AN-Hey, that request with Sam and Jade talking about Freddie and Beck is coming, don't worry! I just have a bunch before it I need to do, but I'm definitely doing it!
….
Tea
"Alright," Carly sighed, looking at her checklist on her phone. "Earplugs, headphones, spray bottle…"
"Hey kid," Spencer said, walking into the room. "Whatcha doing?"
"Just getting ready for iCarly rehearsal," Carly explained.
"Oh cool," Spencer said, looking at the materials she had gathered. "So are you doing a some sort of soundless water fight?"
"Nah," Carly said. "These are just for me. See, Sam's bringing Landon over, and Freddie's bringing Lindsay, and you know that whenever those four are in the same room, it's bound to be loud."
"Ah, right," Spencer nodded.
"I mean, I get that it can be a little awkward for Sam and Freddie to hang around each other's new date," Carly said. "But they of course bring it to the next level. The yelling level. They're just trying to make it seem like each of them is the happier one in their new relationship."
"That must suck for Landon and Lindsay," Spencer commented.
"Who cares?" Carly scoffed. "I can't stand either of them."
"Really?" Spencer frowned.
"Well, Landon's always making these terrible jokes at the worst times," Carly said. "And Lindsay's so whiney and needy. I don't see what Sam and Freddie see in them. Personally, I think they're just trying to make each other jealous."
"Ah high school drama," Spencer said reminiscently. "I remember it like it was yesterday…"
"That's because you only hang around high schoolers, so you did deal with high school drama then," Carly pointed out.
"You know, I could have grown up friends if I wanted to!" Spencer snapped.
"Right," Carly grinned, rolling her eyes.
Just then there was a knock at the door and Freddie walked in, followed by a small brunette girl.
"Hey," Freddie said brightly. "You ready to do a little iCarly?"
"Freddie!" the girl moaned, standing at the doorway. "You-You didn't hold the door open for me! Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?"
"No!" Freddie said quickly, rushing back over to the door, holding it open (even though it wasn't a swinging door, so it stayed perfectly open without him holding it). "Sorry, Lindsay."
"Thank you, Freddie-poo," Lindsay smiled, tickling Freddie's chin as she walked in.
"Oh God," Spencer cringed.
"Hey, Lindsay," Carly said, plastering a smile on her face. "So glad you could make it today."
"Sweetie," Lindsay said, clutching to Freddie's arm, ignoring Carly's greeting. "How long is this little computer thing going to take? I wanted to take you to my place and introduce you to my new puppy."
Carly and Spencer exchanged looks.
"Oh, well, rehearsal shouldn't run more than a few hours," Freddie said slowly. "I guess you and I can go see your puppy after."
"Yay!" Lindsay said happily.
Just then the door opened again and Sam walked in, followed by a tall, muscular blonde boy.
"Oh yay," Carly said lamely. "Now Landon's here too."
"What goes on?" Sam said, heading into the kitchen. "You guys still have any brownies left?"
"In the fridge," Spencer said.
"Hey, you know what they would call brownies if they weren't brown?" Landon asked.
"What, baby?" Sam asked.
"Ies!" Landon laughed. "You get it? Because they aren't brown, so you can't call them brownies!"
"Oh yeah, that's a good one!" Lindsay nodded.
"Yeah," Sam said, forcing a laugh while fighting the urge to roll her eyes. "Real funny."
"It must take a real genius to make that joke up," Freddie said bitterly. "Now see, Lindsay here, a member of the school's honor society, tells classy, witty jokes."
"Well your genius girlfriend laughed, now didn't she?" Sam smirked.
"Because she, unlike certain other girls, is polite!" Freddie snapped.
"At least Landon, unlike certain other boys has a sense of humor!" Sam retorted.
"Wow," Spencer said, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. "I do not want to be here."
"Coward," Carly mumbled as her brother headed out the back door. She turned back to her friends. "So, who's ready to do a little iCarly?"
"You know Lindsay's grandmother was the first female garbage collector?" Freddie said to Sam, narrowing his eyes. "Pretty impressive, isn't it?"
"Well Landon's grandfather was in a band," Sam argued.
"This is going to be a long rehearsal," Carly sighed.
….
"So then after we finish filling Gibby's pants with gummy worms," Freddie said, jotting a few notes down on his Pearpad. "We can go ahead and do the re-amped spit take bit, and then that's it."
"Sounds good," Carly nodded.
"Hey, you know the only thing funnier than a spit take?" Landon grinned. "A dog doing a spit take! You know, because they have weird tongues, so the spit would just go everywhere!"
"Oh…yeah, that's-that's a good one," Sam said weakly.
"Real charming," Carly said.
"Oh no!" Lindsay gasped, running over to Freddie's tech cart. "Freddibear!"
"What's wrong?" Freddie frowned.
"While I was standing over by the door, watching you give all your attention to those other two girls, my-my shirt sleeve must've got caught in something!" she sniffed. "Look at it! My shirt's totally ruined!"
"I think it looks better," Sam smirked.
"Sam," Carly hissed, trying to hold back a laugh.
"Well, um, no problem," Freddie said. "I can take you back to your place, and then you can change your shirt."
"No!" Lindsay wailed. "I can't wait that long! My poor shirt won't make it. Oh, Freddie! This is just the worst day ever!"
"Um, there's some scissors downstairs," Carly offered. "You can maybe cut the thread so it won't unravel your sleeve anymore."
"I guess that will work," Lindsay mumbled miserably.
"Hey, do you care if I go grab some water from your fridge?" Landon asked as Lindsay headed out of the studio.
"Sure, go ahead," Carly nodded.
"I'll bring you back some water, baby," Landon told Sam. "Hey! I'll be your water boy! Get it? Like those losers who sit on the benches at games and give all the players water? Only I'm not a loser."
"Well…" Freddie began, earning him a kick in the shins from Sam.
"I need a bubble bath," Carly sighed, rubbing her temples.
"That Lindsay sure is a delight," Sam said, her voice dripping in sarcasm.
"Hey, at least my girlfriend doesn't sound like a moron every time she opens her mouth," Freddie snapped.
"Well that's a matter of opinion Freddiebear," Sam retorted. "And Landon's not a moron! He's practicing his comedy act so that when he graduates, he can become a stand-up comedian!"
"Oh, well I'll be sure to go see one of his performances!" Freddie said. "You know, if I'm ever in excruciating pain and want to be put out of my misery!"
"If you want to be put out of your misery, all you'll have to do is stay in with Lindsay!" Sam frowned. "And listen to her stupid whiney voice! Oh, Freddie. My shirt's wrinkled, call in the National Guard to iron it for me!"
"You're just jealous that I have a wonderful girlfriend while you're stuck with that Landon freak," Freddie said, crossing his arms.
"Hey, my boyfriend is awesome!" Sam said firmly.
"You guys," Carly said, stepping between her feuding friends. "You're being ridiculous right now. You don't need to be competing with your new relationships."
"We're not competing," Freddie said, still glaring at Sam.
"Just stating the obvious," Sam said. "That Landon's way better than Lindsay is."
"Oh, what a load of-"
"And it's bubble bath time," Carly said, shaking her head as she headed out of the studio.
…
"-And so then I was thinking we could go back to my place and watch my ballet recital from when I was four," Lindsay said, hanging onto Freddie's arm as he piled books into his bag after school the next day.
"Yeah, that sounds…fun," Freddie nodded. "Are we still on for studying this afternoon, though?"
"No, I'm sorry, I need to go shopping with my mom," Lindsay said, rustling his hair. "I'm sorry, honeybun."
"Oh no, it's fine," Freddie said quickly. "I'll catch you later then."
"Okay, bye!" Lindsay said brightly, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before running off.
Carly walked over as she left.
"Do you really like her?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"What?" Freddie scoffed. "Of course I do! She's my girlfriend, why wouldn't I like her?"
"What's her last name?"
"Um," Freddie frowned. "It's-It's something-something…burg?"
"Uh-huh," Carly nodded knowingly.
Just then Sam and Landon walked by.
"-And that's why jellyfish sting people!" Landon laughed loudly.
"Yeah, real-real funny," Sam nodded. "Hey, don't you have lacrosse practice to get to?"
"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" Landon said. He quickly leaned down and gave Sam a peck on the lips. "Gotta run, babe, bye!"
"Well, that scent of desperation and hairspray that's in the air must mean that Lindsay was just here a little while ago," Sam said, joining the two by Freddie's locker.
"At least it masks the scent of Landon's idiocy," Freddie said coolly.
"Guys, can we please not do this every single day?" Carly moaned.
"Do what?" Sam asked.
"Never mind," Carly sighed. "Anyway, you two need to go pick up the tea for iCarly tonight. You know, to fill the giant teacup Spencer made?"
"Make Fredwad go on his own," Sam said.
"It's twenty pounds of tea, he can't carry all that back to the studio on his own," Carly told her. "I'd help you guys, but me and Wendy have to finish up our science fair project at the library right now."
"Fine," Freddie conceded. "Where are we supposed to pick up the tea?"
"That new tea lounge across from the Groovy Smoothie," Carly replied. "The owner agreed to give us all the tea for free if we have Gibby go down there next week and dress up in some costume to attract customers…I should probably tell him about that soon."
"Whatever," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "Let's just go get this over with. At least I can get some scones while we're there."
….
"-And then Lindsay told me I was the best checkers player I ever met," Freddie said proudly as him and Sam walked into the tea lounge.
"Oh yeah? Well Landon told me I was the best tic-tac-toe player ever!" Sam said as they approached the counter.
"Can I help you two?" a server asked them.
"Um yeah, we're supposed to pick up twenty pounds of tea we ordered for our web show, iCarly," Freddie replied.
"Oh right, I'll go get your tea," the man nodded, hurrying to the back room.
"Dang it, this place doesn't even have scones," Sam mumbled, looking at the baked goods. "All they have here are weird fruit tarts."
"Why don't you get your boyfriend to buy you some scones?" Freddie smirked, rolling his eyes.
"At least Landon wouldn't sit there and complain about the price of the scones like somebody would, and-hey!"
She looked over at one of the couches, where there was a couple making out. Freddie looked at where she was staring. "What?" he asked. "What's so-hey!"
He saw it too. That couple on the couch was none other than his Lindsay and Sam's Landon.
The two of them pulled away and looked over at Sam and Freddie, both looking like deer in headlights.
"What's going on?" Sam asked, storming over to the couch, Freddie at her heels.
"Yeah!" Freddie echoed.
"We-We can explain," Lindsay said quickly.
"Yeah, it's actually a funny story," Landon said.
"Oh save it! Nothing that comes out of your mouth is funny," Sam snapped.
Landon gasped, offended.
"It's just-" Lindsay told Freddie. "Landon connects to me on an emotional level. He really gets me."
"Well good for him, because you're so wonko with your emotions that no normal person could get you!" Freddie said. "Seriously, you freak out over everything!"
"That's so mean!" Lindsay pouted.
"You know," Landon frowned, putting his arm around Lindsay. "We don't need this. Sam, you and me-"
"Oh no, buddy. I'm dumping you," Sam cut him off. "We're done."
"Yeah, so are we," Freddie said to Lindsay.
"Fine," Lindsay snipped. "Come on, Landy. Let's get out of here."
"Unbelievable," Sam said, sinking onto the couch as the new couple left. "They cheated on us with each other?"
"It's real messed up, isn't it?" Freddie sighed, sitting down next to her.
"You feel upset?" Sam asked.
"Strangely…no," Freddie said. "You?"
"Actually, no, I'm not," Sam said. "Maybe…maybe it's because Landon wasn't really the perfect boyfriend I made him out to be. Honestly, he was sort of an idiot."
"At least you didn't have to listen to him whine over everything," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "Lindsay was a pretty rotten girlfriend, now that I think about it."
"Yeah, but I bet she didn't keep you up until three in the morning telling you the lamest jokes," Sam pointed out. "I think having Landon as a boyfriend was definitely worse than you having Lindsay as a girlfriend."
"Please," Freddie scoffed. "She was so annoying! Last night she made me sit with her and watch some weird vampire movie instead of catching the new episode of Girly Cow."
"I couldn't even hear that episode," Sam retorted, getting to her feet. "Because dumb old Landon kept telling me some joke about a puffer fish!"
"Lindsay's hair smelled like broccoli!" Freddie said loudly, standing up as well.
"Landon stored his gym bag in his car, so the whole thing stunk!"
"Lindsay would never let me pick where we ate!"
"Landon was a vegetarian! He never bought me meat!"
"Lindsay told me my nose was off center!"
"Landon told me my ears weren't the same size!"
"Yeah, well, I didn't even really like Lindsay!" Freddie said, putting his hands on his hips.
"Oh, and you think I actually found a buffoon like Landon attractive?" Sam snapped.
"Well the only reason I even dated Lindsay in the first place was to try and make you jealous!" Freddie yelled.
"The only reason I went out with Landon was to make you jealous too!" Sam screamed.
"Well it worked!"
"Yeah it did!"
"Wait… are you saying you still have feelings for me then?"
"Are you saying you still have feelings for me?" Sam shouted.
"Yes I am!"
"Well then I am too!"
"Well I'm glad you do!"
"I'm glad you do!"
"So are we back together?" Freddie questioned loudly.
"Obviously!"
"Well then good!"
"Good!"
"I'm going to kiss you then!"
"Well you'd better!"
And with that Freddie crashed his lips to Sam, feeling he readily respond as she threw her arms around his neck.
When they finally ran out of breath and pulled away, the two looked at each other, smiling.
"Well I guess dating Landon wasn't totally useless then," Sam chuckled.
"Um, I think it was me dating someone as awful as Lindsay that really pushed us," Freddie pointed out.
"Wait," Sam frowned. "Do you think you're going to get the credit for getting us back together?"
"Well…sort of," Freddie nodded.
"What? No way!" Sam exclaimed. "It was all me!"
"Are you crazy?"
"You're the crazy one, nub," Sam said.
"Hold on," Freddie said. "Are-Are we really going to have this argument?"
"You bet," Sam grinned, grabbing his hand. "After we catch up on some…other activities."
"I think I like the sound of this," Freddie laughed as Sam pulled him out of the tea lounge.
"Wait!" the server at the counter yelled as the couple rushed out. "You forgot your twenty pounds of tea!"
…..
AN-Sort of got the idea for the end of the chapter from Drake and Josh, where Josh and Mindy were arguing right before they wound up kissing in Eric Punches Drake.
