Rey could hear his sobs over the flow of water falling onto her from the shower head three feet above. It hurt her heart to hear him in such pain, but she knew he would not welcome her intrusion. He'd been avoiding grieving for his father since the day he'd murdered him.
Ben wasn't just a Solo by name, he was a loner, like her. Sometimes a loner just needs some time to be alone, and this was one of those times. She understood that, even if it hurt to stay away when everything in her wanted to comfort him.
She knew that comfort wasn't what he needed right now, though, and that trying would only make him feel worse than he did already. What he needed was to come to terms with what he had done, and to do that he needed to be alone.
His howls stopped a moment after she stepped out of the shower, but the sound of his voice kept periodically drifting through the thin walls of the refresher. She could hear him talking but she couldn't make out what he was saying. The urge to slip into his mind was strong but she could feel that he wasn't ready to speak to her just yet.
"Don't you have enough problems without adding booze?" Came a sassy voice from behind him.
Ben spun around, his wracking pain instantly dissolved into utter shock.
"Mother?!" His disbelieving astonishment was written all over his face and saturating his voice.
It was definitely his mother, but unlike he had ever seen her in anything but a holograph. She looked to be about Rey's age, if even that. It was a very queer sensation, speaking to his mother while she appeared to be a decade younger than him.
"Hi Benji." She smiled at him radiantly.
She hadn't called him that since he'd been ten years old. He couldn't quite wrap his mind around what was going on but he had a bad feeling about seeing her like this.
"You've certainly done well for yourself." She said wryly with a pointed glance around at the interior of the Falcon.
He reached out to see if he could touch her and his finger went right through her forehead. He snatched his hand back. "How are you doing this?"
She laughed. "How do you think? Don't tell me you don't know your own mother is dead?" She scolded lightheartedly.
"Dead?" He choked.
"You see? This is what happens when you don't call home every now and then." She said with that tone that only his mother could achieve. "It takes you half a year to find out your mother is dead."
"Half a year?" He instantly felt betrayed. Rey had to have known and she'd hidden the information from him.
"Oh, don't look so hurt," She rolled her eyes and stopped teasing him. "She was going to tell you after this conference of yours. She didn't want to distract you. Saving the galaxy takes a lot of focus, trust me, I know."
"She's the best thing that ever happened to you, Benji."Leia said approvingly.
"She should have told me." He said, still clearly hurt that she hadn't.
"Don't be too hard on her. She loves you." Leia said gently.
"I know." He said confidently.
Leia laughed. "You're more like your father than you realize." The amusement in her voice was so foreign to him that he could barely reconcile it with the mother he had known since his boyhood.
"If I were like him I would have told Snoke to piss off when I first met him." Ben said, the picture of regret. "And dad would still be alive."
"Maybe." Leia said, putting her hands on her hips. "But he wouldn't want to be. His only regret about going first was that it hurt me." She said confidently. "But it all worked out in the end, he got to be happy that I died instead of being devastated by it."
"You've seen him?" Ben asked in surprise.
"Seen him? I can't get rid of him! Every since I died he's been stuck to me like we were newlyweds again." She smiled a dreamy smile. "He's more happy to be dead than he ever was to be alive." She grinned. "Frankly, It's kind of annoying. Incredibly endearing, but still a little annoying."
"He's happy?" Ben hadn't seen his father happy since mother had lost the baby… his little brother who was never born.
"He is... and he wants you to be, as well." She said with a gentle smile. "He forgave you before he even died, son. Don't you think it's about time you forgave yourself?"
"How can I?" He said sadly. "I murdered my own father in cold blood."
"It wasn't your fault, Ben. Snoke lead you astray." She reached up and cupped his scarred cheek. "I'm not upset at you, and he's not upset with you… you don't have to be upset with yourself." Leia coaxed gently. "Let us go, Ben. We're happy. We're glad to be where we are."
He was surprised to feel her hand on his face. He reached up to touch her hand but found only his cheek.
"What you've done is insignificant next to what you're doing now. You're finishing what we started. We couldn't be more proud of you!" She beamed at him and hugged him around the chest before disappearing abruptly.
He could feel the pain in his heart leave with her.
Dazed and overwhelmed he walked over to the table on numb feet and sat down heavily. He set the bottle of whiskey on the table and stared at it while he replayed his mother's words in his mind. He thought about his father and felt only sadness at having lost his dad. The suffocating guilt and self loathing were gone.
He reached out to Rey and slipped easily into her mind. 'I love you.' He thought to her.
'I love you, too.' She thought back with a burst of happiness. 'Can I come out now? Or do you need another minute to finish talking to whoever you were talking to?'
'Come out.' He thought. 'I have something to show you.'
She stepped out into the main cabin, clean and dry and looking so amazing that he almost swallowed his tongue.
She giggled. His reaction made it absolutely worth taking the time to dry her hair and apply cosmetics to her eyes and lips.
'Wow!' He thought, instantly forgetting everything but her.
'You're such a flirt!' She teased, turning a slow circle to give him a view of the whole picture.
'I didn't know you'd brought it with you!' He eyed the nighty with wide eyes and walked over to kiss her hungrily.
'That's because you wouldn't let me come down here to get it!' She chided, thrilled by his reaction. 'You need a shower, though, you're covered in blood.'
'I forgot.' He smiled down at her. 'You have that effect on me.'
'I know.' She smiled back. 'Shower. Now. Or I'm not taking this off.'
'Mmm, I'm completely alright with leaving it on.' He grinned roguishly. 'But not with what you mean by that. I'll be right back.' He kissed her quickly and dashed into the refresher.
'Is this bottle of whiskey what you wanted to show me?' She asked, picking it up and frowning at the label. According to the label it was very old. Handling the bottle gingerly she placed it next to the other bottles on the shelf she'd had no idea existed until a moment ago.
'No,' He replied, already under the water. 'This is.' He sent her the memory of what had just transpired between him and his mother.
'I'm sorry that I didn't tell you.' She said once the memory had ended.
"I understand." He said as he stepped out of the refresher dripping wet, completely naked and thoroughly aroused.
"Wow!" She said flashing her eyes at him in the way that she knew drove him mad.
In the blink of an eye he was kissing her and leaning her backwards over the table with one hand in her hair and the other on her thigh.
'Here?' She asked, a little shocked.
'Here. Now' He answered, completing their union as she welcomed him wholeheartedly.
