Chapter 16 – Family Ties

Ana

I know my dear husband has been battling with himself whether to meet his aunt or not for the last seven days. He didn't really want to talk about it, but I like to think that I know him well enough to know what he is thinking. It was still a surprise though when this morning he announced that we would drive to Vermont to visit her today. So now, we are in the car with Taylor driving us and even though we still have two more hours of drive ahead of us, I can feel how tense Christian is.

"Hey, you know, you don't have to meet her, right?" I tell him when I can't take the silence in the car anymore.

"Taylor, please make a stop for lunch." Christian says and he continues to stare out of the window until Taylor drives us into a small town near the highway, where he stops in front of a small restaurant.

"Would you like to eat on the patio?" Christian asks me when he spots a few small tables on the patio of the restaurant.

"Yes, sounds nice." I reply not really sure why we are making this stop.

Once we are seated and the waiter has brought us the menu, I put mine down and look at Christian, who is studying the menu as if it was the most interesting read of his lifetime.

"Christian please, talk to me." I say quietly and he puts his menu down too.

"I'm nervous, Ana. There are so many things I want to know about Ella and this woman whom I have never met… my aunt, she may have answers, but I'm not sure I will like them. I know I can't blame her for what happened, she was just a kid with no way to help her sister, but…I did a bit of research on her and I know what I'm going to say next sounds horrible, but Jennifer always had it easy, she got raised by her grandparents, was then adopted by a loving couple, got a scholarship for college, married a doctor and moved on to live a happy life while her sister didn't have any love in her home once her mother died… she never got to finish school and died way before her time… it just doesn't seem fair. How can two sisters end up on so different paths?" He says and I take his hand.

"I guess there is no real answer to that. I believe her father had a lot to do with Ella's path. He could have allowed for her to grow up with her sister in her grandparents' home, but he kept her knowing that his new wife didn't want her… but I believe there was one thing in her life that made Ella truly happy."

"Drugs?" He murmurs and I shake my head.

"You… I believe that having you in her life made her happy, because she finally had someone in her life who loved her unconditionally."

"I couldn't save her." He points out.

"It wasn't your job to save her. You've been a small child back then, barely able to take care of yourself, there was no way for you to save her."

"I'm afraid my aunt blames me for Ella's death. If Ella never had met my biological father and as a result had me… you know she may be still alive."

"It all happens for a reason Christian, just think about it, without you ever being born, none of our children would have ever been born, I would have never moved to New York and found Sam… who knows where he would have ended up without Safe Haven… Mia would be dead, because you wouldn't have been there to pull her out of the Sound when she was a toddler and all the good you have done in your life and will continue to do… it would have never happened. You can't think like that and I don't think your Aunt is blaming you, otherwise she wouldn't have stayed in contact with Grace for all of those years."

"I don't know, let's just enjoy lunch." He says after a while and I nod, but can tell by the way he is picking at his food, that he must be really nervous because otherwise, he would never leave his plate half full like he did just now.

Two hours later Taylor pulls up in front of a nice looking family home and we have just left the car when the front door opens and a young woman comes out.

"Bye Mom, see you later." She calls out before she closes the door and when she turns around Christian freezes mid-stride. Oh my God! The girl must be his cousin, I have no idea what his aunt looks like, but this girl looks like a carbon copy of Ella.

Suddenly the door opens again and a small boy runs after her.

"Ella… Ella wait, I wanna come with you." He calls after her and she turns around, picks him up and holds him upside down, which makes the little guy belly laugh.

"So you wanna come with me… hmm let's see, I could take you to the mall with me and we could have ice cream and hot dogs… but that's boring right?" She giggles.

"No! I want ice cream and hotdogs." He laughs and she puts him down.

"Okay, go tell Mom you are leaving with me, I'll wait by the car." She tells him and he runs off. When she walks to the car she notices us and freezes for a second, but recovers and walks over to us.

"You are him right… my cousin?" She asks Christian who is still staring at her so I squeeze his hand a little and he seems to snap out of his daze.

"You know about me?"

"Yes… my Mom … she has pictures of you… oh my God, she will be so happy to see you… oh wow I'm so rude… I'm Ella." She says and holds her hand out to Christian.

"Christian." he murmurs and they shake hands.

"Will you be still here in a few hours, I've just promised Billy to take him to the mall, otherwise I would stay… but I would really like to get to know you, our mom has told us about you for as long as I can remember... but I totally get if you don't have time."

"No… we'll wait." I jump in, because Christian seems a little overwhelmed.

"Cool." She grins and waves at us as she hurries to her car where her little brother is waiting. Though I'm a bit surprised that Christian's aunt, who must be about forty-eight has a son who isn't older than five years.

"Ready?" I ask Christian and he nods, so we walk towards the house.

Christian

If it wasn't for Ana's hand in mine, I would probably still be staring at the girl, my cousin. Fuck, it felt like I went into some kind of weird time loop and found myself back in 1987 looking at my mother. It never even came to my mind that my mother and aunt could look alike or that my aunt could have a child with such an uncanny resemblance to Ella.

For some reason to see my cousin freaked me out and calmed me at the same time. It freaked me out because it was like looking at my dead mother and it calmed me, because she seemed to be happy to see me, so I guess her mother must have talked nicely about me… so maybe she isn't blaming me.

At the door, I take a moment and then knock, a few seconds pass by and then the door opens and I see her… my aunt… fuck me, do all women in my mother's family look the same? She looks just the same and for a moment we just stare at each other, both equally surprised and when her surprise seems to wear off, I can see the tears well up in her eyes before they spill over. I don't know what possesses me, but before I know what I am doing, I have let go of Ana's hand, stepped forward and pulled this complete stranger who is my aunt into my arms. I'm not sure what I was hoping for in doing so, but it only makes her cry harder.

"I… I'm sorry, I should have called." I mutter not sure how to handle this situation.

This makes her step back and take my hands in hers. It feels unfamiliar and still right to allow a woman I have never met before to hold my hands.

"No, please don't be sorry. I have waited so long to finally meet you. Please come in." She says trying to find her composure.

"Are you sure, if this is a bad time…."

"Please." She says and turns to Ana.

"You are Anastasia, right?"

"Yes, it's so nice to meet you, Mrs..."

"Barkley, but it's Jen."

"Ana." She says and they shake hands while my aunt is still holding on to my other hand.

She leads us inside into the living room and I look around until my eyes focus on a wall full of picture and I have to step closer when I see pictures of myself. It's me as a small boy, at school recitals, my graduation… so many pictures of me surrounded by pictures of her family.

"This one I took myself, your parents allowed me to visit your high school graduation in promise for my return not to come near you until you are ready for us to meet." She says and can't believe that she has made me a part of her family all of these years and I didn't even know she existed. To be fair, though, at the time those pictures have been taken I was in a dark place and wouldn't have reacted well to us meeting.

"Why did you never try to see me?" I ask and she smiles.

"I wanted to, so much… but I have talked to your parents and they shared a bit of what you had to go through while staying with Ella with me. Like me, they were afraid what seeing me would have done to you… it could have been good for you, but it could have also caused you to spiral out of control… don't think I didn't care, because had I thought for one second that the Grey's aren't the best parents in the world to you, I would have moved heaven and earth to find a way to raise you myself, but as it was, it was best to allow you live your life without me in it until you are ready to meet me."

"Thank you." I murmur not sure what else to say, when another picture catches my attention, I step closer and blink… this can't be … can it.

Jen follows my gaze takes the picture of the wall and hands it to me.

"My adoptive parents kept Ella's belonging for me after she died. They had tried everything to find her after she ran, but not even the police could find her… it wasn't until she had died that they had been contacted and because I wasn't old enough to decide what to do with Ella's belongings, they kept them in storage for me until I turned eighteen. It wasn't a lot. A few books, nic-nacks, pictures and clothes… oh please wait, I think there is something that belongs to you." She says and hurries away while I continue to look at the picture of my mother holding me in her arms when I couldn't have been older than a year or two. You can already see the effects the drugs had on her, but she is smiling at me and I'm smiling right back.

"It's a beautiful picture, maybe you can ask your aunt if you can make a copy of it, so we can put it on display at home." Ana says as she steps closer.

"Maybe... I had no idea she took pictures of us… I wish I could remember more of her… not just the bad stuff that happened."

"Here I've found it." My aunt says as she returns to the living room and hands me a small box. I take it, open it and feel a lump build in my throat. My toy cars… all four of them. I remember that I have played all the time with them… they've been my only toys.

"Can you tell me more about my mother?" I ask her still looking at the small toy cars.

"Yes, of course. I have many pictures; do you want to see them?" She asks and when I nod, she gets a scrapbook and we sit down on the sofa.

"Most of them were taken while I still lived with my grandparents… this one was before… here this is your grandma Phoebe." She says and my mouth drops open.

"Your mother's name was Phoebe?" I ask and she smiles.

"Yes, you didn't know?"

"No, my daughter her name is Phoebe… I picked her name, but I can't remember Ella ever mentioning the name."

"Maybe you subconsciously remembered her tattoo." Jen says and flips through the pages until she finds the picture she was looking for. "Look at Ella's wrist, she had our mother's name tattooed to her wrist when she was fourteen, I remember that she came to stay with me at my adoptive parents' house the night our father saw the tattoo… he beat her up for it." She says in disgust and I look at her questioningly.

"My biological father wasn't a good man. He married my mother because he got her pregnant and my grandparents insisted for them to get married… they regretted that decision for the rest of their lives. He didn't care much about her, beat regularly, but she loved him and never found the courage to leave him. By the time she had me, she was already weakened from all the beatings she had taken over the years, so she never really recovered from giving birth… she got pneumonia just a few weeks later and passed away. The only reason why he wanted to keep Ella was to spite my grandparents, punish them for forcing him into marriage… well he got what he deserved in the end." She says and looks deep in thoughts for a while.

"What happened to him?"

"A couple of years after Ella had passed away he won the lottery, left his wife and moved to Vegas to live the life of the rich and famous. A week after his move he fell victim to a home invasion and was beaten to death… apparently even with all his displays of wealth, he was too ignorant and stupid to get an alarm system installed in his home. I know this may sound horrible, but I believe that he got what he deserved. If he would have been a good father or at least a decent human being Ella would have never run away and her life wouldn't have spiraled out of control the way it did. My mother could still be alive… I'm sorry, you wanted to know more about Ella, not that terrible human being… so Ella, she was a very kind girl, easily trusting and fiercely loyal to the ones she loved… she would always put everyone else first… but she was also always kind of a loner and little shy, but very intelligent. You get your business sense from her."

"Really, why would you say that." I ask interested.

"She loved everything to do with math and I remember, when she came to visit us my grandparents would give us each two or three dollars to buy us some candy at a nearby candy shop. She would always bargain with the owner, so that we would get a lot more candy then we could actually afford. She always wanted to own her own business one day… she was in her own way a free spirit, she loved to read and art in every way, shape and form. In fact, that picture over there was painted by Ella, the scenery is of a lake our grandparents would take us every summer to camp there." She says and I look at it. It's really good and I wonder how the girl my aunt is describing could spiral as much as she did without finding her way out of the mess she had found herself in.

"Do you like art, Christian?" She asks me.

"Yes, though I can't even draw a decent stickman, but I very much appreciate art. Do you remember the last time you saw her?"

"Of course, it was right after new year's 1983, she stopped by to see me… I was just a kid, but I could tell that something was off. She wouldn't tell me and instead we went ice skating. I remember she hugged me for a long time when she had to leave, looking back I'm sure she knew we wouldn't see each other again… or at least not for a very long time. I wish she would have talked to me… to my adoptive parents… they really liked her and would have done anything to help… but I guess she was afraid that our father wouldn't let them help her. I never found out if he knew about you before Ella ran away… the one time I wanted to talk to him about her he lost it and wanted to attack me… that was the one and only time I saw my adoptive father lose it. He was the nicest most kind-hearted man you can imagine, but when my father tried to lay hand on me he grabbed him and nearly beat him to a pulp… after that, I wasn't allowed to ever come near my biological father again and I had no desire to do so anyway."

"You loved her a lot." I murmur more to myself than to my aunt.

"Yes, I did… she was my sister, I have a lot of fond memories of her, I wish you had too."

"Yes, me too. So, can I ask you about yourself… I've seen your daughter outside."

"Yes, Ella is my youngest daughter. She has just turned sixteen. Then there is Marston, my oldest son. He is twenty-five and lives in New York, he studied at the North-Western and works for a huge advertising company. Thomas is twenty-three and about to complete his training as a Doctor. He wants to take over my husband's private practice when he is going to retire in a couple of years. Then there is Alexandria, though we all call her Lexi. She studies Literature and Art in New York, she wants to become an author one day. You have met Ella and then we have Billy, who is actually my grandson." She says and I frown.

"You are raising your grandson?"

"Yes, our son Thomas had a phase in his teens where he didn't have the right friends and his girlfriend at the time has been nothing but trouble. She got pregnant and wanted to get rid of the baby. Thomas was desperate for her to keep the child and let him raise it. She agreed when we promised to give her money if she was to through with the pregnancy. Once she had given birth she simply left the hospital and didn't care about her son anymore. Thomas wasn't ready to raise a child alone and so my husband and I made the decision to raise Billy as our own. He knows that he is our grandson, but prefers to call us mom and dad. Thomas spends as much time as he can with him and Billy is always happy to see him, so, in the end it all worked out for the best."

"What about his mother?" I ask and Jen sighs.

"She got married to a rich older man about two years ago and spends her time partying and shopping… she knows she can see Billy whenever she wants, but all in all she has seen him four times and twice it was a chance meeting when she was visiting her uncle and aunt who still live in town. They visit Billy on his birthday and give him a Christmas present each year, but other than that they stay away and haven't really shown any interest in him… it's their loss, he is a great little guy and we wouldn't want to miss him for the world. Especially Ella, she is crazy about him. When he was a baby, she would even get up at night when he was crying to feed or change him, before I had the chance to get to him. They have a really special bond." Jen says with a smile.

"There is something I need to ask you. I… I want to move my mother's grave. My mom, Grace, she told me you look after Ella's grave… would you mind if I move her grave to Seattle? I want her grave to be closer to me, so I can visit her."

I watch as Jen takes my question in and after a moment she smiles.

"If that is what you want, of course. She was you mother and it should be up to you where she is buried… just, would you mind if I still come to visit her grave a few times each year?"

"No, of course not, maybe you can stop by to visit us too. You could meet my children and I'm sure my parents will be happy to meet you too." I offer, I have no idea if I want her as a permanent part of my life, but she is my aunt and she seems to be a nice woman, so I can try.

"That would be lovely… will you stay for dinner? I have to start soon, my husband, John, he will return from work in a few hours and he eats like a lumberjack… he will be delighted to meet both of you." She says and I look at Ana. I know we should be leaving before dinner to get home, but for some reason, I really don't want to leave.

"Of course, we are happy to stay, I'm just going to ask Taylor to book us a room somewhere close, as it will be too late to drive back after dinner." Ana says.

"Please, you don't have to take a room. We have enough space. You two can share the guest room and your security detail can have one of my boys' rooms." Jen offers and Ana smiles at me.

"Perfect then it is settled… maybe while I am cooking I have something for you to do." She says gets up and opens a drawer from what she retrieves a DVD.

"My mother was obsessed with home movies, she made a lot of them of Ella when she was a small girl. My sons put them on DVD for me. You could watch them together." She says and I swallow hard.

"Yes, I would love to watch them." I murmur, fuck, I don't know why, but the thought of seeing my mother, even if it is only on tape makes my palms sweaty and my heart beat faster.

I thought all traces of her existence where gone, but Jen has kept her memory alive and I'm so glad I finally got to meet her and through her, it feels like I'm meeting my mother and finally after all those years have the chance to really get to know her…