Cell
"This guy's really paying you six thousand bucks for this sculpture?" Freddie asked Spencer as he watched the man carefully sculpt a large strawberry.
"Yup," Spencer said happily, dipping his paintbrush into some paint.
"What's he even going to do with a giant strawberry?" Freddie questioned.
"It's a gift for his pet monkey," Spencer replied.
"Man…rich people are always the weirdest," Freddie said, shaking his head.
"I know, works out great for me," Spencer said. "Hey, where are Carly and Sam?"
"Oh, they stayed after school to help Wendy get some gum out of her hair," Freddie explained. "Her and Sam were trying to hit the back of Ms. Brigg's head during English today, and well, a clump got stuck, I guess."
"Gross," Spencer cringed. "Hey tonight you wanna help me rub strawberry lotion all over this bad boy? You know, to give it a nice strawberry scent."
"Um, as tempting as that sounds, I'm gonna pass," Freddie said. "Sam and I are gonna go get some pizza at this new Italian place her cousin just opened now that he got out of prison."
"I thought you were scared of Sam's relatives," Spencer said.
"No," Freddie said firmly. "As Sam's boyfriend, it's important for me to get to know her family well, and that means laying aside any…frightened feelings I might have towards them."
"You're still scared stiff, aren't you?"
"Sam promised to protect me," Freddie mumbled.
Just then the apartment door opened and Carly walked in.
"Hey, you guys get the gum out of Wendy's hair?" Freddie asked.
"Yeah, but her bangs will probably never be the same," Carly sighed. "I made her and Sam both promise to stop trying to hit teachers with anything sticky, though."
"I'm sure that promise will last a whole four hours," Freddie chuckled. "Hey, where is Sam anyway?"
"Oh…she went home," Carly said. "She's sort of in a bad mood."
"How come?" Freddie asked, concerned.
"Well, while we were helping Wendy, Mr. Grossmann posted the partner assignments for our biology project on his website."
"And you two didn't get paired together?" Spencer guessed.
"Well, no," Carly said. "But we expected that; that's not why she's in a bad mood."
"Well then why's she upset?" Freddie asked. "Should I go over and see if she wants to talk?"
"Nah, she'll be fine, she just needs to punch some pillows," Carly explained. "She's upset about who she does have to work with."
"Who does she have to work with?" Spencer asked.
"Valarie," Carly sighed.
"Who?" Freddie asked.
"Are you kidding me?" Carly exclaimed. "Your ex-girlfriend, Valarie!"
"Oh, I didn't know she had that class with you," Freddie frowned.
"Well she does," Carly said. "And ever since you and Sam got back together, she's been shooting Sam these evil stares and everything."
"Sam never told me that," Freddie said.
"Well, it never really bothered her," Carly said. "Sure, she always hated Valarie, but she was pretty good at just ignoring her…except for that one time she managed to get a live lizard in her hair. But anyway, now she's going to be forced to talk to Valarie and meet up with her, and she's just peeved off."
"Wow, your ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend, working on a project together," Spencer grinned at Freddie. "Talk about nightmares."
"I told Sam she could work on the project with Valarie here," Carly said. "You know, so she wouldn't have to deal with her alone. They're coming over here tomorrow."
"I'm gonna go see Sam," Freddie said, grabbing his jacket. "I'll see you guys later."
"Bye," Carly said. She turned to Spencer. "Hey! That's my strawberry scented lotion!"
…..
"Sam?" Freddie said, letting himself into her house. "You here?"
"What?" Sam called from her living room. Freddie headed into the room and saw his girlfriend sitting on her couch with her slingshot, shooting at a line of empty soda cans perched on top of her T.V.
"What are you doing?" Freddie asked.
"Working on my aim," Sam said simply, shooting at the middle can, which flew off the T.V.
"Ah," Freddie nodded.
"What are you doing here?" Sam asked. "I thought we weren't gonna go out until dinnertime."
"What? A boyfriend can't surprise his girlfriend with a visit every once in a while?" Freddie smiled, giving her a quick kiss.
Sam gave him a knowing look.
"Look," Freddie sighed. "Carly told me you got stuck working on your biology project with Valarie."
"So?" Sam shrugged.
"Well, that's gotta be awkward," Freddie said.
"Baby, we all know I can handle your prissy little ex-girlfriend," Sam said.
"Of course I know that," Freddie said, putting his arm around her. "But I also know that Valarie can be sort of a…skunkbag."
"Yeah no chiz," Sam said. "But I told you, I can handle her. We're doing this stupid project at Carly's tomorrow and then I'll be done with her. No big deal. And if she tries to pull anything, well, she'll be waking up under water the next day."
"You sure you'll be okay?" Freddie asked.
"Yes, nub," Sam said, rolling her eyes.
"Okay," Freddie said. "So what do you wanna do until we go get dinner?"
"Well," Sam said. "There's nothing on T.V., I'm definitely not starting homework, and I'm just about out of soda cans, so looks like there's only one thing for us to do."
"I think I can guess what it is," Freddie grinned as he leaned towards Sam and kissed her deeply.
….
"When's Valarie coming up?" Carly asked Sam the next day.
"In a few minutes," Sam mumbled.
"Okay, well when she comes up, just try and be…civil," Carly said.
"Why?" Sam exclaimed. "You hate her too, don't you?"
"Of course I hate her!" Carly said. "She tried to shut down iCarly and take over the web with her own stupid web show. But you need to get this project done, Sam. You're barely averaging a C in biology now. Do you want to spend the summer retaking it in summer school?"
"You act more like my mom than my real mom does," Sam said.
There was a knock on the door.
"Remember, civil!" Carly said again as she crossed over to the door. She opened it up and revealed Valarie.
"Hello," Carly said.
"Hi," Valarie replied snippily, crossing her arms. "Is Sam here or what?"
"Right in here," Carly said, letting the girl into her home.
Sam glared at Valarie as she came in, but said nothing.
"Okay, well, I'm gonna go upstairs and work on my own homework," Carly said, already feeling the tension building up in the room. "If you guys need anything, let me know."
Sam watched as Carly ran upstairs, trying to ignore the urge to grab her butter sock from her backpack.
"Look, let's just get this done, okay?" Sam finally said. "I don't want to be around you more than you want to be around me."
"Fine," Valarie snapped, grabbing her biology book from her backpack. "We're supposed to make a model of an animal cell out of everyday items…God, this sounds stupid."
"Just go through all this chiz that Carly found for us to work with," Sam mumbled, dumping a large bag of art supplies out on the floor.
"Man I wish we could've picked our own partners for this thing," Valarie groaned as she began sifting through the supplies.
"Yeah, because if I had it my way, I'd be working with you," Sam retorted.
"Please, you should be happy to work with anyone who hasn't failed the last three tests in this class," Valarie said, rolling her eyes. "You should be thrilled to be working with me, who always aces biology tests. It's me who has the right to complain; you're gonna wind up costing me my grade in that class."
"You mean that you took last semester and failed, which is why you're in it this semester?" Sam smirked.
Valarie narrowed her eyes. "You better watch it."
"No, you'd better watch it," Sam said loudly.
"I'm so scared," Valarie said sarcastically. "You know, it still amazes me that a girl like you could ever get s guy like Freddie."
Sam felt her fists clench. She knew Valarie would bring up Freddie…
"Jealous?" Sam said.
"If I wanted that loser nerd back, I could have him," Valarie scoffed.
Sam took a step closer to her. "Hey! Don't talk about him like that!"
"Did I hit a nerve?" Valarie smirked.
"I'm gonna hit more than a nerve if you don't-" Sam yelled, but then the apartment door opened.
"Hey, what's going on in here?" Freddie asked. "I can hear yelling from my apartment and-oh." He had forgotten that Valarie was going to be here. "Hey Valarie," he mumbled.
"Freddie," she huffed, crossing her arms. "Your girlfriend's a complete monster. She's been starting fights with me ever since I got here and she's going to completely ruin this biology project for me. I know your taste in girlfriends is a little terrible, but will you please do something about her?"
"I didn't start any fights, you were the one who started them!" Sam exclaimed.
"Oh right, like anyone would believe that," Valarie said.
"Actually, I do," Freddie said, walking over to Sam to put around her. "I don't know who you think you are, Valarie, but nothing gives you the right to treat Sam like this. I know you; you're manipulative, a liar, and a sneak. Sam's aggressive, yeah, but she's also honest at least, and I know she wouldn't start anything with you just for the heck of it. And since you're still standing, I know she didn't fight you."
Valarie glared at the couple. "You know what?" she snapped. "You can do this project without me. I'm done."
And with that, she stormed out of the apartment.
"Ugh, thank God," Sam said as Valarie slammed the door after herself.
"What happened between you guys?" Freddie asked.
"Eh, she just started going on about how much she didn't want to do the project with me because I would bring her grade down, and how I'm such a horrible girlfriend for you," Sam shrugged. "Pretty much exactly what I expected. Honestly, if Carly wasn't right upstairs now, I probably would've hit her."
"Well I'm proud of you that you didn't," Freddie told her. "And don't let what she said bother you, baby. You wouldn't have brought her grade down, and more importantly, you're at least a fifty times better girlfriend than she is."
"I know," Sam said, leaning up to kiss him. "The only thing that sucks now is that I have to this whole lame project on my own."
"No you don't," Freddie said, sitting down in front of the pile of supplies. "You got me."
"You're not even in the class," Sam grinned, sitting down next to him.
"I took it last year and got an A on this project," Freddie shrugged. "I know what Grossmann's looking for."
"Don't you have your own homework to be doing?" Sam asked.
"I can do it tomorrow morning," Freddie told her. "Now come on, let's get this done."
