Gut

"Hey, is it cool if I eat the last orange?" Freddie asked, going through the fridge in the Shay's kitchen.

"Yeah, go ahead," Carly said, looking up from her laptop. "Hey, Sam? Did you get the email about the big sale at Build-A-Bra? We should go this weekend. We could go with-"

"Ugh," Sam moaned, cutting her off. "Will you quit brining that up?"

"Bringing what up?" Freddie asked.

"Nothing," Sam said quickly.

"I honestly don't know why you make such a big deal every time," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "You know, if I had a-"

"Just drop it, okay?" Sam said.

"Okay, what is going on here?" Freddie frowned.

"I told you, nothing," Sam said firmly.

"But-"

"Hey, don't you have to get to the airport and pick nothing up from the airport?" Carly asked, looking at her watch.

"Crab, I forgot," Sam said, quickly getting to her feet. She grabbed her jacket and bag. "I'll see you tomorrow, Carls."

"Wait, I may swing by you place tonight, if that's okay," Carly said. "I want to say hello to-"

"Don't!"

"So…are you going to tell me what that was about?" Freddie asked once Sam closed the door.

"Sam's just a little touchy since Melanie is staying in Seattle for her boarding school's semester break," Carly explained.

"Who?" Freddie said.

"Melanie," Carly repeated. "Come on, you remember her."

"Oh, Sam's twin?" Freddie said, shaking his head. "Wow, you guys. I'll admit, it was pretty crafty the first time you two pulled this on me, but twice is just overkill. Besides, Sam told me "Melanie" was just her the whole time the first time you did this."

"What are you talking about?" Carly laughed. "You mean Sam never went back and told you she just told you that to shut you up about the whole thing?"

"Nice try," Freddie said. "But this isn't going to work twice."

"But we're not-"

"I'll see you later," Freddie said, shaking his head as he headed out of the apartment. "And maybe I'll get to see Mythical Melanie too."

….

"Thanks again for taking us out to dinner, mom," Melanie Puckett said as her, Sam and Pam walked back into their house later that evening.

"Eh, no problem, kid," Pam said, tossing her bag onto the floor.

"You've said thank you about fifteen times already," Sam said. "Give it a rest, will you?"

"Sorry, I just thought it was really nice of mom to do that," Melanie said.

"Well, I've got to go meet my doctor," Pam said, looking at her phone. "I've got to go make a down payment for my plastic surgery tomorrow."

"What plastic surgery are you getting?" Melanie asked.

"Some kind to make my gut less flabby," Pam replied. "Now I've got to run…I'm supposed to meet the doctor behind El Taco Guapo in five minutes."

"Isn't this great?" Melanie asked cheerfully as Pam slammed the front door behind her. "Me and you can finally have some time to catch up. I mean, we haven't seen each other in almost a year, can you believe that?"

"Yeah, shocking," Sam mumbled, sitting herself down on the couch and flipping on the T.V.

"So," Melanie said, sitting down next to her twin. "What's been going on with you since we last saw each other?"

"Oh, um, nothing much," Sam said. "Just doing iCarly, getting detention, the usual."

"But what about boys?" Melanie asked, grinning.

"What about them?"

"Well, last time we talked, weren't you dating Freddie?" Melanie said.

"Oh, we broke up," Sam said. "A while ago…"

"Oh no," Melanie frowned. "I'm sorry, Sam."

"Why? It's not a big deal," Sam said, shrugging. "Besides, I dumped him."

"Well do you still see him everyday?" Melanie asked.

"Yeah, we still hang out," Sam said. "You know, with Carly and Gibby."

"Are you sure that's not hard for you?" Melanie asked.

"What? No, I told you," Sam said. "I dumped him. If anyone's depressed and wishes we never broke up and were still a couple and could hold hands and kiss and go out on dates it's Freddie. Not me. Him."

"Um, okay then," Melanie said, nodding. "Well, what else has been going-"

Just then there was a knock at the door.

"If you don't have a warrant, you can't come in!" Sam yelled loudly.

"It's just me," Carly called through the door.

"Oh, well then it's open," Sam replied.

"Melanie, hi!" Carly grinned, spotting her best friend's sister. "Wow, I haven't seen you in what, three years?"

"Just about," Melanie smiled, hugging Carly. "Wow, your hair looks so cute!"

"Thanks, so does yours," Carly said. "Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and say hi. I didn't mean to interrupt the sister-bonding time you two were having."

"Oh, please do," Sam mumbled, but luckily, only Carly heard her. She gave her best friend a stern look.

"Well, you could hang out here with us," Melanie suggested. "I mean, you and Sam are practically sisters anyway. Oh! I brought back this really cool French manicure kit. We could do that!"

"Count me out," Sam said at once. "I don't do manicures."

"You sure?" Melanie asked.

"Positive."

"Okay, well, come on, Carly," Melanie said. "The stuff's up in my room."

Sam shook her head as Carly and her sister ran upstairs. Melanie was only going to be here for a week, but it sure was going to be a long week…

Sam kicked off her shoes and pulled on a pair of old shorts, preparing to go to bed. Carly had left a little while ago, after giving her a quick talking-to about the importance of being civil to Melanie during her visit.

Just as Sam was about to climb into her bed, Melanie walked into the room.

"Hey," she said, sitting down on the corner of the bed. "You going to sleep?"

"Yes, that would be why I have pajamas on and am in my bed," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, do you think we could talk about something first?"

"Ugh," Sam moaned. "Fine. What?"

"You know earlier today, how we were talking about you and Freddie?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded.

"Well," Melanie sighed. "I watch iCarly every week you guys do it-"

"So?" Sam said.

"I-I've just been thinking…Freddie's…he's really cute."

Sam frowned. "Huh?"

"I mean, earlier today, you said you were totally over him, right?" Melanie said.

"Um, y-yeah, I am, but-"

"And obviously I'd never even consider this if you were still dating him, or still had any sort of feelings for him," Melanie continued. "But I was just thinking…maybe it'd be sort of fun to date him."

Sam's eyes widened. "You want to date Freddie?"

"Yeah," Melanie nodded. "He's super sweet, cute…but, if you don't want me to, if it would make you feel weird, I won't even try."

"I-You-I don't care," Sam said. "Go ahead. Ask Freddie out."

"Really? You'd be okay with it?" Melanie asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Sam said.

"Oh, thanks Sam!" Melanie said, throwing her arms around her twin. "You're the best!"

Sam slammed her locker door shut. Stupid Melanie. Now she was extra glad she convinced Freddie Melanie didn't exist last time she came. Hopefully, if Melanie did ask him out, he'd just think it was her trying to trick him again.

Not that I care who that nub dates, Sam told herself quickly.

"Hey," Carly said, greeting her best friend brightly.

"Hey," Sam mumbled, stuffing a book into her backpack forcefully.

"Er, I know your not really a fan of reading, but don't you think you're being a little hard on that book?" Carly frowned.

"No," Sam snapped.

"Okay," Carly said. "What's wrong?"

"Melanie's being obnoxious, as usual," Sam replied.

"Oh come on, she's cool," Carly said. "I had a great time with her last night, doing our nails. Maybe if you'd actually spend some time with her, you'd-"

"Hey, Freddie still doesn't know she's real, right?" Sam asked, cutting her off.

"Um, yeah, I think," Carly nodded. "Why?"

"Because Melanie wants to ask him out," Sam said.

"Really?" Carly said. "Wait, is that why you're so wazzed off?"

"I'm not wazzed off!" Sam said. "I don't care if she dates him!"

"Well then why-"

"In fact," Sam said, slugging her bag over her shoulder. "I think I should find one of her ex-boyfriends and date him, since apparently it's okay to date your sister's ex-boyfriend now."

"But I thought you just said you were okay with her asking Freddie out," Carly pointed out.

"I am!"

"Well, what kind of guys does Melanie usually date?" Carly asked.

"Dorky preppy guys," Sam mumbled.

"Well, Freddie's pretty dorky and preppy," Carly said. "Looks like you two have the same taste in guys. Must be a twin thing."

"We do not!" Sam said. "You know what? I'm going to go hit golf balls at the track girls."

And with that, she stormed off, still fuming.

….

"Hey," Carly greeted Spencer as her and Freddie walked into the apartment after school that day.

"Hey," Spencer replied, looking up from the sculpture he was working on. "What goes on?"

"Nothing," Freddie said, sitting down on the couch. "Hey, do you mind if I sleep here tonight? My mom's got this new dehumidifier and it's really loud. I barely got any sleep last night."

"Yeah, sure," Spencer said. "Hey, where's Sam?"

"She got detention for hitting the track coach in the head with a golf ball," Carly replied.

"Ah," Spencer nodded.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. Carly crossed the room and opened it, revealing Melanie.

"Hey, Melanie!" Carly said.

"Melanie's here?" Spencer asked as Carly let Sam's sister in.

"Yeah, she got here yesterday," Carly nodded as Spencer gave Melanie a quick hug.

"Good to see you, Spencer," Melanie said.

"You too, kid," Spencer said.

"Oh, really guys?" Freddie said, getting to his feet. "You're actually doing this again?"

"Freddie!" Melanie exclaimed, hurrying over to give him a hug. "I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Yeah, its been a full fifteen minutes since school," Freddie said.

"Freddie," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "For the millionth time, Sam does have a twin."

"And for the millionth time, I'm not buying it," Freddie said. "It's so obvious that this is just Sam! I mean, it's a pretty big coincidence that Sam and "Melanie" are never in the same room, isn't it? Now maybe if-"

"Ugh, detention with Mr. Howard is pure torture," Sam said, suddenly coming through the door. "I had to pay Rip-Off Rodney ten bucks to make a distraction so I could sneak out and-Melanie? What are you doing here?"

"Mom's new boyfriend was over, so I thought I'd give them some peace and quiet," Melanie replied.
"You-I-There's-there's two!" Freddie exclaimed, his eyes bulging as he looked from Sam to Melanie.

"I told you," Carly said.

"You're really a twin?" Freddie said, turning to Sam. "But…why'd you tell me she didn't exist?"

"To get your nerdy self to shut up," Sam said.

"Wait…then who was it that I took out on that date last time?" Freddie frowned.

"You really think I'd go to some lame dance club?" Sam asked. "You went with Melanie."

"Oh…" Freddie said.

"Actually, Freddie," Melanie said. "I was just going to talk to you about that. Since I'm going to be here for another week, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out again?"

Sam looked away. It was bad enough that Melanie was going to ask him out, but did she really have to do it right in front of her?

"Like…on a date?" Freddie asked.

"Uh-huh," Melanie smiled.

"Oh, um…" Freddie began.

Sam turned and headed towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Carly asked.

"Um, Wendy just texted me," Sam lied quickly. "Apparently Mr. Howard came back to detention and noticed I was gone."

She hurried out of the apartment and leaned against the wall next to the elevator. Now that she had just witnessed it, there was no denying it. Melanie going out with Freddie destroyed her; it made her feel like there was a ten-foot spear being stabbed through her. And as much as she hated to admit it, she realized why.

That's why, as she stepped into the elevator, she vowed to herself that she would do anything she could to make sure her sister and Freddie did not go on any date.

…..

"Morning, Sam," Melanie smiled the next morning as Sam dragged her feet into the kitchen.

Sam glared at her sister in response.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to you last night," Melanie continued, clearly not noticing Sam's bitterness. "When I got home, you were already asleep."

"Yeah, well detention really takes it out of you," Sam mumbled, grabbing herself a box of cereal.

"Well, guess what?" Melanie said as Sam poured herself a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Fudge Balls.

"What?"

"Freddie and I have a date," she said happily.

Sam tried not to gag on her breakfast. "Well isn't that just peachy?" she snapped.

"Yeah, we're meeting at Pini's at seven tonight," Melanie said.

Pini's? Sam thought to herself. Oh, Melanie was crafty…picking the same spot Sam and Freddie used to go to on dates…

"Well, I should get going," Melanie said, placing her breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. "I want to go find a cute outfit for tonight. You want to come to the mall with me?"

"No, I have a bunch of sitting and eating to do," Sam replied.

"Alright, well I'll see you later then," Melanie shrugged.

Sam heard the front door close. She looked over at the counter and saw that Melanie had left her purse there…Quickly getting to her feet, she opened up her sister's bag and found her pearphone inside.

Smiling triumphantly to herself, she pulled up the contacts and saw that sure enough, Freddie's number had been added.

"You should learn not to leave your stuff lying around, Mel," Sam said to herself as she began typing a new text message.

Hey, Freddie, she typed. Would you mind meeting me at Pini's at six instead of seven tonight?

She waited anxiously for a response, hoping Freddie would give her an answer before Melanie realized she left her bag and came back.

Luckily, the phone dinged a moment later. Sam looked at the screen and saw that Freddie had responded: Sure, no problem.

"Yes!" Sam said, putting the phone back into the purse.

Just then she heard the door open again. Hurrying back to the table where she had been sitting, Sam tried to act as natural as she could.

"I can't believe I almost left my purse here," Melanie said, grabbing her bag. "How awful would that have been if I got to the mall without it?"

"Pretty bad," Sam said. "Well, bye. You don't want to waste any shopping time."

"Nope," Melanie grinned. "Have fun here, Sam."

After her sister left for the second time, Sam rushed upstairs to her room and began rummaging through her closet. If her plan was going to work, she'd better start working on it now…

Sam grimaced as she walked through the parking lot of Pini's in high heels that made her feet feel like they were being tortured. She was wearing a daffidilly pink dress and her hair was up in a ponytail; she looked completely unlike herself. But tonight, that was the point.

"Um, hi," she said to the waiter inside of Pini's. "I'm looking for a Freddie Benson."

"Ah yes, Mr. Benson, party of two, is seated over there at table three," the waiter replied.

Sam spotted Freddie sitting at one of the booths.

"Thanks," she said. She headed over to the booth, trying not to think about all the times her and Freddie had gone here for the lasagna that they both loved.

"Oh, hi Melanie," Freddie said as Sam approached. "How you doing?"
Sam plastered on a fake grin. "Hey, Freddie!" she said in a high-pitched voice just like her sister's. "I'm so glad we're doing this tonight!"
"Um, yeah, me too," Freddie nodded. "You have to try the lasagna here; it's incredible."

"Yeah, sure," Sam nodded. For once, food wasn't the first thing on her mind.

"So," Freddie said, closing his menu. "Growing up with Sam. That must've been…interesting."

"Well, I was actually kind of a jerky kid," Sam said. "You know, I always got Sam into trouble by telling on her for stupid things like poking holes in our neighbor's car. I don't know why people think I'm the sweet twin."

"Oh…okay," Freddie frowned. "Um, so what kind of things do you like?"

"Anything that doesn't involve trains, man I hate trains," Sam said. "And Galaxy Wars; that NugNug guy is just the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Oh, and I really don't like tech stuff either."

"Ah…interesting," Freddie nodded.

Sam smiled sweetly. Hopefully, if she kept this up, Freddie would not want to go on another date with her sister ever again…

"So, um, these breadsticks…they're pretty good," Freddie said, taking a bite of one.

Sam stared across the table. She tried not to think about how similar this felt to one of their dates months ago…Of course on their last date, just a couple of days before they broke up, they didn't do much talking here…it was mostly them cuddling up on one side of the booth while they kissed until their food came.

You know what? Sam thought to herself as she continued to stare at Freddie. I'm on a date with him right now…

"Hey, Freddie," Sam said, moving to sit next to him instead of across.

"Um, yeah?" Freddie asked, looking a bit confused as to why she had suddenly changed seats.

Sam moved closer to him and pressed her lips to his for the first time in months. The sparks she felt only lasted a few seconds, though, for Freddie pulled away quickly.

"Er, why did you just kiss me?" he frowned.

"Because," Sam laughed. "We're on a date. That's what people do on dates."

"What do you mean we're on a-" Freddie started, but then his eyes widened, as if he had just had a startling revelation. He looked right into Sam's eyes.

"Sam?"

"What? No," Sam said quickly, feeling a surge of panic run through her. "I-I'm Melanie, remember?"

"No…" Freddie said. "You're Sam."

"No I'm-Okay, fine," Sam said, giving up her fake high-pitched voice. "I'm Sam."

"Why are you dressed up like Melanie?" Freddie asked.

"Because I-Because you can't date Melanie, okay?" Sam said. "There. I said it, you happy?"

"What do you mean?" Freddie frowned. "Who said I'm dating Melanie?"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked. "She asked you out yesterday! She told me this morning that you said yes!"

"I didn't say yes to going out on a date with her," Freddie said.

"Oh, really?" Sam snapped. "Then why are you here, ready to meet her?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"Well, after you left to go back to detention yesterday," Freddie explained. "Melanie said she didn't mean she wanted to go out on a date really. She just wanted to sort of…hang out because she didn't really get to know me last time when she was here, you know, since I thought she was you the whole time. She said we could meet here and just talk. Non-romantically, strictly as friends. So I agreed."

"Wait, so she didn't ask you out here to try and get you to go out with her?" Sam asked, confused.

"No," Freddie replied.

"Oh," Sam said, feeling quite embarrassed. "Well then…I should just be going then-"

"Sam, wait," Freddie said.

Sam turned to him.

"Why'd you pretend to be Melanie?"

Sam sighed. "Because. I wanted to make sure your date was a disaster so you wouldn't want to go out with Melanie again."

"Why wouldn't you want me going out with Melanie again?" Freddie asked.

Sam looked at him. "Isn't it obvious?" she said softly.

Sudden realization dawned on him. "You didn't want me dating Melanie…" he said slowly. "Because…you-you still-?"

Sam nodded. "Maybe a little."

"Oh."

"But…whatever, it's nothing," Sam said quickly, feeling her face redden.

"So, is that why you kissed me just now?" Freddie asked.

"Um…yeah," Sam said. "But like I said, it-it's nothing. I know we broke up. I guess…I guess the only reason I-I cared that you were going to date Melanie is because she's my identical twin sister. It would've been kind of weird."

"Yeah, I guess it would've been," Freddie said in agreement.

The two were silent for a moment.

"I-I'm gonna go," Sam said. She was about to stand up, but Freddie grabbed her hand, stopping her.

"Before Melanie told me that this wasn't going to be a real date," he told her. "Back when I thought she was asking me out for real…I was going to say no."

"You were?" Sam said.

"I was," he nodded. "Because there's only one Puckett who I'd ever want to go out with. And it's not Melanie."

Sam smiled. "You really mean that?"

"I do," he said. He looked up at her. "You know…we're here at Pini's…our favorite date spot…it would be a shame to let this table go to waste. We might as well stay here…get some lasagna. Sort of like a…second first date?"
Sam frowned. "You mean…you want this this to be a date?"

"Do you want this to be a date?"

Sam smirked. "Nice try. I asked you first."

"Fine," Freddie chuckled. "Yeah, I do."

"Well," Sam said, reaching for a breadstick. "You're in luck."

Sam unlocked her front door and kicked off her shoes as she walked into the house.

"So," Melanie said from the living room. "How was your date?"

"It was-" Sam started. "Hey, wait a minute. How do you know I was just on a date?"

"Duh, because I totally set you up on it," Melanie grinned.

"What?" Sam frowned.

"Well, actually, we did," Melanie said.

"Who's we?"

"I'm we," Carly said, walking into the room with a bowl of popcorn. "So, did you and Freddie re-couple? Did you?"

"What's going on here?" Sam asked, confused.

"Come on," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "You don't really think Melanie would ask out Freddie, do you?"

"So you don't like Freddie?" Sam asked her sister.

"Of course not!" Melanie said. "But I wanted you to think I did."

"How come?" Sam demanded.

"Well, did you or did you not just come back from getting back together with him?" Melanie asked.

"I-yes," Sam said.

"Ah! This is so great!" Carly squealed, running over to Sam to hug her. "I want details. Now. What did Freddie say? Did you two kiss? Did you-" She was interrupted by her pearphone ringing.

"It's Spencer," she said, looking at the screen. She unlocked the phone. "Hello? What? How could you glue yourself to that? Alright, alright. I'm coming." She hung up. "Well, I have to go help Spencer unstick himself from our bathtub. But I'll be calling later tonight, Sam, and then I want to hear everything."

"Sure thing, Carls," Sam chuckled.

Sam waited until Carly left before turning to her sister. "So…this whole thing was set up?"

"Yup," Melanie nodded proudly. "I knew you still liked Freddie…When we were talking the other night, it was pretty obvious. But I know you, Sam. You're too stubborn to admit that. Which is why I told you I wanted to ask Freddie out; because I knew that would get you to do something. Yesterday, when I asked Freddie out in front of you, I knew that would get to you and that you would leave right away, which gave me the chance to tell Freddie that I didn't actually want to go out with him; that I just wanted to hang out with him and get to know him. And this morning after I told you that I was going on a date with Freddie, I left my phone where you'd find it because I knew you'd try to sabotage the date by pretending to be me and making sure Freddie wouldn't want to ever go out with me again. But I knew once you got to the restaurant and saw Freddie, you'd be reminded of your own dates with him, and you wouldn't be able to resist kissing him, which of course would make Freddie realize that you were you and not me."

"I-You-That's-That's genius," Sam said, blinking. "Jeez, Melanie. I guess they do teach you a lot at that fancy boarding school of yours."

"Well, like I said, Carly did help me," Melanie said. "That night when we were upstairs doing our nails, I told her the plan, and she agreed to help out."

"Wow," Sam said, sitting down next to her sister. "I can't believe that…I mean, you knew exactly what I was going to do."
"Twin thing, I guess," Melanie shrugged.

"Yeah, must be," Sam nodded. "But, um…thanks."

"Sam, you're my sister," Melanie said. "I know how happy you were when you were with Freddie. I just wanted to make you that happy again."

Sam smiled. She looked over at Melanie. "Oh alright. We can hug."

"Really? Yay!" Melanie grinned as she threw her arms around her sister. Sam rolled her eyes, but she hugged her back.