Chapter Four: Jude's Mother(s)

As the weeks passed, the household began to settle into a routine. There had been a few ups and downs — Jude had been hiding food in his bedroom in the toy chest attached to his new loft bed, leading to an infestation of ants, though it had told both Stef and Lena Callie had not been wrong to fear they would not feed either of them since Callie was in trouble.

Callie wasn't doing well in her math class, leading to more than one melt down with the child, especially when it came to studying for math tests and doing homework at the table — but the family was managing everything in stride.

Jesus and Callie were finally over being grounded, though that, too, had taken a lot of patience with the two mothers. Jesus, never one to sit still for long, had been in a little trouble here and there, but nothing to extend his grounding.

The biggest problem they had had, however, was Callie trying to parent Jude constantly. From when he did his homework to when and what he ate, Callie tried to tell him what to do. Stef and Lena were working on putting an end to it, but it had taken a lot of patience from both women. Callie was having a very hard time understanding that she didn't need to fear them and neither did Jude.

"Put it back, Jude. You know you can't have that," Callie hissed in Jude's ear as they walked behind Lena in Target. Jude held a stuffed hippo in his arms. He had seen it when Frankie had been looking at the toys and had asked Lena if she could have a bright pink panda bear with purple eyes. Lena had told both of the children to pick out a stuffed animal. She and Stef had been slowly getting Callie and Jude more things, though it was easier to get things for Jude since he was the easier of the two children. They had yet to supplement Callie's wardrobe with anything other than a few pair of jeans and some hand me downs shirts from their closest, as Callie refused to wear anything of Mariana's. The clothes from their closet swallowed her, but they had to do what they had to do at the moment.

Jude had been easier because he didn't care what he wore. Stef had gone into the attic and found Jesus's clothes from when he had been little. They'd simply never gotten rid of them, and they were thankful for that now. Jude was wearing clothes Jesus had worn when they first got him. Though they knew he was small for his age — Callie was, too — They'd been shocked to realized he was wearing clothes from when Jesus had been five years old. Both had been taken to the pediatrician by Lena, who was told both children needed to gain weight — Callie needed to gain at least 35 pounds to be considered healthy in her 4-foot, 9-inch frame, Jude at least 15 to his 3-foot 6-inches. For the most part, they were healthy though and had had their vaccinations needed for their ages.

They planned to take the two shopping for more clothes. Clothes never worn by anyone else, but Callie was reluctant to let them other than the few pairs of jeans and only those because Lena had come home with them one day and refused to take them back, so they had not yet pushed her. Her clothes were okay, to a point. Though nothing looked new or fit correctly except the jeans.

"No, Callie. Lena said I could pick one out," Jude told his older sister, also in hushed tones.

"What's the point, Jude? You won't get to keep it when we leave. Why grow attached to something you can't keep? It's not a smart idea. You know that," Callie hissed back at him as quietly as she could.

Lena, however, could hear Callie talking to Jude, and she sighed lightly. She knew that it was hard for Callie to let go, but she and Stef had sat her down more than once to let know she was not the parent. It was not in her right to dictate Jude's life the way she thought she could.

It wasn't Callie's fault. They also knew that. It was circumstance that had caused Callie to be Jude's parent, but she wasn't anymore. She didn't need to be. And it was a habit they were working on breaking her of. No thirteen year old child should have had the responsibility placed on them the way Callie had.

"Callie, sweetheart, come walk beside me," Lena said as she scanned the aisles. Callie knew it wasn't a suggestion and assumed she hadn't been as quiet telling Jude he couldn't have the stuffed animal as she had thought.

"Come on, Jude, walk with me!" Frankie said from in front of the cart. The two children then walked a bit ahead of Callie and Lena, causing Callie to sigh, irritated but trying not to show it.

"Callie, we've talked about this," Lena said gently, lifting her left hand to rub Callie's back.

"Its not worth the hurt later, Lena," Callie said with a glare.

"Callie, we told you that you and Jude don't need to worry about leaving anytime soon," Lena told her gently.

"Yea, I've heard that before. I know how this works, Lena," Callie said, her tone littered with attitude and becoming louder.

"Callie, that is enough," Lena stopped and looked at her foster child, "Jude is seven. He deserves things just because. You deserve things just because. You won't always get everything you want in our house, but you will have what you need. You will have food, clothes, shelter … you will have love, Sweetheart."

"He doesn't need things," Callie said again, though much quieter this time. The truth was it hurt that she'd never been able to give him things he wanted. Let alone things she'd wanted.

Lena stopped pushing the cart and turned to look at Callie. She reached up and cupped Callie's cheek with her right hand and looked into her dark brown eyes — eyes that matched her own, she suddenly realized.

"He's a little boy, Callie. He does need things. He needs things he wants. He needs things he doesn't know he needs. Just like you need things you don't know you need. And that is okay, Callie. You're a child. You are a baby. You are not a mother."

"I've been all he has had since he was a baby," Callie said angrily, stopping to stomp her foot slightly, telling Lena so much about how young the child was, and honestly, a bit about how safe Callie was beginning to feel with her.

"And for that, I am sorry. I would give anything to go back in time and find you and Jude before you stepped over the threshold of that first foster family. I wish I could scoop you up when you were eight years old and bring you here. More than you will ever know. But we can't. So we have to make the best of it now," Lena said.

Callie narrowed her eyes, "Until you send us away like everyone else always does."

Callie then darted ahead of Lena, leaving the mother alone with her cart and her thoughts.


Callie continued to try and parent Jude, and it was wearing on both Stef and Lean, although they were trying to give the girl time to adjust to her brother living with them now. They did understand, but Jude was starting to become confused. He didn't know who he needed to listen to anymore, trying to make everyone happy. It was starting to wear on him, causing him to become withdrawn and quick to cry. He wasn't sleeping as well, and he was hiding more. He had been in their home for nearly a month now, and Callie tried more and more to take over as Jude's parent.

"No, Jude. The answer is four, not seven," Callie said, pointing out a mistake for what she felt was about the hundredth time while they were in the living room by themselves.

Jude erased the pencil marks on his paper and sighed. He was trying hard not to cry, but it was very hard. He wished he had waited on Lena to help him. She was better at it than Callie and she didn't constantly only tell him what he did wrong like Callie did. Besides, Callie wasn't even that great at math.

"Jude! You just did one exactly like that! The answer isn't one. It's three. You know this stuff!"

Jude stood up at that moment and threw his pencil down and stomped away. He was over math today.

"Jude, come back here right now! You have to finish your homework," Callie yelled at him as he walked up the stairs toward his room.

He turned around quickly and faced Callie.

"No Callie! You're being stupid! If you think you know so much, then you do it! But I am not doing my homework anymore with you because you're not helping me," the seven year old screamed at his sister.

Callie stood up and looked at him. Jude had never made her feel so angry before. Why was he refusing to let her help him? She'd always been the one to help him.

"Jude, stop acting like a baby," Callie yelled.

By this time, Lena and Stef were both in the living room to see the two children staring at each other in a way they had not seen before. They had not once seen the two act like actual siblings.

"Hey, hey! What is going on in here," Stef said, stepping in front of the two children.

"She won't stop bossing me around! Lena said she wasn't my boss anymore! She said I was safe here and I believed her, but Callie keeps bossing me around just like always," Jude yelled, tears finally falling down his cheeks. Tears he had been trying to keep at bay since he had gotten home and started working on his homework with Callie.

"Jude, I always help you! They aren't going to be here forever! They aren't like us! They will send us away eventually just like everyone else!"

"Shut up, Callie! You don't know! We have food here and beds! You don't know anything," Jude screamed back.

"Shut up, Jude! SHUT UP! You don't know anything! You're only seven! I am the only person you have! You better damn well get used to it, Jude Jacob," Callie said.

At this point, Stef stepped in front of Callie, her back to Jude so Lena could get to him and she could get Callie calmed down.

"Callie …"

"Shut up and get out of my way, Stef," Callie said, trying to get around Stef to Jude so she could explain things to him.

"No ma'am! No. You come with me," Stef said, grabbing Callie's upper arm gently and pulling her towards the kitchen.

"Stef, stop it! Right now! I have to take care of Jude!"

Stef ignored her while gently guiding her towards the kitchen. Stef knew there was no talking to Callie at the moment. She was too distraught, too upset. She also knew she couldn't rough handle the skittish child either. She couldn't overpower her like she was a criminal. She wasn't a criminal. She was a child.

So, Stef did the only thing she could think of when needing to get one of her children to calm down: She pulled out a chair, turned it towards an empty corner, and gently pushed Callie into the seat.

"What is this," Callie asked, looking up towards Stef, standing up.

"Time out. No talking. Take this time to work on your breathing and your temper," Stef told her gently.

"But …"

"No ma'am. Sit and breathe and calm down."

Callie stood up, confusion on her face, "But …"

"Callie. No. Sit down. I won't tell you again or we will go and I will sit on my bed and watch you stand in a corner there. And I promise it will take much longer for me to let you out of time out if we move up there."

Callie sighed and threw herself back in the chair, crossing her arms over her chest in a pout. Stef could make her sit, but she could not make her calm down or think about what she'd done. She'd done nothing wrong. Nothing at all.


Lena sat in the rocking chair in the living room with Jude in her lap. She rocked him back and forth, humming calming little notes as she held him tight.

"You know, Bubba, you don't always have to listen to Callie. Not anymore. She's your big sister, but she's not the boss. Not here. Callie has to learn that just like you do. Stef and I are the bosses here. Callie is little, just like you are."

"Callie isn't little," Jude sniffed into Lena's shirt, rubbing his nose into her shoulder, tears and snot smearing on her shirt. She didn't notice. If anything, she held him closer, putting her chin on top of his head of chestnut brown curls.

"Sweetheart, I know Callie is big to you. She is a grown up to you. But, Jude, Callie is not a grown up. She is still little. She is only thirteen. Do you think that Mariana and Jesus are grown up?" Lena asked him.

She felt him shrug and then heard his soft reply, "I think you are the boss of them. But they think they are the boss, but they aren't."

Lena had to stifle her laugh quickly, so she pressed her lips to his head and gave him a kiss.

"You are a very smart little boy. But, just like Jesus and Mariana sometimes think they are the boss, so does Callie. But in this house, Stef and I are in charge. Sometimes you and Frankie might have to listen to Callie or Mariana or Jesus if Stef and I are both out, but that means it is their responsibility to keep you safe while we are gone."

"Like a babysitter?"

"Exactly like a babysitter, Sweetheart, exactly."

"Can you help me with my homework from now on and not Callie? It takes so long when she helps and she yells at me."

Lena held him tighter and continued to rock him back and forth.

"Yes, Bubba. You and I will work on your homework together from now on," Lena said, kissing the top of his head and she rocked him back and forth.


"Are you calm enough to talk with me now, Love?" Stef asked Callie. It has been half an hour. Stef had asked her fifteen minutes earlier, but Callie had told her to go to hell and leave her alone.

Stef had just added that to the list of things they would talk about.

"Leave. Me. ALONE," Callie screamed at her. Callie was trying to hide the fact she was crying, but Stef had four other children in the house besides Callie. And, if she was being truthful, Mariana was a drama queen and could put Callie to shame in the trying to hide tears department.

"Okay, Love. You keep sitting there. I've got all the time in the world for you," Stef said softly, letting the child know she'd make time for her always.

Callie wasn't sure what to make of what was going on right now. She wasn't sure what Stef and Lena had up their sleeves. She'd been sitting in this chair, staring at the wall, for what felt like forever.

Fifteen minutes later, Stef asked her again. And, again, Callie had screamed at her to leave her alone.

Where had she gone wrong? Foster parents didn't usually care what she and Jude did. It was why she was in charge of him. She was the one person who had made sure Jude was safe. Or, rather, as safe as he could be with people who didn't give a crap about them.

The minutes ticked by and Lena came in and started supper. Callie still refused to talk to Stef, so staring at the wall she stayed.

Lena soon finished supper, calling all of the kids down to eat — and still, Callie refused to talk to Stef. Stef, never one to give into a bluff, made Callie a plate and took it over to her.

"Hold your plate," Stef told her, handing her the plate of food and then turning towards the wall to her right where there was a high table she could drag over to Callie so the teen could eat off of it.

Callie stared at Stef, frustration practically pouring from her furrowed brow. She was so over this, but she was also much too stubborn and proud to admit defeat.

And a tiny part of her was just thankful she was getting to eat despite everything that had happened all day.


"She is the most stubborn child I have ever met," Stef whispered to Lena as she dried the dishes and put them away.

Lena stifled a laugh and looked at Callie, who was still sitting in the chair, facing the wall, her arms crossed over her chest.

"She is stubborn. She reminds me of you," Lena said quietly, smiling and staring out the window above the sink into their backyard as she washed another dish.

Stef rolled her eyes dramatically.

"I am not nearly as stubborn as that child over there."

Their conversation was interrupted by Callie at that moment, "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay, Love. Go to the bathroom and then back to your chair unless you want to talk to me," Stef said. The couple watched Callie stomp off to the bathroom while they tried not to laugh. They were disappointed with Callie's actions and her behavior, but watching her stomp her feet was quite funny.

"It's nearly seven. When are you going to let her up if she doesn't give in," Lena asked, though she had no doubt she knew the answer.

"She will give up or sleep in that chair while I watch her. She has to learn we are in charge, she isn't."

"Stefanie Marie Adams Foster. You are not making that child sleep in that chair."

Stef sighed, "You take the fun out of everything, Love."

Callie came back in the room from the bathroom and looked at the chair and then to Stef and Lena.

"How much longer do I have to sit there," she asked them, staring at the chair in disdain. She wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.

"Are you ready to talk about what happened earlier," Stef asked her.

Callie grimaced. No she didn't want to talk to Stef!

"I take that as a no?"

Callie sighed.

"Do I have to?"

Stef looked at her and smiled a little, "Yes, Love, you have to. What happened earlier, first with Jude and then with me, was not okay."

"I'm all Jude has," Callie said, her voice etched with — almost fear.

Stef walked over to Callie and put her hand under her chin, lifting it so Callie was forced to look her in the eye.

"You are not all Jude has. Not anymore, Callie."

"Until you send us away, Stef! You told me yourself, the first night I was here and then again when I found Jude — You told me that this was my last weigh station. That means we will go somewhere else, and guess what? You don't get to decide if we stay at that house. You don't get to decide whether they like us or not. Jude and I have been here before. Jude doesn't get it. Jude sees the good in literally everyone. I don't. People aren't good. They aren't. The system definitely isn't good. They will tell you and Lena exactly what you want to hear. And then we will be shipped off somewhere just like Jim Pearson's home. You have no idea what it was like for us in that house"

Stef studied Callie's face. Her face was so, so very young. But in the depth of Callie's chocolate brown eyes, she was ancient. She hated knowing Callie had lived through so much at thirteen. She knew so much more than she should about a system that was broken.

"Callie, love, I promise you this … I will do what I have to to keep you out of the system. Both you and Jude deserve to know what it is like to live without fear."

Callie looked at Stef with confusion, "Stef, we do know what it's like to live without fear. Well, I mean Jude usually does live without fear. He still sees the good in everything," Callie exaggerated the last word and rolled her eyes a little, "He was only a bit scared at Jim Pearson's. The last night I was there. Jude told me Jim Pearson didn't touch him once I was gone. And you know, then I was in juvie for a few months and then I came here. There is no fear here. Except the unknown. Not knowing where I am going to end up next. Not knowing if I am going to know if I am going to live in constant fear again. But, don't worry. I made sure Jude didn't have to live in fear much," Callie said, her eyes glazing over, her thoughts far away in a distant memory Stef knew she would not share.

Stef leaned over and touched Callie's knee, though it startled Callie and caused her to jump.

"Sorry, love. But, I need you to listen to what I have to say. You are JUST as important as Jude. You should not live in fear anymore than he should. You are a child. Children should live without fear and with love. You can't do that if you are always trying to parent Jude. Jude needs a sister, not another mother figure. Okay? So you need to let me or Lena parent him and you. You need to let us do the things that mothers do. It may take some time, but you have to let go a little. You have to learn to be a kid, love, so you can live with a little less fear than you do."

Callie looked at her, a tear sliding down her face. She had never cried as much as she had in this house. It was annoying.

But, Callie nodded her head. She could definitely try.

Stef smiled and leaned forward once again, wiping a tear away from Callie's cheek and then kissing her forehead.

"Good deal, love. How about you go and take a shower or bath and start getting ready for bed. You let Lena or me know if you need anything."

Callie smiled and nodded, then headed up the stairs.