I don't own VA.
Vampire Academy.
AU.
1.4.
Sometimes, life tests you. And sometimes, life decided to hold an exam which is totally out of syllabus and, moreover, you decided to just take the fucking exam, knowing full well that it would ruin your life. Okay, maybe this wasn't the right analogy. But I was speechless, even my thoughts were downright in shambles.
It was my worst nightmare come true.
And yet, I sat there, with a smile on my face, pretending that everything was alright, pretending that as if, just a second ago, my hopes and dreams hadn't slipped away from my hands.
I supposed that it was life's way of saying 'in your face, bitch!'
I really didn't know what I was doing. I just knew that whatever the Queen Bitch had just said, ruined my life forever.
It wasn't like I wanted to say yes to her. But the circumstances made me do it.
I was going to live as the Queen's person lab rat for the rest of my life.
It had all started when Lissa and I had been called for a meeting with Tatiana. Dimitri and Eddie came with us to the Court, Dimitri because, well, he was Lissa's sanctioned Guardian and Eddie because he was Lissa's temporary Guardian. Oh, and Adrian tagged along too, because, well he was Adrian-I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Ivashkov.
We went there. Eddie wasn't allowed to go so he stayed in his room. Dimitri kept on standing against a wall with other Guardians, while Lissa and I were asked to sit. Adrian had already made himself comfortable on a loveseat.
Pleasantries were exchanged, a fake smile here and a fake smile there and all the bullshit on Lissa and how useful she was to the Moroi world. Lissa couldn't see it, but I knew that Tatiana just wanted to use my sweet best friend as an influencer amongst young Moroi. That and she wanted Adrian and Lissa to get married. Tatiana probably already had decided the venue of the reception and the guest list. I'd bet that I wasn't invited.
I mentally snorted. Ridiculous.
Right, back to the situation in front of me.
The bomb had just dropped. And I felt like I got blown to bits.
I really didn't know how I could ever stay away from protecting Lissa. But now, I could picture myself getting up in a room with white walls and a single bed with white sheets. There was nothing in that room, other than a closet and a table next to the bed, like in a hospital. The ceiling was tiled and the light pierced my eyes as woke up. I could picture a couple of people taking reports on my nightly routine.
I could see myself walking in a room with machines and needles, lots of needles, the hospital smell in the air. Then pain, and then me sitting behind a desk for hours and then back in the room with machines.
Shut up, Rose.
I felt like I would cry.
"We just want to observe how the Spirit bond works. Of course, we don't want Vasilisa to be pressured in any way, so she will continue her life at Lehigh normally. We just want to see how it impacts you Rosemarie. After reading the reports from your counsellor and what happened at the raid, I insist that you allow us to get to know more about the Spirit darkness. Vasilisa, we want you to start using your magic again." Tatiana smiled.
Adrian erupted first. "Auntie, you know Lissa can't. It will hurt Rose. She could-"
Tatiana raised her hand. Adrian fell silent.
My mouth dried up.
I could see Lissa shaking slightly.
"Now, now, Adrian. You have been under the influence of Spirit for a long time. You said it yourself that having a bond tends to take off burden from both the bond mates. I am sure Rose can handle it. It's just for a while. It's fairly simple, Adrian, we just want to put Rose in different situations and see how the Spirit would affect her. It's all for the greater good. Rosemarie's name will go down in history." Her face told me that there was no room for discussion, that I had no other choice.
A part of me wondered if she knew that if I was going to stay at Court forever, then so would Lissa. Maybe she did. Maybe that's why she wanted me to be here. I knew as a Guardian I could still have gotten reassigned to anywhere in the world. But with me being 'captive' I knew Lissa would never leave me, even if it was the right thing to do. Maybe, that's what she wanted. A way to keep Lissa close.
My mind felt like it would explode. It wasn't the darkness type heading but like a regular headache.
Ugh, my emotions had spilt themselves into darkness type emotions and normal emotions and I didn't even know how long I could keep them from getting entangled with one another.
"So, Rose. What do you say?"
I refused to look at Dimitri and I answered. "I...I accept."
"Excellent." She clapped her hands, "We will begin after you complete your schooling at St. Vladimir's Academy. Till then, you will have to come here each time we summon you."
It had been over two hours since we'd left that chamber and I hadn't talked to anyone. I had just locked myself in my room and ignored Lissa and Adrian's knocks at the door. Then had given up just half an hour ago. Poor Eddie had to be pulled away by force. He didn't know what had happened, but I was sure that Liss and Adrian had filled him up.
They didn't know that Dimitri was with me. I was glad that he was here. I knew I wouldn't have been able to show my face to Lissa or to rant about the Queen Bitch to Adrian. I knew that Eddie would have tried to understand but he wouldn't be able to. Dimitri and I didn't feel like the need for words. The silence was more than enough to convey what we were feeling.
We were on a queen-sized bed with the mattress so soft, I felt like I would sink into it and I really wanted to. I wanted to sink and to never come up again. I was grateful, that unlike the last time we had been at court, I was given separate room this time.
Tears were still streaming down my face as he held me. Thankfully, he didn't say anything. He knew I still needed time to grasp this.
He just held me close.
Finally, I found my voice again.
"You have to keep her safe, Dimitri. It has to be you now." I pulled myself up slightly so that I could look at him.
"Roza-" he started. I cut him off by hiccupping.
"You and I both know that the chances of me being her Guardian are zero. Promise me, Dimitri. Promise me, that you will protect her. For me." I pleaded, but the hiccups sort of made my voice come out funny.
In that moment, he looked even more broken than me.
Then he clenched his jaw and nodded. "I will."
It felt like a burden had come of my shoulders. "Thank...thank you." I said with another sob.
He kissed my forehead. "I am so sorry, Roza. I couldn't even-"
"No one can do anything about it, comrade. Don't blame yourself." I touched his face and tried to put on a smile but failed miserably.
"Still, I wish I could." He whispered.
This time, I smiled for real. "I know."
He and I leant in the same time. Our lips met. It was more than just a kiss. All the stress turned into something else as we pulled each other closer. I suddenly couldn't get enough of him. My body seemed to burn, my legs felt weak.
And I started to cry again.
"I... I am sorry," I choked out.
"Roza, Roza, look at me. It will be fine."
I shook my head. I probably looked like a mess right now, not exactly how I wanted the love of my life to see me as.
His phone rang and we both jumped.
He gave me an apologetic smile, "It's from the Academy."
I nodded and pulled myself out of the bed. There was an attached bathroom, thankfully, unlike at the Academy.
I was right, I did look like a mess, a horrible mess. The little mascara and eyeliner that Lissa had applied on my eyes made me look like I had two black eyes. The braid that I had put my hair in would take me hours to untangle. Trails of black tears made it seem that someone, a very bad painter perhaps, had drawn lines on my face.
I washed my face with cold water, making my clothes wet. Shivering, I reached for a towel, which had probably never been used before, and ran it over my face, scrubbing hard to get the remove the black eyeliner.
I managed to undo my braid. My damp hair was sticking to my face, making me feel itchy. Knowing that nothing could be done now, I left the bathroom.
Dimitri was still on the phone. My mind barely registered what he was saying.
I sat down the edge of the bed, staring at nothing in particular.
What was to become of me? I already felt as if I had lost a huge part of myself.
Was I just a mere object?
My whole life, I had been taught that the Moroi came first. That our needs were nothing against theirs. That we were to protect them until our last breath.
What sort of system was this?
And worst of all, why was I letting them decide my future?
Oh, right, because I would have nowhere to go to.
"Rose?"
I jumped, my fist in a clench and my arm out, ready to punch.
Dimitri stopped my fist before it could connet with his ribs.
"Ah, shit, sorry, comrade." I fumbled with my words.
He kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes.
"It's alright, Roza, breath."
I took a few deep breaths, wanting to distract myself, I asked, "What was the call about?"
Dimitri hesitated for a moment.
"The council has decided to change the headmaster."
My eyes flew open. "What?"
He nodded.
"The school council can't-"
"Not the school, the Moroi council." He said, looking grim.
"What?" I screeched. "Why are they interfering?"
There went my distraction.
"A Lazar Lord. That means-"
"Fucking Royals," I muttered. "It was their kids' fault that the wards broke and then Tatiana wants to make me her pet and now this!"
Dimitri rubbed his forehead.
"I wish...I wish I could just leave all this behind me." I said in a quiet voice.
Dimitri's face snapped up. "You don't mean that," he said hoarsely.
Looking at his drained face, I suddenly realized how the Badica's Guardians had decided to run away. Maybe we could too. Maybe not. But at least I knew that my answer held truth.
"I do."
So, hi, sorry for the late update. I haven't been focusing on my writing past these few months. School has been hectic and I keep panicking about colleges.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I am so grateful to all of you.
I am also thinking about ending this Au in a couple of chapters and I already have two other AUs, after this one, written.
See you soon.
Sacraa.
