Cook
"So you remember the plan, Gib?" Carly asked as she set up the last few iCarly props for that evening's web show.
"Yup," Gibby nodded, licking a lemon popsicle. "Hey, where'd Spencer get these things? They're delicious."
"I dunno, the grocery store?" Carly shrugged.
"Well, you know that saying, don't eat yellow snow?" Gibby said. "I'm really glad they don't say anything about not eating yellow popsicles because this thing is amazing."
"Will you stop obsessing over your popsicle?" Carly snapped. "The show starts in two minutes! Where the heck are Sam and Freddie?"
Right on cue, Sam and Freddie ran into the studio.
"Sorry we're late," Freddie panted.
"I guess I can forgive you guys because it is a special day for you two," Carly smiled, tossing Sam her remote.
"Yeah, his mom just gave us a nice speech about that," Sam smirked. "Or rather, she sat there and kept saying to me 'I can't believe you've ruined my baby's mind for six months now!' And then she tried to serve us some weird casserole with beats and radishes that she cooked."
"I'm sorry about her, baby," Freddie sighed, getting his camera ready. "You know she's a little-"
"Mental?"
"I was going to say protective, but okay," Freddie shrugged. "You girls ready?"
"Yup," Carly said. "Let's do it."
"Okay…in five, four, three, two…"
"Hello lovely webions!" Carly exclaimed.
"And hey to you ugly ones too," Sam grinned.
"Tonight we have a really exciting iCarly for all of you," Carly laughed.
"We're gonna show you how to use your old sneakers to make a smart phone!" Sam said.
"Um, actually, no we're not," Carly smiled. "Gibby, go take the camera from Freddie."
"What's going on?" Freddie frowned as Gibby took his precious camera from his hands.
"As you guys all know," Carly said, pulling Freddie out with her and Sam. "Sam and Freddie have been dating for exactly six months today!" She took Sam's remote and pushed the applause button.
"What are you doing?" Sam asked, confused.
"You'll see," Carly told her. "Anyway, you guys all know that game show that takes married couples and asks them a bunch of questions to see how well the couple really knows each other? Well Gibby and I thought it would be fun to make a game like that here on iCarly for our favorite Internet couple. We call it," she pushed another button on the remote. "iKnow You Best!" The title flashed onto the screen.
"So, Sam, you sit here, with your back to Freddie," Carly told her best friend. "And Freddie, you sit here."
"So you're just gonna ask us a bunch of questions about each other?" Freddie asked as he took his seat. "That doesn't seem so bad."
"Ah, look at our little Freddie, so overly confident," Carly smiled. "Sam, you can go first. Freddie, put on these noise canceling headphones so we won't hear the questions we ask Sam."
"Okey doke," Freddie nodded.
"Okey doke?" Sam scoffed as Freddie put his headphones on. "Clearly there is a reason you're behind the camera most of the time."
"Alright, Sam," Carly said, handing Sam three sheets of poster board. "I'm gonna ask you three questions about Freddie, and you write down what you think his answer would be, got it?"
"I have to write things down?" Sam moaned. "Fine, whatever."
"Okay!" Carly said happily. "Gibby! Our game show music please!"
Gibby pressed a button on Freddie's laptop and the studio was filled with music.
"Question one!" Carly began. "If you and Freddie were on a date at a fancy restaurant, and Freddie noticed that his spoon was dirty and unwashed, what would he do? Would he A, politely tell the server? B, use the spoon anyway? Or C, cause a big scene?"
"Um, none of the above," Sam answered.
"Er, Sam, that wasn't a choice," Carly whispered. "You have to pick A, B, or C."
"But Freddie wouldn't do any of those things," Sam told her. "He never uses spoons when we go out, so he wouldn't do anything."
"What?" Carly frowned. "How does he eat soup then?"
"He doesn't order soup," Sam shrugged.
"Sam," Carly said. "Are you absolutely positive that you want to use 'none of the above' as your answer?"
"Yup," Sam nodded.
"Okay then," Carly said, trying to keep the game moving. "Question two! You and Freddie are enjoying a nice romantic night in, when all of the sudden, he finds out that there's an all-night Galaxy Wars marathon on T.V. that he really wants to watch. How do you think Freddie would handle this situation? Would he A, watch one hour of Galaxy Wars and then spend the rest of the night with you? B, beg you to watch it with him? Or C, ask if you guys could reschedule your night for tomorrow?"
"None of those," Sam replied.
"Again?" Carly exclaimed.
"You're giving me all the wrong answers!"
"Okay, fine, what answer do you want to give?" Carly asked.
"He'd obviously say that we have to decide it our usual way," Sam grinned. "So whoever can go the longest with one of those Peruvian Puff Pepper Candy Balls in their mouth without having to drink any water gets their way."
"Um, are you sure that's how Freddie would answer that?" Carly asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," Sam said.
"Well alright then, write that down on the poster board," Carly sighed. "And now our final question! What would you and Freddie be doing on your ideal date night? And since you keep rejecting my answers, I'm just gonna leave it open ended for you."
Sam chuckled. "Sure you want me to answer that live on the web Carls?"
"Sam!" Carly hissed.
"Relax, I'm kidding," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "Um…oh okay, I got it. If it was up to Freddie, we'd probably go to some romantic restaurant where the portion sizes couldn't satisfy a pigeon, then we'd go and take a romantic walk on some beach like he's been wanting to do forever, and then we'd end the night back on his fire escape, where we had our first kiss-"
"Aw!" Carly smiled. "That's so sweet!"
"Yup," Sam nodded. "We'd end the night there and have a nice long game of Battle Ship."
"Battle Ship?" Carly repeated. "You-You think Freddie would want to end his ideal date with Battle Ship?"
"Uh-huh," Sam said.
"I-Okay," Carly conceded. "Alright. Now Sam, you're gonna put the headphones on and I'm gonna ask Freddie the same three questions…"
…
Carly sighed as Sam took off her headphones. She had just finished asking Freddie his questions, and his answers were just as ridiculous as Sam's. She felt a pang in her gut. She made up this game because she thought it would be a fun way to celebrate her best friend's anniversary, but now it looked like her plan had gone south. In just a few seconds it would be revealed to the entire Internet that Sam and Freddie didn't really know each other as well as everyone had always thought, because she was sure there was no way that their ridiculous answers were going to be right about each other.
"Okay, well, now it's time for Sam and Freddie to reveal their own answers for their questions," Carly said to the camera. The couple was still sitting back to back so they couldn't see each other. "So Freddie, we asked Sam what you would do if while at a restaurant together, you realized that your spoon was dirty. Sam, remind our viewers what you answered."
Sam held up her poster board with her answer 'Nothing. Freddie doesn't use spoons when we go out' for the viewers to see.
"All right, Freddie," Carly said, dreading Freddie's response. "What would you do? Politely tell the server, use the spoon anyway, or make a scene?"
"Um, actually, I wouldn't need to do any of those," Freddie said. "I never use spoons when me and Sam go out on dates, so it wouldn't bother me."
"What?" Carly exclaimed. "You mean that was true?"
"Yeah," Freddie nodded. "See, my mom has this policy in our house where she only lets me use spoons for utensils, since she claims they're the only safe type with no point edges or anything. And when I'm out with Sam, I really don't want to be reminded of my mom in any way, so I just don't use spoons."
"Oh," Carly said, surprised. "I never knew that. It looks like Sam gets herself one point for that question. Now let's see if Freddie got Sam's answer. Freddie, show our viewers your answer again."
Freddie showed his poster board, which read: 'Sam brings her own comically big spoon to every restaurant we go to, so she wouldn't do any of those things'.
"Alright, Sam? Your answer?"
"Well, Mama never leaves home without her own gigantic spoon, so I don't really care how dirty the spoon is," Sam replied.
"Wait, I thought you only had a giant fork?" Carly pointed out.
"It got lonely!"
"Okay then, one point for Freddie," Carly said. "Now lets move onto question two. You guys both gave the same…strange, response, so I'll have you reveal your answers at the same time. Just show the viewers what your wrote down what you thought each others response would be to the question of how to decide how to handle an all-night marathon of Galaxy Wars coming on in the middle of a romantic night in."
The couple held up their boards, which both read 'Peruvian Puff Pepper Candy Ball Challenge'.
"Alright, lets hear your own answers now," Carly said.
"Peruvian Puff Pepper Candy Ball Challenge," the couple answered simultaneously.
"Are you kidding me?" Carly frowned. "You really do that?"
"Yeah, it's a great way to settle an argument," Freddie said.
"I have the record," Sam said proudly. "Fourteen seconds."
"But I beat you the other night, didn't I?" Freddie grinned. "And we got to spend a lovely evening at the bagel museum."
"Wow…you guys have some interesting things going on for you," Carly said. "Alright, last question. Sam, let's see how you thought Freddie would describe your ideal date."
Sam held up her poster, which said 'If the nub had it his way, we'd eat at a restaurant with tiny portions, go for a romantic walk on the beach, and then play Battle Ship on his fire escape."
"So Freddie, how would you want to spend your ideal date with Sam if it was completely up to you?" Carly asked.
"Hmm, well, we'd start off at a nice restaurant where it's more about the atmosphere than it is about getting gigantic plates of food," Freddie said thoughtfully. "Then I'd take her to the beach, so we could go on a long, romantic walk, and then we'd go back to my place, sit on my fire escape, and play Battle Ship for the rest of the night."
"I-I don't believe it," Carly said. "That's exactly what Sam put!"
"Told you I knew what I was talking about," Sam smirked.
"Okay, well Freddie, let's see if you can tie Sam for a perfect score," Carly said. "Remind us all again what you thought Sam's idea of the ideal date was again?"
Freddie showed his board, which read 'Going to an all-you-can-eat BBQ rib restaurant, going to a monster truck rally, and then going back to my fire escape to play Battle Ship'.
"So let's hear your ideal date with Freddie, Sam," Carly said.
"Well, we'd go to Mr. Hooper's all-you-can-eat Rib Shack so I can try to get my picture on his wall for eating the most ribs," Sam began. "And then I'd drag the nub to a monster truck rally, which he incorrectly says are 'dangerous'. Oh, and then we'd spend the rest of the night playing Battle Ship on his fire escape."
"Wow! There you have it!" Carly said happily as the couple turned back around to face each other. "Sam and Freddie apparently know each other better than anyone! And since that game took longer than I thought, that's all we have time for tonight. So until next week, make sure you get your milk only from mammals!"
"Done!" Gibby said, turning off Freddie's camera.
"That's not what you-never mind," Freddie sighed.
"I'm impressed, you guys," Carly told the couple. "You really know each others weird minds, don't you?"
"Well when you spend six months around her, you learn a few things," Freddie laughed, pulling Sam closer to him as he leaned down to kiss her.
"I've got to ask though," Carly smiled. "What the heck is up with the whole Battle Ship thing?"
"Well, one night we were talking about when we were kids," Sam explained. "And we realized that neither of us had ever won a game of Battle Ship. So we snuck into your apartment, stole Spencer's set, and spent like, five hours out on his fire escape playing, and it just sort of became our thing."
"You know Spencer's been going crazy trying to find that game," Carly said, rolling her eyes.
"We'll give it back," Freddie assured her. "Eventually..."
