AN-Okay, so after the oneshot where I had the whole iCarly gang have a sleepover at the Shay's house after the power went out (Ch150), I got a request to write a oneshot explaining what the goat from iGot a Hot Room did to Carly, since I sort of left the story off just as Sam dared Carly to tell everyone the story. Well, I tried writing a oneshot where I explained what happened with the goat and it just turned out terrible. I mean absolutely horrendous. Plus, I was thinking about it, and I don't think Dan ever meant for us to find out what happened with the goat. It's just supposed to be one of those funny little things we wonder about. But, I felt bad ignoring the request, so I decided to put this oneshot up instead. It basically takes place at the petting zoo when the 'incident' happens, but like I said, I didn't actually say what the goat did. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this! Oh, and obviously this takes place before the Seddie arc, so Sam and Freddie hadn't started dating yet.
...
Policy
"Come on, you guys, this place will be tons of fun!" Spencer said as he ran towards the petting zoo eagerly, Carly, Sam, and Freddie dragging their feet along behind him, clearly less pleased than Spencer.
"You promised you'd take us somewhere cool if we helped you move all those bricks out of your truck," Sam said.
"This place is cool!" Spencer said.
"It's a petting zoo," Freddie said.
"Yeah, I know!" he grinned. "What's cooler than getting to pet cute little farm animals?"
"Look, Spencer," Carly sighed. "Petting zoos are more for toddlers and little kids. We were thinking you'd take us to a movie, or, I dunno, that new water park. Something like that."
"Oh come on, there's nothing to pet in those places," Spencer said. "I've been coming here for years and I've never been bored!"
"Yeah, and you've also never had a girlfriend for more than two weeks, have you?" Sam pointed out.
"There is no correlation between my petting zoo habits and my lack of a steady girlfriend!" Spencer snapped.
"If you say so..."
"Alright, let's just stay here for a few minutes," Carly suggested. "Spencer can go and pet some animals and the three of us will wait here and then we can all go grab some dinner. Sound like a plan?"
"Fine," Spencer conceded. "Oh look! There's Gio the Donkey!"
"Sometimes I can't believe he's in charge of me," Carly said, leaning against the wooden gate as her guardian ran off to pet the donkey. "I mean, what sort of person is fascinated with a bunch of-Oh my God! Look how cute those goats are!"
"And I think we lost her," Freddie said as Carly ran over to pet the goats.
"Great, now I'm stuck with only you," Sam mumbled, rolling her eyes.
"Thanks," Freddie said, shaking his head. "Well, I'm guess since Carly fell in love with those goats over there, we're going to be here longer than a few minutes."
"Good think I brought some food then," Sam said, pulling a plastic bag out of her pocket.
"What is that?" Freddie asked as Sam opened the bag.
"Bacon chunks," Sam said, popping a few in her mouth.
"They make those?"
"No, I do."
"Of course," Freddie chuckled. "Hey, looks like we have company now..."
Sure enough, several piglets began scurrying over to Sam.
"You're kidding me," Sam frowned.
"Well they probably smelt the bacon on you and thought you were hiding their Uncle Bob somewhere," Freddie laughed.
"Ugh, go away," Sam said to the pigs, which were now sniffing at her shoes. "I can't eat bacon in front of baby pigs!"
"Why not? I've seen you eat bacon off our school cafeteria's floor," Freddie said.
"Five second rule, Benson," Sam told him. "And there were no baby pigs around then! For all I know, this delicious bacon used to be their mother! I'm a meat enthusiast, not a monster, you know."
"Well the several bruises on my body beg to disagree with that, but okay," Freddie shrugged.
"Just help me get rid of them," Sam snapped, shoving her bacon back in her pocket. "So I can get back to enjoying my snack."
"It's your fault they're here in the first place," Freddie said, crossing his arms. "Didn't you read the sign when we came in? There's a strict 'No Food' policy here."
"Well, see, I'm not a total loser," Sam retorted. "So when I go someplace, I don't immediately start looking for the sign with all the annoying rules. Now you gonna help me or not?"
"Fine," Freddie sighed. He crouched down. "Um, hey there pigs. Why don't you go back over there?" He made to pick one up, so he could carry it back, hoping the others would follow, but the pig let out a loud squeal, causing him to jump back in surprise and land in a pool of mud behind him.
"Holy chiz!" Sam laughed, holding onto the wooden fence for support as she doubled over clutching her side. "That-That was the single greatest thing I've ever seen happen in my life! You actually fell in mud!"
"Yeah, real funny, Puckett," Freddie muttered, struggling to get to his feet.
"I think I have tears in my eyes," Sam said, wiping the corners of her eyes. "And hey! You chased away the pigs too! You were finally useful!"
"I have mud in places where mud should never be!" Freddie hissed.
"Hey, some people pay good money to go to fancy spas and sit in that stuff," Sam pointed out. "You should be thanking me and that pig; we just got you the same treatment for free. And believe me, Benson, with that face of yours, you could use all the spa work you can get."
"Really?" Freddie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Well, if you seem to think it's so nice..."
He bent down and picked up a handful of mud and flung it at Sam.
"Hey!" Sam exclaimed, wiping her face.
"But I just treated you a free spa treatment," Freddie smiled innocently.
"Dude, I swear I'm gonna-"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Freddie said quickly as Sam stepped towards him. "But-But think of it as payback." "For what?" Sam asked fiercely. "I didn't throw mud at you. You fell in on your own, nub."
"Yeah, but-but yesterday you almost made me crash into that bike messenger when we were coming out of the Groovy Smoothie!" Freddie said.
"Almost," Sam said, crossing her arms. "And beware, after this little stunt of yours, I will push you into one. I mean, they're all over the place now; it won't be too hard."
"Yeah, why are they everywhere lately?" Freddie asked.
"I don't know, it's some big fad," Sam shrugged. "But don't change the subject! I swear, when you least expect it-"
"Guys!" Carly cried, running over to her two friends, panting and out of breath. "We got to get out of here! Now!"
"Carly, what's wrong?" Sam asked. "Why are you acting all crazy?"
"The goat!" she exclaimed. "It-It-Ah! We've just got to go!"
"Um, okay," Freddie nodded. "Let's just go find Spencer and-"
But Carly had already hopped over the fence and was running as fast as she could back to Spencer's car.
Sam and Freddie exchanged looks.
"Er," Freddie started. "What exactly just happened?"
"No idea," Sam said, staring after Carly, who was still screaming at the top of her lungs.
