Chapter 18
Allana's eyes flew open as she sat upright in bed. Her eyes burned from tears, her throat was raw from screaming, and she could barely breathe. A strong hand rested on her back, grounding her back to reality. She let her eyes focus on the wall of her bunk as she took huge, gasping breaths. After what seemed like hours, her breathing slowed, and she leaned back against her pillows and closed her eyes.
"Here."
She slowly opened her eyes again to see Luke, sitting in a chair next to her bed, holding out a glass of water. She took it wordlessly and gulped it down. Luke took the glass back and waited for her to speak first. That was their agreement. Since they started trying to stop Kylo Ren from getting into her mind, Luke had learned that it was best to wait for her to tell him about the dream before he said anything.
"I think we should stop," Allana said, her voice shaking slightly.
"Lana," Luke said slowly.
"No Uncle Luke. It's been over a week since I got back from Moraband. Nothing is working. I'm not force sensitive. No amount of training is going to fix that," she said, her voice bordering on hysterical.
"Just one more night," Luke said, trying to convince her.
"No," she snapped. "Every night you say one more night. One more night of me waking up in a cold sweat, not being able to breath, and my throat raw from screaming. One more night of you sleeping in that uncomfortable chair. Another night you of getting woken up by my nightmares and hearing me yelling at you because I don't want to do this anymore."
"We're so close," Luke responded, emphasizing every syllable.
"I'm not force sensitive! I don't know why we even thought this would work! Today, my mother is telling the entire base the plan about what we're going to do about the newest First Order threat. I'm not going to get to be in that room because I'm a liability. I can't keep sitting on this base doing nothing. If I can't fight, I need to leave. I'll go insane if I stay here."
"So your plan is just to leave again?"
"I'm not doing anything here. If I leave, maybe I can help from the outside. I sure as hell am not helping here."
"Why don't you just tell me what happened in your dream tonight?"
"Uncle Luke," Allana said groaning.
"Just tell me. If it's no different than last night, I'll go to your mother and convince her to let you leave." He said as if talking to a small child.
Allana looked at him, weighing her options.
"Fine." She said, frustration evident in her voice. "It started how it always does. I was sitting in a chair in our old apartment in Coruscant, and he was sitting across from me. He was really angry. I think he's getting desperate. I did what you told me. I verbally told him to leave, and I tried to force him out of my head. It didn't work, and it made him angrier. He started walking around and screaming at me."
"What did he say," Luke said gently rubbing her arm to keep her from getting lost in her nightmare.
"I…I don't really remember. I remember flinching at everything he said, so it must have been bad. Then he tried to reach into my head."
Allana trailed off and her heart began to race.
"Hey, hey," Luke said soothingly. "It's okay. Breathe. You're safe."
"He's never been so violent before," Allana said, her voice small and quiet. "I mean, it's never a fun experience to have someone try to rip out your memories, but it's never hurt like that before. I was screaming the whole time. I tried to do what you said and build up walls. They worked for a little while, but he broke it down. I… I could feel him reaching for my memories, and then I woke up. That's what happened."
Luke looked at her for a long moment.
"Allana," he said slowly. "Tonight you never actually felt him grab on to your memories."
"That's what I said."
"I want you to repeat that to yourself in your head again."
Allana's brow furrowed as she repeated it to herself, but suddenly her face relaxed and her mouth feel open.
"If I never felt him grab onto my memories…"
"Then he never got one." Luke said smiling.
"I kept him out," Allana said in disbelief.
"You kept him out." Luke repeated, wrapping her into a hug. "You did it Allana."
…
"I am officially cleared to attend the meeting today." Allana said plunking her tray down at breakfast across the table from Ami and Rey.
"What?" Ami asked dropping her spoon. "I thought you said it was hopeless."
"You were able to keep him out?" Rey asked, a smile taking over her face.
"Barely, but yes."
"Allana that's great," Ami said, reaching across the table to squeeze her friend's hand.
"I'm just glad I don't have to stay locked up in my room while the rest of make a plan to fight the First Order."
"Do you guys know what this new big threat is?" Rey asked, taking a bite of her food. "I mean, you guys were the ones who got the plans."
"I never did," Ami said. "There wasn't time to look at them at the base, and I never got the chance to once we were on the ship."
"I didn't either. As soon as the plans were downloaded, I went out to help Finn. Even if that hadn't had happened, I would have been putting the Resistance in danger if I knew what it was."
While she was talking, Allana noticed as Ami's eyes locked on something behind her. She nudged Rey, and the two of them exchanged worried looks.
"Okay guys, what's going on?" Allana asked, beginning to turn around.
Ami reached out, grabbed her chin, and pulled her face back to face them.
"Before you look, we need to tell you something. We didn't tell you before because you were in your room all day, so you wouldn't accidently overhear anything."
"Just tell me what it is. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."
"Poe's with another girl," Rey blurted out.
Allana almost sprayed the sip of water she had just taken all over the table.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"What happened to telling her gently?" Ami hissed.
"It's fine Ami," Allana said, reaching across the table and placing a hand on her arm. "Who is she?"
"See for yourself." Ami said, signaling to a table behind her.
Allana turned around and scanned the room until her eyes landed on a familiar head of black hair. Poe was standing by a table a few rows behind them with his arm around a girl. She was tall, had blond hair that barely grazed her shoulders, and dark brown eyes that reminded Allana of her mother's eyes.
"That's Felicity Traylor." Allana said, her brow furrowing in confusion, "But that's not possible. She was in the Luna Squadron and died on a mission five years ago."
"Right after you guys left for Moraband, we got a message from her." Rey said. "Apparently she was rescued by some locals, and it took her this long to fully heal."
"Are you okay Allana?" Ami asked, studying her friend closely.
"I'm fine Ami." Allana said after a beat. "I ended things with him. I told him to be happy with someone else."
"That doesn't mean you have to be okay," Ami responded, concern for her friend evident on her face.
"This is what I wanted," Allana snapped.
"Okay," Ami said, holding her hands up. "You don't need to snap at me."
"Guys we need to get going." Rey said, glancing at the chrono on the wall. "The meeting starts in five minutes."
Ami and Rey gathered up their stuff and rose to dump their trays, but Allana didn't move.
"Lana are you coming?" Rey asked.
"Yeah," Allana said looking up and giving them a tight smile. "I'll be right behind you."
Allana grabbed her tray and followed them but couldn't help glancing back at Poe and Felicity.
"This is what I wanted." she murmured to herself.
…
The Command Center was packed to the brim with beings. Everyone stood should to shoulder with the people next to them, and you had to yell to talk to the people next to you over the sound of everyone else talking. Allana stood with Ami, Finn, and Rey as they waited. All conversation stopped when General Organa, Admiral Ackbar, and Major Brance entered the room.
"Alright everyone, let's get started," Leia said as she pulled up the newest plans on the holotable in the center of the room. "This is our newest threat."
"That looks just like another Death Star or Starkiller Base," someone shouted from the back of the room.
"Looks can be deceiving," Leia said, glaring at whoever spoke. "This new base is molded after the Star Forge created by the Rakatas during the Infinite Empire. Is anyone familiar with it?"
No one said a word.
"Like Starkiller Base and the Death Star, it uses energy from the sun." Major Brance said stepping forward. "However, it doesn't use that energy to destroy planets. The energy is instead used to build things as the name forge suggests. The Forge produces ships and battle droids ready for immediate use. Most of the ships with the exception of small, one-man fighters can be controlled from the Command Center on the base meaning that a crew is not required. The base was finished yesterday and is currently staffed by 3.5 million personnel. I don't think I have to tell you that their numbers greatly outnumber ours."
"So we blow it up." someone else called out.
"It's not that easy," Leia said. "In order to blow up the base, we first have to disable the shields. The shields disable any ships that aren't in the First Order database, so it will be almost impossible for us to even get on the moon."
People in the room began murmuring to one another.
"I'm not done," Leia said firmly. "The moon that the base is located on has not atmosphere which means no oxygen, so if we were able to land, it would be a challenge to get inside. On top of that, the First Order has a new group of soldiers whose only job is to guard this base. They are able to do so effectively because they have been genetically modified to not need oxygen."
"To make our odds even more grim," Admiral Ackbar cut in, "the base is heavily guarded by a fleet of cruisers, and every time we destroy one in battle, another one will come take its place."
"If it's so hopeless, why are we even trying?" a woman that Allana recognized as Jessika Pava asked.
"Because the First Order is very confident that this will work," Leia said. "So confident that they have reduced their presence in most parts of the galaxy down to the bare minimum. All of those men were sent to this base. If we can destroy it, then this fight is over. We win."
"We're not going to pretend that this is going to be easy." Major Brance said. "There is a large possibility that we are going to lose a lot, so we are now giving those of you who don't wish to take the risk the opportunity to leave now."
Everyone looked around the room for anyone who might be headed for the door, but no one moved.
"Alright then," the Major said smiling. "Let's do this."
"The first thing we need to do is get the shields down," Leia said stepping forward. "In order to do that, we are assembling a team to take a First Order ship to the surface. General Calrissian has volunteered to lead this mission. Chewbacca and Finn and Ami Calrissian will join him, and if any of you wish to join the three of them, talk to your commanders and report to the General for more information."
"Ground troops," Major Brance said, "you all will be going to the planet's surface once the shields are down. Everyone will be equipped with oxygen tanks, and you will go in shifts to ensure that everyone can come back and refill their tanks while keeping the same number of people in combat. While on the surface, your job will be to take down as many of their troopers as possible and plant detonators that will help destroy the base."
"My pilots, listen up," Admiral Ackbar said stepping forward. "All of you will stay in whatever squadron you are currently in now. Each squadron will have their own job once the shields are down. Your commanders know what they are and will explain the plan to you."
"Admiral, what about those of us who aren't currently in a squadron right now." Someone asked.
"Some of you will be back up pilots on our transports, and Commander Dameron has put together a squadron that he will lead."
"We're bringing back the Rogue Squadron from the days of the Rebellion," Poe said, stepping out of the crowd. "If I call your name, please see me afterwards for your ship assignment, call sign number, and plan for the battle. Lieutenant Bastian, Lieutenant Nien Nunb, Captain C'ai Threnallia, Captain Jessika Pava, and Captain Allana Solo."
Allana's mouth dropped open when Poe said her name.
"Did you know about this?" Ami hissed into her ear.
"No idea," Allana murmured back. "I thought I was going to stay with my mother and help her oversee everything."
"Alright everyone," Leia said, raising her voice to be heard over the whispered conversations going on. "Please see your commanders if you have any question, and we will see you all bright and early tomorrow morning. May the force be with you."
…
Allana stayed seated in her chair as the rest of her squadron filed out of the room after receiving their orders for the battle the next day. Poe Dameron stood on the other side of the room, at the end of a long table, making notes on a datapad.
"Do you want something?" He asked when he noticed that she was still there.
"I need to talk to you," she said softly.
"Really because I don't really want to talk to you." He said making his way towards the door.
"Don't be an ass Poe," she said walking to the door in order to intercept him.
"If this isn't about the battle tomorrow, then we don't need to talk about it," he said, reaching to open the door.
"That's where you're wrong," she said, putting herself between him and the door. "We have to work together tomorrow. We have to be a team. That won't happen if you won't even have a conversation with me."
"You want to talk." He snapped. "Fine. What do you want to talk about? Maybe about the time you just dropped off the face of the earth for three years without so much of a goodbye? Or do you want to talk about how you came back for just enough time for me to fall back in love with you and then left again? Do you want to talk about how when you came back after almost dying you told me, out of the blue, that you don't love me anymore?"
Allana leaned against the door, closed her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose. Poe sat down on the edge of the table and crossed his arms, staring at her. Allana took a deep breath and opened her eyes.
"We might die tomorrow. Actually, I take that back- there is a very good chance that we will die tomorrow, and I…" she said, her voice cracking at the end. "I can't die knowing that you hate me."
"So think that you have some magical reason that will make me stop hating you for all the shit you put me through."
"I'm not expecting anything. I know I screwed up. I know I hurt you. I want you to know why I did what I did. I'm not expecting you to understand or even forgive me. I just can't die tomorrow knowing that I died lying to you."
"Okay. Do you want to sit?" He asked.
"I'd rather stand. Do you remember when I started getting those nightmares right after we just started dating?"
"Yeah," Poe said after a beat. "You would wake up screaming and wouldn't go back to sleep. You never told me what they were about either."
"Well, they weren't really nightmares. They… Kylo Ren would visit me in my sleep. I could see him, hear him, and touch him."
"He did what?" Poe growled.
"Poe, I really need you to just let me talk. Kylo Ren would probe my mind for information. We started losing people because of the information he got out of my mind, so I started trying to resist him. It never really worked, and he got angry. Then, he started threatening you. If I didn't give him what he wanted, he would put visions in my head of you being tortured or killed. He knew I was in love with you, and he used that against me."
"So you left."
"So I left. Once I was gone, he left me alone. When you guys brought me back to the base, I hadn't had a nightmare in two years."
"Then why didn't you stay."
"Because I knew they would come back. I decided to go stay on Tatooine until the war was over. I always planned on coming back and finding you, but I just didn't know when. That plan disintegrated the moment Rey landed, and I got shot. I thought it might be fine." She said pacing around the room. "I thought he might not find out."
"The day you told me you didn't love me," Poe began, tracking her as she paced.
"The nightmares came back that morning. Then you asked me if I loved you anymore. I knew that just saying we couldn't be together wouldn't get you to go away because you would chalk it up to me being afraid of commitment. You gave me a way out, and I took it. Even though it meant hurting you."
"I don't understand why you're telling me this now. You shouldn't even be a part of the attack tomorrow if he's just going to pull it from your mind."
"I've been working with Luke since I got back from getting the plans. Last night, I managed to keep him out. Barely, but I did."
They stood in an uncomfortable silence with Allana staring at the floor, and Poe staring at her.
"Look," Allana said eventually. "You don't have to forgive me. I hurt you. Just think about what I said. I'll just go…"
"Allana," Poe said, cutting her off, "come here."
Allana looked up from the floor and at him.
"Come here." He said again, holding out his hand for her.
Allana took a few tentative steps towards him until he was close enough to grab her hand. Poe gently encircled her wrist and pulled her into a hug. Allana stiffened up at the contact but eventually relaxed into him.
"I'm still a little mad at you," Poe said into her ear.
"I don't blame you."
Poe pulled back and held her at arm's length.
'I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me. Do you love me?"
"I…" Allana said searching his face. "Yes Poe. Of course, I do."
Poe cupped her face gently in his hands and kissed her softly.
"Wait," Allana said pulling back. "What about Felicity?"
"You're jealous," Poe said smiling.
"I am not!"
"Yes, you are. It's adorable. She's not… I'm not in love with her if that's what you're asking. She's just someone have to in my bed at night, and she knows that. I'm the same thing for her. We both agree that it's nothing."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure."
This time, Allana leaned into kiss him. They stayed wrapped in each other's arms until Poe's comm link buzzed.
"That's probably your mom wondering where I am," Poe said pulling back. "I have to go."
"Okay."
"I'll see you later okay," Poe said kissing her forehead. "I think we need to talk more."
"You know where to find me."
…
When Allana entered the Command Center at ten o'clock that night, it was completely deserted with the exception of the skeleton crew that monitored the base at night. She scanned the room until she spotted her mother.
"You should really take your own advice you know," Allana said placing a tray down next to her. "Get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."
"Still have work to do," Leia responded. "What's this?"
"Dinner," Allana said pushing the tray towards her. "You know- the thing you eat at the end of the day."
"I'll eat it later."
"It's ten Mom. Eat it now."
Leia looked up from her work.
"Fine," she said rolling her eyes. "Sit down with me."
Allana smiled in victory and sat down in the chair next to her mother.
"Are you ready for tomorrow Mom?"
"I hope so. It's our last chance."
"We'll be okay," Allana said reaching out to take one of her hands. "Good always wins right?"
"That's what they say."
"You don't think this is going to work," Allana said studying her mother's face.
"It's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"Rey and Luke are going after Snoke and Kylo Ren tomorrow. If they can't turn them, they're going to kill them."
"You don't want Ben to die," Allana said, realization dawning on her face.
"He's my son. It doesn't matter what he does, I always will want him to come home."
"Mom, Ben isn't in there anymore. Ben is gone. My brother is gone. There's a monster in his place."
"What if he's not? He could still be in there!"
"Mom." Allana said, tears forming in her eyes. "He killed Mara. He killed your husband, his father. Ben is gone. He's not coming back."
"I know. I know. I just can't believe I'm not going to get my son back."
"And I can't believe that I'm never going to get to see my brother again. But, we are going to be okay no matter what happens."
"You sound like your father," Leia said, smiling softly. "I wish he could see how grown up you've become."
"I wish I could see him too. Now," Allana said standing up, "I'm going to get some sleep. Are you going to be okay on your own?"
"I'll be fine," Leia said waving her off. "Go."
Allana leaned down and kissed her mother's forehead.
"I love you mom."
"I love you too kid."
…
Poe was jerked awake in the middle of the night by a loud banging on his door. He stumbled out of bed and opened the door, ready to yell at whatever person had woken him up. The words died in his throat when the door opened to reveal Allana.
"Lana?" He asked, pulling her inside the room. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"
"Can I sleep here tonight?" She asked wrapping her arms around herself. "I know we're not back to where we used to be, but I really just can't be alone. I can't go to Ami because she'll want to talk about my feelings, and I doubt my mom is even in her room."
"Of course. Are you okay," he asked.
"I'm fine."
"If you were fine you'd be able to sleep on your own."
"My brother might die tomorrow." She said softly. "Earlier I convinced my mother that it's not him, that Ben is gone, but he still looks like my brother."
"Allana," Poe said, grabbing her shoulders and steering her towards his bunk.
"He's a monster, but I can't just… I can't not be upset that he's gone."
"I know."
"Am I a terrible person?"
"No," Poe said smoothing her hair. "You're mourning your brother. There's nothing wrong with that."
"He's not my brother anymore."
"That's not going to make it hurt less. Come on, let's get some sleep."
Poe lay down on the narrow bunk with his back pressed up against the wall. Allana curled up with her back against his stomach. They tangled their legs together, and Poe wrapped his arm around her and nestled his chin in the crook of her neck.
"Thank you," Allana said so quietly Poe could barely hear.
"Anytime," he said kissing her cheek.
AN: Hi all! I hope you guys enjoyed the latest installment! I can't take credit for the Space Forge or Major Brance- both were things I found wookiepedia (I'm also assuming that you know Admiral Ackbar is not my creation). Felicity Traylor is mine however. We are nearing the end of this story, and I am going back and forth between whether to include an epilogue or not- if anyone has something they would like to see in an epilogue (based on this point in the story), please leave review or PM me!
