Repeat
"Unbelievable!" Freddie exclaimed, storming into the Shay's apartment.
"What's wrong?" Carly frowned, looking up from the textbook she was reading. "I thought you and Sam were going to the zoo today."
"We did!" Freddie said as he sat down on the couch next to Carly. "But of course, Sam had to turn what was supposed to be a delightful date into a nightmare!"
"Did you guys get banned from the zoo too?" Carly moaned.
"Yup! All because of an incident with some rare lemur," Freddie nodded. "Which was all Sam's fault!"
"Okay," Carly sighed, closing her textbook. "What happened?"
"Oh, I'll tell you what happened!" Freddie said hotly. "So Sam and I were at the zoo…"
…
"Wow, baby, isn't it just a fantastic day at the zoo?" Freddie asked, holding Sam's hand lovingly as they walked past the animal exhibits.
"Whatever," Sam snapped. "I'm hungry. Buy me some peanuts, Fredgrub!"
"Sure, I'd be happy too," Freddie smiled, walking over to a vendor. "Hi there!" he said to the woman at the food cart. "I'd like your largest pack of peanuts for my beautiful girlfriend here. I know that zoos overcharge for their snacks, but money is no object for me when it comes to my girl."
"Whoa," the vendor said, handing Freddie a large bag of peanuts. "You sure are a great boyfriend, sir!"
"Oh, well, I try," Freddie said, smiling modestly. He turned back to Sam, handing her the peanuts. "Here you are, Princess Puckett."
"Finally," Sam said, rolling her eyes, grabbing the bag from Freddie.
"So what exhibit should we go see first?" Freddie asked her. "Penguins? Zebras? Tigers?"
"Which ever animal would be most likely to come over and scratch up that hideous shirt you're wearing," Sam said. "I mean really! Did your mom go to the Gross, Ugly and Cheap store to buy you that?"
"My mom does have a questionable sense in fashion," Freddie chuckled. "Hey, I know! Why don't we go and see the monkeys?"
"If it will get you to shut up, sure," Sam said, shaking her head.
Freddie led her over to the monkey cages, where they spotted a black and white lemur swinging around on a branch.
"How cool is that, Sam?" Freddie said excitedly. "This plaque here says that this is a rare Persian lemur."
"It looks stupid," Sam said, carelessly throwing her peanut shells on the ground.
"Um, here, why don't I get those for you," Freddie said, picking up the shells. "There's a no littering sign right there; I think they want to make sure that the lemur doesn't reach out of its cage and get any outside food."
"How could that pathetic lemur reach his arm all the way out here to get my peanut shells?" Sam scoffed. "Seriously, Freddie! You are such an idiot!"
"But I just want to make sure that the poor lemur stays safe," Freddie told her.
"So you care about the lemur more than me? Huh?" she exclaimed.
"What? No, of course not! I love you so, so much!"
"Yeah, right," Sam snapped. She stepped closer to the cage and dumped out the rest of her peanuts.
"Um, what-what are you doing?" Freddie asked.
"Proving to you that this monkey's not going to reach out and get the peanut shells," she told him.
"Maybe tempting the lemur like that isn't the smartest thing to-"
"Oh? So now I'm dumb?"
"No, no, I just meant-"
"I can't believe you! You always insult me like this!"
"I'm sorry that you may have perceived what I was-" Freddie began.
"Look out!" a woman suddenly exclaimed. "That monkey has peanut shells!"
Sure enough, the lemur had reached out and grabbed the peanut shells and was now hurling them at the zoo guests.
"Hey! Did you two give that lemur those peanuts?" a zookeeper yelled, running over to Sam and Freddie.
"Well, yes, sir," Freddie nodded. "But my girlfriend here didn't mean any-"
"You two are coming with me!" the zookeeper frowned, grabbing their forearms. "You two are hereby banned from the zoo! Forever!"
…
"-And that's what happened," Freddie finished.
"The zookeeper really shouted 'forever' like that?" Carly frowned.
"He was crazed with anger," Freddie said.
"But wait, why would Sam just waste her peanuts like that?" Carly asked. "She loves peanuts. They're her third favorite type of nut!"
"That's irrelevant!" Freddie exclaimed. "The point is that this whole thing was Sam's fault, and you know what? She's mad at me for it!"
"Really?"
"I know!"
"Well, why don't you go and try and talk things out with her?" Carly suggested.
"Nope," Freddie said firmly. "If she wants to fix this, she can come to me and apologize."
"Wow," Carly chuckled. "Someone's got his big boy pants on today."
"Thank you," Freddie said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go upstairs and take a bubble bath to try and rewind after all this stress!"
….
About an hour later, Carly was still sitting downstairs studying when Sam slammed open the apartment door.
"Do you have any ham?" she fumed, storming into the kitchen.
"Um, yeah," Carly nodded. "So, um…I'm guessing that little zoo date you and Freddie had didn't go so well?"
"Gee, how'd you know?" Sam mumbled, rolling her eyes as she stuffed the meat into her mouth. "Freddie can be such a jerk sometimes!"
"Well, um, I-I'm sure that he didn't-"
"Did you that the nub got us banned from the zoo?" Sam exclaimed.
Carly frowned. "Freddie did?"
"Yeah, he wazzed off some lemur," Sam said, shaking her head.
"Okay," Carly said. "Tell me what happened."
"Fine," Sam said. "So we were at the zoo, right? And we were about to go look at some of the animals…"
…
"Of course you picked the hottest dang day of the year to drag me to the zoo!" Freddie said bitterly as him and Sam walked through the zoo.
"Well baby, it's the first official day of summer," Sam said happily. "I thought we should spend it out in the fresh air."
"I hate the fresh air."
"Well, maybe you'd feel better if you got something to eat," Sam reasoned.
"Of course, you're already hinting at me to buy you food," Freddie grumbled. "Fine, if it will get you off my back, then whatever."
"Oh no, baby, I don't want you to-"
"Alright," Freddie sighed, approaching the nearby vendor. "Looks like I'm going to be forced to shell out my money for my girlfriend's snack, even though this stuff costs a fortune! Give me a bag of peanuts…they're the cheapest thing this place has."
"Whoa, real great boyfriend," the vendor muttered to Sam, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"He-He's actually really charming and sweet," Sam said.
"Here," Freddie snapped, tossing Sam the peanuts as they walked away.
"Thank you, Freddie, I really appreciate you buying me these," Sam smiled appreciatively.
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Freddie said. "So what filthy animals are we going to see, so we can get out of here already? Penguins? Zebras? Tigers?"
"Whatever you want," Sam said, patting his shoulder. "And by the way, that is an awesome shirt, it looks really good on you. Did your mom buy that for you?"
"Will you quit ripping on my mom?" Freddie said loudly. "She's a wonderful woman!"
"I know that, I didn't say-"
"Let's just go see the monkey exhibit, it's the shortest walk," Freddie grumbled.
"Okay, sounds good to me!" Sam said brightly.
The walked over to a cage, and Sam excitedly looked in at the adorable lemur. "Oh how cute! I wonder why type of lemur he is."
"Well if you would open your eyes and read," Freddie said harshly. "You would see that the plaque right in front of you says that it's a rare Persian lemur."
"How cultural," Sam said, popping one of her peanuts into her mouth. A few shells accidently fell from her bag. "Whoops. Let me just-"
"Sam! You can't litter!" Freddie exclaimed, grabbing the shells from the ground. "People are going to stare at me! You always embarrass me in public like this! What if that stupid monkey reaches out and grabs the shells? I'll never live that humiliation down!"
"I'm sorry, baby, it was an accident," Sam said. "But I think it's cute how concerned you are for that lemur's safety. It's very-"
"Who cares about the dang monkey? All I care about is my reputation, here!" He flung one of his arms out for emphasis, and in the process, he knocked Sam's bag of peanuts out of her hands, spilling the contents right in front of the cage.
"Oh come on!" Freddie cried. "For crying out loud, Sam! How could you have been so stupid?"
"You-You think I'm stupid?" Sam asked shakily.
"Look out!" a woman suddenly exclaimed. "That monkey has peanut shells!"
Sure enough, the lemur had reached out and grabbed the peanut shells and was now hurling them at the zoo guests.
"Hey! Did you two give that lemur those peanuts?" a zookeeper yelled, running over to Sam and Freddie.
"It was her! All her!" Freddie exclaimed, pointing at Sam.
"But, Freddie, sweetie, I-" Sam began.
"You two are coming with me!" the zookeeper frowned, grabbing their forearms. "You two are hereby banned from the zoo!"
…
"-And that's what happened," Sam said, wrapping up her story. "And I'm not exaggerating at all."
"Uh-huh," Carly said, rolling her eyes.
"Total jerk, right?" Sam said.
"Sure," Carly sighed. "And let me guess, he's all mad at you for this."
"Yeah, how'd you know?" Sam frowned.
"Um, lucky guess," Carly said quickly. "Look, I don't know what exactly happened at that zoo, but maybe you should call Freddie and-"
"Me call him? No way!" Sam exclaimed. "If he wants to apologize to me, he has my number."
"Of course," Carly moaned.
"Hey, Carly?" Freddie said, coming down the stairs. "That bubble bath you have up there is really-" he stopped as he spotted his girlfriend. He cleared his throat. "Hello," he said coldly.
"Hello," Sam muttered, glaring at him.
"Um…so I'm gonna go upstairs," Carly said. "And see if I can-"
"What are you even doing here?" Sam said to her boyfriend, putting her hands on her hips.
"What are you doing here?" Freddie retorted.
"I was just telling Carly how you got us banned from the zoo!"
"I got us banned from the zoo?" Freddie scoffed. "You practically begged for them to throw us out with your little shenanigans!"
"Guys!" Carly said, trying to make her voice heard over the couple's argument. "Guys, I-oh. This is gonna be a repeat of the El Guapo Taco incident…"
"You told Carly it was my fault?" Sam yelled.
"Because it was!"
"It was all your fault!"
"In what universe?"
"This universe!"
Carly sighed and went over to the kitchen and opened up one of the drawers, pulling out a whistle. She then stepped back over to the feuding couple and, taking a deep breath, blew hard.
"Ow!" Freddie cried.
"What the heck, Carly?" Sam winced, covering her ears.
"Alright you two!" she said firmly. "Enough of this arguing, got it?"
"But he started it-"
"No she did-"
"I don't care whose fault it was that you got banned from the zoo!" Carly exclaimed. "Maybe instead of focusing on that, you two should focus on the fact that you got banned from yet another place! Now you guys can't go to the botanical gardens, the planetarium, Hey Foods, five gas stations and the waterpark! Don't you think that this is a problem? Normal couples don't get banned from half of Seattle! You guys going to be on lists! And then I'm going to be the girl who's friends with the Crackpot Couple!"
"Crackpot Couple?" Freddie repeated.
"Yeah, that's right," Carly nodded, crossing her arms. "That's what they'll call you! Honestly, you guys, you've been together for almost a year! You'd think you'd know how to act civilized in public, but noooooo! You're animals! Is this how you're going to be next year when you're in college? Or if you ever get married? You guys are out of control, and until you learn how to behave properly, you-you're grounded!"
"What?" Sam frowned. "You can't ground us!"
"Yeah, you're not the boss of us," Freddie agreed. "And I think you're overreacting way too much here."
"Oh am I?" Carly snapped.
"Yeah," Sam said. "I mean, so Frednub and I got banned from a few places. That doesn't make us a Crackpot Couple."
"We're a perfectly functional couple," Freddie said proudly, putting his arm around Sam.
"That's right," Sam said, beaming up at him. "No matter how many places ban us for monkey problems or causing an entire waterslide to be shut down for seven hours."
"We'll just find new places to go on dates and hang out," Freddie said. He looked down at Sam. "Come on, baby. Let's leave Sassypants alone and head back to my place. My mom's still at work for another few hours."
"I'm liking where this is going," Sam grinned, taking Freddie's hand, leading him out of the apartment.
The couple slammed the door shut behind them, and Carly grinned triumphantly.
"And that's how you do it," she said to herself, picking back up her textbook and flopping down on the couch again.
