A/N: For future reference, I would prefer constructive criticism to come through a PM instead of a review. I do not intend to control or regulate what people say about my fic, but I'd prefer to workshop my fics privately since it's a sensitive process for me. I hope you all can sympathize with that and respect my request.
Confessions and Consequences
Chapter 3. "Flesh vs. Fantasy"
As I chomped down on raw celery stalks and carrots, I knew that my days of succulent fried chicken and hot fudge cascaded over cloud-like scoops of ice cream were gone for good. Even crueler, they moved the foreign language and travel sections across the bookstore and replaced it with cookbooks around my register. Everywhere I looked, delicious dishes barricaded me in, taunting me with their tempting covers.
Daydreaming about what I'd binge on when I got home used to be what got me through my long shifts, but I've since resorted to distracting myself with our products.
After I finished re-shelving the returns or putting new books on display, I'd meander over to Josie's section. She was my favorite coworker: a playful eighty-three year old woman who rocked a pair of neon purple spectacles and matching nail polish. Whenever her favorite oldies tunes played in the store, she'd dance through the rows of bookshelves, snapping along to the beat and humming their melodies. Even more impressive than her dance moves was the fact that she had read nearly every title the bookstore had to offer. When I came to her for recommendations, she'd nail it every time like a sixth sense. All it took was one glance at me for her to know what I should read next. My first shift back after Troy and I talked, she came up to my station and slid a break up book on the counter. Today, she handed me a thin manual.
I read the title aloud, "Taking In Garments For Dummies." I shot her a quizzical glance.
She explained in her crackling, aged voice, "You need to learn how to take in those pants if you want to keep wearing them."
I stared at her blankly.
"You're losing weight, aren't you?"
I gasped in delight, "You can tell?" I looked down at my waist to see if I could spot a difference or if this was another Josie trick.
She giggled, amused by my excitement. "I pay attention. You've been eating like a rabbit the last month. No one eats all those carrots for fun."
An embarrassed blush warmed my cheeks. "I see. Well, thank you for the recommendation, as always." I weaved through the bookshelves back to my station and found a man impatiently tapping his foot in front of my counter. "I'm sorry," I said as I made my way back to the register. "How can I help you?"
Looking down at his watch he began to complain, "I've been waiting here for almost fi-" he cut himself off the moment he looked up at me.
I awkwardly cleared my throat and said, "I'm very sorry you had to wait, sir. I can help you now."
"Don't worry about it. It's not your fault. I'm sorry if I'm grumpy, I've just had a long day."
I groaned, "I know how that goes." He laughed far too much.
As I scanned the barcode onto my POS system, he said, "I think I know you from somewhere." I glanced up to catch his green eyes narrowed at me in thought. He snapped his fingers as he remembered the connection and eagerly asked, "Didn't you do the Kid's Corner readings?"
"Yes, but they promoted me to floor supervisor."
"I thought I recognized you from that! I used to take my niece here every other Saturday to listen to your readings. She loved the voices you made! Why did they make you stop doing them when you got promoted?"
"I'm starting to host the adults' book club next Wednesday evening. You should come check it out. We charge a membership fee of ten dollars per meeting and a fifty dollar joining fee."
"I'll be there," he promised.
I was taken back by how easy it was for me to convince him to join. Usually people decline after I bring of the fees, but I don't think it was my nonchalant selling that convinced him. I had the strangest feeling that this guy was only interested in seeing me again. "It'll be at six in the atrium," I informed him, "and the book this week is Pride and Prejudice."
"Sweet! I have an anniversary edition at my place. It's my favorite book."
My knees weakened and I nearly swooned. "Mine too!" I gasped, "Jane Austen is my favorite author."
"No way!" he leaned onto the counter, the muscles in his shoulders shifting underneath his snug shirt. "That's awesome." I grew flustered underneath his emerald gaze, nearly dropping his card on the floor before swiping it. I gave him the receipt and book and reminded him, "Try to arrive at least ten minutes early. We'll have coffee and donuts."
"I'll see you then." He glanced at my nametag. "Gabriella. I'm Shane, by the way."
"I'll see you tomorrow evening, Shane."
…
As I stepped into the tiny apartment, I announced, "I'm home!"
"Good evening," Sharpay groaned as her eyes stayed glued to the laptop in front of her.
"Hey," I let the word drawl out, briefly contemplating whether or not I should even tell Sharpay what I was going to say.
She asked, "What?"
"Nothing."
"No, what?"
I knew she wouldn't let this go, especially after how secretive I just sounded. I sighed, "I met a guy at work today. A customer. He seemed interested in me."
"Was he cute?"
"Neither."
"Neither? What is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know. He seemed in shape and he had nice eyes, I guess. I mean he wasn't like 'oh my god, I want to undress you right now'. But he wasn't like 'gross, get away from me' either."
"Knowing the guys you go for, he sounds like just your type."
"But…what about Troy?"
She turned her head to face me so quickly I thought she cracked her neck. By the unfiltered disgust in her features, I knew she was going to make me regret what I had asked. "What about Troy? Why do you care at all what Troy would think about you and your love life? He doesn't love you, so he doesn't care. Did you forget that already?"
"I didn't forget. I just feel like I'm being unfaithful."
"Do you think you can cheat on a crush or something?" She rolled her head back and roared out in incredulous laughter. "There's no relationship with Troy to be faithful to!"
"He's not just a crush, Sharpay."
"Whatever he is, you two are not a couple. So you can't be unfaithful to someone you're not even dating. Ogle of this new guy all you want. It's fair game."
"I'm not going to be ogling over anyone. All I said was that he seemed interested in me, not that it was reciprocated."
"Please. You wouldn't be walking in here all sunshine and daisies if it wasn't reciprocated. Ask him out!"
"I can't."
"Really? You can profess your love to your longtime best friend, but you can't ask some stranger out? You're a strange woman."
"I mean I wont."
"And why the hell not? He's totally your kind of 'neither.'"
I stepped in front of the couch and took a seat next to her feet, staring forward at the Legally Blonde poster on the wall across from me. I sighed, "I don't want anyone besides Troy. It might sound dumb, but I don't want anyone if they're not him."
"So about how long do you plan on letting him control you? I'm just curious."
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not letting him control me."
Sharpay suddenly sat up, pulled the pillow out from behind her, and used it to hit me. "Wake up, Gabriella!"
"Sharpay," I spoke sternly, wiping my face-print of makeup off the pillow. "I am completely in control of my life and the choices I make."
"Could you hit yourself with that pillow again for me? I don't think I smacked enough sense into you the first time."
I rolled my eyes and stood, tossing the pillow across the room to a beanbag chair in the corner. I left for my bedroom and threw myself onto the bed. I turned onto my back and held my phone in the air over my face to read the last messages I sent Troy.
02/02/18: Hey.
02/04/18: Do you have any plans this weekend?
02/19/18: Modest Mouse is coming this summer. Should I get us tickets?
02/20/18: I bought two tickets. Let me know if you want to come.
02/27/18: Hey
I compared the dates and realized for the first time it had already been a month.
"I'm thinking tacos for dinner," I flinched at the sound of Sharpay's piercing voice in the doorway and dropped my phone onto my face. She snorted and said, "I don't know why you're having guy issues. You're the adorable kind of clumsy, like a baby deer walking for the first time."
"Thank you?"
"I hope you weren't texting Troy again," she said warningly, like a threat was lying just beneath the surface of her words. She plopped down onto the bed next to me so that we both stared up at the ceiling. "You know that if he wanted to talk to you he would."
"I know, I know. I'm wasn't texting him."
"Anyways, tacos. What do you think?"
"I can't. I'm on a diet, remember?"
She said with fake disappointment, "You've changed."
I laughed, "God, I hope so."
"No, you're perfect. Always have been and always will be. That's why guys always went for you in college."
"If only one of them were Troy."
Sharpay pulled the pillow out from underneath her head and raised it in the air, but I grabbed onto her wrist before she could smack me with it. She dropped the pillow into her other hand and pressed it over my head, essentially smothering me as I squirmed underneath her. She finally took it off and I gasped for breath. "Stop thinking about Troy!"
"I'm trying."
"No, you're not. You want to, but you don't want to put in the effort it requires. You just like the idea of it. There's a big difference." She suddenly gasped, "Maybe that's what you're doing with Troy!"
"What?"
"Maybe you only love the idea of Troy, but not himself."
"What are you talking about? Loving the idea of someone? There's no such thing!"
"Think about it…how much of your feelings for him revolved around the potential you two could have, but not what you actually were?"
"Come again?"
"When you felt in love with him, was it because of the perfect boyfriend he could be, or because of the friend he actually is? Was it your fantasy, or reality?"
I sternly said, "I love Troy. I'm not in love with a fantasy."
"Are you sure? Gabby, I could be onto something! Maybe this is the realization we've been waiting for. When you believe that you only loved the future you saw with Troy instead of the man himself, you can explain that to him and things won't be weird between you two anymore!"
"But I know that I love him, actually love him. Troy in the flesh, not the fantasy."
"I'm just giving you an alternative. It's something to reflect on." She rolled onto her stomach and crawled off the bed. She went to leave, but hesitated in the doorway. She looked back at me and spoke quietly, "Even if it's not true, it sounds believable…maybe just believable enough to get you two talking again. Think about it."
I reached up for a pillow and smothered my own head with it. I groaned into the plush, "What am I going to do?" I knew my love for Troy was absolute. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved him for the man he was, not the potential he held. Nevertheless, maybe Sharpay really was onto something. Maybe just telling him I realized that I only loved the idea of him would erase my earlier confession. I was desperate for a way to fix what I had destroyed, and maybe Sharpay's suggestion would be the first step to gluing us back together.
I jumped off the bed and approached my dresser and torn a blank page out of a notebook. I wrote:
Troy –
I know that I cannot take back what I confessed to you, but I would like the opportunity to clarify something. When I told you that I loved you, I truly believed that I did. I've gotten to reflect on everything this last month and I made an important realization.
I never loved you. I only ever loved the idea of you.
I hope that you understand that my love was only fleeting and superficial. I'd like to talk to you again and be like we were before this mess happened.
Please call me.
- Gabriella
A/N: Thank you very much for reading! Let me know what you think of Sharpay's plan and Gabriella's letter. Do you think it's enough to get them back to normal? Do you think anything will happen between Shane and Gabriella?
