Chapter 4

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Convincing Robin to let her leave the Tower with Cyborg wasn't as difficult as she had anticipated, but it wasn't without its bumps. Over breakfast Cyborg posed the outing over coffee, and even from the dining table Raven could feel Robin's masked stare from the kitchen. At the table Aqualad was having a lively discussion with Speedy, but across from them Starfire and Garfield were both watching Raven with a shared mixture of concern and curiosity. So she held her mug of tea tightly in her hands and receded deep into the shadows of her sweater's hood.

A tap on her shoulder forced her to look up, and clear relief spread through her limbs.

Cyborg was smiling down at her.

"I'll meet you in the garage in ten minutes," he said. She nodded, and if she had been more inclined to it, she probably would have smiled. But he took her calm silence with grace before throwing a salute to the rest of the table and exiting the main room.

"Are you going somewhere?" Star asked kindly. Next to her Garfield had watched his friend leave before turning to stare over Raven's shoulder at the kitchen area. No doubt Robin was still there, although Raven was not anxious to know the expression he was wearing.

"S.T.A.R. labs," was all Raven trusted her drawling voice to say. She breathed deeply and took a long sip of her tea.

"Oh." Starfire glanced warily at Garfield, but the changeling was still staring at Robin in the kitchen. "That is...a good thing?"

The hesitant worry poured out of her like a wave, and the tea in Raven's cup started to swirl and levitate. She set it down quickly before anyone noticed, her palms clammy as she pulled them into her sleeves.

"It is only a visit," she said curtly, quietly. "An outing. To see the new lab."

"Just...for the fun?"

Raven breathed deeply and began gathering her dishes. "He thinks I would find it interesting," she said, rising from the table. "And I am curious."

"Then that is wonderful," Starfire said, breathing through a tired smile. "I am glad that you will get a chance to experience something new. And for the fun."

Raven nodded, but then forced herself to speak the words "thank you". Starfire was always so genuine in her happiness, so a verbal expression of gratitude was the least Raven could do.

Remembering to learn. It was good.

As she turned to head into the kitchen Beast Boy's scraping chair cut through the peace, and he practically ran around the table to her side, hands already held out for her plates.

"I can take care of that for you," he said immediately. "You should head down to the garage. Wouldn't want to be late!" He all but snatched the dishes out of her hand and tried to cover up his awkwardness with an enthusiastic smile and what could have been a strange jig. Beside them Aqualad failed to stifle his laughter.

"Okay. Thank you," she said again, and turned to leave.

Strange.

Always so strange.

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"That was weird," Robin said bluntly, watching over his coffee mug as Gar placed the pile of dishes into the sink. "Was that supposed to be a dance?"

"That was supposed to be me keeping Raven from having to look at your face," Gar shot back, shooting a glare at his friend.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You've got a laser beam shooting out of that furrowed brow of yours. Didn't you know? Right there..."

"Hey." Robin swatted at Beast Boy's pointed finger, although his unpleasant grimace still held fast to his features.

"Clearly you're not okay with her going with Cyborg."

"Says who? They're going aren't they? I said it was okay."

"Laser beam right there-."

"Will you stop pointing at me." Robin set his mug down deliberately and turned away, even more annoyed than before. "Forcing her to stay would have made her resent me, but letting her go isn't a worry-free endeavor either. Or would you like me to make a list on all the things that could go horribly wrong?"

"Please don't."

"Cyborg shouldn't have said anything without clearing it with me first. He knows how important her schedule is. Why would he promise her something like that without conferencing me in?"

"Because Cyborg is finally treating Raven as she should be treated," Starfire chimed in, striding into the kitchen and placing the rest of the dishes in the sink. She didn't even look at Robin. "The way we should all be treating Raven. The way you should be treating Raven. As a friend, and not as a science experiment." She touched a hand to Beast Boy's shoulder and left, leaving a silently stunned Robin to stare at her wake. After a moment he chanced a blank star at Garfield, but the changeling just threw up his hands in defeat.

"Hey, I'm just glad I'm not the one you're mad at today," he sighed.

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Raven had already been impressed with Cyborg's facilities within the Titans' Tower, so S.T.A.R. labs was almost too much to take in. The new building was silver steel and glistening glass, and all she could think about was how breakable it all seemed. As Cyborg drove the T-car up the freeway towards the structure, Raven fidgeted uncharacteristically in her seat. She had remained in the passenger's seat even when Cyborg had parked, and it took a fair amount of convincing for her to open her car door.

What if she was over-stimulated and her powers destroyed something extremely valuable and dangerous? Apart from the prospect of the League bearing down on her, she held the quiet fear of Robin's stern look if they came back with the news that she had just ruined a high profile facility.

That probably worried her more than the Justice League.

But Cyborg had assured her that S.T.A.R. labs was made to deal with individuals of her power-level, and if she was able to destroy anything then it probably wasn't worth the lab's attention anyway.

At first she walked quietly behind Cyborg, letting his familiarity with the staff distract from her nervous countenance. But it took no time before the wonderment of the place eased her nerves, and soon she was far too interested in her surroundings to be nervous.

Rooms of frosted and bulletproof glass lined the sparkling new corridors, and a plethora of lights and colors emanated from almost every single one. Cyborg took her to the back of the building, where the biochemists had access to the external labs, acres of farmland, and a multitude of greenhouses that stretched into the hills just outside of Jump City. One door in particular, the one marked for the Botany Division, had a rather alluring and pleasant aroma seeping from its sliding doors.

"Would you like to see?" Cyborg asked after catching her hovering around its closed door. She only offered a somber nod before he scanned his access code and the division's doors slid open.

The room was much larger than she had anticipated, stretching out like a grand hall and connecting directly to the greenhouses. The vaulted ceilings and skylights allowed natural sun to illuminate the lab, and every shade of green spilled from all corners. Scientists in white coats and coveralls moved through the rows of hanging plants and isolated ecosystems and flowering trees and vertical crops. Work stations were sporadically set up around the room, although their placements seemed to fit the flow of things rather than not. It was organized chaos, and Raven found it extremely interesting.

"Herbal remedies?" she asked, glancing to the far left of the room. Cy followed her eyes and nodded, grinning.

"Right up your alley, isn't it?"

"I have a fondness for natural medicines."

"Yeah," he said. "I know. Want to take a closer look?"

"You said you had work," she replied, although she continued to watch a red-haired man carefully clip the leaves off of a fuzzy looking plant. "I don't want to keep you from what you came here for."

"You forgot that I invited you," he reminded her. "And you won't. You can stay in here and look around while I move on to the testing room. It's just down the hall, and the entire staff is aware that you are my guest for the day." She looked up at him and he smiled good-naturedly. "Wander around. Explore. I asked you to come because I thought you'd find this place, I don't know..."

"Interesting?"

"Fun."

Her fists balled in the front pocket of her sweater. "And it is safe?" From me, she finished in her head. Cyborg nodded.

"Very safe."

He nudged her gently in the shoulder-an action that seemed unsure from both the perpetrator and the victim-before he offered a salute and turned for the doorway.

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Nearly two hours passed without Raven noticing. She had been immersed in the Botany Division the entire time, drifting from station to station in avid curiosity. She never once spoke to any of the scientists, and she was grateful that none of them engaged in any sort of conversation. They ignored her as much as she avoided them, and so she spent her hours as nothing more than a silent ghost. A request made by Cyborg, no doubt. She had to remember to thank him for the considerate gesture.

He came to retrieve her as she was watching one of the staff members cater to an array of hanging terrariums. Different types of plants were housed in each glass container, and she hovered a few feet off the floor and to the side as she watched.

"Cool, huh?" Cyborg asked, walking up beside her. "I don't know much about botany myself, but it makes for some fancy looking experiments."

"They require meticulous care," she replied blandly. "Constant vigilance. It is both remarkable and exhausting."

"Well, you know. Living things and all."

"Yes. Living things are tiresome." She hovered towards the closest terrarium; a circular globe that held in it a greenish-blue plant with vines spilling from the open side. "Nutrients and sunlight. Scheduled rotations determined by the control. Recordings and comparisons with other subjects. Care." She stared intently at the vines. "Tiresome."

"Raven...?"

"I understand why," she said, lowering herself to the tile floor. "I am uncertain as to the what."

"The what?" Cyborg repeated. She turned to look at him, and the way he reacted made her wonder what expression he saw on her face.

"The what for," she clarified, looking back up at the globe. Cyborg didn't say anything in response, so she felt no need to pursue the subject further.

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They returned to the Tower around midday, with enough time for Raven to have a few hours to herself before her combat training. She had separated from Cyborg in the garage with the intention of retreating to her room, but when she entered the elevator she found herself riding it to the rooftop.

The doors slid open to the same ocean breeze that always enveloped the Tower, and she breathed in the smell of salt and sky. She moved to the railing that faced away from the city, thinking of nothing and everything at once. It wasn't until she heard the distinct flapping of wings did she pull herself from her stupor and glance up to see an emerald green albatross swoop down towards the rooftop.

She had seen Garfield transform a fair number of times, but each one always caught her off guard. The powers of the Titans were still vastly unknown to her, and so she still held a certain amount of awe and wonder.

"Raven," he panted, smiling nervously at her. He looked around as if searching for someone. "I thought you were out with Cyborg."

"I was," she answered simply. "Now we are back."

"Cool." He swiped nervously at the sweat on his brow and she turned back to look at the ocean. "I just got back from patrol."

"I can see," she answered, and then immediately wondered why. There was no need for their conversation to continue, yet she had answered as if it were. And moreover, she had wanted it to. Continue. "Uneventful?"

"More or less," he shrugged. "I saved an actual boy who fell down an actual well. His name wasn't Timmy though."

She frowned at his expectant tone. "I don't understand."

"Uh...never mind." He fidgeted in his spot, unsure of what to do or say next. She waited, wondering if he would speak or sit in the silence. She found that she was okay with either. "How was visiting S.T.A.R. labs?" he asked, hopping onto the railing next to her. She considered his question sincerely.

"It was not what I expected," she admitted, recalling the huge laboratories and acres of land that stretched beyond the glass windows. "I've only ever seen grandeur of that sort in temples."

"I know what you mean. Kind of gives me a crawling feeling, to be honest." He leaned dangerously backwards, his hands gripping the rail to keep himself aloft. "Science labs are fine, but I can only spend so much time in one."

There was something behind what he was saying, a nervousness coupled with a thin layer of resentment. A betrayal of bad memories in bad places. She turned away from the feeling, not wanting to delve into his privacy and not wanting to open herself up to it.

But it didn't mean she wasn't curious.

"I would like to explore the place more," she admitted instead. "I found many things interesting, and no one bothered me."

A pause followed her statement and Garfield immediately hopped down from his perch. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

She turned to him and frowned again. "I don't know why you're apologizing."

"I just…I didn't mean to bother you. You probably wanted to come up here to be alone anyway."

Raven sighed and looked back at the horizon. "That was not what I meant. I was simply recalling my experience, not alluding to anything else. You are not bothering me."

"Oh. Okay. Well…good."

A frustration welled in her chest, and Raven had the instinctual thought to quell it and be done with the subject. But it nagged at her, and since her perpetual homework was to actually feel her feelings, she decided to address it instead.

"Your self-deprecating aura is undesirable. I do not mind sharing this roof with you, nor do I dislike your conversation, but I would prefer it be without the melancholy."

Her statement must have caught him off guard, because he didn't say anything for quite some time. Raven didn't mind his shock into silence, so she went back to listening to the sounds of the ocean. She thought of the many hours she had spent on Azarath meditating alongside the monks of the temple. So many of those in charge of her upbringing had taken a vow of silence, so she was accustomed to a quiet presence to her meditations. This, she argued, was probably why she did not mind standing on the rooftop with Garfield even if they weren't speaking. It seemed a simple rationale to the increasingly obvious fact that she felt comfortable in his presence.

"I'm sor—," he started to say, and then stopped himself short. He tried again. "I don't dislike your conversation either. Er, I mean…I like talking to you. Even if I'm weird…I like talking to you too." He gave her an awkward smile. "I guess I'm trying to say that I'm glad. Glad that you don't mind talking to me."

"I don't mind talking to anyone in this Tower," she answered, and although she knew her preference was to not talk at all, she was honest in the fact that speaking with the Titans wasn't anything of an annoyance to her. It wasn't her first choice, but it could be her second.

Was that growth? She wasn't sure.

Another pause followed. From the corner of her eye she saw him lean against the rail and stare at his hands. Contemplation seeped from him. Curiosity and apprehension. Nervousness, followed by deep consideration, and then a stiff resolve to try something…different.

"Then would you mind if I asked you about something?" he finally said.

Maybe it should have been her third choice.

Her track record of conversations with Garfield weren't horrendous, but he tended to steer towards the somber and the sad and the sullen and every other word that felt heavy. And the odd. Always the odd. It was true, she didn't mind talking to him or being in his presence, but she also knew that time spent with him was a ticking time bomb. He would be easy to be around until whatever past he was so adamant on not addressing bubbled up inside of him, and he was pulsing an aura so dark with unspoken feelings that he'd burst into a series of spasms and then probably turn tail and run away.

Again.

"No," she answered, turning back to the ocean. Because even despite herself she couldn't be rid of her damn curiosity. "What do you want to ask me?"

"About Azarath," he said, and she had to meet his eyes because otherwise her expression would have betrayed her utter surprise. "Just a second ago, you mentioned the temples there—you've done it before—and I don't really know much about them."

She blinked, not understanding. "You…want to know about Azarath?"

He shrugged. Nodded.

Offered the softest smile she had ever seen. Sincerity emanated from him.

"The temples. The places you grew up in. What were they like? Were they colorful? I've seen colorful temples before. In the east." His brow furrowed in genuine thought. "But I guess…if they're like the labs, then probably not…." He trailed off, honestly considering the comparison and not even noticing the blank bewilderment on her face.

"Why," she started softly, and then took a breath and began again. "Why are you asking me about Azarath?"

Because she definitely hadn't been expecting that.

He looked at her for a moment longer before bowing his head again. He shrugged. "Because I don't know," he mumbled. "Because I don't really know anything about Azarath. And I've been telling you that I'm your friend, but I don't really know about Azarath. And Starfire reminded me—and some other people—that we're not being very good friends. And…I should know things like that." When he looked back up she was caught by the weight of his next words. "I am sorry for not knowing things like that."

She wanted to say it again, to tell him that she didn't know why he was apologizing. But the look of earnest in his gaze told her that his apology wasn't just for her sake. He was fully aware that she had no idea what it was meant for, but he was saying it because it was something he had wanted to say in the past that he wasn't allowed to visit, and so this was the best he could do to reconcile that feeling.

So she let it be.

"Azarath is beautiful," she replied. She kept eye contact with him. Gave him her attention. The ocean didn't need it anymore. "There is color. Opulence and modesty combined. The temples are vast." Garfield's nose wrinkled.

"That…sounds kind of lonely."

She thought about their distance, only a couple feet apart, and yet how separated they still were. In the here and now, in the mind and the soul, they were miles away from the other. "Loneliness is relative," she responded, and was surprised to see him grin at that.

"Okay 'Intro to Philosophy'. We can save that discussion for dinner." His shoulders relaxed. His countenance eased. "But what were the temples like? Give me something to paint a picture with, otherwise I'm going to be stuck imagining S.T.A.R. labs as your home of meditation and enlightenment." He spoke softly, languidly, but the humor was coming into his words.

She couldn't help the unamused rise of her eyebrow.

"The laboratories of this world are nothing compared to the temples of Azarath," she defended evenly, although there was a definite levity to her voice.

This, she realized, was a conversation she was enjoying.

"And color?"

"In the world. In the sky and the city. Reflected in the shine of the temples."

"Sounds beautiful."

"It is." He breathed a laugh. She took the opening. "What is your home like?" she proposed, and when he glanced up at her through his long lashes she felt her breath catch in her chest.

Odd.

Unexpected.

Why had that happened?

"Depends on which home you mean. If we're talking about where I grew up, then I'd say it's colorful too," he said, his gaze drifting to the side in thought. "I mostly grew up in Africa, traveling with my parents as they researched things."

"Scholars?"

"Scientists." He shrugged. "It kind of explains my powers." She watched him hop back up onto the railing, his comfort returning to him. "Are there scientists on Azarath?"

"Scholars. Healers. Alchemists. Priests. There are similarities, and there are differences."

He folded his legs under himself and balanced on the thin rail as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

His grace…it was subtle, but it was there.

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They talked about Azarath for a long time.

They talked about Africa for a long time.

After every lengthy string of sentences and descriptions he always had another question waiting.

Were there seasons?

What was the food like?

How similar were the animals in their dimension?

She answered his questions with her same monotone rasp, but there was a lightness to her words. These were things she knew so completely that the answers rolled off her tongue with ease. In the past month she had been made so vigorously aware of how much she didn't know that it made this so relieving.

There was a moment in their conversation where she wondered if he was going to do what Garfield tended to do and ask the question that would make the conversation darker.

If Azarath was so beautiful and so perfect and so serene, how was it that a demon king had bred with her mother to make the likes of her?

She waited.

And waited.

And waited.

But he never asked that question. He always had other ones in mind.

Did the crimson clouds rain in winter there?

What were festivals and holidays like?

Did the city lights drown out the stars like they did in Jump City?

Minutes passed. And hour. Almost two.

And still, they talked without any indication that either wanted the conversation to end any time soon.

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"They have plants like that at the labs," Garfield said, laying himself out on a sun chair. Their conversation had gravitated away from the edge of the rooftop, taking them to the chairs that surrounded the olympic-sized pool. "Probably not as extravagant as your home dimension, but they can get weird enough at S.T.A.R."

"Yes," she agreed, sitting demurely at the foot of her own chair, her legs folded underneath her as usual. "Cyborg showed me the botany division. It was quite remarkable." She glanced up at the sky. "Living things and all."

Garfield's head turned to her. "Hm? What about living things?" he asked. She breathed, contemplating.

Yes, what about living things?

At the lab she had stared at the plants, wondering over the labor being done for a seemingly useless living thing. She had watched a botanist tend to terrariums of plants that wouldn't directly impact their lifestyle. The botanist would gain no food from the plants, no sustenance, nothing from it other than knowledge and whatever comfort they found in their profession. She had watched the person more than the plant, puzzling over their seemingly pointless actions.

To living things.

Just because.

Just because of science. Just because of knowledge. Just because it was something they wanted to do.

She turned her gaze back to Garfield, to his slightly upturned and waiting face. His cheeks started to redden at her silence, and he sat up nervously. "Uh, do I have something on my face?" he asked her. She shook her head, but didn't look away from him.

Living things.

Talking on a rooftop with someone.

Driving in a car with someone.

Taking lessons from someone.

Saying 'thank you' to someone.

Living things…

Maybe she already knew the answer to 'what for'.

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Beast Boy didn't want to get too ahead of himself. A game of chess and an entire afternoon sitting on the rooftop wasn't exactly anything to get excited about, but he really couldn't help it.

It was the simple difference of talking after not talking.

Even if they weren't saying anything at all.

It was still different.

He had squirmed under her penetrating stare for some time before she finally shrugged at him and said that she had just remembered something that Cyborg had mentioned earlier. He wanted to press her for details, but their comms had beeped.

Not an emergency.

Just a call.

From Starfire.

Because dinner was ready, and she hoped they wouldn't miss time to sit around a table like a family and eat.

Before he could ask her to walk down with him she had closed her communicator, thanked him dryly but sincerely for their conversation, and then evaporated into darkness.

He didn't mind, though.

Because he was happy.

Happy about spending an afternoon with her. Happy to have been able to talk and be genuine about it. Happy to have given her a moment of easy friendship.

He just had to be careful not to get too ahead of himself.

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Dinner.

Talking.

Laughter.

Discussion

She glanced at Garfield from under her hood, but he was wrapped up in a story from Robin; a recalled adventure with his mentor, the Batman. He was leaning around Cyborg, his expression blatant curiosity. Next to him she watched Cyborg's eye widen in surprise at the unfolding of events, and next to her Starfire let out a quiet gasp of amazement as Robin presented a grand conclusion to his story.

Raven just watched them all.

Living things…

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She turned the page of the album again.

Stared at the pictures.

Again.

Read the scribbled notes of the memories in the margins.

Again.

And wondered.

Wondered when the familiarity she saw in the pictures would rekindle itself in her mind, her soul, her heart.

Again.

And then she thought of dinner, of the camaraderie that she saw right in front of her face rather than through an image in a book.

And she decided that the dinner table seemed incredibly more appealing than the photo album in her lap.

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