Male
"Daddy, Emma put clay in my hair!" Freddie's five-year old daughter, Ashton cried, running into the kitchen where Freddie was sliding a frozen pizza out of the oven.
"Ash, there's like, a speck of clay in it," Freddie said, looking at his daughter's hair and quickly removing the clay. "No need to get worked up. And what are you and Emma doing playing with clay anyway? It's your bedtime!"
"We're not tired," Emma said, joining her father and sister in the kitchen. "Hey, are we having pizza? I want some!"
"It's not for you, sweetie," Freddie said. "It's for daddy and his friends."
"Uncle Spencer and Uncle Gibby?" Ashton asked.
"Yup," Freddie nodded, putting the pizza on a tray.
"Can we stay up with you guys?" Emma asked, following her dad into the living room, where Spencer, Gibby and T-Bo were sitting.
"No, it's too late for you guys," Freddie said, setting the food down. "Hey, Teebs. I didn't here you come in."
"Crazy lady at the smoothie was holding me up," T-Bo explained, helping himself to some potato chips. "Claimed there was a raspberry in her smoothie that looked like Ben Savage. She was trying to call the news people and everything!"
"Alright girls, I've tucked you in twice already," Freddie said, sitting down between Spencer and Gibby. "It's time for you to get into bed and stay there, otherwise when mommy gets back home, I'll have to tell her to not to make you those cookies you love that she was planning on making tomorrow."
Emma and Ashton gasped and quickly ran back upstairs to their rooms.
"So tell me again why we're hanging out here in the middle of kiddie town?" T-Bo asked.
"Because you guys didn't want to have our guy's night next week like I wanted," Freddie said.
"Sam couldn't watch the kids?" Gibby asked. "We could've gone to a nice restaurant or something. I hear La Amore has really good salmon."
"Dude, that's where you go on dates," Spencer pointed out.
"Yeah? And your point is?"
"Look, Sam really wanted to go to the movies with Carly," Freddie said. "She handles the kids all week; she deserves a break to get out of the house every once in awhile. And I, as her husband, am happy to watch the kids for one night so she can do so."
"She threatened the chiz out of you, didn't she?" Spencer asked knowingly.
"She told me if I didn't stay home with them, she'd sell my Galaxy Wars collectable lunchbox on the Internet," Freddie mumbled. "But hey, we can still have fun tonight. We're going to watch the Celebrities Underwater marathon, right? I hear Bob Saget's going to go against Ashley Olsen. It'll be a Full House reunion!"
"Man, I cannot wait to see that!" T-Bo said excitedly, grabbing the remote.
"Just keep the volume down, though, okay guys?" Freddie said, pulling a baby monitor out of his pocket and setting on the coffee table. "Tyler's just getting over a cold, so he's been a little fussy, and I need to hear if he starts to cry."
"You're kidding!" T-Bo said. "You can't watch retired actors almost drown without the volume blasting!"
"Yeah, it's just lame then," Spencer agreed.
"Guys, I'm sorry," Freddie said. "But this marathon's going to last all night. Sam should be back from the movies at eleven, so when she gets back we can move down to the basement and watch the last of it down there."
"Whatever," T-Bo said. "Let's at least watch wet celebrities at a quiet volume now. Oh hey look! Vana White's on!"
"Do you have to be a celebrity to be on this show?" Gibby asked.
"Um, the show is called Celebrities Underwater," Freddie pointed out.
"Yeah, but maybe they could do a special where normal people go on," Gibby said. "I think I could last pretty long on here. When I was a kid, I used to hold my breath underwater for almost three minutes."
"Well…that explains a lot," Spencer said. "Man, Vana's really giving Mr. T a run for his money. I think she just might win!"
"Wow, if she does, that will move her into third place!" Freddie said excitedly. "Right below Dennis Quaid and Bill Nye!"
"Dad?" Sam and Freddie's oldest son, Jason, said, walking into the room. "The Internet's down."
"Um, I'll fix it later, Jason," Freddie said, not taking his eyes off the screen. "Come on Vana, forty more seconds!"
"But dad, I need to get my Org into the Valley of Virtue fast, otherwise I'll never be War of Warlords champion," Jason said.
"Jason, don't you have to go to bed?" Freddie asked.
"It's eight thirty," Jason frowned.
"Well can't you do something other than play that game?" Freddie said. "Yes! Vana's moving onto the next round!"
"There's nothing else to do," Jason said. "You guys are hogging the T.V."
"Why don't you go play with that new chemistry set you got for Christmas?"
"Mom told me I'm grounded from that for the next month for dissolving her car keys with it," Jason reminded his father.
"Well if you don't tell her, I won't," Freddie said.
"Really? Sweet!" Jason said, running off to his room.
"Nice parenting, man," Spencer said.
"Eh, it'll be fine," Freddie said. "I told you. Our night of male bonding is still going to be great. Just because I'm babysitting, doesn't mean-"
"Daddy," Emma said, walking into the living room wearing one of Sam's old MMA shirts that hung down to her knees. "I can't fall asleep."
"That's probably because you aren't in bed," Freddie said.
"Look, they're adding electric eels to the tank now!" Gibby said.
"Whoa! There's no way Brittney Spears is going to beat Vanilla Ice now," Freddie said.
"Daddy!" Emma said, getting her father's attention again.
"Em, sweetie, just count sheep," Freddie said.
"I hate sheep."
"What? Sheep are awesome!" Spencer said. "They're one of my favorite farm animals."
"I'm hungry," Emma said, jumping up on Freddie's lap.
Freddie sighed. "Fine, take some pizza. But then you go right back to bed, understand?"
"Yes daddy," Emma said sweetly, grabbing a slice of pizza right from T-Bo's hand.
"Hey, that was mine!" T-Bo objected. "Freddie!"
"Dude, just let it go," Freddie said, rolling his eyes.
"I'm telling you, if I went on this show, I could win," Gibby said, setting down his can of Mountain Fizz on the coffee table. "And you know what I'd do with my winnings?"
"What?" Spencer asked.
"Buy myself a barber shop," Gibby said.
"What?" Freddie said. "What would you do with a barber shop? You can't cut hair."
"Look, sometimes it's just nice to have dreams, okay?" Gibby snapped. He looked down at the coffee table. "Okay. Who took my Mountain Fizz?"
"Who'd want to drink something with your DNA all over it?" T-Bo said.
"I'm serious, someone took my fizz!" Gibby said.
"You probably just finished it, Gib," Freddie said. "I don't have, neither does Spencer or-Ah! No!" He looked down at Emma, who was gulping down the Mountain Fizz as they spoke.
"Emma, you know you aren't supposed to be drinking soda at night," Freddie said, taking the can from her.
"I was thirsty, though," Emma said.
"Thanks a lot, Gib," Freddie moaned as Emma hopped off his lap.
"What did I do?" Gibby frowned.
"Left your soda unattended around a five-year old," Freddie said. "Now she's never going to sleep!"
"Hey, some kids aren't really affected by caffeine," Spencer told him. "So maybe it-"
But they were interrupted by Emma running over to the empty armchair and bouncing up and down in it.
"You were saying?" Freddie sighed. Just then a loud cry emitted from the baby monitor.
"Tyler's crying, daddy," Emma said, still bouncing up and down.
"Yes, Emma, I hear," Freddie said, bringing himself to his feet.
"Hey, maybe we should do this guy's night some other time," Spencer said.
"No! It'll be fine!" Freddie said quickly. "I'll just go get Tyler and we'll go back to watching the show. Watch Emma for a second."
Freddie hurried out of the room, leaving Spencer, Gibby and T-Bo with the bouncing child.
"Um, hey, Emma?" Gibby said. "You-You think you're going to stop bouncing anytime soon?"
"No way!" Emma said.
"Well, I tried," Gibby said.
"You did nothing!" Spencer said.
"Man, who would've thought a kid hopped up on sugar would be this bad," T-Bo said.
"Emma, you need to stop bouncing on the chair," Freddie said, coming back into the room with Tyler in his arms. "Come on. I know you're wide awake, but you really need to get to sleep and-"
"Hey, no fair! Emma gets to stay up?" Ashton said, coming downstairs. "Why don't I get to?"
"Because I'm daddy's favorite, right daddy?" Emma said.
"What?" Ashton exclaimed.
"No, no one's my favorite!" Freddie said quickly, setting Tyler down in his playpen and handing him a toy. He looked at the twins and held his hands up in defeat. "You know what? Neither of you is going to sleep anytime soon…just-just go play until your mom gets home."
"Yay!" both girls cheered, running out of the room.
"Wow, Sam's going to kill you," Gibby said.
"Yeah, well, what else is new?" Freddie said. "At least I can get a few hours of wet celebrities in before that-"
There was a loud explosion from upstairs.
"Dad?" Jason called down. "I think I made a hole in the floor!"
…
"What's up, nub?" Sam asked, walking back into the house, tossing her bag onto the floor. "Other nubs. You guys are still watching this?"
"Trying to," Gibby mumbled.
"What do you mean trying to?" Sam asked.
"Mommy!" Emma and Ashton exclaimed, running into the room to hug their mother.
"What are they still doing up? It's past eleven?" Sam frowned, glaring at Freddie. "They're going to be exhausted tomorrow!"
"Well, Ashton might be able to sleep now," Freddie said. "But, um, Emma chugged a can of Mountain Fizz, so she'll probably be up for awhile before she crashes."
"You gave her Mountain Fizz?" Sam frowned. "You're supposed to be the responsible one here, Fredward!"
"Gibby did it!"
"Hey, she just grabbed my can!" Gibby defended.
"Ash, go to bed," Sam sighed. "Emma…go run around the house and tire yourself out."
"Okay!" Emma said happily.
"Hey dad, I think I cleaned up most of the mess from the chemistry set," Jason said, coming downstairs. "But there's still-Oh, um, hi mom."
"Chemistry set?" Sam repeated. "You're grounded from that!"
"Dad told me I could use it, though."
"Well, we're just gonna head on out," Spencer said as him, T-Bo and Gibby got up. "See you tomorrow, Freddie, if you're still alive."
"Um, Jason, why don't you head to bed?" Freddie said. "Look, Sam, I know-"
"Don't worry about it, Fredbag," Sam sighed, collapsing onto the couch. "Thanks for watching them while I was out with Carly."
"Wait, you're not mad at me?" Freddie said, surprised.
"Nah, I know you were planning on spending all night with the guys," Sam said. "So I can't complain too much."
"Wow, Sam," Freddie smiled. "Thanks."
"Can I go play on the trampoline? Can I please? Can I?" Emma asked, running into the room. "Please, please, please?"
"But you get to handle her," Sam grinned, getting to her feet. "While I go to bed."
"Wait, Sam-" Freddie started.
"Night, Emma," Sam said, kissing the top of her daughter's head. "Don't go too hard on daddy, okay?"
