Hook
"I don't like this, Sam," Freddie mumbled as he paced back and forth in the living room.
"Me neither," Sam said, not looking up from her magazine. "This ham looks totally airbrushed! This lady's trying to pass this fake deliciousness off as her own!"
"Sam," Freddie frowned. "I'm not talking about meat here!"
"Well then what are you going on about?" Sam sighed, closing her magazine.
"The fact that our fourteen-year old daughter has a boy up in her room!" Freddie hissed. "And you seem to be okay with it! You know when I when up there the door was closed!"
"Wow, who knows what they're doing then," Sam grinned, enjoying the aggravation in her husband. "They could be up there holding hands, or worse, flirting!"
"Ha, ha," Freddie said dryly. "And why are you so okay with this? I thought we made up a rule for Emma and Ashton that they weren't supposed to have boys in their bedrooms with the door closed, and Ashton's up there stomping all over that rule with that punk kid she's apparently dating."
"Punk kid?" Sam repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Did you see the guy? He's preppier than all of the guys in the Orange Republic catalogue combined."
"He's still a punk," Freddie snapped. "And you know what? Even though you don't seem to care, I'm marching up there right now and telling Ashton she needs to come down here with that kid."
"Dude, chill," Sam said. "Emma's in the room with them."
"Oh," Freddie said, relaxing a bit. "I didn't know that…you could've told me!"
"Nah, it was funner seeing you freak out," Sam smiled.
"Bye mom, dad," Emma said, coming down the stairs. "I'm heading to Clarissa's. I'll probably wind up spending the night, so don't wait up."
"Wait, wait, wait," Freddie said. "Why're you leaving Ashton and…punk kid?"
"Um, because I'm starting to get pretty nauseous from watching them make-out," she replied.
"What?"
"Kidding," Emma said quickly. "They're only being all flirty…but it's still gross, so I'm leaving."
"Now can I run upstairs and drag them down here where I can keep an eye on them?" Freddie asked Sam.
"I think, what'd you call him, punk kid? He said his dad was coming over to pick him up in like, five minutes," Emma grinned. "And his name is Wilbur by the way, Ashton's will kill you if you don't call him by his real name."
"Wilbur?" Sam grinned. "What parent does that to their kid?"
"I know, right?" Emma laughed. She turned back to Freddie. "So can I go now?"
"Yeah, fine, go," Freddie sighed. "If he's gonna be leaving in five minutes anyway…"
"You're such an overprotective dad," Sam said, shaking her head, but sill smiling.
"You know," Freddie said. "I miss the days when they hated all boys because they were gross and stupid."
"They were eight," Sam told him, putting an arm around him. "They grew up, baby."
"Yeah…I don't like that."
The doorbell rang, and Freddie got to his feet. "Good, that must be the kid's dad. At least now he'll get out of Ashton's room."
Freddie headed to the door and opened it. When he caught sight of the man who must've been Wilbur's father, he almost did a double take.
"Yes, yes, hello," the man, who was wearing pressed kakis and a pink polo shirt covered in a swearer vest, said, not looking up from his pearphone. "I'm here to collect my son, Wilbur."
"N-Neville?" Freddie exclaimed.
Sam hurried to the door, and the man looked up from his phone nearly dropping it.
"Benson!" Neville Papperman frowned. "This is your home?"
"Yes!"
"Hmph, should've known," Neville said snootily. "There was an air of…insuperiority hanging around!"
"Hey Neville, I'd watch it if I were you or you'll be waking to an air of hospital," Sam said menacingly.
"You don't scare me, Sam Puckett," Neville said warningly.
"Really?" Sam asked, knowingly, stepping closer to him.
"Okay, fine, you do!" Neville said quickly, backing away. "But if you lay one finger on me my driver will call the cops!"
"Wait, so Wilbur is your son?" Freddie asked, shaking his head, confused. "Your son is up there dating our daughter?"
"Your daughter is dating my son?" Neville exclaimed. "Oh fluffermuffin! How could he have gone so wrong?"
"Hey, your son is lucky to be dating Ashton," Sam snapped.
"Ha! Your daughter is lucky to be dating Wilbur!" Neville retorted.
"Please," Freddie scoffed. "You're insane if you think that."
"Well I'm not going to allow my son to date the spawn of you iCarlies!" Neville said firmly. "I'm going to put a stop to it this instant!"
"Oh, not if we beat you to it!" Freddie said.
"Yeah," Sam agreed. "So you better-"
"Oh good, you guys met Wilbur's dad," Ashton said as her and Wilbur Papperman came downstairs.
"I-um," Freddie started, looking at the wide smile on Ashton's face as she held Neville's son's hand. She looked happier with him than she had with any other boy Freddie had seen her with.
Sam noticed this too, and she sighed, and plastered on a fake smile. "Yeah, we did."
Sam and Freddie both turned to Neville, who looked like he was about to say something, but shut his mouth at the last minute.
"Well come on then, Wilbur. The driver's waiting and I need to get home; I have plantain chips in the oven."
"Okay," Wilbur nodded. He turned to Ashton. "I'll call you later, okay? Thanks for having me over."
"Thanks for coming," Ashton smiled shyly.
"It was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Benson," Wilbur said to Sam and Freddie as he headed over to his father.
"Um yeah you too," Freddie said quickly.
Neville gave Sam and Freddie one last evil glare as him and his son turned to head back towards the Benson's driveway where their car was waiting for them.
"Isn't he sweet?" Ashton said to her parents.
"Yeah, real sweet," Sam said. "You-You really like him?"
"Eh, maybe," Ashton shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. But I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm pretty exhausted. Night!"
"Night sweetie," Freddie said as Ashton climbed back up the stairs.
"Huh, for Neville's kid, that Wilbur's not terrible," Sam said. "Weird, yes, but not terrible."
"I didn't have to heart to tell them they couldn't see each other anymore," Freddie sighed.
"Yeah, it looked like Neville lost his nerve too," Sam smiled. "Maybe he does have a heart after all."
"I just can't believe our daughter hooked up with Neville's son," Freddie muttered.
"Hey, you heard what Ashton said, she doesn't know how she feels about him yet," Sam reminded him. "It's not like they're in an official relationship or anything."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Freddie nodded.
"I'm gonna go call Carly," Sam said, giving him a quick kiss. "She'll probably get a kick out of this whole thing."
"Okay," Freddie said. As Sam left the room, Freddie sank back down onto the couch, thinking back to when the twins were still little girls and wishing more than anything that he could go back to those days.
