Ha
"So if you were on a deserted island, you really would-?"
"Ugh, don't keep saying it, Benson," Sam moaned, her head resting on Freddie's shoulder.
"Sorry," Freddie grinned. "But it's not everyday that my ham-loving girlfriend admits that if she could either have a years supply of ham or me on a deserted island, she'd pick me."
"Keep it up and that answer will be changing," Sam said.
Freddie chuckled and leaned his head down to kiss her. "Come on, baby. You know what? If I was on a deserted island and I could either have an actual Sky Naut from Galaxy Wars or you, I'd pick you."
Sam laughed, rolling her eyes. "Well yeah, because you can't exactly make out with a Sky Naut, now can you?"
"Very true," Freddie agreed as Sam placed her arms around Freddie's neck, kissing him again.
"Okay, guys, I'm in the room," Carly said, coming downstairs into her living room. "Can you keep your tongues to yourself now please?"
"Carly…" Sam whined. "We're not going to see each other until tomorrow night."
"Yeah, are lips are going to be lonely," Freddie said.
"You two are nauseating sometimes," Carly said, smiling. "And why aren't you guys seeing each other until tomorrow night? You don't have plans for tonight?"
"No," Sam replied. "My mom has this coupon for a free bucket of chicken, so her and I were going to eat while I try to help her with that scab infection on her neck."
"And my mom," Freddie said. "Wants us to get dinner together at some organic place that makes everything with spinach."
"That place should be banned," Sam said.
"Why don't you guys just have your moms eat together with the two of you?" Carly suggested. "You know, like a little couple-family bonding thing? That could be fun."
"Fun? Ha!" Sam scoffed. "My mom and his mom in the same room? What, do you want the universe to explode?"
"Yeah," Freddie nodded. "That would be like in World of Warlords, if Aspartime and-"
"Don't!" Sam cut him off.
"Guys," Carly said, crossing her arms. "Are you seriously telling me that you've dating for almost a year now and your moms have never met each other?"
"Is it really that big of a deal?" Freddie asked. "I mean, we've met each others mom. Isn't that more important?"
"Well yeah, that's important and all, but I think it'd also be nice if your parents met," Carly said. "It would probably really strengthen your relationship even more."
Freddie looked at Sam. "Maybe she has a point."
"Wait," Sam frowned. "So you're saying you really want to do this?"
Freddie shrugged. "I could convince my mom to go out to eat some other time instead."
Sam sighed. "Fine. I'll help my mom with her scab tomorrow night."
"Aw, you'll see, you two will have fun," Carly smiled.
"Bring your mom to my place at six then," Sam said.
"You don't want to go to a restaurant?" Freddie asked.
"Can't," Sam said. "My mom's under house arrest for spraying a rabbi with a hose at the car wash."
"Ah," Freddie nodded. "Well, I'm sure this will go…well."
….
"Alright, mom," Freddie said as Marissa Benson stared in horror at the Puckett house, which had tiles hanging off the roof, rust stains on the walls and a horribly unkempt lawn. "Please just remember that Sam is my girlfriend, and that it's very, very important that this goes well. So promise me that no matter how badly you want to, you won't try to sanitize anything, okay?"
"But Freddie!" Marissa exclaimed. "You can practically see the germs covering this…home."
"Mom," Freddie sighed. "Just be nice. Who knows, maybe you and Sam's mom will have something in common."
"Fredward Benson!" Marissa snapped. "How dare you insinuate that I would have something in common with a woman who lets her home become such a filthy, disastrous breeding zone for germs!"
"Alright then," Freddie said, opening his car door. "Let's just get this over with. Just, you know, try to keep your comments to yourself."
Him and his mother walked up to the Puckett's front door. Freddie rang the bell as Marissa's hand twitched towards her handbag, clearly wanting nothing more than to grab a wipe from it and begin cleaning the area.
Sam opened the door. "Hey," she smiled at her boyfriend. Then she spotted Mrs. Benson. "Oh…good. You could make it. Lovely."
"Um, so where's your mom?" Freddie asked Sam quickly before his mother could respond to Sam's less-than-warm welcoming.
"She's finishing up her waxing session upstairs," Sam replied. "My Uncle Carmine's friend dropped off some pizza's from his Italian restaurant for dinner. And don't worry, Fredward. He brought over plenty of red pepper flakes and Parmesan cheese for you to spend an hour seasoning your slices with."
"Aw, thanks," Freddie grinned, leaning over towards Sam, about to give her a kiss.
"Ahem!" Mrs. Benson said loudly.
"Um, mom, I think you left the car unlocked," Freddie said.
"What?" Marissa exclaimed, her eyes widening. "Hoodlums can get in it!"
As she hurried back outside, Sam and Freddie exchanged a quick kiss.
"Alright, I'm all smooth and hairless," Pam Puckett said, walking down the stairs. "What's up, Freddie boy? That shirt's looking real good on you."
"Um, thanks," Freddie said as Sam rolled her eyes.
"Freddie, I don't know what you were talking about, the car was locked up just like I thought it was," Marissa said, re-entering the house. "I don't know why you would-oh, hello."
Pam and Marissa stared at each other. The two women could not have been more different. Pam frowned as she looked over Mrs. Benson's less-than-flattering sweater and sensible shoes while Marissa pursed her lips in clear disapproval over Pam's tight jeans and tank top that had been thrown over a bikini top.
"So, mom," Freddie said, breaking the awkward silence. "This is Sam's mom, Pam Puckett."
"Yeah, and this is Fredbag's mom, Craz-I mean, Marissa Benson," Sam told her mom.
"'Sup?" Pam asked, nodding at Marissa.
"Um, good evening," Marissa said. "What a…lovely home you have."
"Eh, it would look nicer if I would've kept dating that landscaper," Pam said. "But see, he had this weird thing going on that-"
"Okay!" Sam said. "Can we eat? I'm starving."
"Yeah, sounds like a good idea," Freddie said. "I can smell that pizza from here. Your Uncle Carmine's friend must be a great chef."
"Dude," Sam whispered, grabbing Freddie's wrist and holding him back as Pam and Marissa headed into the kitchen. "You really think this is going to work out? I mean, I know Carly said this was a good idea, but our moms are so…different."
"Baby, I know this might be a little weird," Freddie told her. "But our parents were going to have to meet eventually, right?"
"Well yeah, but I was thinking that would be in, you know, ten years or something," Sam said.
"Look, maybe they'll surprise us," Freddie said. "Now come on, why don't we go join them?"
"Fine," Sam sighed.
The couple went into the kitchen with their mothers. Pam had thrown a pile of paper plates onto the cluttered table and was now opening one of the pizza boxes on the kitchen counter.
"Alright, you want meat slam, right Sammie?" Pam asked.
"You know it," Sam nodded. She turned to Freddie. "Pepperoni good for you?"
"Of course," Freddie smiled.
"What about you?" Pam asked Marissa, taking a bite of her own pizza and chewing with her mouth open.
"Um," Marissa frowned, clearly not used to eating a dinner so high in sodium and fat. "I'll have a veggie slice."
"A what?" Pam asked. "You mean that put vegetables on pizzas now? What, is this some kind of new fad like those scented toothbrushes?"
"Just have a slice of pepperoni and pick off the meat, mom," Freddie sighed, beginning to season his own piece.
"Fine," Marissa said, pursing her lips. "If we're all just going to through nutrition to the wind…"
"Hey, pizza's plenty nutritious," Pam defended. "You've got your tomato sauce, which is a vegetable-"
"Actually, tomatoes are fruits," Marissa corrected. "If you subscribed to Produce Biweekly, you would've seen the very heated debate over the topic."
"What? Pfft, that's a load of chiz," Pam scoffed. "Anyone with half a brain in their head knows tomatoes are vegetables."
"They have seeds," Marissa said. "Which makes them a fruit."
"Yeah, but fruit has to be sweet," Pam said. "Have you ever had a sweet tomatoes, lumpy sweater?"
Marissa gasped. "Then explain the lemon…too-tight top!"
"You don't like my top?" Pam asked. "Fine." And with that, she took off her shirt, revealing a bikini top that had ketchup stains all over it.
As Marissa began to preach her views on this particular article of clothing, Sam and Freddie looked at each other, and both got up from the table, leaving their feuding mothers.
"Well," Sam said as her and Freddie sat down on the couch with their pizza. "I think that went well."
"You want to go break up their little argument?" Freddie asked as the shouts continued to sound from the kitchen.
Sam rose and eyebrow. "Do I look stupid?"
"You know, I still say this could've gone worse," Freddie said, putting his arm around Sam.
"Yeah, I guess," Sam nodded. "At least your mom didn't see that tattoo my mom got on her thigh of that mermaid."
"And at least my mom left the pamphlets on housekeeping that she wanted to bring at home," Freddie said.
Sam chuckled. "Well, we got Carly off our backs. That's one thing, isn't it?"
"True," Freddie agreed. "So…you think our moms would notice if we stayed in here for awhile…by ourselves?"
Sam smiled. "I think they're distracted enough…"
