Hi guys,
so, here's a new chapter for Broken II. I'm going to start writing the next chapter, which will be last either tonight or tomorrow, so it should be ready by the weekend... though I can't make any promises...
Christian
Once the DVD is on I find myself gripping Ana's hand in mine, while staring at the screen.
"Oh my gosh… she looks so much like Phoebe." Ana gasps and I too can see it. My mother and daughter have the same facial features and coloring, it's uncanny and I instantly remember the fight Ana and I had when she threw my mother's name in the mix, while we were looking for names for our baby girl. Back then there was no way I would have given my daughter the name Ella because I didn't want to be reminded of her. Now, I couldn't be happier to have a living, breathing reminder of the woman who gave birth to me in my daughter.
The child on the screen shouldn't be forgotten, if anything her life should be used as an example of what can happen to a good girl when the world turns on her. She didn't ask for her life to go the way it went, if anything she was a victim of the circumstances she had found herself in, just like so many other children all over the world.
"Look at your grandma… it's striking how much the women in her family resemble each other." Ana says as my maternal grandmother walks into the picture picking her giggling daughter up and throwing her into the air making her belly laugh.
The video goes on with scenes of what seemed to be a happy childhood and it's even sadder because I know that after her mother died Ella's happy life ended and took a dark turn.
"Ella come here sweetheart… look at the camera" Her mother said and a seven-year-old Ella smiled at the camera.
"Tell the camera who you are and what you want to be when you grow up." Her mother said.
"I'm Ella and I'm six… when I grow up I want to work with animals and I want to a mommy… just like my mommy… and then I want to be a grandma like nana."
Watching my mother and knowing what her life turned out to be, it's just too much for me.
"I need some fresh air." I mutter to Ana and walk out of the house.
„It's a lot, right?" I hear Jen and turn around.
„Seeing her like this and knowing how her life ended... it's not fair." I admit.
„I know, but we shouldn't dwell on how her life ended but celebrated what good came out of life."
„What do you mean?"
„Well, she had you and you have become more than any mother could hope for. Ella lives on in you and your children. And that's what life is about, we all only have a certain amount of time on this earth and maybe the whole reason for my sister to be on this earth was to have you."
„I hated her for a long time." I confess quietly.
„I know and I understand. You've been through so much as a young child and Ella couldn't protect you, but you don't hate her now, do you?"
„No, she was a victim in this situation, just like I was. I just wish I could tell her."
„She knows, I firmly believe that we never leave the ones we love fully. We just have to leave this physical world, but we are still there to watch over our loved ones." Jen says and for some weird reason, it gives me comfort, the thought that she knows that I have forgiven her makes me think that she is at peace now.
„I hope she does."
„You should write her a letter and when you are ready you can visit her grave and read it to her."
„I don't know, I'm not good at admitting my feelings."
„Do it when you feel ready."
„Maybe..."
The next day Ana and I leave my aunt's house after we have invited her and her family to visit us at the Hamptons before we return to Seattle. At the house, I ask Gideon for a private conversation.
„What's up, Chris?" He asks and I sit down with him in my office.
„Have you ever talked to your father."
„He is dead." Gideon says motionless.
„I know, but have you ever just sat down and talked, just said everything you ever wanted to tell him?"
„I went to his grave after Mia and I got married... I felt like I needed to tell him that even though he took the coward way out and left me to go through hell, I have forgiven him."
„Why?"
„Ana." Gideon says and I frown.
„Look, I hate to get cheesy, but my life was empty... I didn't have a family... never thought I would get married and then Ana came into my life. And through her, I didn't just get a sister, I also got an aunt that loves me like a mother and Ana brought me closer to my other sister. I barely knew anything about Ireland, but Ana brought us together. Plus, if it wasn't for Ana I wouldn't have met Mia. The thing is, the connection Ana and I share goes back to our father. He did a lot of fucked up shit or was talked into it, he was weak, but when he made the decision to cheat on my mother and got my aunt pregnant, he unknowingly gave me back the family he ruined by taking his own life. I was just tired of resenting him. So, I forgave him." Gideon says and I nod.
„I get it."
„So, why are we going down that shitty part of memory lane?" He asks.
„My aunt, she told me that when I'm ready I should talk to my mom and I did that in therapy, but now I feel like there is so much more I want her to know, things I have never said out loud."
„I don't really know if this helps you, but you'll know when you're are. Just wait until it comes naturally to you."
„I guess, I'll just do that." I mutter and we head outside where the kids are playing while Ana and Mia are watching them.
„There you are, we were wondering where you two have been." Ana says as she walks up to me and kisses me.
„Missed me?"
„Just making sure you are not getting into trouble." She says with one raised eyebrow.
„You won't let me live what happened down anytime soon, aren't you?" I ask and she smiles.
„Not for a while... but you'll get used to it." She says, but I know she is just teasing and I also know that she still gets anxious when she doesn't know where I am, so I let it go. After all, she just wants to make sure I'm fine and I know that need all too well.
I wrap one arm around her and we watch the kids together, the boys are playing soccer and the Phoebe and twin cousins are in the sandbox, while Aria is napping in a moses basket next to us. It's a beautiful scene until Teddy decides to join the girls in the sandbox and he dares to take his cousin's little shovel. In her defense, Zoe is in the middle of her terrible two's but one would think someone just got murdered by the scream she lets out and before either of us can reach them she was thrown a handful of sand in Teddy's face, which alerts Phoebe to avenge her brother by throwing sand at Zoe.
„Zoe!"
„Phoebe!" Ana and Mia call out just as we reach them and I pick Teddy up to help him clean the sand from his eyes.
„Girls are mean, Daddy, I just wanted to help them build a sand castle."
„Zoe didn't mean to."
„But she did!" Teddy pouts.
„Well, maybe, but I promise she won't be throwing tantrums like that once she is a bit older." Although I probably shouldn't be promising that, because I remember very vividly how Mia at the age of seventeen through a water bottle at me when I made fun of her makeup, and I'm talking about a solid glass bottle which missed me by an inch and hit the wall. Our mother was so mad, she grounded Mia for a month and I had to write a fucking apology letter at the age of twenty-four because I was making fun of my sister, but my Mom can be scary when she is pissed, so I wasn't about to make her even madder.
Now, I get it though, because I would most likely do the same thing.
„I rather play with Sam." Teddy says and runs off when I put him down again.
„Damn, our girls have quite the temper... now all we have to do is teach them to use their temper to scare all the boys away and our life will be fucking perfect." Gideon says and it makes me laugh.
My girls are both still in their diapers, but the thought of them dating one day already puts me into a frenzy. I will be the Dad from hell when they start to date. When Phoebe was just a year old, she kissed a little boy on the playground and I about lost it. Ana just laughed and said if I'm lucky our daughter ends up being into girls, so I wouldn't have to worry about her bringing home boys... sadly that comment did not make things better for, it made things worse, because I was raised too well to even consider threatening a girl to leave her paws off my daughter, at least with boys I can scare them away. Funny enough, I have no problem thinking about Sam and Teddy going on dates one day, but my daughters... no way not before they are at least thirty or preferably when I'm dead, so I don't have to witness some fucker trying to get all touchy feely with my little princesses.
„I don't know what has you looking like you just bit into a lemon, but I prefer you like this." Ana says as she comes to stand in front of me and lifts the corners of my mouth with her fingers making me laugh.
„It was just something that Gideon said about our girls dating."
„Oh we are not going into that conversation again, come on... we just decided to have a cookout."
„Well, you are in luck, Mrs. Grey, because thanks to my Dad giving me his beloved apron, I have a licence to grill." I joke and Ana snorts.
„Good to know, because I want a burger with lots of cheese and grilled onions."
„Coming right up." I tell her with a smile, while I'm crap at cooking, I'm great at making burgers or anything else that I can throw on a grill, so when we have a cookout I'm the chef.
Soon all the men are by the huge barbecue grill, while the women sit on the patio and watch the kids play. It's the perfect evening, just family, good food and no threats or other shit that could fuck this up for us. Though deep down I wonder if my aunt is right and Ella is at peace watching us. I hope she does and I hope seeing me here happy, with a family makes her happy too. It's what she wanted for me and I realize that I the only thing I can do to show her that I love her is to live my life to the fullest and never to take any of the good in my life for granted, because I know what it's like to have nothing and to be scared what the next day is going to be like. I will never go back to that and I will make sure that my children will never know this feeling.
Maybe when they are older I can tell them about Ella and how she sacrificed her own life for me to have a better life. It might not be a happy story, but it's a story about unconditional love that I want to share with my children so Ella is not forgotten.
