Chapter 17 - Dark

Nightmares.

I relive the pain, the hopelessness, the fear, the basement, seemingly every time I close my eyes; every time I fall asleep.

Harry and Ron try; I know they do. But they don't understand.

They can't.

And I can't deal with this now.

I need to focus on finding Draco, on preventing the terrors of what might occur.

Wind.

It beats against the glass of the house.

And every time, I jump.

A bit over-reactive?

Yes. Very much so.

But there is something about the howling that brings me back to those days in the dark.

I block it out; push it as far beyond my mind as I possibly can.

It isn't far enough.

I shove myself off the bed.

I need to get out of here.

The small room seems to be shrinking, being transformed by my mind into the dreaded basement.

Electricity.

Wonderful, yet utterly terrifying.

Why did I insist on a muggle safe-house?

Because the lack of floo connection, the lack of knowledge Death Eaters have of these areas.

But right now, I am greatly regretting that decision.

I have a light that is always on and the thought of it going out sends a shock of fear coursing through me.

A flash out the window draws my attention, giving me a brief moment to prepare myself for the harsh booming of the inevitable thunder.

My body tenses as it arrives.

I move towards the door.

Maybe out in the open will be better.

I'll have some peace that I am not back in that terrible place.

I'll have some peace with the possibility of greater means of escape.

But as I reach my hand towards the door handle, my staggering safety collapses.

The power is gone.

The light goes dark.

The wind screams against the window.

And I am tossed back into the memory.

I am back in the basement.

I hear his screams.

Dark.

The occasional flashes of a curse.

An utterly excruciating curse.

The cackling laughter of a sadistic beast.

And his screaming.

Draco.

And my pain.

Light.

"Hermione?"

Someone is calling my name.

The sound is comforting.

But the scene around me holds control.

"Hermione!"

I recognize the voice.

"You're safe. You're in the safe-house. The power just went out is all. You're alright."

His words are soothing.

It seems to take forever, agonizing minutes, before my surroundings become recognizable.

I'm on the floor, knees pulled up to my chest, back against the wall.

And I'm sobbing.

The fear is still clinging to me with every breath.

I jump when Harry's arms come around me, but slowly give up fighting and cry against him.

He doesn't say anything more.

Probably doesn't know what he's supposed to.

But that's okay.

I'm just glad I'm not alone.

Draco.

My flashback is his reality.

I can't focus on my fear, on my pain, on my brokenness.

That can be dealt with later.

Later.

When this is all over and Draco is safe.

We can deal with this together, then.

But now, I have to focus on doing that.

I take a deep breath, pulling myself away from Harry and wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeve.

I take another long inhale, narrowing my mind on the way if fills my lungs.

I'm safe.

For now.

But Draco isn't.

The little light in the corner turns back on and Harry reaches up beside him to light the big one.

"I'm sorry,"I whisper.

It's the middle of the night and I probably woke him up with screaming.

"Don't. You don't have to apologize,"he tells me. "You have absolutely nothing to apologize for." He says the last statement as a mutter, almost to himself.

There's a glimpse of that something I'm missing.

Something that happened.

Something that he feels guilty for.

Him and Ron both.

Ron.

He's not here.

He didn't come.

I want to ask about Ron, but decide against it.

I don't know what's going on with him.

He used to love me.

I used to love him.

But we've always still been friends.

And now, in my most terrifying hour, he isn't here.

I am so thankful for Harry, but I can't stop the stabbing sensation from piercing my heart at the thought of Ron.

Having probably been woken up as well, he didn't come.

He didn't see if I was alright, he didn't try to help me.

I guess I have some idea of why he's acting this way around me, at least it makes sense.

He's avoiding me.

Just like he does with all his problems.

And that's what I am.

A problem.

I am the one he thought he lost and who has now been found, but will never be the same.

And he doesn't know how to act around me anymore.

I don't think he believes what I tell him about everything that happened.

He doesn't want to hear it.

And I miss him.

Doesn't he realize that?
I need support. I need friends. I need him.

But he isn't here.

Harry is.

I smile at him.

"I'm alright,"I tell him, though, my muscles are still clenched, body trembling.

The light is good.

I'll just keep it on.

"Are you sure?"he asks quietly.

I nod.

I can't say I am, because I'm not.

Sure.

I'm not sure I'm okay.

But he doesn't need to know that.

I don't want him to be more worried than he needs to be.

And whatever they feel so guilty about, I don't want to add to it.

So I nod and he slowly gets up from the floor beside me.

I want to tell him not to go, that I don't want to be alone right now.

But I don't.

I thank him once more and he tells me to call if I need anything and leaves.

I wrap my arms across my body, hugging myself on the floor.

He tries, but he can't understand.

And I don't want him to focus on me.

I don't want him to focus on whatever else is going on.

We have to find Draco.


Author's Note:

Hello my wonderful readers. I hope you're doing well. I finished finals and am home for the summer! Yay! I can finally take a little break and relax a bit. Also means, hopefully I'll reply sooner to reviews ;)

This chapter wasn't originally a part of the story, but I thought it was necessary to show what she is still going through, even now, having been rescued. Things can't just go back to normal after something like that. But I also wanted to show her strength, of how she pushes through and focuses on finding Draco, even with everything she is feeling and facing. Let me know what you thought! Did the message find its way across?

Thank-you so much to all those who reviewed the last chapter. As always, it means so much that some of you are kind enough to leave your thoughts and opinions.

I wish you an awesome week, and an amazing beginning of a new month come Tuesday.