A/N: Enjoy!
Chapter 15
"So I'm 16?" Rey was sitting across from Poe at a table her elbows proper on the table her face buried in them. Rey was so overwhelmed, Poe had sat her down to he could talk about the things she'd missed over the past several years and Rey was in awe.
"What do you remember Rey?" Poe asked her gently. "What did Luke do?" Poe could hardly believe the legendary Luke Skywalker, Jedi master had done something like this to Rey a young woman who just wanted to learn and help people. She wasn't the same child he remembered her as and it made him angry. She hardly spoke now and when she did it was just to answer his questions or ask her own, the sweet vivacious little girl he had left with Chewie was gone.
"I don't really know, I think I remember everything now but it's all out of order. I thought it was only a couple months." her emotionless tone cut his heart. "He kept erasing parts of my memory, I thought you forgot about me but it was Luke he wanted me to forget" She pressed her face into her hands wishing she could forget everything or go back in time and make herself wiser to the tricks of Luke Skywalker.
"Rey, we never forgot about, Leia would send Chewie to check on you every chance we had" Poe rest his hand over one of Reys on the side of her face, his touch was warm and comforting. "Chewie would come back and give us a full report on your progress, Luke always said you were excelling but not ready yet." Rey looked up at him her eyes were devoid of emotion or light.
"Why did you come back for me?" Her question wasn't posed from regret but curiosity in what had inspired Poe to come this time.
"Chewie was here a couple weeks ago and he said Luke wasn't being himself. Luke refused to let Chewie see you the past few times he came. Leia was getting concerned she said she felt a foreboding in the force." Poe pulled her hands from her face and gave them a reassuring squeeze within his own. "I offered to travel with Chewie this time just in case. Luke should've had no reason to keep you from us so it was suspicious but I think it was Chewie's growing concern that pushed Leia to letting me come too" Poe saw a sparkle of emotion flicker in her eyes. Hope, they did want her. They hadn't just thrown her away.
"Poe" Her voice was quiet and she looked down at the table. "I still have to go to him" Poe gave her hands a harder squeeze but Rey didn't want to look at him. She was scared he would be angry with her, this man had just rescued her and here she was telling him she had to leave again.
Poe dropped her hands without a word and slid out from the bench. If Rey would have looked up at him she was have saw his eyes heavy with sadness, but a hint of something else. Without notice his arms were wrapped around her thin body pulling her into a tight hug. Rey's eyes widened in surprise and she finally looked up to him.
"I know you want to go to him Rey, but come back with us please" The pleading in his voice surprised her more than his embrace. She had seen Poe express a lot of emotion but she'd never heard him beg for anything before.
Rey stayed quiet and let herself be hugged. She enjoyed the warm of Poe's embrace though she couldn't help comparing it to Ben's. Poe was bigger than her but much smaller and thinner than Ben. Rey imagined this is what it would have felt like to have a father or a brother. After a few moments she felt Poe begin to retract and made a split decision to wrap her arms around him and pull him back to her.
Rey's mind was such a mess but holding onto Poe and having him hold her in return helped her feel more like herself or at least the self she remembered. They stayed liked that for several minutes until Chewie came in then Poe pulled away from her like she'd been fire. Rey felt strange feelings rolling off Poe all she could really feel was his embarrassment as his cheeks turned pink.
"We're here" He said without looking at her walking up to the cockpit. Chewie gave Rey a confused look but Rey didn't have it in her to respond. The light that had been bubbling vanished as soon at it appeared. Of course, Poe was embarrassed by her, why would he want her?
Rey felt her own embarrassment grow as she realized she had been expecting something from Poe that he wouldn't be able to give her. Rey would never have a family, she should have learned her place in the world after her time with Unkar Plutt.
Rey feels a spark of pain and agony, she doesn't recognize it as her own and for the first time since she put it on she pulls the red crystal from around her neck and pulls it up to her eyes. She absorbs the agony of the crystal and lets herself remember what Luke taught her about Kyber crystals.
"it's okay, I'll take care of you" She whispers to it holding it tightly in her hand and she can feel the pain in the crystal die away and she pushes any kind of comfort she can fathom to it. She meant it, she wouldn't let anyone hurt it again.
As the Falcon landed all Rey could see outside was white. The ship pulled into a large hanger but it didn't make much of a difference to Rey because as soon at the door lowered Rey felt the frigid air surround her. This was the coldest air she'd ever felt, she couldn't help but back away from the ramp as she wrapped her arms around herself shivering.
"Oh gosh Rey I'm so sorry." Poe shouted as he ran towards her with a large thick coat. He didn't wait for her to respond he just pulled her arms away from her body and shoved them into the sleeves. It was more comfortable but she could still feel the chill biting into her legs through her thin pants and at her face. "this is our new base. I'm sure General Organa will want to see you straight away" He said bounding down the ramp in front of her.
Rey suddenly felt timid. It had been years since she had seen the resistance and her presence then wasn't the most desire, what if they disliked her even more now? A hand appeared on her shoulder startling her and she looked up to see Chewie motioning her forward. She walked down the ramp slowly eyeing the people that were scurrying around the hanger busy with their work thankful that they paid her no mind until.
"Rey!" There were warms wrapped around her leaving Rey to freeze in discomfort. "Don't tell me you forgot about me?" It was Finn alive and well.
"Finn?" She hadn't forgotten him but in truth she hadn't thought about him in a long time. She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him like her life depended on it.
"Rey I can't believe how much you've grown." He pulled back hands on her shoulders looking her up and down. His face displayed pride rather than the lust she expected and she felt her body relax at his touch. "Look at you, you were just a cute little fire cracker but you've grown into a-a" He paused briefly. "Well just look at you!" He was bursting with energy that in the moment Rey found a little overwhelming, but she was so relieved to see him she pushed her anxious feelings out of the way.
"Do I look much different?" Rey had to remind herself that the months had really been years and Luke didn't keep much for reflective surfaces. Vanity was never something very important to Rey but she was curious what she looked like now.
"You don't know what you look like?" Finn sounded appalled. "What was Luke doing to you out there? Hiding you away?" Finn let out a bark of laughter but the thought of it made Rey feel sick. 'I should have been strong' She told herself over and over.
"Rey, General Organa would like to see you, we need to debrief her on everything" Poe was walking towards her now after conversing with someone else in an orange insulated jumpsuit.
Rey felt the black pit in her chest open again as her thoughts and feelings were sucked away from her. She didn't want to talk to Leia yet, she would be disappointed and angry. Luke was her brother, family and Rey was just no one. What Luke did to her would tarnish his reputation and who was she to ruin the great Luke Skywalker. Would Leia even believe her? All the thoughts running throughs Rey's mind left her chest tightening and made breathing feel restricted. She pressed her hand into her chest hoping the pressure would bring relief but Rey found she was struggling to breathe more and more.
"Rey" Poe bent down beside her putting his hands on her shoulders. "It's okay Rey, take a slow deep breath." She tried following his commands but her panic attack left her too far gone. Her rapid breathing left her feeling light headed as she swayed for a moment, white spots filling her vision and she collapsed. Poe caught Rey and scooped her up bridal style.
"What happened?" Finn asked following Poe as they headed out of the hanger down a long corridor.
"We'll talk about it with the General. I think she was just overwhelmed" Poe was feeling a bit annoyed with his friend at the moment, but it wasn't Finn fault. Luke was the only one responsible for Rey's current situation.
"General I have Rey" Poe announced as he entered the generals quarters. "We need to talk about her condition." Leia stood in alarm as she saw the young woman limp in Poe's arms. "I'm afraid Luke has done some irreversible damage"
Leia motioned for him to place her on her bed and Poe followed her instruction. "What has happened?" Her voice reflected the urgency she felt and she gave Finn a nod motioning him to enter and close the door.
"When I arrived, Luke was standing over her ready to strike her down with the light sabre she brought him. Rey was huddled on the ground crying" Poe kept his tone straight and professional. He wasn't sure how the general would take this news and he didn't want his emotions to cause her upset. "I stunned him and took Rey. She didn't know-" He paused taking a deep breath. "She thought it had only been a few months Leia. She didn't even know she was 16 now" His tone faltered, cracking in the pain he felt for child behind him. Leia's face was impassive not betraying any hint of her thoughts or feelings.
"I see, and Luke is responsible for her confusion?" Ever the level headed general she was.
"Yes. She said Luke was erasing parts of her memory. Leia" His voice softened exponentially. "She didn't think we would come back for her" The chink in Leia's emotional armor revealed itself and her face finally showed the pain she was feeling. "She is very confused, but she is still convinced she needs to go back to Kylo Ren" At the mention of her son Leia steeled away her emotions again.
"I see, leave her here I will talk to her when she awakes. Until then return to your duties" Her voice was serious and calmed and she motioned to Finn. "You too. I will call you when she is ready to see you again" Finn and Poe nodded in understanding and left Leia and Rey alone.
Leia did her best to push her pain away, but in truth if she were to admit her heart was breaking it still wouldn't convey the betrayal and overwhelming sadness she was feeling. Leia sat down beside Rey on her bed and looked over the young woman. In sleep Leia could still see the bright young child that she had felt years ago but what Leia felt now frightened her. The darkness in Rey was burning and the light had dulled. Leia noticed that Rey was still very thin but could easily spot the muscles that had atoned across her body. Rey's chocolate hair was much longer now and wrapped into a tight braid that Leia imagined must have been painful, so she took to unwinding it while the child slept. Running her fingers through Rey's hair made Leia smile and recall her youth. Rey's hair reminded her of her own hair rich in color and longer than that of most women seen on military bases. Leia's hair had been in part a symbol of her status, a princess was expected to have long and luxurious hair so it could be weaved into fancy braids and styles. Leia couldn't help but admire how much she felt a kindred spirit in Rey. If Leia could have been blessed with another child she would have wanted a beautiful daughter like Rey.
Leia let her mind wander to Rey's desire to go to her son. Could Rey really bring the light in Ben back? Leia wanted to believe but it was hard finding any hope left in her for Ben. Leia ran her hand absentmindedly through the young girls hair and sent out a silent prayer to whatever deity might be listening. 'Please just keep her safe'.
Rey groaned and opened her eyes slowly. Her chest was still aching from her forced breaths. She looked up at Leia who was running fingers through her hair and she felt at peace. For a moment Rey let all her insecurities fall away and she enjoyed Leia's motherly touches.
"Honey, I need you to tell me what happened?'' Rey knew the question was coming but Leia's small name of affection was new to her. She liked it. Rey pushed herself into a sitting position next to Leia and for the first time saw an indication that she'd grown. Even though Leia was the smallest person Rey had ever met she had towered over her still when she'd last seen the princess now Rey was looking straight into her eyes rather than up.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Organa" Rey couldn't look her in the eye a moment longer, She didn't want to see the disappointment she knew Leia would feel.
"Rey" Her voice was soft but saddened. "You have nothing to apologize for my child" Leia wrapped her arms around the young woman. "I am the one who is sorry, if I'd known how Luke would treat you I wouldn't have let you go"
"I am supposed to be strong but I couldn't see through him" Rey paused for a moment. "He did teach me a lot, but what he was doing, he was pulling my memories and, and changing them." Rey still didn't quite understand how Luke could do that or how she didn't notice. "He said it was too dangerous to let me leave, he was going to kill me" She finally let her eyes reach back up into Leia's and her deepest fears were confirmed, disappointment reflected into her. "I'm so sorry Leia, it's my fault there's something wrong me" She said quickly.
"No, no there is nothing wrong with you" Leia's voice came out angry and deep. "Something is wrong with Luke for thinking like that. That isn't how he was trained and it's certainly not how I was raised" Leia gave Rey's shoulder a squeeze in comfort.
"um.. Leia" The name didn't feel right on Rey's lips. "He tried to kill Ben." Rey's voice was so quiet Leia doubted she had heard her correctly.
"I-I'm sorry" Leia stuttered out incredulously.
"Luke could sense the darkness in Ben and he was going to kill Ben to help the galaxy" Rey adverted her eyes to her lap. The look of utter betrayal and heart break on Leia's face was too much for Rey to bare.
"No" She whispered. "That has to be a mistake" Leia stood abruptly looming over Rey like a cloud. "Luke couldn't, not my son" Rey regretted telling her a she watched Leia cover her mouth to stop her sobs from escaping.
"I'm sorry" Rey whispered the pain that now encompassed the room felt like a force weighing down on her.
"My Benny" Rey doubted that anyone had ever seen the general cry, but here she was tears falling down her cheeks.
"I saw him in a dream" Rey started quietly but the more she spoke the more her confidence flared. "The light in him has grown stronger since I saw him last. I know I can help him" Rey gave the tear stricken Leia a look of strength, she was telling the truth. Rey didn't know what had caused it but the conflict in Ben now was even greater than it had been when she first met him.
"Is that really what you want?" There was pride in Leia's voice now. Rey had wanted to return to Ben since the first day she'd arrived on base and seeing the tiny child grown into such a stunning strong woman gave Leia hope. "If that is what you want. Please, rest and talk with your friends before you leave us." Leia felt a burst of light erupt from Rey filling the room, maybe even surrounding the whole base. Rey sprung off the bed and attacked Leia into a hug calling out words of gratitude and joy.
"Rey?" The question hung on Leia's lips and looked to her with wonder. "If I could I would like to dress you and style your hair?" Leia paused and for the first time Rey saw a tint of pink light her face. "You see, I've never had a daughter of my own and I would like to, well I want turn you into a proper princess" Leia was a bit embarrassed to admit her desire to Rey. When she was a child and still only a princess Leia had dreamed of having a family and being queen, of a daughter who she could teach to be a princess just as her own mother was teaching her. That was before Leia learned of her true parentage and had her planet extinguished by her estranged father. The desire never left her and when she learned she would be having a prince her first surge of panic was that she didn't have anything to teach him like she would have a princess. Having Rey stand before her now Leia felt the call to her childhood.
"You want to- you think of me like-" Rey couldn't bring herself to say the words, for as long as she could remember she had never been a daughter. She vaguely remembered Leia taking her under her wing but even that wasn't the same as what Leia was offering now. "I've never really had a mother." She paused feeling a little embarrassed. "but if I did, I hope she would've been like you" Leia wrapped Rey in a hug. They were each other's missing piece, a mother for an orphaned daughter and a princess for a lonely queen.
"Now dear first things first, why don't you hop in the fresher and get cleaned up" Leia commanded keeping the softness to her tone. Rey nodded and did as she said going to Leia's fresher.
Rey was stuck in a daze of joy until she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Wow, she had changed so much. She couldn't help but take a few moments to stare at herself. Her eyes still looked too big for her face but her nose and lips seemed proportionate. Rey couldn't help but remove her clothes and look at herself again, she was still so thin but her skin had lost it's dark color, se could nearly pass as a ghost now. Her body seemed to have matured and she couldn't help but wonder how she didn't notice or if it had been part of Luke's mind games. She couldn't claim to be a voluptuous woman but she did have a figure, her breasts had developed though admittedly they were small the thinness of her waist and width of her hips afforded her the allusion that perhaps she could pass as an adult to someone who'd never seen her before. Rey broke herself from her own stare and showered herself as quickly as she could, though with her long hair it wasn't a speedy process. Rey put on a robe that Leia had set on the counter for her and wrapped her hair in a towel so it wouldn't drip every and exited the bathroom.
Leia was pulling bags from her closet and turned to Rey with a Cheshire grin that let Rey feeling a slight concern for what Leia had planned. Leia unzipped the bags one at a time before peaking inside then zipping them back up as Rey tried to lean over and take a peak Leia hid them away from her. She seemed to have settled on something she liked and put the over bags back in her closet.
"I am so glad I still have these old things" She said turning to Rey. She motioned for Rey to sit in her chair and began pulling the towel from her head using it to further dry Rey's hair. "I'm not much for extravagance anymore but in my youth, it was a requirement. Plus, it helped me call attention, though not always from wanted company" Rey was enamored with Leia's confession.
"You dressed for attention?" Rey tried to turn to her but Leia gently held her head straight and in place. Rey wondered what she was doing as she heard the sound of something mechanical moving behind her, she thought it might be better to not know.
"Well I was quite young even when I helped build the new republic, though the system was quite diverse there were many older men in the senate who didn't care to meet with me to discuss policy" Rey felt Leia tugging and pulling on pieces of her hair, she jumped a little when she felt something hot near her scalp. "don't worry dear" A peaceful hand on her shoulder helped her relax. "since no one wanted to meet to go over policy I inspired them to meet with me for other reasons." Rey couldn't help but let her mind wander. "Nothing like that, I don't need the force to know what you're thinking" Both of the girls laughed briefly at the thought. "I just did what I had to do the members of the senate would invite me to dinner or their parties and when I could I get them alone and start a debate, you should have seen the looks on some of their face though a finely dressed young woman sitting at a table across from a 60 year old man who no doubt didn't have the purest thoughts and I would start spouting the problems of the galaxy" Leia paused and Rey imagined she was reminiscing. "Han didn't care for my methods, but they worked and he knew at the end of the night I would always come home" Rey wondered about Han for a minute how a famous smuggler ended up with a princess.
"I met him just briefly, he asked me if there was hope for Ben and I told him that I could see the light in him." Rey wondered if that confirmation was what caused Han to approach Ben in the first place.
"He was a stubborn man, but a good one" Rey could hear the smile in Leia's voice and felt relief that the woman could think of her lost husband with fondness.
"How did you guys meet?" Rey let her curiosity get the better of her.
"It's a tale really, I was being held captive by Darth Vader and he along with Luke came to rescue me. I didn't care for him when we met but I think it's because we were opposites but really that is what made us so good for each other."
"Being different made you good for each other?" That sounded strange to Rey, weren't couples supposed to be similar and get along?
"Well we complimented each other, he had strengths where I had weakness and vice versa though he'd never admit to having any weakness" Leia laughed and the hair tugging continued. "I was raised to be selfless and serious and Han, he was selfish and a goof. In our time together, he showed me that it's okay to think of myself sometimes and I taught him to give. He was one of the few people who could make me laugh and if I needed him he was always there." Hear Leia speak so freely over her love for Han had Rey dreaming, maybe someday she would find someone who could be the same for her. "We completed each other, my soul mate" Rey tried to think of what her weaknesses were and what it would take to complete her.
They would have to be grounded, Rey let her thoughts run away with her on one to many occasions. She needed someone that would hold her at night when she had nightmares, someone to catch her when she fell, a light for her growing darkness. Rey was broken out of her reverie when Leia patted her shoulders.
"That's all for hair now put this on" Rey was confused when she was being handed the black bag that had previously come from Leia's closet. Rey unzipped it slowly unsure of what she would be dressed in but her eyes widened at the dress hidden away.
"Mrs. Organa I can't, this is to beautiful I could ruin it" She tried to hand the dress back but Leia refused to take it.
"Rey, this dress will never fit on me again and even if it did, no one wants to see an old woman in something like that. Please let me see you try it on at least." Of course Rey couldn't refuse Leia when her eyes sparkled with so much light and hope.
She made a small grumble and pulled the garment from the bag. She removed her robe without much of a thought and Leia felt a swell of love when she realized the woman before her was so comfortable with her. Rey stepped into the gown and pulled it up after a small struggle to get it over her hips, Leia stood behind her and fastened the back in place.
"oh my, it's perfect" Leia felt tears prick her eyes as she looked upon Rey, her daughter figure dressed in her old clothes. Rey looked down at the flowing fabric that fell at the perfect length of her feet. It was a beautiful dress, but Rey doubted that it would look as good on her as it had on a younger Leia. "One more thing!" Leia returned to her closet scrounging on the floor for something before she popped back out and offered Rey a pair of black shoes.
"There's no way I can wear these without hurting myself or someone else" If Rey hadn't felt nervous before she was now staring at these shoes. They were shaped a black suede material with a wedge heel that must have been at least three inches tall. They were closed toed and had a simple strap that would wrap around the ankle.
"Oh I think if you just try them on you'll like these. Adding a couple inches never hurts" Leia nudge her shoulder and winked, with a heavy sigh Rey reluctantly sat back down in the chair and put on the shoes. She was pleasantly surprised they felt much like boots she had worn on the Star Killer base with Kylo Ren, and Leia was right Rey felt like she was a giant and she loved it.
Leia handed Rey a cloak to tie around her shoulders. "Come on I want to show off my daughter!" Leia proudly paraded out of her room and Rey followed slowly. These shoes may be more comfortable than she expected but it was still an adjustment especially combined with the dress, Rey had never worn a dress before or at least not one like this.
Even though the cloak covered her Rey found as they walked together people were giving her dazed stares. Rey couldn't help but fidget with the red crystal that still hung around her neck as she tried not to make eye contact with those they passed. Leia led Rey to the base refectory where much to her dismay it seemed most of the resistance had gathered for dinner.
"Rey?" A voice from behind called her and she turned to find Poe Dameron wide eyed, mouth open.
"Why are people staring like that?" She whispered to Leia feeling self-conscious holding tight to her cloak and crystal.
"If you take that off, every person on this base will be staring" Leia chuckled. She'd noticed the stares Rey acquired just by having her hair styled. Rey was a beauty true and simple.
Poe stepped towards them and looked down to the General and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again when he couldn't seem to make words. Leia noticed Rey was making no motion to reveal the dress she was wearing so she took it on herself and snatched the cloak off her shoulders. Rey gasped at the chill met her arms and Poe gasped for another reason entirely. Leia didn't think it was possible but Poe's eyes grew even wider. She let herself pause to wonder if his gaze was appropriate but she knew Poe would never be anything but respectful and when she really thought about, Han had been much older than her.
"General who is this?" A man with scruffy brown hair and day-old shave asked looking Rey up and down. "Hey you wanna join me for dinner?"
"Get lost Chavdri" Poe said waving him away still not taking his eyes off Rey. The pilot groaned in protest but did as Poe ordered. Rey felt her face grow hot at the attention she was gathering, she looked around and found that many of the resistance members had their gaze fixed on her. Noticing how she was shrinking away from the stares around her Leia spoke up.
"Poe why don't you show Rey around the base." Leia placed the cloak loosely around Rey's shoulder's and motioned for the two to leave the refectory not following behind them.
They walked slowly in silence for a few moments before Poe finally managed his voice again. "I haven't seen Leia look that happy in a long time" Rey was relieved he didn't comment on her appearance. "You bring something out in her I've never seen with anyone else" They strolled lazily down the hall more of a walk than a tour.
"She called me her daughter" It was a whisper from Rey, she wasn't sure if she should be telling anyone about that but Poe made her feel comfortable she knew she could trust him.
"She is a great woman, someone I've looked up to for a long time. Since I lost my own parents when I was young. She's always taken great care of me." It was an intimate confession and Rey couldn't help but look up to him. "They died when I was eight, they were members of the resistance and we lost them in an attack" Rey felt compelled to take his hand, to provide him some kind of comfort. She understood what it was like not having parents, though she didn't truly feel the loss until she saw visions she imagined what Poe went through was worse.
"They must have been incredible people" Rey's voice had Poe looking back at her and he smiled and nodded.
"The best" They continued their walk in silence for a few moments. "Rey I-" But Rey became distracted when she felt a presence behind her.
"Rey?" It was Kylo Ren, of course it was. He was standing down the hall looking at her in confusion and something else anger? That was when she realized she and Poe were still holding hands.
