Excess

"Freddie! Freddie, you will not believe this!" Sam said, rushing over to her boyfriend, who was standing by his locker, playing on his Pearphone.

"What won't I believe?" he asked, putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Okay, so you know how we were at the mall the other day and we passed that comic book store and you saw that authentic replica of some Galaxy War thing?"

"You mean the Gold Phaser of Gorwanda?" Freddie said. "The phaser that led to the downfall of the once mighty society of Nug Nug's people?"

"Um, sure…" Sam nodded. "Anyway, you know how you really wanted it, but it cost five hundred bucks?"

"Yeah," Freddie sighed sadly. "Too bad I just spent all my money on that new hard drive for my laptop, or else I could have owned one of the greatest items in the entire world."

"Well…" Sam grinned, unzipping her backpack. "You still can, baby!" She pulled out the phaser they had seen at the mall and handed it to him.

"Oh my-What the-Sam!" Freddie exclaimed. "You got methis?"

"Uh-huh," she said proudly. "You like it?"

"Like it?" Freddie scoffed. "Sam, this is probably the best gift I've ever gotten from anybody. I love it, thank you. But…wait. How did you manage to get the five hundred bucks for it?"

"Eh, don't worry about it," Sam said quickly as the bell rang. "Crab…I have to go give an oral presentation in history about some war I know nothing about. I'll see you at lunch though, okay?"

"Um, yeah," Freddie nodded, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. "And baby, thanks again for this. It's really…you're unbelievable, you know that?"

"I know," Sam smirked playfully.

"Oh man, can I-can I just touch it?" Spencer asked as Freddie showed him the phaser Sam had given him after school in the Shay's apartment.

"Have you washed your hands in the last ten minutes?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Spencer nodded.

"Then yes…but gently!"

Spencer slowly placed his index finger on the phaser, and then immediately snatched it off. "I touched it! I touched it!"

"Isn't it a rush?" Freddie grinned.

"Um, if you two are done with your little nerd session over there…" Carly said, rolling her eyes. "Can one of you help me finish painting this mold of Gibby's foot for iCarly tonight?"

"Oh, right," Freddie said, gently placing his phaser down on the coffee table.

"I can't believe Sam's encouraging your nerdiness by buying you that stuff," Carly chuckled, handing Freddie a paintbrush.

"Um, there's nothing nerdy about the Gold Phaser of Gorwanda," Spencer said, sitting down at the kitchen counter to go on the computer.

"Yeah, and that baby cost five hundred dollars," Freddie added. "It's a real collector's item."

Carly nearly spilled the purple paint bottle she had on the table. "Five hundred dollars? For that? Where did Sam even get five hundred dollars from?"

"You know, I was wondering that too," Freddie said. "But her mom's probably dating another really rich dude this week and weaseled the money out of him."

"And yet she can't weasel out the forty bucks she owes me," Carly sighed, shaking her head. "Oh, and Spencer? Did you pick up the pillows like I asked? We need those for tonight too."

"I tried," Spencer said, as Carly and Freddie finished painting the foot. "But I couldn't get down to Bed Bath and Bewilderment at the mall."

"How come?" Freddie frowned as him and Carly wiped the excess paint from their hands.

"There was a bunch of cops around that part of the mall, and I may or may not have been eating an illegal Canadian Fat Cake," Spencer mumbled.

"Why were there cops at the mall?" Carly asked.

"Oh, apparently the comic book store got robbed," Spencer replied.

"The comic book store?" Freddie repeated slowly.

"Yeah," Spencer nodded. "The owner was really freaking out; he kept yelling that some big ticket item had been taken."

"Aw, that's too bad," Carly said. "Well, I guess we can always just use some of those old pillows from our storage unit. Freddie? Can you help me bring them up? Freddie?"

She looked over at her friend, who was suddenly staring over at his phaser with an odd expression on his face.

"Dude? What's wrong?" Carly asked.

"That phaser…" Freddie said cautiously. "Came from that comic book store at the mall."

"So?" Carly shrugged. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Spencer?" Freddie said quickly. "Do-Do you happen to know when the store was robbed?"

"I think I heard the police saying late last night," Spencer told him.

"Oh no," Freddie mumbled.

"What?" Carly asked again. "Why are you-oh no."

"Uh-huh," Freddie nodded weakly.

"You guys, you know I hate being out of the loop!" Spencer exclaimed. "What's going on? What's happening? Why are we all nodding?"

"Spencer, think about it…" Freddie sighed. "Sam gives me this insanely expensive phaser, when she can barely afford to pay her cell phone bill every month, and the next day we find out the store where it came from has been robbed?"

"Wait," Spencer frowned. "You-You're not saying that you think Sam stole that phaser for you?"

"Yeah, she wouldn't do that," Carly said, though there was some hesitation in her voice. "It-it's just a coincidence. It's probably like you said before, Freddie. Her mom's probably just dating some rich dude this week and that's where she got the five hundred bucks. And you know what? Just so we can all get past this…"

She pulled out her Pearphone and dialed Sam's number, putting it on speaker so Spencer and Freddie could hear too.

"Hey, Carls," Sam said, answering.

"Hi Sam," Carly said. "You out of detention yet?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving the school now," Sam replied. "I'm pretty hungry, though. You wanna meet up and grab something to eat?"

"Um, no thanks, I'm good," Carly said quickly. "Hey Sam? Quick question."

"Shoot," Sam said.

"How's your mom's love life?"

"Er…what?"

"You know…is she dating anyone right now?"

"Yeah, she's been seeing some guy for over a month now, actually," Sam said. "Why?"

"Oh, just wondering," Carly said. "So…is he a nice guy? Does he, um, have a well-respected job?"

"Pfft, no, that guy works at the Burger Barn scraping gum from the pavement outside it," Sam said. "I keep trying to tell my mom he's mooching off her, which is pathetic all on its own, but she won't listen to me. But it's fine, the guy manages to bring home free burgers every once in awhile."

"Oh…" Carly frowned. "Well, that-that's nice. I'll see you later then. Bye!"

"So…I'm guessing she didn't get the money from her mom's boyfriend," Freddie sighed. "That doesn't mean she stole the phaser," Carly said.

"How else would she have gotten it, Carly?" Freddie moaned.

"Maybe, she, um…found it on the street?" Spencer suggested.

"Dude," Freddie said, giving him a look.

"But…Sam's never stolen something this valuable before," Carly said. "And she's been really good about staying out of trouble with the law lately…But I guess-I guess maybe when she saw that phaser, and knew that you really wanted it, she just sort of…broke down."

"Oh man, this is all my fault," Freddie said. "I should've never pointed this stupid phaser out to her yesterday! Then she never would've seen it. Now my girlfriend's going to wind up going to jail for penny theft!"

"Technically, it's not penny theft, because the item that was stolen cost more than a hundred dollars," Spencer spoke up.

Carly and Freddie gave him a strange look.

"Well those three days at law school weren't a complete waste," Spencer defended.

"We can't let Sam go to jail," Carly said firmly, turning back to Freddie.

"I know!" Freddie nodded. "But what are we going to do? If the mall's swarming with cops they're probably really determined to find the phaser. Oh! I bet there's video cameras or something that caught Sam red handed taking it!"

"I got it!" Carly said. "You and I will go to the mall, sneak into that comic book store and then we'll just put the phaser back. The owner will think it was there all along and the cops won't be looking to arrest anyone!"

"Brilliant!" Freddie exclaimed, hurrying to grab the phaser from the coffee table. "Come on, let's hurry up and get to the mall."

"Okay, we'll be back in a little bit, Spencer!" Carly called, pulling on her jacket as her and Freddie rushed out the door.

"Alright," Freddie said as him and Carly walked through the mall. "Here's what we'll do. You go into the store, start chatting up the owner about his comic books, and I'll slip into the back and leave the phaser there for him to find."

"I don't know anything about comic books, though!" Carly pointed out. "So how about you talk to the owner and I'll-Aw man!"

The two had just reached the store, but the doors were locked, and there was a sign in the window that read: Closed as a result of robbery.

"Well that's just great!" Freddie frowned. "How are we supposed to-"

"Hey you kids! Get away from my shop!" a man yelled loudly, poking his head out the door.

"Oh, we-we're sorry," Carly said. "We were just, um, admiring your window display."

"Well let's just hope that doesn't get robbed too!" the man snapped. "I'm still in a state of shock!"

"Yeah, um, we heard about that," Freddie said. "And we're real sorry for your loss. But maybe, um, you weren't really robbed! Maybe what you're missing is just, you know, lost somewhere in the store. My friend and I would be happy to-"

"I've looked through this store hundreds of times already today trying to find my priceless mint-condition Uranium Man comic!" the man sobbed. "And it's gone! It's been forked and I'll never get it back!"

"Well maybe if you looked a little harder, you'd-wait," Freddie frowned. "Did-Did you say a comic was stolen?"

"Don't make me repeat it!" the man wailed.

"So…you're not missing anything else?" Carly asked.

"Yeah, you're not missing your Gold Phaser of Gorwanda replica?" Freddie asked.

"What? That thing? No, I sold that yesterday," the man said dismissively.

"Oh…" Freddie said, confused. "Well then, um…good day, sir."

"So Sam didn't rob this place then," Carly said as the man retreated back into his store.

"Yeah," Freddie said slowly, pulling the phaser out of his pocket, examining it. "But then how'd Sam manage to get it for me?"

"I don't know," Carly said. "Maybe tonight, after iCarly, I can talk to her, and maybe she'll let something slip that will let us know if-"

"Carly? Freddie?"

The two spun around to see Sam approaching them, a corn dog in her hand.

"Sam!" Carly said, plastering a smile on her face. "Sam, what-what are you doing here?"

"I told you, I was hungry after detention let out, so I came here for a snack," Sam replied. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Oh you know, just-just some shopping," Freddie said, quickly trying to jam his phaser back in his pocket.

"What's that?" Sam frowned, spotting Freddie's attempt.

"Nothing," Freddie said, trying to act natural. "Hey, you wanna go get a churro? I'm in the mood for a churro. So let's all get-"

"Is that the phaser thing I bought you?" Sam frowned.

"Um…maybe?"

"Well, why would you bring it to the mall?" Sam asked. "You said yourself when you saw it the other day that it's really valuable and should be used for display only."

"He-He just wanted to take if for a walk before he put it on his special Galaxy Wars shelf," Carly told her.

"Why would you take it for a walk?" Sam asked. "That doesn't-" Then she looked over at the comic book store, which she just realized they were standing in front of. "Were-Were you trying to take it back?" she questioned, her face falling. "Don't you like it?"

"I do!" Freddie said quickly. "I love it! But, um, Sam, I-I was just sort of wondering-"

"Wondering what?" Sam asked.

But then she caught sight of the robbery sign on the door. She looked over at Carly and Freddie.

"Do-Do you guys think…do you guys think I stole that phaser?" she asked softly.

"Well, we-we just-" Carly began.

Sam shook her head, and Freddie felt horrible as he saw the hurt flooding her eyes. "I didn't steal it," she mumbled. She spun around and stormed off.

"Sam!" Freddie called after her. "Sam!"

…..

"She's never going to speak to me again," Freddie said miserably as him and Carly walked up to Sam's front door. "I accused my girlfriend of being a thief…what kind of guy am I?"

"Well I accused my best friend, so we're in the same boat," Carly told him.

"I can't believe this," Freddie sighed as he rang Sam's doorbell. "My girlfriend gets me a five hundred dollar gift, and instead of being grateful, I'm suspicious!"

"Look, we're going to apologize to Sam, and tell her that we should've never thought she would do something like that," Carly said, ringing the doorbell again.

"Why isn't she answering?" Freddie asked. He knocked hard on the door. "Sam! Sam, come on, baby, open up!"

"Here, I think I have a spare key for her place in here," Carly said, looking through her purse.

"Um, okay…why?"

"I fed Frothy while her and her mom went to divorce party in Wyoming last year," Carly replied, pulling out a key. She unlocked the door.

"Sam?" she called as they walked into the house. "Sam!"

"What do you guys want?" Sam snapped, coming downstairs. "You want to look through my room and see if you think anything in there's stolen?"

"No, Sam, we came to apologize," Carly said.

"Yeah, Sam, we are so sorry we thought that you robbed that store," Freddie said, climbing up the stairs to meet his girlfriend. "We-We knew that you wouldn't do that, but when we heard that the store had been robbed and something valuable had been stolen last night, we-we just thought it was odd and overreacted."

"Yeah, we just didn't want you to go back to jail over this," Carly nodded. "I mean, you're my best friend and Freddie's girlfriend, and you just turned eighteen last month, so you would be sentenced as an adult…we just wanted to return the phaser so you wouldn't get in trouble. But we should've come right to you and asked you about it."

"Yeah, no chiz!" Sam said, crossing her arms.

"Look, we're going to make this up to you," Freddie told her.

"Yeah, we will," Carly said firmly.

Sam sighed. "Why'd you even think I robbed the place to begin with?"

"Because, that phaser cost five hundred dollars," Freddie said. "I mean, Sam…baby. How-How'd you manage to get that kind of money?"

"Why does that matter?" Sam mumbled. "The point is I got it, legally, because I wanted to give my boyfriend something he'd really like."

"Okay," Freddie said. "Okay, I-that's fine. I won't ask you how you got this anymore."

"Thank you," Sam said.

"So…are we good?" Freddie asked.

Sam gave him a small smile. "Maybe after a bucket of fried chicken."

"Fair enough," Freddie grinned, leaning down to give her a kiss. "And Sam, I really do appreciate you getting that phaser for me. It means a lot."

"You buy me chiz all the time," Sam mumbled. "And speaking of you buying me chiz, that fried chicken isn't going to pick itself up."

"Okay, I'll be back," Freddie told her, heading back down to the front door.

"Sam?" Carly said as Freddie left. "Are we good?"

"Carly…come on," Sam said. "You're my best friend. You know I can't stay mad at you."

"Still, I feel really bad," Carly said. "But, um, Sam? Can't you just tell me how you got half a thousand dollars for that phaser for Freddie?"

Sam sighed. "Okay…but you can't tell him, okay? Otherwise he'd freak out."

"Deal," Carly nodded.

"Okay, well…you know that one-of-a-kind Fat Cake wrapper I have from the first one ever made?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, the one you won in that sweepstakes," Carly nodded. "You must've sent in a million box tops for that."

"I did," Sam said. "And it turns out that baby's pretty valuable. I sold it at that new pawn shop that just opened up and got the five hundred dollars from that."

"Are-are you serious?" Carly exclaimed. "Sam! You loved that thing! You said it was your most prized possession!"

"Yeah, well…Freddie really loved that phaser," Sam shrugged.