Chapter 15

Allana sat upright in bed, jerked from sleep, unable to breathe and dripping with sweat. A medic rushed over and handed her an oxygen mask. Allana's hands shook so much as she tried to put it on, that the medic had to gently cover Allana's hands with hers and help. Once it was on, Allana closed her eyes and took huge gulping breaths. After a few moments, she reached up and removed the mask from her face.

"You had a nightmare," the medic said calmly as she took the mask from her. "You were yelling for somebody to leave you alone."

"Please don't tell my mother," Allana said quickly, "It was just a nightmare. She's crazy overprotective about this stuff. She'll want me to have a whole physiological evaluation."

"It's common for people who go through a traumatic experience to have nightmares. It's nothing to be ashamed of," the medic responded as she checked the various monitors that Allana was hooked up to.

"I'm not ashamed of them. I've had them before. I'm dealing with it."

The medic looked at her and raised her eyebrows.

"I'm fine. When do I get to leave?"

"When," the medic said, typing something on a data pad, "your stats go back up. Try to go back to sleep."

The medic pulled the curtain back around her bed and walked back to her office, her footsteps echoing around the stone room.

Allana leaned back onto her bed and stared at the celling. She had been confined to this bed for five days now, and she was going stir crazy. Her blaster wounds were healed and had been since the day after she woke up from the bacta. She was fine. Except for the fact that every time she tried to stand up, she could only walk a foot before getting so tired she had to return to bed. And there was also the fact that she couldn't keep much food down. The doctors said both were a combination of a rare side effect of spending too much time in bacta and a reaction to the antibiotics they had her on.

Allana had a steady stream of visitors, from her mother and Luke to Ami and Poe, and her mom had brought her data pads with books downloaded on them, but she was bored out of her mind. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Before she could, the curtain around her bed was ripped open. She opened her eyes slowly to see Ami standing there with a tray in her hands.

"I come bearing food," she said as she set the tray down and sat in the chair next to her bed.

Allana sat up slowly and propped herself up with a pillow with Ami's help.

"I'm not going to be able to keep any of it down," Allana said, waving away a bowl filled with some kind of grain and pieces of fruit that Ami was holding out to her.

"Try. If you don't try, your mother is going to come in and sit here until you eat it. Also, the faster you start eating, the faster you get out of here."

Allana begrudgingly took the bowl and put a spoonful in her mouth.

"So," Ami said as soon as Allana put the spoon in her mouth, "Poe tells me that you've been dodging all conversations about why you left. Now I think…"

"This isn't fair," Allana said, quickly swallowing, "You can't corner me while I'm eating."

"I can, and I did. Allana, you have to talk to him. That boy is head over heels in love with you, and you just left him. We're in the middle of a war here if you haven't noticed. One of you could die at any moment. You need to be honest with him."

"I had another nightmare Ami."

"Lana…"

"Last night. I woke up thirty minutes ago, and I couldn't breathe. I'm not getting into this with you right now."

"You need to tell your mom and Luke. They can help you!"

"What if they can't?" Allana said with a hard edge to her voice, If they can't I'm going to be locked in a room, by myself, alone until this war is over. I'm not going to let that happen."

Ami sighed deeply.

"You're my best friend Lana. I love you like a sister which is why I'm telling you that I think you are making a huge mistake."

"It's my only choice," Allana said, gripping Ami's hand. "It's going to work out.

Rey had been avoiding Luke for days. She made sure to only train when he was meeting with Leia. Any time they were in the same room, she made an excuse and left. She knew she was only delaying the inevitable. They had to talk about that fact that they were father and daughter at some point. For now though, Rey was more than happy to take on the tasks that no one else wanted to do in order to keep herself busy. Currently, she was fixing yet another issue with the Falcon. She was crouched down in one of the smuggling compartments fixing one of the wires, and she was so absorbed in her work that she didn't even hear someone enter the Falcon or when they walked over to her.

"Rey."

Rey jerked up, banging her head on the top of the compartment. She rubbed her head as she slowly sat up to find Luke staring down at her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, reaching a hand down to help her up.

"Fine. What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk, and you've been avoiding me," Luke said in response.

"I haven't been avoiding you," Rey said, wiping her dirty hands off with a rag.

Luke raised an eyebrow.

"Okay fine, I've been avoiding you a little bit."

"Come on," Luke said, walking down the hallway, "I have something for you."

Rey followed him into the living area where a large box was sitting on the table.

"Sit," Luke said, sliding into the bench.

Rey wordlessly sat down next to him, and he slid the box towards her. She gently removed the lid and peered inside as if she was afraid there was something in there that would bite her. A blaster and a silver jewelry box sat on top of layers of fabric.

"Your mother's things," Luke said slowly. "Leia kept this box safe for me. These are things that she always wanted to pass onto you."

Rey reached in and pulled out the old and worn blaster and turned it over in her hand, examining it.

"Does this still work?"

"It should," Luke said studying her face, "It was Mara's favorite blaster. Actually, the first time we met, she tried to kill me with it."

Rey dropped it back in the box with a loud thud.

"She tried to kill you?"

Luke chuckled at the look on Rey's face. "She did. She was the Emperor's Hand, and his last request before he died was that she kill me. She eventually decided to not kill me, but it was years before she even considered me a friend."

"Did it take you that long?"

"I think I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. Even with the blaster pointing at my head," he responded with a faraway look in his eyes.

"What was she like?" Rey asked, reaching into the box and pulling out the jewelry box.

"She was feisty. She never took anything sitting down. Mara was always a little closed off emotionally, but she had this enormous capacity for love. That's her wedding ring and engagement ring," Luke said, nodding at the rings Rey had taken out of the box.

The rings were made of some kind of silver metal and the engagement ring had a small but beautiful diamond.

"She wasn't buried with them?"

"There was no body to bury. She died trying to stop Kylo Ren, and when the school was set on fire, she burned with it. These rings and her lightsaber were all we could find."

"Where's her lightsaber?"

"The lightsaber was buried in the place of her body, but the crystal…" Luke said reaching into the box, "…is right here."

He pulled out bracelet with a delicate gold chain and a large green crystal in the center.

"It's beautiful," Rey said, taking it from Luke.

"It's the exact same color as her eyes," he said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

They were quiet for a long time, with Rey rubbing her finger gently back and forth across the crystal and Luke fiddling with the blaster.

"She would be so happy to be here right now," Luke said softly. "She went crazy looking for you. She never gave up hope, even when everyone else did. Even when I did."

"I don't think a mother would ever give up on her own child," Rey said, placing the bracelet and rings back in the box.

"A father shouldn't either. But I did."

"Luke, it's fine. No one…"

"It's not fine Rey," he said, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "I gave up. I stopped looking. I was tired of grieving and getting my hopes up only to get them crushed. I should've personally searched every inch of this galaxy until I was certain that you weren't there."

"You had no way of knowing," Rey said, her voice soft and soothing, "Allana told me that you couldn't sense me through the force anymore. I don't blame you for that."

"You had to spend your childhood alone on Jakku. I will always feel guilty for that."

"I don't blame you for that, at least, not any more. It hurt at first because I thought that maybe you knew who I was and didn't like how I grew up. That maybe you didn't want me."

"Rey…"

"You've proven over these last few days that you do want me," Rey said, cutting him off. "It's going to take a long time before we have a true father-daughter relationship, but I trust you. I believe that you are sorry and that you did everything you could."

Luke smiled softly and opened his mouth to say something when his comm buzzed.

"It's Leia. She needs me. She says it's urgent."

"Go," Rey said nodding her head towards the door, "I need to finish work on the Falcon anyways."

"Alright," Luke said pressing a kiss to her forehead, "This box is yours to keep. There's a few more jewelry pieces, some clothing that I think should fit you, and a couple of holos down at the bottom in a box. You can decide what you want to do with this stuff."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. And just so you know, she would be very proud of you right now."

Poe Dameron slowly slid the curtain surrounding Allana's bed open.

"Hey," she murmured once she caught sight of him.

"Hey."

Poe drew the curtain shut again as he sat down on the bed next to her.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Tired of being stuck in this bed."

"It won't be too much longer," he said reaching into his pocket to grab something. "Here."

Allana gave him a questioning look but took the foil wrapped package that he was holding out to her. She opened it slowly and gasped when she saw the contents.

"You didn't"

"I did."

"How did you get chocolate," she asked in disbelief as she broke off one of the slightly melted squares.

"Someone managed to find it during a supply run. I managed to snag these squares before the rest of the base ate it all," he said, smiling at the look of sheer delight that covered her face.

"You are amazing Poe Dameron," she said as she popped the piece into her mouth.

"We do need to talk Allana," Poe said, his face suddenly becoming serious.

Allana's expression instantly faded.

"What is it with you and Ami cornering me when I have food in my mouth today?" she asked exasperation evident on her face.

"Because every time I try to have a serious conversation with you, you dodge it. We really need to talk Allana."

"Poe…"

"You don't get to tell me one day that you love me and then leave without saying goodbye the next. You also don't get to come back after three years, sleep with me, tell me to see other people, and then leave the next morning with no explanation."

"Poe…"

"If you hadn't gotten shot, would you have come back?"

"Poe, I don't want to talk about this."

"Answer me Lana. Please."

Allana studied his face. She had never seen him look so utterly disappointed before. She stared down into her lap.

"No," she said softly.

"Why?" he implored her, "If you have a reason that's fine, just tell me what it is so I'm not sitting here pining after you like a teenager!"

"You pine after me?" Allana asked with a playful edge to her voice.

"Allana."

"I have a reason, but I'm not going to tell you."

"You told Ami."
"She's my best friend."

"I'm your boyfriend," Poe practically yelled.

He took a deep shuddering breath to calm down.

"Look," he said softly, "I know you bolt when you feel vulnerable. I know you're afraid of people leaving you because all of your crap scares them off. I've known all these things for four years, and I'm still here. I'm still here Allana."

"Please Poe, don't…"

"Don't what Allana? I'm tired of fighting you, but I can't keep pretending everything is fine when it's not."

"Poe, you're here because you want to get back together. We can't do that. I told you to see other people because that is what's best for you. You just don't understand it yet."

"What's best for me? Allana, being with other people is not what's best for me. I love you. What's best for me is being with you!"

"Poe…"

"Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"It's a yes or no question Allana. Do. You. Still. Love. Me?"

Allana stared into his eyes, searching for the right words.

"No," she said eventually, "I don't love you anymore."

Poe recoiled back as if he had been slapped.

"Okay then," he said standing up.

"Poe," she called after him.

He didn't answer, and Allana watched him fly out of the med bay, slamming the door behind him. She looked down at the foil wrapped chocolate in her hands. Suddenly, the thought of eating it made her feel sick. Allana leaned over and tossed it in the garbage can next to her bed. As soon as she was upright again, Ami and Leia barged into the room.

"Do you know what happened to Poe?" Ami asked as she walked over to her bed. "He looks like someone just disassembled BB-8 and told him that he could never be put back together again."

Once the words were out of Ami's mouth, Allana burst into tears. Ami and Leia shared a look before sitting down on the bed next to her and attempting to stop her tears.

"I told him I didn't love him anymore," Allana choked out. "Why did I do that? I shouldn't…"

"Shhh," Leia said, rubbing circles on her back, "It's okay. Why don't you tell us what happened."

"Tell your mom everything Lana," Ami said using a tissue to wipe her tears away. "Start at the very beginning."

Allana nodded and wiped furiously at the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks.

"Why don't you start when you guys first got together," Leia asked gently.

"You knew we were together," Allana asked in disbelief.

"I'm your mother. I had my suspicions, but they were confirmed after you left the first time. That boy wanted to search the entire galaxy for you."

Allana took a deep breath and started her story.

"I've loved him since we were little kids and Dad took us for rides on the Falcon together when we visited Yavin 4. Once the war broke out, my feelings got stronger. By the time I was sixteen and enlisted, it hurt just to look at him. I knew he felt the same way, but he was twenty-eight at the time. I was too young for him. We had both decided to not act on how we felt. Then we were ambushed by the First Order."

"I remember that," Leia said slowly, "We were lucky to escape with any of our fighter left. It was a massacre."

"That night when I was in my cabin, he knocked on my door. He basically told me that we could die at any moment because of this war, and he didn't want to die without telling me how he felt. He told me that age didn't matter in the middle of a war. We were together ever since, and we did our best to keep it as quiet as possible. The only people that we told were our bunk mates."

"Then you stared having nightmares," Ami interjected.

"Nightmares?" Leia asked, "You broke up with him over nightmares."

"They're not really nightmares," Allana said, shooting a look at Ami.

"Then what are they?"

"I don't know what to call them."

"What happens during them?" Leia asked.

"Ben visits me. Well, it's not Ben. It's Kylo Ren. It's like we're in the same room. I can hear his voice loud and clear. I can even touch him. He visits me for a reason though. He would talk to me a little at first, but the dream always ends the same way. He reaches into my mind for information."

"He does what?" Leia asked, her eyes dark with anger.

"He uses me to get information about the Resistance. At first, I thought it was just a dream, but then the First Order started attacking places that they would only know about if the dreams were real. During the first few ones, I was too afraid to fight back, but eventually I did. That's when he started threatening Poe. He got into my head and found out that we were together. He told me that if I didn't give him what he wanted or told anyone about his visits, he would kill him."

"So you left," Leia said slowly, "To keep him safe."

"To keep everyone safe. I wouldn't…I could never forgive myself if I let people die because I was too selfish to do anything about it. I still helped the Resistance though. I did some work for various spies, and helped people find supplies. Once he realized I was no longer on the base, Kylo Ren left me alone. I hadn't had a nightmare in two years when Rey, Finn, and Poe found me. I decided to come back to the base for a few days and then leave again."

"And then you got brought back to another base," Ami said.

"If you hadn't had a nightmare in so long, why did you tell him that you don't love him anymore?" Leia asked softly.

"I had another dream last night. He knows I'm back. As soon as I get the all clear, I'm leaving again."
"No," Leia said firmly, "You are not leaving. The last time you left, you barely made it back. Tomorrow, we'll get Luke to help you block him out, and until it works I just won't tell you anything important."

"Mom…"

"This is not a negotiation."

Leia's comm link buzzed loudly. She reached down and held it up to her ear.

"Ami," Leia said once she switched it back off, "they need help with distribution of supplies. Can you please help direct things, so I can keep sitting here?"

"Of course. I'll be back later Allana."

Once she left the room, Allana turned to her mother.

"You didn't have to do that."

"I did. I'm your mother. It's my job to help you when you need it."

"I don't need help mom."

"Yes you do," she said, brushing hair away from her daughter's face. "Please stay. Luke can help you. I can help you."

"Fine," Allana said after a long pause. "I'll stay."

"Good," Leis said, wrapping her daughter in a tight hug.

"Mom," Allana asked tentatively.

"Yes?"

"I just told the man that I love that I don't love him anymore. Right now, I really need you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay."

Leia smiled softly and positioned herself so that they were sitting side by side. She wrapped her arms around her daughter, and Allana buried her face in her shoulder. Leia could feel tears falling onto her shirt, so she gently began stroking her daughter's hair.

"Everything is going to be okay."

AN: Hi all! We are nearing the end of the fic! There are only going to be 4 or 5 more chapters, and I wanted to thank everyone who has taken time out of their day to read this. Please leave a review- they really make my day!

Also- special thanks to anna becker who betaed this chapter for me!