Ana

I can tell that Christian is not really comfortable the moment we walk closer to the entrance. Maybe this is a bit to close to home for his liking. After all, if it wasn't for the Grey's adopting him, he could have ended up in a place like this. But deep down, I feel that this will be good for him.

When I knock he frowns. "Don't you have a key?"

"Yes, but I don't use it. After all this is not my home, it belongs to the children." I answer and the door is opened by Karen, one of the child psychiatrists who work here.

"Hi Karen, I brought a friend with me, this is Christian. Christian meet Karen one of the child psychiatrists who lives here with the children."

"Nice to meet you, Karen" he says and they shake hands.

"So, Ana the kids are having breakfast. Well, all of them except for our special little darling." she says and points to the corner by the staircase where a little boy is hiding.

I make my way over to the staircase and kneel in front of the two year old boy.

"Hi Sam, have you been waiting for me?" I ask and he nods shyly. "And can I get a big hug?"

He shakes his little head and peeks up at Christian, not willing to come out of his hiding spot because he doesn't know him.

"Do you want me to tell you a secret?" I ask and he nods so I lean closer to whisper into his ear.

"That's my friend Christian and you know what? He is like a big teddy bear, you don't have to be afraid of him."

Sam eyes Christian a little skeptical, but when I open my arms, giving him a bright smile he leaves his hiding spot and allows me to hug him and lift him up in my arms when I get to my feet.

I love this little guy. From the second he arrived here four months ago we have bonded and if I could I would adopt him, but deep down I know what he needs is a family with a stay at home mom who can give him all of her time.

"Christian this is Sam. Sam this is my friend, Christian" I introduce them, but Sam hides his face in the crook of my neck.

"Don't take it personally, Sam is not fond of meeting new people."

"It's okay... so what are we going to do now?"

"Breakfast, come on, I bet you never had blueberry pancakes as delicious as the ones that our cook Lisa makes."

"Sounds good" he answers so I lead him into the huge dining room. Inside are six large round wooden dining table each big enough for eight people to sit at it. One wall is made out of floor to ceiling windows giving a beautiful view to the back yard and the playground. On the opposite end of the room is a large table where the food is placed buffet style.

"You take what ever you like. Coffee, tea, orange juice and milk is already on each table. I'm going to say hello."

"Okay, um... which table?"

"The empty one over there with the high chair for Sam." I point to the only table that is not occupied at the moment and leave Christian at the buffet. I greet each child before making my way back to the buffet.

"Hold on tight spider monkey" I tell Sam and he wraps his little arms and legs around me tightly so I can let go off him and fill two plates for us. Carrying them over to the table I put them down place Sam in his high chair and sit down.

"Two minutes Sam, I need to cut your pancakes for you." I tell him and fill milk into his sippy cup.

"Isn't he too old for a sippy cup, Ana?"

"When he arrived here four months ago he didn't even know how to hold it. For now this is safer than handing him a plastic cup, but we are working on it. Please hold on to your plate." I tell Christian and he frowns, but does so when Sam starts to throw his usual tantrum which includes a lot of grunting and trying to get out of the chair to get what ever food is on the table into his little hands while I am trying to cut his food in record time.

"Hey there, Sam. Here take this" Christian says and hands him a piece of his pancake, which, thank god, occupies Sam long enough for me to finish cutting his pancakes and place it in front of him.

I start to eat, too but stop when I see that Christian is watching Sam in horror when the little guys shoves his food into his mouth with both hands.

"We are working on it, this is progress. At first we had to strap him into the high chair and feed him before everyone else had breakfast because he scared the other kids. I was here the day he arrived, he was like a little demon the moment he came in here he tried to climb onto the buffet table, he was screaming, kicking and biting just to get to the food. We want to work on his table manners as soon as we can bring him to stop the tantrums. Small steps."

"Is that why he is sitting here alone?"

"Yes, for now anyway. Many of the children here were malnourished when they came into state care, so having to watch their food at each meal is stressing them out. Usually it's one or two adults with him at this table. Once we get his tantrums under control he can sit with the other kids, but for now it's the easiest solution for everyone here."

Christian nods deep in thoughts and I can tell that meeting Sam has him thinking about himself as a child.

"Ana?" I turn when I hear a little soft voice and smile at Jillian one of the girls who lives here.

"Hi Jillian. What can I do for you, sweetheart?"

"Here" she hands me a slightly scrambled sheet of paper and I look at.

"Wow, you have a B- in your English test. That's great sweetheart, I am so happy for you. How about we frame it and hang it over your desk. I think I have a frame in my room."

"The one with the sea shells?" she asks clapping her hands and bouncing up and down.

"Exactly, how about you take this and hold on to it until I have finished my breakfast, then I get the frame and we can put it over your desk together?"

"Okay, thank you, Ana" she hugs me quickly, takes her test and runs off to her best friend Mona who also lives here.

"Should you be praising her like that. I mean it's a B-." Christian asks.

"Eight months ago when Jillian came to live here, she couldn't read or write at all. For her that's a big deal and of course I want all children here to enjoy school, after all they need a good education, because the sad truth is those kids don't have a family to get them through college, they need good grades to get scholarships."

"Are they getting tutoring here?"

"Yes, of course, some are even home schooled here, until they are ready to enroll in one of the nearby schools."

"Are there many?"

"Yes, when I was looking for the right property to build Safe Haven I made sure that we have schools nearby. The younger kids take the school bus, because it is safer, but the older ones like to go to school by bike. It's important for them to go to school, not just to have a good education but also to socialize. They can have friends over, we invited the parents of their school mates over for BBQ's so they know it is alright to allow their children to come here. I know that this place can't replace a normal family life, but I want the children here to have a normal childhood and school is a important part of that."

He nods and looks at me as if he weighing something up in his mind before he speaks again. "Why is this so important to you, I always thought you dreamt of a career in publishing."

"I did, I worked at Brinkley Publishing when I came to New York, but this is so much more important. I am in the lucky position that I could sit back and enjoy my life without work for the rest of my life. I just feel like I have to give back. I was lucky, when my biological father died my mother met Ray and he was the best father a girl could ask for. Had she met husband number three while I was a baby... well I probably wouldn't be here."

"Why? What did he do to you?"

"Nothing, but he was making me very uncomfortable. The way he looked at me and how he would make comments about my clothes and body. It was just very inappropriate for an adult to behave like that towards a teenager. Then one day I came home from school and my mother had all my stuff packed and she put me on the next plane back to Seattle where Ray picked me up. At the time I thought I had done something wrong and she would never talk about what happened back then. All I knew was that she moved out the same day and they got divorced. It wasn't until last year that she told me she found pictures on his computer and it scared the living daylights out of her. All she could think of was that she needed to keep me safe, so she put me on the first flight back to Ray. She wanted to go with me, but all she could afford at the time was the one plane ticket for me."

Christian looks as if he is about to get sick. "What kind of pictures?" he asks.

" Pictures of teenage girls, very inappropriate and disturbing ones. She reported him to the cops and he is in prison ever since. I didn't ask what they've found to send him to prison for 20 years, but it must have been bad. You see, I was lucky. My mom would have done anything to keep me safe, others aren't that lucky" I murmur while thinking about my brother, Christian and all the children I have met since I became involved with the Crossroads Foundation.

After the breakfast I get the frame for Jillian, while Christian takes the paint and pudding we brought with us into the art room. Once all is set the kids each get a plate with a scoop from each pudding and they start to paint either on the paper I laid out for them or on themselves which seems to be the more popular choice.

"What is wrong, Mr. Grey? Not into painting?" I grin when Christian just stares at the huge mess the kids are creating.

"I wouldn't call that painting, Christ, you have to hose them down once all the pudding is gone." he mutters.

"Maybe, but they are having fun and that was the goal of this little exercise."

"Yes, especially your little buddy over there" he chuckles and points to Sam who is happily eating the pudding with his hands. "What happened to him, Ana?"

"I don't know. Six months ago he was found in a dumpster. An old homeless lady who was looking for something to eat in the dumpster found him. He was beaten half to death, badly malnourished, naked in the middle of January. The police couldn't find any hint where he came from. Newspaper articles asking for witnesses didn't help either. To this day we have no idea where he came from. The nurses in the hospital named him Sam, we are going to celebrate his birthday on the day he was found. The doctors in the hospital told us that he must be between two and three years old."

"He couldn't tell you his name?"

"No, Sam has not spoken a single word since he was found. At first we thought he is mute, but he was examined and physically he is able to talk. Maybe he never learned how to, but most likely what ever happened to him traumatized him so deeply that his mutism is just a part of the trauma."

For the longest time Christian just watches Sam and then he speaks again.

"How did you meet him?"

"While he was in the hospital he got a case worker and she is a friend of mine. She called me right away. I've met Sam while he was still at the hospital. He had to stay for nearly two months. Nina, his case worker couldn't find a foster family for him, he was like a wild animal at first, so he came to live here. At times he is very challenging, getting him to leave his clothes on was borderline painful and when he had his first hair cut he bit the hair dresser, but we are getting there."

"You really like him, don't you?"

"Like him, no, I love the little guy. If I could I would file a petition to adopt him first thing tomorrow morning."

"Why don't you?" Christian asks and I am surprised. I really expected him to give me a lecture about how adopting a child would make my life so much harder.

"Because he deserves so much more. What he needs is a family, mother and father. If I would adopt him, he would have to go into a daycare and getting used to new people is not easy for him. I just feel like I can't be all that he needs."

"You love him, maybe that is all that he needs. You loving someone Ana, it's the most special thing on earth." he says and before I can answer he gets up walks over to where Sam sits and after a while I watch them both paint together.

Who is this man and where is the Christian Grey I know?

Christian

What a day. I have to say that I was very nervous about coming to Safe Haven. I was never good with kids and would go a long way to stay away from them. It's too easy for them to touch me and they wouldn't understand my boundaries anyway. Funny enough coming here was a revelation. Seeing the children and hearing their stories, it made me think of myself, where I came from and that I could have very well ended up in state care if it wasn't for Grace and Carrick adopting me.

But more so it made me think of myself as a teenager, when things with Elena started. I still believe that she helped me, but hearing some of the things those kids have been through makes me question her motives. Not something I want to do, but it keeps coming back to my mind. Naturally, as my mother's friend Grace would have told her about all the trouble I was constantly in, about my issues of being touched. Is that why she didn't touch me the first time she kissed me? Because she knew?

Fuck it, for the first time since I have left rehab I really want a drink, but instead I get out of bed to get a Coke. I always hated Coke, too sweet and unhealthy, but while being in rehab I grew fond of it. Ana showed me the kitchen earlier, so I make my way to it and to my surprise there is light on and I find Ana sitting on one of the chairs by the large kitchen table.

"Can't sleep?" I ask and she looks up.

"No, this freaking thunder storm makes it impossible to sleep" she mutters.

"Scared?" she doesn't even get the chance to answer before the next thunder roars loudly and she jumps in her seat.

"Maybe, I know it's childish, but I hate thunder storms. Why are you still up?"

"Can't sleep. Do you know if they have Coke here?"

"I think in the fridge in the garage, I get my keys."

"No, it's okay, a water is fine too." It's raining like hell outside and I don't want Ana to get sick.

"Okay" she gets up and gets two bottles from the fridge, handing me one she sits down again.

"Why is the Coke in the garage?"

"Because it's only allowed on lazy day."

"Lazy day?"

"It's something my Mom and Ray would do when I was a child. Every second Saturday of the month we would have breakfast at I-Hop, eat ice cream for lunch and have pizza or burger from McDonald's for dinner. It was fun. So, we have the same here. The kids love it. The older once can have a can of Coke and the younger once can have other lemonade or soda. Other than that we try to keep them on a healthy diet. It's easy to seek comfort by eating tons of unhealthy food each day, so we don't have it here. If they want a snack they can have cut fruit or veggie sticks; candy and chocolate is not on their daily menu."

"Sounds like fun" I murmur and rub my hands through my hair deep in thoughts. This is her life, she really lives for this place. I guess thinking that it would be easy to get her back to Seattle was a mistake. As was thinking that my job is more important than hers. She has given up a promising career to be to help children in need and seeing her here with the children I am not sure I can ask to come back to Seattle... fuck.

"So, what are your plans for tomorrow" I ask her to distract myself.

"Getting up around six for my morning run, then I'm having breakfast with the kids and after that I have to go to Harlem where I meet my team to visit a school. That might take until late afternoon, so I will just have the time to go home and change for the dinner with members from different charities. What about you?"

"I have some meetings in the afternoon and Mia texted me earlier to ask if I want to have dinner with her, since your brother has a teleconference with Japan which will take up most of his evening. But I would like to see you again before I have to go back to Seattle Wednesday morning."

I can tell she is chewing something over in her mind and I am pretty sure I am not going to like what she is about to say next, but she surprises me.

"I am having friends over for dinner on Tuesday, after dinner we want to watch a movie. I would like for you to come too, but I guess I should tell you now that Arnaldo is going to be there, too."

Hearing her say his name I press my mouth into a hard line. Fuck, I want to see her, but I have no desire to hang out with a guy she was intimate with.

"I can ask him if he would mind to do something else on Tuesday, but Christian if you want to be a part of my life you have to get over your jealousy when it comes to Arnaldo. He is just a friend. Our sexual relationship is over... it was over the moment I've read your letter. I was never in love with him, it was always you."

"I remember that you didn't like me being friends with Elena either." And I regret those word the moment they are out of my mouth, because Ana goes tense the second I have mentioned Elena's name.

"Christian, I am going to say this only once. Do not compare Arnaldo to that woman. I know you don't see that what she has done to you was wrong, but it was. What she did to you is criminal, despicable and just wrong. You weren't old enough to really know what you were getting yourself into and she should have known better. She is a pedophile. It's that simple. Had your relationship started once you were an adult I still wouldn't like that you are friends with her now, but I would live with it for your sake. But I can't and won't tolerate you being friends with her. If you want to have any chance to win me back you have to cut all ties with her first."

"She really did help me, Ana" shit that sounds pathetic even to my own ears. Here I am at a home for children who have suffered through all kinds of abuse and I am defending a woman who lured a 15 year old boy into a full on deviant BDSM relationship.

"No she didn't, I wish you could see how she is still manipulating you. Just maybe once ask yourself why she is your only friend and if what happened between you is so perfectly okay, if she was such a force of good in your life, why can no one know about it?"

And there it is again, the same fucking questions Flynn has asked me so many times, the same questions the shrink in rehab asked when I opened up about my introduction to sex. The simple truth is, I don't want to answer those questions, because deep down I know now that Ana is right.

"You don't have to answer me, just think about it. It's late, I'll try to go back to sleep. Do you want to join me for my morning run tomorrow?"

"Sure, why not." I watch her get up and I know I have just fucked up what little progress we've made during the day here. But before Ana even takes three steps there is the loudest fucking thunder I have ever heard in my life, the lights flicker and Ana jumps onto my lap curling up and hiding her face in the crook of my neck. The next second we are in total darkness which is only interrupted by the lightning outside.

"Make it stop" she begs and I can't help but laugh.

"Baby, I'd do anything for you, but not even I can change the weather."

"Do not laugh at me!" she pouts and lifts her head to look at me and when the next lightning baths the kitchen in light for a short moment I see her beautiful eyes and I know I won't be able to stop myself. Those eyes, her perfect soft lips, her shifting in my lap... and I know that my next move could ruin everything but I can't stop myself. My lips find hers and when she sighs and kisses me back I hold onto her for dear life.

It's heaven... it's Ana... it's home...