A/N: The first few lines will probably be confusing. There's a twist that might take you a moment to realize. I think it'll be more fun if I don't explain it. Enjoy!
Confessions and Consequences
Chapter 5. "Too Late"
Some change is gradual, some change is anticipated, but sometimes change hits you like a semi truck. Talking with Gabriella that fateful January day was a change of the semi truck variety. My first glimpse into the severity of our problem occurred when I sat down and noticed how she avoided eye contact and nervously gnawed on her lower lip. Then, it all happened.
She said, "I love you."
Without reason to suspect anything else, I assumed she meant as friends. I responded, "Yeah, I love ya too, girl."
"Troy, I mean it." She took her time on these next few words like they were stubborn, resisting the open air. "I'm in love with you."
A wave of dread doused me from head to toe. As soon as I believe she had been serious, I laughed it off. Certainly she was only messing with me. "Okay. This a joke, right?"
"No."
I shook my head in disbelief. "You can't be serious."
She responded in a little voice, "I am."
"You love me?"
She nodded.
"Love me?"
"Yes, I love you."
"Love-love?" Now I was the one sounding ridiculous. She didn't answer, just kept looking at me, waiting for me to say it back. But I couldn't. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I was supposed to say anything at all. I grew so uncomfortable that I couldn't even look at her any longer, and I'm sure that only made the awkwardness worse. I could feel her watching me as I desperately glanced around the coffee shop like I could find the proper words sitting somewhere around us.
As the seconds of silence ticked on, I felt myself start to panic. I realized after what felt like ten minutes that I needed to at least look at her again. When I did, it looked like something broke inside her and she jumped to her feet. "I have to go," she said.
"Brie!" I called after her, but she was already at the door. "I'm sorry!"
Once she had fled, a few curious eyes lingered on me, wondering what on Earth that scene could have been about. Truthfully, I still wasn't sure myself. It was still so unreal that Gabriella could be in love with me. I felt the urge to check my scalp for holes. Surely pieces of brain matter had splattered the walls around us after the total mind-blow she just put me through.
I slowly rose from my chair and made my way out the door and across town back to my duplex, feeling like a stranger who had dropped in on my life. I was used to being Troy, Gabriella's best friend. Now I was Troy, her love. It was so crazy, unexpected, and dare I say wrong?
Once I was inside my apartment, I crossed through the living room to my armchair and plopped down on it. I was still scrambling to process everything when my phone rang. When I saw Gabriella's name appear on the screen I wanted to ignore it, but I didn't. I answered the call and was immediately deafened by Gabriella sobbing, "I'm sorry I told you!"
"Whoa, Brie?"
She cried out, "I just wanted to be honest with you. I thought you'd appreciate that at least. I don't want to make things weird."
"Brie, calm down. It's alright."
She spoke at a hundred words a second, rambling, "Ijustneedtoknowthateverythingisgoingtobeokay," she gasped for air, "thatwe'regoingtobeokaybecauseIcareaboutyousomuchandIneedyouinmylifeand - "
As I fumbled for what to say, there was some commotion on the other side before the line was disconnected. I locked my phone and slowly lowered it into my lap. I began to take the situation apart piece by piece and examine the broken chunks. The sad truth was that this friendship wouldn't last much longer with unreciprocated love between us. Just when I thought we were doomed, I finally saw the obvious. Gabriella being in love with me would be perfect as long as I loved her too.
But was I in love with Gabriella? No. Could I fall in love with Gabriella? Was that potential there? Possibly. She's definitely lovable, and I had at one point in the span of our friendship developed feelings for her, but that was so long ago. I had since realized that it wouldn't work out between us and we were better off as friends. Now it seems that the only way we can stay in each other's lives is if I loved her, too.
I spent the rest of that night listing off Gabriella's favorable characteristics in the hopes that one of them would be enough to convince me I could love her. Now that I was thinking about it, I realized how much it would make sense for us to date. We have so much history and know nearly everything there is to know about each other, but even with all that in mind, something was holding me back. On paper it just made sense, but my heart simply wouldn't let me, and I didn't know why.
…
I wasn't going to give up easily. Maybe there was a compromise or something else we could do to get back to how we were. So the next day, I called her. Her voice rattled as she answered. "Hello?"
"Hey Brie, are you busy? I was hoping we could meet up and talk about things."
"I'm free right now."
"Okay, come over."
I nervously paced my living room until the door bell rang. I went down to retrieve her. When I greeted her, she avoided looking at me and instead walked around me up the stairs. She stood still in the center of my living room, still not acknowledging me. I asked, "Should we sit?"
"Sure."
"I want to understand what you said. I can't wrap my head around it."
She defensively snapped back, "You heard what I said. I don't know what's confusing about it."
"How long have you felt that way for me?" She wouldn't answer the question. "Brie?"
"It's been some time."
"A long time?"
She huffed, "Troy, I don't think I can give you that answer."
"What made you decide to tell me now?"
She sat as her eyes gradually grew redder and the lids filled with tears until one finally overflowed. She sniffled, "I think I should get going."
"Brie, hang on."
"I need to go," she yelled, springing from the couch and out the house. After that interaction, I knew things would never be the same.
Over the next month, she texted occasionally, but I never responded. Truthfully, my silence had nothing to do with Gabriella. It was my mom's health issues that kept me from talking to anyone at all for that matter. I knew that talking to Gabriella in particular would require a lot of effort to repair what had transpired. I didn't have the ability to focus on all that plus my mom's sickness. If I weren't struggling to even get out of bed and go to the hospital to visit my mom each day, maybe I would have had the strength to take care of my issues with Gabriella too. It's hard to explain, but watching my mom grow sicker and sicker was the only thing I could care about.
…
One day in early March, a little over a month after what happened in the coffee shop with Gabriella, a friend from work invited himself over.
I opened the door to let him in and he yelled, "Hoops!" Before I could react, a ball had hit my jaw.
I took a step back and instinctively held my jaw while yelling, "Ouch! Will you stop doing that?"
"I'll stop throwing it when you start catching it." He bent down to retrieve the ball and stood up with something else in his hands. "Hey man, did you see this? It was on the floor." He held out a small envelope to me. When I took it from him, I immediately recognized the handwriting.
"Secret admirer, eh? What does it say?"
I sighed. "It's not that." I rubbed my forehead and tossed the letter onto the coffee table. "You ready to go?"
"Aren't you going to open that?"
I wanted to push it out of my mind, but I knew I couldn't concentrate on anything else until I saw what she had to say. Defeated, I sighed, "I guess." I picked it back up and tore it open.
Troy –
I know that I cannot take back what I confessed to you, but I would like the opportunity to clarify something. When I told you that I loved you, I truly believed that I did. I've gotten to reflect on everything this last month and I made an important realization.
I never loved you. I only ever loved the idea of you.
I hope that you understand that my love was only fleeting and superficial. I'd like to talk to you again and be like we were before this mess happened.
Please call me.
- Gabriella
"Please call me?"
Chad asked, "What's up?"
"Oh, nothing. It…nothing. Let's go."
I never called her. We could have overcame the love issue in due time, but I wasn't comfortable with insisting the letter was a lie because if it was (which it definitely was), then we're still at square one.
There aren't many instances where I can recall a specific event and say that was when everything changed. When it comes to her, I can. It all started with the simple misconception that I thought I knew everything there was to know about one Miss. Gabriella Montez. It's been four months since that fateful day, but I still think back on it constantly. What more could I have done? Should I have noticed her feelings? How could I have been so oblivious? Everything I thought I knew about her has changed. Was I wrong this whole time? I should have sensed it in the air. I should have felt it coming. There are so many things I should have done differently. I'm months too late by now.
A/N: Thank you so much for reading! What do you think of Troy's perspective? Do you think his mother's illness is a reasonable excuse for not talking to Gabriella?
