. She opened it, and took out the creamy paper covered in Han's black scrawl. She took a deep breath and started reading.
''Dear Leia,'' she said in a shaky voice, ''I'm writing this on our twenty-seventh wedding anniversary. I can't tell you how much I want to be with you right now. Trust me sweetheart; if I could I would turn back the clock. Back to when things were good between us, before all the fighting started. Oh Leia, I'm so sorry. I should have been home more, I should have stopped Ben, and I should have been there for you instead of running away. You must hate me. We said our fair share of awful things to each other. Princess, I didn't mean any of it. I was scared and angry, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't know how to be the father you thought I could be, the husband you needed me to be, and I'm so sorry. I need you to know that even though things didn't end the way we hoped, I wouldn't trade any of it. Life wouldn't be worth living if I didn't get to see you walking down the aisle towards me, if I didn't get to see your face in our kids. Leia, please don't think that I don't love our kids. The three of you are my whole world and that will never change. Don't give up on Ben. He'll never be truly gone. He had too much of you in him. Be patient with Allana. She loves you, but doesn't know how to show it. I love you so much Leia. Never forget that. Love, Han.''
By the time she finished the letter, she was sobbing.
''Oh Han. I love you too.''
Leia remembered when Han had left. He had told her that he wasn't good for her. That he couldn't make her happy anymore. He had told her to find someone that could make her happy. She hadn't had the courage to tell him that he was the only one who could make her happy, but it was too late now.
As she tried to put the letter back in its envelope, something metal fell out of it. She reached down on the ground and picked up a gold band. It was Han's wedding ring. She grasped it tightly in her hand. Leia reached up and pulled a silver chain out from under her shirt. On it dangled her wedding ring. She pulled the necklace off and slid Han's ring on it. She put it back on and tucked it underneath her shirt. The cool metal of the rings rested over heart as a reminder of the man she loved. Leia wiped her eyes and rose from the trunk and faced the rolling hills and valleys as the sun washed the whole planet in its golden glow.
…
''Poe.''
Poe pulled himself out from under his X-wing to see a very worried Luke Skywalker.
''Hello Master Skywalker.''
''Have you seen Leia?''
''No I haven't.''
Luke's shoulders slumped.
'This is the last time I spend hours looking for her. I've been looking for her everywhere. I thought she might need some company after well… you know.''
''Yeah.''
''You holding up okay?''
''Why would I not be?''
Luke fixed him with a pointed stare.
''What?''
''Nothing,'' Luke said, smiling slightly. ''If you see Leia, let me know.''
''Will do.''
Luke started to walk away when a voice rang out.
''Tatooine.''
Luke turned around.
''That's where she's going,'' Poe said. ''Just thought you should know.''
''She's going to be okay Poe.''
''I never said that she wasn't.''
''No, but your dark circles and red eyes tell me all I need to know.''
Luke left Poe scrambling for words, and exited the hanger.
…
''Leia?''
Leia turned around. Luke was standing there, a concerned look etched on his face.
''What are you doing out here,'' he said walking closer.
''I'm okay Luke.''
''That's not what I asked.''
''I just needed to be alone for a while.''
Luke put his arm around his sister.
''She's going to be just fine Leia.''
''I hope so.''
Luke's eyes fell on the paper Leia clutched tightly in her hands.
''What's this?''
''It's from Han. Allana gave it to me right before she left. Here, read it.''
Luke took the letter and scanned the page. When he finished, his eyes were welling up with tears.
''Oh Leia.''
He pulled her tighter against his chest and she buried her face in his shoulder as tears ran down her face.
''What am I going to do,'' Leia murmured into his chest. ''What am I going to do if she never comes back?''
''She will Leia. She loves you too much to stay gone for long.''
Luke pulled away and wiped away the tear tracks that covered her cheeks.
''Come on. Lets go inside.''
Leia allowed herself to be lead inside the base. Before they went inside, she stopped. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. She had to be strong. She had to be.
…
''You need a break.''
Rey looked up from the pile of data pads that she had been reading in the empty mess hall. Finn was standing across the table from her.
''I really need to finish this.''
''You've done nothing but stare at these data pads all morning. What could possibly keep you so focused?''
''These are about the history of the Jedi.''
''Is Luke making you read them?''
''Well no…''
''Then come on.''
''What?''
He extended a hand out to her.
''You need to have some fun.''
Rey reluctantly shoved the data pads into her bag and followed Finn as he walked further and further from the base. Suddenly, he stopped. A glistening lake sat in the middle of a grove of trees.
''Cool right? I was walking the other day, and I found it. It's far enough from the base that not many people think to come out here.''
''It's beautiful, but why did you bring me here?''
''Because we're going to swim.''
Finn tugged his shoes and shirt off and began wading in the water. Rey took off her shoes, but hesitated at the waters edge.
''Aren't you coming in?''
''Finn, I can't…''
''You can't what?''
''I can't swim.''
''Of course,'' he said walking towards her, ''you grew up on Jakku. I guess I'll just have to teach you.''
''Excuse me?''
Finn grabbed both her hands and guided her deeper into the lake.
''It's not hard. Just give it a try.''
Rey rolled her eyes, but didn't protest further.
''Okay first, you need to learn how to float. Lie on your back. I'll make sure you won't sink.''
Finn placed a hand on her back and a hand under her knees.
''Now relax.''
''This feels weird.''
''You'll get used to it. I'm going to take my hands away now.''
''What!''
Rey franticly began kicking her feet and latched her arms around his neck.
''Rey, you'll be fine,'' Finn said suppressing laughter.
He detached her arms from his neck and supported her again.
''I'm going to take my hands away now, and I want you to not move.''
He slowly pulled his hands away, and held his breath as he waited to see how Rey would do. She stayed afloat for a few moments before she began to sink. He grabbed her arm and pulled her up just as her head went underwater.
''You okay?''
She coughed and spewed water.
''How do you like this?''
Finn chuckled softly.
''It gets better I promise. You did really well for your first time.''
''Thanks.''
The two of them just sat there in silence just taking in the peacefulness of the lake.
''Finn?''
''Yes?''
''Thank you.''
''It was just swimming lessons.''
''All I've ever known is sand. It's nice to know that something else exists out there.''
Finn placed a hand on her arm.
''I'm glad I was the one to show it to you.''
Rey smiled softly and looked down.
''I need to go back,'' Rey said as she walked onto the little beach. ''Luke is expecting me.''
''I'll come with you.''
The two of them headed back towards the base laughing and chatting the whole way.
…
Leia was going over the latest casualty list when a young man approached her.
''Excuse me, General Organa?''
''Yes?''
''I was sent to inform you that we have received a message from Lando Calrssian. He will be landing in the next few minutes or so.''
''Thanks for letting me know. I'll be there shortly.''
Leia switched off the data pad and stared at the wall. She closed her eyes as something hit her. She would have to tell him that Han was dead, and more importantly; she would have to tell him how much the ex-storm trooper that had just joined up looked like him.
AN: What do y'all think? Let me know if you liked it, hated it, or just thought it was okay. I love hearing what you think!
