Thanks so much, everyone for your wonderful feedback. I honestly didn't expect it. It took me a few days to sit down and write this chapter, especially since time is running short, but here it is. I hope you enjoy it. x
Harvey would never admit it, especially not to Samantha, but ever since she had stormed into his office to give him that run down, he had been having trouble focusing on his work. Instead, his mind was drifting back to the moment, he tried to trivialize and play down, make it seem less awful, to ease his conscience and keep that guilt-eating feeling at bay.
That moment in the hallway, where this one line slipped and the moment the words had left his mouth he had known it was terrible. Like the time when he blurted out that he only told Donna he loved her was to make her feel better. It was the same reason. Fear. Fear of losing her, of her living her life without him, of her not needing him. He knew Donna didn't need anyone's help. She was Donna. But he liked to think that they needed each other. So, the thought of that not actually being the case, as irrational as this might be, terrified the shit out of him. He hated that fear and it showing its ugly face. It made him do reckless and stupid things. It made his brain freeze and out came more trouble than he actually wanted.
He knew she deserved her position, he had never doubted it. He knew she was the best COO in town. The only coping mechanism he found to deal with his behavior was trying to trivialize it. That was the only way he could cope with it. He didn't want another panic attack. He had actually thought of dealing reasonably well with the situation and with the fact that Donna was very mad at him, for good reason. Well, he wasn´t dealing with the situation very well, but he had no idea how to react and not let his fear get the better of him. At the same time, he didn't want to annoy Donna even further. But admitting it would mean his fear had won. He couldn't let that happen, could he?
Samantha storming into his office like a hurricane and slapping him with the truth had been uncomfortable, to say the least. Hearing it out of a stranger's mouth, and how much this affected Donna, was just ugly and worse than he had allowed himself to picture it.
Emotions had never been his strong suit. If he could, he would put them as far away as possible and not deal with them. But she shed light on that very dark corner in his heart and his mind. That's why Harvey had been sitting at this desk for God knows how long and hadn't done anything productive other than ponder of that very thing. He knew he had to do something, but just pondering wouldn't get him anywhere.
Instead, he tried to actually win this case for his client. Sooner or later he would come up with something. He even considered calling Lipschitz, he had been helpful the last time. But he wasn't that desperate yet.
Unbeknownst to him, Donna was on her way to his office. She didn't know what just happened. As far as she was concerned, Samantha had promised to keep that talk to herself without doing anything. She hoped that would stay this way, she had to deal with this herself. Or he did. Donna tried to put her emotions aside for the time being and act as professionally as she could. She still wanted to yell at him, make him realize that he was wrong, but at the moment this would keep her from doing her actual job.
With a request, she went to his office. She was so focused on keeping herself in check that she first didn't notice Harvey sitting at his desk staring at his screen, his fingers hovering over his keypad, but no actual work was happening.
He didn´t hear her enter his office and that was a first. He usually always heard her. He normally sensed her as she was only approaching. It was like a sixth sense. But not this time. When she entered and started speaking in a forced calm voice, it startled him.
"Harvey, I have a request."
He was looking at her now, slowly coming back to reality. He must have looked like a deer in headlights since he didn't respond either. He just stared at her strangely for a second. Donna eyed him curiously.
"Harvey, is everything alright?"
He had only heard her talking, his brain wasn't as fast at connecting with reality as it usually was. His inner battle of admitting his guilt had unleashed his fear and he was trying to battle it as best as he could.
"What?" he said somewhat absent-mindedly.
"Is everything alright?" she asked again, showing a little worry on her face. It was unlike him to be so unresponsive. Instinctively, she took a step toward his desk, momentarily forgetting about the grudge she was holding against him. He was still Harvey.
The next moment everything happened too fast for anyone to comprehend what happened. Harvey got up from his chair, walked determinedly around his desk towards Donna, took her waist with one hand and cupped her cheek with the other and kissed her with all the love and all the sorrow he had.
Donna stood rooted to the spot for a second, not sure what had brought up such a reaction, but her body and her heart told her mind to shut up and she melted into his kiss. His lips were soft and warm on hers, his cologne was intoxicating and she felt his rapid heartbeat.
She needed more contact, she needed to get closer to him. Therefore, she put her hands on his waist and pulled tried to pull him closer, immediately sighing when he responded. His tongue sought entrance and she was only too willing to comply. It felt so absolutely perfect. He was her missing part. She needed his warmth, the feeling of his body close to hers, of them kissing. Before she was ready to let go of him, he slowly pulled back and looked into her eyes.
"I am sorry for what I said," he mumbled almost inaudibly, guilt clearly making it difficult to keep his voice steady. Her eyes softened. She had no words, that would have said what she meant to say, so instead, she mirrored his actions from before and she caressed his cheek instead, smiling tentatively.
"Thank you for saying that," she managed to say almost in whisper nevertheless.
"What was that kiss for?" She knew she was pushing it, but she wanted him to say it.
"I just had to know."
"Know what?" she looked at him questioningly.
"That was what you said, the last time you kissed me. Those words have haunted me to this day. And I think you know what. I love you, Donna. Hurting you, made me want to drop to my knees. I am so sorry."
She stopped him right there, instead, she kissed him while putting her arms around his neck and playing with his neck hair. This time it was his turn to sigh. This time it was a sigh of relief. He had done something right for once. Maybe he could deal with some emotions after all.
I kind of love the idea of Harvey having a parallel scene where he just kisses her out of the blue like Donna did back in season 7. I hope this worked out and is not too ooc
