I know this chapter is going to piss some of you off, therefore I would like to kindly request to read the whole chapter before you leave any angry reviews :-)

Chapter 12 - Trapped

Ana

"We have gathered here today to celebrate the life of Christian Grey, who tragically had to leave this world way too soon. Christian was the son of Grace and Carrick, husband of Anastasia, father of Samuel, Theodore, Phoebe and Aria and brother of Elliot, Mia and Emily. He was loved by many people and has endeavored to use his wealth and influence to help the ones in need..." I blend the voice of the minister out, my gaze fixed on the portrait of my beloved husband next to the casket.

I will never see him again... after today all that I have left is visiting his grave. My mind is repeating his final minutes over and over. Every time I act differently, I pull my gun out earlier, I wait for Taylor to enter, I kill Hyde startling the bastard enough for Christian to get the gun... so many possibilities and each of them would have led to me being home with my husband happy that our nightmare is over.

"Mommy, why won't Daddy wake up?" Sam asks me. Teddy, Phoebe and Aria are at home with Gail, but Sam insisted that he was old enough to come with me. He is old enough to understand death, but I guess looking at Christian in the open casket he really looks like he is just sleeping.

"Baby, he won't wake up. Daddy is in heaven, I'm sorry, I wish..."

"Don't cry mommy." He begs and I wrap him in my arms when his tears start to fall.

"You'll get through this; we are all here for you." Gideon who is sitting next to us whispers to me, but first the first time, I can't believe him and there is a part of me who is so angry with him for calling the cops, a part who is also angry at Taylor for shooting the bastard, I could have been with my love now... No, I can't think like that, I have four children and Emily who need me. I need to be strong for them, they have lost their father, they can't lose their mother too.

I'm grateful for Elliot and Gideon holding me up as I watch Christian's casket being lowered into the cold dark ground. My legs are barely supporting me and I want to jump into that hole and hold onto to Christian... I'm not ready to let him go. From somewhere I hear loud sobbing and screaming and for a second it gives me comfort, knowing that I'm not the only suffering like this, but then I notice I am the woman who is screaming and sobbing.

"Ana it is time to go home." I hear Gideon behind me and notice that it has gotten dark outside. Rain is pouring down and for the first time I notice that the headstone is already in place.

Christian Grey

Beloved father, brother and son

"Gideon, why doesn't it say husband, father, son and brother? And why is head stone already here?" I ask not able to comprehend what is happening.

"Ana, Christian has been dead for a week, you have to leave now."

"Why doesn't it say husband?" I demand.

"Because you killed him, you foolish girl murdered my son!" I turn around and see Carrick and Grace, they look so old suddenly and the looks they are giving me are hostile.

"No... I... I went to save him." I cry.

"You could have called the cops right away, you could have let security handle everything... but you had to play the hero and now our son is dead and you have his blood on your hands." Grace hisses and then hides her face in Carrick's chest where she sobs her heart out.

"I will see you in court, Anastasia." Carrick says as he leads Grace away.

"Court? What does that mean Gideon, I just don't understand." I cry and he looks at void of any emotion.

"Grace and Carrick are trying to claim full custody of your children, Anastasia." He says and I shake my head. I have already lost my husband, they can't take my children away from me, they are all I have left.

"I need to go home; I need to see my children and Emily." I sob.

"Emily is no longer there." He says and I gasp.

"What ... no, where is Emily?"

"CPS came to get her; she is in foster care, Ana. With Christian dead, she has no living relatives who could claim custody left. She will probably remain in foster care until she is old enough to live on her own."

"NO! How could this happen, why hasn't anyone told me? I don't understand what is happening. Please take me home... I need to call my lawyer ... I ... I ... oh my god; I don't know what to do Gideon." I cry as he leads me to the car.

I get into the backseat while Gideon takes the driver's seat and my gaze suddenly catches something there is a gun on the backseat, my gun, the gun that killed my husband.

"Why is the gun here?" I ask horrified.

"The police didn't need it as evidence anymore, it's yours, so I thought I give it back to you, maybe you need it... our father had a gun just like this one..." He says and I gasp is he trying to...

"Ana wake up!" I wake with a start and find Elliot sitting at my bedside.

"Where is Christian?" I ask and he sighs.

"Ana, please not again, you know where he is. Christian has been dead for a year now, you need to finally accept that he is gone. Your children need you, we all miss you."

"No… no this can't be right, it can't be a year, Elliot. I ... I need to see his grave." I get up and put the first clothes I can find on.

"Ana, I don't think that this is a good idea. You know what happened the last time you went to see his grave."

"No, I don't. What happened? Why won't you let me visit my husband's grave." I ask confused and he sighs.

"Ana, we've been through this. You are not Christian's wife, you broke up with him almost fifteen years ago after just a few months and you never met him again. He married Leila and she is still mourning the loss of her husband, please don't go to visit his grave again, it will only upset her and you've been here for almost a year now, it's time for you to go back to Safe Haven, your children need you."

"My children... Teddy, Sam, Phoebe and Aria, where are they?"

"Christ almighty, Ana they are not your children, they are the children of Leila and Christian, here look." He says and shows me a picture of Christian with a woman who looks somehow familiar with our children...

"NO! They are my children; I want to see my children!" I scream and suddenly there are nurses and doctors and everything turns black...

"Oh Ana, please wake up, sweetie."

"Kate." I whisper afraid of what kind of hell I will find myself in once I will open my eyes.

"Ana, I think I've caught the flu." She croaks and I open my eyes slowly and find her wearing those awful pink bunny pajamas.

"Kate?" I ask confused.

"You have to do the interview for me. You know with Christian Grey, please Ana, I have worked so hard to get this interview with him, I have all the questions for you." She says and I take a look around, I'm in my old bedroom back at the apartment in Vancouver where we lived while we attended WSU. A quick glance at the calendar shows that it is May 2011.

Oh my god, the day I first met Christian! I jump out of bed.

"I'm getting ready; can I have your car for the drive to Seattle?"

"Yes, oh you are a true lifesaver, Ana!" She says I want to roll my eyes, at least in this hell dimension Christian is still alive.

When I finally arrive at GEH Andrea tells me to go right through. This time I manage to get into his office without falling over my own feet and see Christian standing at the window looking into the night sky. Night? Why is it dark outside?

"Christian?" I ask tentatively but he doesn't react. "Christian please look at me." I beg and step closer to him until I am next to him and touch his arm.

He turns and looks at me. "Ana ... my Ana." He says with an melancholic smile, but suddenly his face turns pale and his eyes lose any emotion.

"Red." He says and I don't understand. "What?"

"Red, Ana." He says again looking down at himself before he collapses onto the floor with blood gushing out of his chest.

"Christian!" I gasp and feel it. I'm holding something in my hand and when I look at it I see the gun. I killed him... it's all my fault, I have killed the love of my life and this is my hell.

Grace

"I'm going to see if Ana is awake." I say quietly to my husband as we are still waiting for news on Christian. He has been in surgery for almost five hours already, but I know with a gunshot wound in the chest area it can take many more hours for us to receive any news.

As a doctor I know that it is a good sign that we haven't had any news so far. It means he is still with us, still fighting. Oh my poor boy, why did you have to meet with this terrible person?

When I reach Ana's room I find her brother and Kate sitting with her.

"You'll get through this; we are all here for you. Both of you will get through this." He whispers to her.

"Has she woken up yet?" I ask.

"No, I don't understand this Grace, why doesn't she wake up? The doctor said she is fine, no injuries at all." Kate says with tears in her eyes.

"I don't know, maybe she just isn't ready." I reply and move closer to hold her hand.

"We need to wash her; she has Christian's blood all over her hands." I murmur and stroke her face.

"Wake up, sweet girl. Your husband and children need you, darling." I whisper in her ear, but she remains unconscious. Needing to do something to busy myself I ask a nurse for a bowl with water, soap and a wash cloth, so I can clean Ana. It's all I can do to keep myself for storming into the OR to see what is going on.

"I have called Ana's mother and sent a jet, she will be back with the children as fast as possible." Gideon says quietly still watching his sister.

"It's my fault. I insisted on letting the police handle the situation. Those idiots took so fucking long... if Christian..."

"Don't. My son is a fighter, if anyone can survive this then it's him. We have to stay positive and it's not your fault Gideon. Christian made a bad decision, Ana didn't think it through and getting the police involved is a normal and rational decision in a situation like that. We cannot try to blame someone, if anyone is responsible for this situation it is Marshall Miller."

"He is dead." Gideon says.

"Well, then by now hopefully he has to justify his wrong doings in front of God. He might escaped his punishment in this world, but there are higher powers none of us can escape." and I hope this awful person burns in hell.

He might have been my son's biological father, but he never deserved the wonderful son and daughter he fathered.

We all turn when the door opens and Elliot steps inside.

"Any news?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"No, but Taylor told us that Hyde is singing like a bird at the precinct. How is Ana?"

"Still the same." I sigh and he looks at her.

"The last thing she saw was Christian on the ground, what if she isn't waking up because she thinks he is dead?" He says voicing what all of us are thinking.

"She will wake up; she just needs some more time." I say hoping and praying that I am right.

"Wake up, Ana." Elliot says and leans in to kiss her forehead. "Your husband needs you, Ana... he is going to worry when he comes out of surgery and you are not there."

Three more hours pass and Ana is still unconscious when a nurse alerts us that the doctor will come to see us shortly. I'm so nervous, I feel as if I am going to be sick any minute and hold onto to Carrick's hand for support when the doctor steps in.

"Family of Christian Grey?" He asks and we step forward.

"How is my son?" Carrick asks.

"Your son is in recovery right now. The bullet missed his heart, but damaged a major artery and got stuck in his lung. We were able to fix the damage and stabilize him for now, but the high blood loss has weakened him, which remains a concern as of now. We are going to monitor him closely for the next 48 hours, however if no complications occur we are optimistic that he is going to make a full recovery. Now, which one of you is Ana?" He asks.

"That's his wife; she was also hospitalized and is still unconscious." I reply.

"I see, your son woke up briefly after the surgery and murmured her name. He seemed quite upset; maybe once he is at the ICU we can have them in one room so he can see her. We can't risk any stress for him at this point, he needs peace and quiet to recover." The doctor says, but all I'm really hearing is that my son will live, he might need time to recover, but he will live.

"Can we see him?" I ask.

"Once he is at the ICU Ma'am and not more than two visitors at the time." The doctor replies and I nod, while I can see Elliot hurrying off, most likely to let Gideon and Kate know that Christian is out of surgery.

Another forty-five minutes later Christian is in a private room on the ICU and Gideon is making arrangements for Ana to be brought into his room while Carrick and I are the first to go see Christian. When I enter the room I feel tears burning in my eyes, my darling son looks deathly pale, he has a heart monitor, IV lines and other equipment attached to him and I glance at the heart monitor and his chart to make sure he everything is as it should be before I take his hand and watch his lips move under the mask that is supplying him with oxygen.

"Don't try to speak, darling. You are at the hospital, you had surgery, but everything is going to be fine." I explain, but he continues to mumble something, so I lean in really close to find out what he is saying.

"Ana."

"She is fine, darling. She passed out when she thought ... when she saw you after being shot, she hasn't woken up yet, but she is not injured or hurt in anyway. Gideon is arranging for her to be brought into your room. It won't be long now." I explain and just a few moments later two nurses push a bed with Ana in it into the room and ask them to push the bed as close as possible to Christian. When it is done, I take her hand and place it on his.

"Ana... my Ana." Christian whispers hoarsely and a small smile appears on his face before he's asleep again.

Please wake up, darling girl... Christian needs you... we all need you.