Stop it Ana! This is getting silly. When will you finally stop checking your phone every five minutes for a message from him? I roll my eyes at myself, it's right I need to stop doing this. But the sad truth is I am hurt. Christian Grey has managed to hurt my feelings yet again, I hate myself for believing what he wrote in the letter he had left for me.
Sure, he loves me. If that's the truth he has a very unique way of showing it. One would think if you leave the woman you love a letter telling her that you are going to fight for her it wouldn't take this long for anything to happen at all. I know that he has left the rehab center a month ago and he didn't call me once.
It's not like I expected him to show up here right after he left the rehab center, but a phone call, a letter or even a lousy text surely wouldn't have been too much to ask for. But what was I expecting? It's not like he is known for his caring side. After all he didn't even apologize to his family for not talking to them in over a year and half.
He simply told them he wasn't in a good state of mind. Of course Grace and Mia were so happy that he was talking to them that they forgave him right away; Carrick just accepted that his son is not going to offer a better apology, but Elliot is still pretty hurt. Even with all the shit Christian has put his family through, through the years, he always saw him as his best friend, Christian was supposed to be his best man at his wedding and he didn't even apologize or seemed happy about the fact that Elliot is going to be a father.
Kate told me that Elliot is so heart-broken over Christian's behavior he doesn't even want to talk about it, though she found him in the garage crying. Of course Elliot being Elliot, he wouldn't admit that he was crying and told he something flew into his eyes, but Kate is sure that it was because of Christian. I hate to say it, but he is such an asshole, at this point he doesn't deserve to have such a wonderful family.
And then there is me, stupid little Ana Steele who got her hopes up because of some words written in a letter. When I came back from Seattle I ended my sexual relationship with Arnaldo right away. I just thought if Christian could make it through rehab and be his old self again, maybe he would find a way to make it up to me and it wasn't fair to Arnaldo to continue our arrangement knowing that in reality I wanted to be with someone else.
As it is now, Christian can go and fuck himself. I know he had a lot to take care of with GEH, but if you tell or write someone that you love him or her, then it is not too much to ask for some kind of message. Obviously, I am not important enough to him to even think about that.
God, I feel so stupid, he probably found himself a new sub as soon as he left the rehab center...
15 minutes later I decide that this day can't get any more worse. The guy from the service station just called to tell me that my car won't be ready before Monday or Tuesday. Shit, I wanted to drive around and run some errands.
I decide to ask Gideon if I can have his DB-9 for today. I love that car, it's fast and a joy to drive. I am actually tempted to buy one for myself, but then I keep thinking how I could use the money to help others and that I already have a car.
Of course, I could afford to have two cars, hell even twenty cars if I wanted to. Gideon is looking after my money and he has tripled it over the past two years. Thinking about it, I decide if I still like the DB-9 after driving it today as much as before I buy one. Maybe I let it ship to Seattle and drive full speed between Grey House and Escala all day, hah I bet Mr. Control-Freak would love that.
The thought makes me smile and so I get into the elevator and press the button for the top floor. It's still early and I know that Mia is staying with Gideon for the weekend, I hope they are up already. I am happy that he finally talked to her. He deserves a nice girlfriend and after Ethan just used her to make another girl jealous I am happy that Mia finally found a guy who is treating her right.
At his floor I knock and about a minute later he opens just dressed in his pajama pants.
"Hey, did I wake you up?"
"No, I was up already, come in" he motions for me to come in so I walk into the kitchen, get a glass from the cupboard and pour myself a glass of cranberry juice.
"So, Ana how come you are here this early?" Gideon asks.
"I need to ask you a favor. I had to take my car to a service station, because my check engine light was blinking all the time."
"How very Penny of you" He chuckles and I giggle in response.
"I know, right? Anyway, they called me ten minutes ago and told me that apparently the engine is fine, but there is a major issue with the electronic and they need to order some things to fix it, so I won't get my car back until late Monday evening or Tuesday morning. But I really wanted to drive around a little today and buy some things on the farmer's market."
"No problem, Carlos can drive you around."
"Yeah, well... actually I would love to drive myself and..."
Gideon holds one hand up, disappears out of view for a moment and re-appears throwing car keys over to me. Yes! Those are the keys for the DB-9!
"The DB-9 is parked in spot 5, have fun." he smirks.
"I will, thanks" maybe driving around for a while will help me not to think about Christian for a while. And just then I have this weird feeling, the one I used to get when I shared the same space with Christian. It's like a magnetic pull and I feel drawn to his study. The door is ajar, but what on earth would he be doing here? And of course Gideon would have told me if Christian was here. Okay, now it's official, I am going insane!
"Something wrong, Ana?" Gideon asks and I shake my head.
"It's nothing... just this weird feeling as if... doesn't matter. I'll bring the keys back later tonight. I would ask if you want to join us tonight to have some drinks at the club Arnaldo is going on and on about, but I know you have better things to do" I say with a huge grin on my face and grins back.
"I sure have."
"Well, then don't let me keep you from anything. See you tomorrow" I kiss his cheek and leave his penthouse, but once the door is closed I lean against it for a second. Hell, I need to get out for a while and maybe, just maybe I need one too many cocktails tonight.
Once I am in the car and driving I feel a lot a better. The DB-9 is such fun to drive, I will definitively buy one. A black one maybe. When I arrive at the farmer's market and I just look around and buy some things, but the more I walk around the more I get the feeling that someone is watching me. And not just anyone, but a damned megalomaniac control freak from Seattle.
I stop and look around, but I can't see him. Great, maybe I am going insane. Why oh why, did I allow myself to get my hopes up? I didn't spend two years to become a confident young woman, just so one stupid letter can reduce me to this paranoid mess. No, I won't let this happen again. If he thinks that he doesn't have to contact me at all, even after I dropped everything to help him, when he didn't deserve my help, then I won't spend another thought on him. It's time to finally get over Christian Grey for good and I know exactly where I am going to start.
When I arrive back home in the early afternoon I put my shopping bags on the kitchen counter and grab a bottle water from the fridge.
"Hey Ana I... OH MY GOD!" Ireland screams and hurries over to me. "What have you done... holy crap! Your hair!" she gasps and stares at me.
"I've cut it. Looks good, right?" I ask and she seems to be in a state of shock.
"Yes... but ... I ... it's so short, Ana it doesn't even touch your shoulders" she says and slowly walks around me to look at my new haircut from every angle.
"I wanted to try something new, it was too long anyway." I shrug. I wanted to cut my hair so often, but deep down I knew that I never went through with it because Christian likes women with long hair. Now I don't care anymore. My new haircut is awesome, a bob with many layers and shorter bangs. It makes me look even younger, not sure I like that effect, but I guess it's better to look younger than older...
"It's cute, but I might need some time to get used to your new look." she says and I take one of the shopping bags and show her the leather dress I've bought for tonight.
"Um... did Grey dump you again?" she asks and I frown.
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, new clothes, a new haircut, that's typically a girl thing when one gets dumped by her boyfriend and I saw Grey leave the building when I came home this mor..."
"WHAT?" I shriek and Ireland jumps startled by my shrill voice.
"I stayed at Kim's last night and she had to work early, so I was here around 8 in the morning and I saw Christian Grey leave the building and get into a black Audi. Wait, he wasn't here?"
"You have got to be kidding me" I hiss and storm out off the apartment, into the elevator, ride up to the top floor and bang against Gideon's door until he opens.
"What's the matter, Ana? I don't think the door did anything to you, so why are you beating it up?"
"Not funny" I mutter and stomp into the kitchen.
"Ana!" Mia squeals and hugs me.
"Oh, your hair looks gorgeous, I like the cut." she says.
"Sorry Mia, I am not in the mood to talk about my hair. Gideon, when I was here earlier today, is it possible that Christian was here?" I ask and he chuckles.
"Hell, I knew that you felt something..."
"Wow, that's rich. So the bastard can come here to see you, yet he doesn't even have the grace to come out and say hello. Great, that's a new low for him. Mia, the next time you talk to your brother, tell him to go to hell!"
"Ana calm down..." Gideon tries to placate me, but I am on a roll.
"I don't want to calm down. I dropped everything to go to Seattle to help him out of the mess he got himself into. And that's what I get in return. I'm so done with him." I fume and Gideon grabs me by the shoulders.
"Ana, calm down. He came here to talk about you..."
"I don't care anymore, Gideon, because I know exactly what he is going to do. First he came here to gather information and next he will stalk me, until he decides to approach me and I am no longer playing his stupid games. The time to talk was four weeks ago, he missed that chance, now I am done. I am not putting my life on hold for a guy who does nothing but to walk all over other people's feelings."
"Ana please, he had such a hard time and Christian is not good in showing affection, but..."
"Mia, I am really sorry to say this, but you might be able to forgive him every time he fucks up, but I am not. I didn't expect him to show up right away and I am fully aware that GEH had to be his number one priority after he left rehab, but a simple phone call or any form of message wouldn't have been too much to ask. Now, he is in New York and does what? Try to figure out a plan to make it up to me? Well, guess what. I don't want some grand gesture, all I wanted is one conversation. I wanted the chance to tell him how badly he fucked up one god damn time, but no he just doesn't have the balls to knock at my door and do that, so I am moving on."
"But he loves you, Ana" she counters weakly.
"Mia, the sad truth is that Christian has no clue what love really is. If he did, he wouldn't treat the people closest to him like dirt. You might not want to see it now, but that's the truth. So, if you want to give him chance after chance to hurt you, go for it, but I'm not going to let him do this to me again."
With that I turn around and leave the apartment. I don't even know why I am so angry and hurt, but all I know is that I finally need to move on. He hasn't changed at all, it's still all about him. His rules, his needs and I am the stupid little girl that has to wait for him to make the first move... well fuck him not this time.
Later that evening I am at the Cain Club with Melody, Arnaldo and two other good friends of mine Cheryl and Nadine.
"So, where is your new hunk, Mel?" I ask. She was going on and on about this guy she met recently and I thought he would be here tonight, but she arrived alone.
"Ugh, I dumped him. He freaked me out." she says and shudders.
"Why?"
"Every time we had sex he would pull out and cum all over my face, crying out for me to open my mouth and be a good girl for daddy."
"Eww, every time? Okay, I would have dumped that guy, too." I giggle. Poor Melody, she always manages to find guys who are weird in some way.
"So, now spill the beans, sweetie! Who dumped you?" She asks and I roll my eyes.
"Seriously, Ana. That dress and your new haircut, that screams bad break up."
"Mel, please no one dumped me or do you seriously think I could date anyone without you finding out?"
"Good point, no you couldn't. And I love the dress, it's hot." she says and suddenly it's there again this odd feeling and I know that Christian is here.
"Hey earth to Ana?" Arnaldo waves his hand in front of my face and I look at him.
"How about we get some fresh air, you just downed your vodka lemon as if it was water." he says and I look at my empty glass. I didn't even notice that I was drinking...
"Yes, that sounds good." I take my purse and we step out of the club where Arnaldo lights a cigarette.
"That is such a nasty habit." I mutter and he smirks.
"One cigarette every now and then won't kill me, Ana. Besides it helps to relax." he says and without thinking about it I take the cigarette from him, inhale and start to cough.
"Ugh, that is so gross!" I get out while I am still coughing and Arnaldo starts to laugh.
"Sorry Shorty, I didn't mean to laugh."
"Do not call me Shorty" I pout.
"Grow some more and I won't call you shorty again, Shorty" he chuckles and I glare at him.
"Sorry, so what's eating you?"
"Christian, he is here" I sigh. When I told Arnaldo that our friends with benefits time was over, I told him about Christian and funny enough I feel the most comfortable talking to him about Christian.
"So, the guy finally found his balls and showed up?"
"Nope, he is in New York, he was at Gideon's this morning and now he is stalking me, but he still didn't see it as necessary to talk to me." I tell him and get a breath mint from my purse in the hope that it is going to take that terrible taste from my mouth.
"Stalking you?"
"Yes, one of his specialties."
"So, he is here right now?"
"Yes, most likely watching us." I mutter.
"Do I have to understand this?"
"No, because I sure as hell have no idea why he can't just get his ass over here and talk."
"Do you want him to get over here?"
"If the only other choice is that he keeps stalking me, then yes."
And before I know what is going on Arnaldo has grabbed me and is kissing me.
"Fight me" he murmurs against my lips and I still don't get what he is doing, but I try to push him away only for him to hold me closer. What the hell?
And the next second I realize what he was trying to do, because suddenly Christian is there pushing Arnaldo away from me and shoving me behind him.
"Is that him, Shorty?" Arnaldo asks, I nod and suddenly Arnaldo grabs Christian by his shirt and glares at him.
"Listen careful, fuckhead that girl over there is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, you hurt her again and I will spend the rest of my life coming after you, just to make sure you're miserable every single second of your fucking existence" he hisses and I have never seen Arnaldo this angry. Boy, he is scary, but he lets go of Christian and turns to me.
"There you have him, Shorty. Holler if you need me, I'll wait at the entrance" he says and walks over to the entrance.
Slowly I turn to look at Christian and I nearly lose it when I see that he is glaring at me.
"Are you better?" I ask and when he nods I slap him hard across the face.
"Fuck Ana, what was that for?" he hisses and rubs his cheek.
"Calling me a no good lying bitch, trying to kick me out at my best friend's birthday party, hiring some wannabe actress to stick it to me and allowing her to touch you, firing me after I got nearly raped by my boss, not having the balls to talk to me when you found out how wrong you were, nearly drinking yourself to death, oh and not even thinking about calling me once in the last four months ... the list is endless." I hiss back and at least he looks contrite.
"That's quite a list" he murmurs with a slight smile and that only fuels my anger.
"You think this is funny?"
"No, I... I am just not very good at apologizing and I am not sure if that would be enough anyway."
"Wow, you really have no clue, Christian. Yes, a simple apology is not enough, but at least it is a start. Stalking me or hiding when I came to my brother's place this morning is not!"
"So, he told you?"
"No, Ireland saw you leaving when she came home and thought you had come to see me."
"Ireland?"
"My cousin, she is also my roommate."
He nods and sighs. "Look Ana, I know you want to talk, but here and now is not the right time. Can we meet tomorrow?"
"I am going to Safe Haven tomorrow morning."
"When will you be back?"
"Monday afternoon."
"Can we meet then?"
"I have appointments."
"Okay, so when do you have time, I am here until Wednesday." he says and now it's my turn to sigh. Isn't this what I wanted, talk to him and finally say all the things I wanted to tell him since Kate's birthday?
"You can come with me to Safe Haven tomorrow, but I am going early."
"I can pick you up, what time do you want to leave?"
"Around 8:30 in the morning."
"Good, is there anything I need to bring?"
"Just a change of clothes if you don't want to drive back tomorrow evening. And dress casual, I am doing a art project with the kids, so it's going to be messy."
"Sure... so, do you need a ride home, now?" he asks tentatively.
"No, I am going back in, my friends are all there and I want to dance a little."
"Well, I leave you to it then." he says and I nod.
"Okay, so see you tomorrow." I turn to leave but he calls me back.
"Is that him?" he says and nods his head in Arnaldo's direction.
"Yes, that is Arnaldo, he is a very good friend and our sexual relationship is over."
"Then why did he kiss you?"
"So, I would fight him which in turn would force you to come out of your hiding spot. He is not like Jose, Christian. I've learned from my mistakes."
"Hopefully" he mutters and turns to leave, but looks at me one more time. "I hate what you did to your hair" he says and with that he leaves, while I stare after him.
"Everything alright, Shorty?" I hear Arnaldo's voice and find him standing next to me.
"I have no clue, can we like not talk about Christian tonight. I have to leave in an hour, let's go back inside and dance a little. I need something to do or I might go insane today.
"Sure, and Shorty, don't listen to him I think your hair looks great" he says takes my hand and drags me back into the club and onto the dance floor, but while we are dancing I can feel that Christian is still here, watching me.
Why oh why couldn't I fall for a man as easy-going as Arnaldo?
