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Chapter 19
"He has arrived." Rhaegar braces his hands on Elia's shoulders. "Shall we go?"
Smoothing a hand over her gown one final time, Elia stands while Rhaegar extended his arm to her.
As they make their way through the halls, Rhaegar thinks, 'It will not be long now'. He hopes this goes well. He needs this to go well. Elia glances towards Ser Oswell who was following at a respectful distance before leaning in to whisper, "What is the matter?"
Rhaegar considers the question. There should be no reason for this apprehension he feels, but, he feels it, regardless. He had always ignored what others used to call his melancholic state, but, it seems now he cannot. He also finds he cannot change it. "When we were youths, I know Jon enjoyed being in King's Landing." He and Elia share a brief smile before the smile slips and his face settles into a grim expression. "He left here so abruptly and he has not been back since just after the coronation. I just hope he does not wish to alter his plans. It was not as though he enjoyed the position or volunteered the last time." It was true; his father had all but forced Jon to take the role Rhaegar wants him to take up again. Despite their friendship, Jon had not spoken to him much about his experiences though Rhaegar knew from various accounts, including Elia's, about how insultingly, at the least, his father dismissed him. He was too ashamed of himself to pester Jon about it when Jon did not speak of that time.
Elia frowns. "'You hope?' I do not think he would refuse you, much less when he already accepted. He is not the type to do such a thing without good reason. He has always been devoted to you. I do not think he would refuse you this and it is not as though the circumstances are similar." Despite her words her expression grows dark at the last statement. Before he can say anything, she takes a breath and in the next moment her face is smooth once more.
"I know." Rhaegar sighs. Even though he was not here for much of it and they do not speak of it, he does know what transpired here. But, thinking of the past only serves as a greater reminder that Jon is not free from tainted memories of King's Landing before, during, and after the war; none of them are. Furthermore, Rhaegar is firmly aware that Jon is capable of denying him when he sets his mind to it, even when Jon knows Rhaegar will not force him into doing what he does not wish. "The last time I asked something of him he refused." Jon, Rhaegar remembered, laughed in his face. It is doubtful he would do so again, but, the possibility of refusal was there and Elia knew it.
Alarmingly, Elia's hand shakes in his and her slight shoulders start twitching while Rhaegar's eyes narrow at her clear effort to not laugh while they were in public, as if what he says was something to laugh at. "What? Elia?" He purses his lips when her shoulders shake even harder though she bites her lip to control herself. "It is nothing to laugh about."
She bites her lip even harder and presses closer to him; he can feel her shaking with unspent energy next to him. It takes her some effort before she forces sound to come out of her mouth, but, while she whispers the laughter in her voice was clear. "Yes, at least this time you will not be seeking to get him married. I think he will love you all the more for that."
Rhaegar looks at her, disgruntled. After the failure the first time he vowed never, he was sure Jon shared his sentiment, to revisit that unpleasant experience ever again. As young as they are, if it was not the fact that he was a father to children at all, he would hope to never revisit such a thing with anyone ever again. "I remember and it was your friend I was trying to convince him to marry and all it proved was that Jon can be quite adamant in his refusals when he wants to be." In his periphery he can see Ser Oswell's amused look even though Rhaegar was sure neither his nor Elia's voice had carried.
Even as he grumbles, a laugh escapes Elia's mouth. "I am sure Ashara will be elated to know that she is now only 'my' friend instead of 'ours'. Still, if Ashara's letters are anything to glean information from, it worked out quite well for her." She lets out a snicker. "So long as we do not throw unmarried ladies at him without his knowledge or desire, I doubt he would refuse you much of anything else and not this. Unless you think he will because it is only temporary?" Now her levity is gone and she looks somewhat apprehensive. "He knows it is temporary, does he not?" The question of "is it temporary?" he hears clearly.
He liked Jon Arryn as much as Elia did, more even, therefore he had expressed to Jon, barring certain complications Rhaegar was firm in this being a temporary arrangement. If Jon refused, that, at least, would not be the sticking point. "It is and he knows it."
With a calm countenance one more, Elia shrugs and says simply, "Then there is nothing to be concerned about."
He admits, "Jon is the only one I could think of for this." Elia nodded again, knowing that for truth. They discussed the matter at length and they both knew that Jon was one of the few who they could trust with the position. Rhaegar continues, "I suppose if he is here than that has to mean something." Elia just squeezes his hand.
As if trying to reassure himself of the potential success for this plan, he says, "Jon would not have come if he did not want to." He fails when he could not help his next question almost immediately, "Who else was there?"
A silent tightening of Elia's lips tells him she had nothing to say to that; there was nothing anyone could say to it. Even though he sought out the eldest Jon's and Elia's council, this Jon was the only person he could trust with something this important. Rhaegar knew he could not trust just anyone in King's Landing with this particular office, even temporarily. He knew that if he decided to go without appointing a Hand of the King, even for the smallest while, others would think he was engaging in some form of heresy or perhaps giving into what they believed to be his madness once more. That would not be the truth, yet, he could not afford such whispers to follow him.
Jon was his choice; his only choice. After Elia and Arthur, there were not that many people he could trust. However, neither Elia nor Arthur will ever be available to him in that capacity. Ser Willem Darry was loyal, but, ill suited to the role and he would not have wanted it even if asked. Unlike his predecessors, Rhaegar also had no close kin who could be given the mantle immediately. But, he did not believe that he was the type of man who would give positions to family simply because they were family. If he had been and perhaps had Viserys been years older that could have served, albeit with some grumbling from others, no doubt; but, his brother was still a boy and Rhaegar wishes his brother stay the boy he was. More and more, he wants that for all of his children.
Of his father's former Hands, aside from Jon, only two others still lived: Tywin Lannister and Owen Merryweather. Rhaegar would not approach either man for this. Merryweather was far too old and Rhaegar knew the man proved decidedly incapable when he held the position; not that his father let the man hold it for very long. The Lannister lord was already on his council and Rhaegar knew better than to think that he could be made Hand again without Lord Tywin broadly hinting that it become a more permanent arrangement. He certainly was not about to let that come to pass. Jon, short as his tenure was, had the benefit of, at least, having served in this capacity.
His council had approved, but, Rhaegar knew they were rather surprised that Jon was already on his way to King's Landing and so it made discussing potential candidates moot. Grimly, he thinks that some of his council, if they wanted or worked at it, would have tried to find more of a problem with this choice of his, too. He saw the looks on their faces when he announced Lord Arryn would be leaving the capitol. Had he not swiftly informed them of Jon's acquiescence, he was sure one if not all of them would have jumped at the idea of providing the name of some bannerman or relative of theirs who would be "quite suited" to the position, "for the duration of Lord Arryn's intended absence". He certainly did not want anyone else for the position. He thought he was free from being concerned when his announcement provided only a minimum amount of fuss with the rest of the council, but, it seemed that was not in his nature.
He remembered being only slightly relieved when he and Elia discussed Jon and what Rhaegar said he would argue if Jon proved reluctant.
"If he argues I can tell him the absolute truth. I not only want him to do this, I need him to do this. He is one of the few I trust easily." He takes a breath, not knowing if he should mention his other thoughts on the subject. He decides he should tell her. His thoughts, without acting on them, and these he certainly will not, can do no harm. "The only other two others I can think of who would be absolutely truthful with me and would not want the position permanently basis are Oberyn and Stannis Baratheon." He smiles awkwardly, knowing that while others might have no reservations about asking one's distant kin or kin of his wife's, he would do just about anything to avoid the indignity of choosing either of those men.
He had not said this to her before for precisely the same reason Elia nearly sputters in shock. His willingly choosing Oberyn or Lord Stannis for anything is preposterous. Under any other circumstances choosing either other man was not without merit on the face of it; but, with them, for him, there were other circumstances. While the Lord of Storm's End's sense of duty could be appealed to and Oberyn would accept as a favor to Elia, Rhaegar cringed at the idea of having either man here once more. Rhaegar knew if it came to it, either might accept, but, Lord Baratheon would do so great reluctance and Oberyn would do so knowing Rhaegar would have to be desperate to approach him. Of course, there may very well be threats to his person from their wives, if he approached either man with the idea.
Elia just sighs, "I suppose the threat of that would awaken Jon's pity or cause him to believe such a possibility too horrific enough for him to want to stay."
Rhaegar grimaces once more, remembering his response was, "If that is what keeps him here…"
Rhaegar felt his worry slip away when, upon seeing them, Jon embraces him warmly, kisses Elia's hand in the same way he used to, and nodded politely in Ser Oswell's direction.
As they make their way back to the Red Keep Rhaegar begins, "Jon, it pleases me to see you."
Jon's smile was bright. "No less than it pleases me, Your Grace."
He feels the tension in his spine receding. Rhaegar smiles brightly return, "We have known each other for far too long for me to have to tell you that my name is Rhaegar and I would rather you use it." On Rhaegar's other side Elia's lips twitch and Rhaegar smothers another smile. No matter how many times Rhaegar could tell Jon to use his name, he never could convince Jon to use anything but his title.
Seeing their reactions, even as he does let out a smile, Jon nearly goes as red as his hair. "It seems that you must remind me once again."
As they walk, Rhaegar continues, "Still, I am honored, I am pleased you accepted the office. I thank you for it, after all, this is not a matter of days and it may or may not be a matter of a few weeks. I hope I am not unduly keeping you from remaining at home if that was your wish or keeping you from your other responsibilities?"
Jon looks at him, a stern look forming on his face, and Rhaegar thinks he might have made a mistake in saying anything at all. He cannot help but worry, but, causing others to worry because of him is nothing he desires. Jon's tone is calm but Rhaegar can see the slight hurt and disapproval in Jon's eyes. "Griffin's Roost can be without me for however long you need. My cousin more than is capable of acting as Castellan." Jon begins to frown, "I promised I would be here and so I am. Is something the matter? Has Lord Arryn said something about adjusting his plans or has there been grumbling on the Small Council? Has something else changed?" Rhaegar's shoulders tense once more, hearing the unspoken 'Have you changed your mind?'
Rhaegar holds up a hand, "Forgive me for my musings. No, nothing has changed you are to be my Hand, you are to be my Hand until however long the Arryns intend to stay away."
He is relieved when Jon simply nods, seemingly mollified. "I should see Lord Arryn soon, yes? Does he wish to see me immediately?"
Jon Arryn was not a man who enjoys idleness and his deep-seated sense honor would not allow for dereliction of his responsibilities. No amount of convincing on Rhaegar's part would result in the eldest Jon in his company's not acting as Hand until the date of his departure.
Rhaegar could only shake his head, "There is no need yet. Lord Arryn is intent on filling his responsibilities until his last day here and I respect him far too much tell him to do otherwise. He does look forward to seeing you, but, I think it can keep for tonight at least." To be fair, Rhaegar did not exactly try to change the man's mind.
While Rhaegar almost smiled at Jon's nonplussed reaction, he is thankful his friend decided not to press him. "I see, well, I suppose I should commend Lord Arryn on his dedication and hope that I serve only half as well as he seems to be doing"
Rhaegar did smile then, "Come now, you will. Now, did you wish to get to your rooms to rest, eat, or would you like to see the children?"
Jon hesitates, "The children must have grown so much in the time I was away". He sounds so wistful and for a moment Rhaegar think he was too hasty in writing off Jon as a perennial bachelor. Surely, Jon would want to have a family of his own.
That despondent thought does not stop pride from coloring Rhaegar's voice, "Yes, they have. They will be excited to see you."
Catching his eye Jon's smile returns, "Is that right?" Jon continues, "I suppose Princess Rhaenys is well on her way to becoming a lady and Prince Aegon must be running now. And Prince Jon?" His friends tone adds in an eagerness which resonated well with Rhaegar though his pleasure at that was tempered by Jon sneaking a look at Elia; the one that he regrettably knows Elia is familiar with, even from those who should be close to them.
Elia smiles blandly, "If I just relied on what the nurses tell me, I would think that is all they do."
Ser Oswell, having been assigned to watch the children earlier in the week, snorts and Jon's face betrays a flare of shock before becoming smooth before he glances back in his direction. "I am not surprised they would be so spirited. Are they usually well behaved or do they get into all sorts of mischief?" There is a faint smile on Jon's face now, as if attempting to remember himself around that age though his expression tells Rhaegar exactly what sort of answer he would prefer.
Despite Rhaegar's placid reassurance of, "No, my children do not", the innocuous statement forces him to think of that letter from Uncle Aemon which he still not found a true response for. His manners and affection for his 'uncle' would not allow him to refrain from sending a response to his queries, yet, the one he did send, with respect to his children, could be said to be non-committal at best.
He closes his eyes for a moment remembering not to give into fear. Still, he imagines that even if his fears related to the prophesy do not come to pass, and he hopes his fears remain completely unrealized, his children, by virtue of who they were, would not be free from all troubles and he was no fool to think otherwise.
He is almost grateful when Elia's laugh stops his thoughts from traveling further in a direction he would rather keep away from. While her look is fond, she says, "I think that is a lie all mothers and fathers tell themselves."
Jon counters, with something of a challenge in his tone, "And Her Grace believes she does not tell herself the same lie?"
Elia laughs, "I did not say I do not."
Jon huffs out a breath, almost put out, even as he rolls his eyes and Ser Oswell's face continues to betray his mirth even when Elia continues, "Even if I was not, my children are much too young to get into mischief." She turns towards Ser Oswell, "Is that not right?"
While Rhaegar registers the knight's good-natured response of "Quite so, Your Grace", Rhaegar keeps his eyes trained on Jon when he quirked an eyebrow at Elia at the way her thoughts of 'my children' does not exclude his youngest son. Despite the warmth Rhaegar feels because of Elia's sentiments, it was nothing new to him. Still, even if he had no darker worry of his children's future, the idea of his children growing and getting into mischief is something he would have dreaded. However, he could only agree with the sentiment; his children were well behaved. If only if he could say the same about his brother. "Of course, even they were not well behaved, Viserys causes more than the other four combined. I do not believe such a thing will change."
Jon looks at him, moderately confused and greatly surprised at that particular response, "Oh?"
Remembering the latest antics of his brother, Rhaegar could only sigh. "Yes. If my children or my sister grow into anything like Viserys I fear my hair will turn gray from silver far more quickly than I hope." He can see the amused look Ser Oswell and Elia share; the both of them having known Ser Jaime caught Oberyn's eldest daughter and Viserys trying to cajole one of the guards in Sunspear into procuring a double-curved bow so his brother could bring it back with him. Rhaegar supposed it had been his fault when, instead of a horse or a sword, he simply sent him a rare manuscript about weaponry as his nameday gift.
His friend looks at him hesitatingly, "Prince Viserys has been giving you trouble?" At the grim tone and the even more grim expression, Rhaegar knows what Jon is referring to and Rhaegar does not know if he wants to snap at his friend in disgust for even thinking such things about his brother or cringe in horror at the prospect.
Though the children were at too tender of an age to show much of what they will be like when they grow let alone demonstrate tendencies towards madness, most of the realm whispered of the sort of troubles some members of his family were capable of causing. Even if he despaired of it and caused him many difficult nights no matter what he wished, he knew he could not ignore the possibility. His father had been a kind man once and it was his own folly that he left the matter of his father's state far too late. His own actions were not seen as severe, yet, Rhaegar knows he gave others reason enough to think no differently of him, even if it had been for a small while.
Even if his fears about the prophecy are not realized and he wishes more and more they are not, he fears his brother, sister, and his children may be afflicted with the same madness. For now, however, he sees nothing that makes him think any of the children are affected. He cannot say he prays for it never to happen, but, he hopes.
"Nothing of that sort." At Rhaegar's firm tone Jon looks embarrassed and uncomfortable, but, he does seem relieved. Though Rhaegar was sure he saw disapproval Elia and Ser Oswell on their faces at Jon's question, now they schooled their expressions into something neutral. He continues, gamely, "He goes from acting older than his age and younger in one moment from the next. At times he wanted nothing more than to go play and at others he wanted to be involved in council business and when he returns you should hear him talk the way he jumps around from subject to subject. His letters to me are no different, when he decides to send me one."
Rhaegar thinks if how changeable Viserys could be remains the extent of his brother's oddities, he would consider Viserys and himself fortunate.
They are disrupted from speaking when they enter nursery. After greetings between Jon, Ser Lucas, and Arthur are exchanged, Rhaegar introduces Jon to the children. Rhaegar could only smile at the way the children are entranced with him because of his, albeit not so new, presence. Rhaegar sees his expression mirrored on Elia's face when Jon, sweeping a look over all of them individually, declares them 'charming' in the way that denotes truth, but not excessive interest.
It is not long after that Jon begins looking around obviously not seeing the subject of their previous conversation asks, "Prince Viserys is not here, then?"
"He is in Dorne". The prompt and cheerful reply from his daughter, who, it seemed, did remember Jon and seemed enthusiastic about it. Rhaegar could only shake his head at the way his daughter's cheerful countenance turns artfully penitent when seeing the falsely stern looks she gets from both Elia and Ser Lucas at her outburst.
Jon blinks at Rhaenys who grins at him. He comes back to his senses enough to look between him and Elia to finally repeat, "Prince Viserys is in Dorne?"
The "why" Jon leaves unasked; but, Rhaegar does hear it. Elia clearly heard it too, but, stays silent and so he answers, "Though he went to Oldtown and Highgarden first; yes, my brother is still in Dorne."
Eyebrows still raised, Jon asks hesitatingly, "How did that come about? Have you decided to foster him there?"
Rhaegar almost blanches and Elia smiles, but, her eyes laugh the most. He certainly had not thought to do so, nor does he desire it; not for Viserys or, in the future, his sons, either. "No, I will not foster my brother out. Still, there is no reason he should not see some of the world before his education becomes more rigorous." Remembering he had all but tried every objection he could to stop his brother from going initially, he firmly fails to acknowledge the quick twitch of Elia's lips. He coughs, determinedly, once again, returning his gaze to Jon. "While they were here made friends with the eldest of Lord Tyrell's boys and got on well with Elia's eldest nieces. He travelled to the Reach with the Tyrell's and he went to Dorne from there. Ser Jaime is with him. They are to remain in Dorne for now."
After responding to his Uncle Aemon's letter and receiving another one, despite a desire flaring within him to have all of his family about him, Rhaegar refrained from sending for his brother; but, only just. Not wanting to disappoint his brother and knowing that Ser Jaime wanted to stay with his sister and given how prickly Oberyn would be until his lady-wife gave birth was that which stayed his hand. Grimly, Rhaegar thinks he had done enough to them to actively try and disappoint Viserys or Ser Jaime for that matter.
Jon blinks. "Ah, well." One more glance goes from his face to Elia's. Jon speaks directly to him, his tone betraying ill-concealed dubiousness, "I take it he enjoys himself?"
Before he can answer Rhaenys decides to take a now wide-eyed Jon by the hand and begins regaling him with a litany of things Viserys and her cousins recently wrote to her about. Rhaegar decides never to mention the lack of disapproval on Elia's face and the smirk on Arthur's when Rhaenys, brazenly but with as serious an expression Rhaegar had ever seen, stated that the first trip she would take when she leaves King's Landing would, in fact, be to Dorne. That both his sons and sister share the same uncomprehending smile at what they clearly believe is the prospect of a story and a new playmate causes Jon to go even more wide-eyed while he, himself, inwardly winces.
Even though Jon, startled as he seemed, nodded along at the appropriate places, Rhaegar decides it best to extricate Jon soon after lest his friend reconsider remaining in King's Landing for fear of being kept hostage by the children.
As he promised Rhaegar reacquainted both Hands of the King to one another just before the evening meal. While both men had met in King's Landing previously, because of the admittedly less than auspicious circumstances, then Rhaegar had been apprehensive though both men had been amiable enough in public. Now, however, when they met there was no undercurrent of suspicion derived from being on opposite sides of the war or at least none Rhaegar could sense.
Once he left their company he went to join his wife at the High Table. A kiss to his wife's cheek, "How was your afternoon?"
"Quite occupied" was the measured reply.
He huffs out a laugh, "I expect it would have been, wife, but, I meant to inquire if it was occupied with the usual things or more than that?"
"The children were more excitable after you left." He fought the urge to grin at her not quite disgruntled tone. Rhaegar had considered the possibility, but, he had wanted to get Jon settled in once again and they got to talking about this and that.
"Is that why Rhaenys is not here?" When Viserys was in King's Landing his brother would usually sup with them and Rhaenys followed suit on most days but Rhaegar did not see their daughter was here.
"It is quite late and she was the most excitable I have seen her in some time." Her tone mirrored his mother's so much that he wondered if his mother taught such a thing to Elia.
Rhaegar follows Elia's line of sight where it settles on Jon. Rhaegar takes a draught of the Dornish wine Elia favors. She laughs softly, "I fear Rhaenys has become quite taken with Jon." It seems Elia could forgive some of their daughter's lack of decorum because of what passed for her Dornish pride, but, not for very much else. However, a choked laugh bubbles up from his throat all the same.
He could only scoff, frowning. "What a thing to say! They have met before."
Elia smiles, this time, however, but was tinged in sadness, "The last time he was here both the children were much too young to be of any great interest to someone with the responsibilities he had. Even then it was only a few months he served as Hand before he too left. He arrived after the war, but, left so quickly after the Coronation at that." Elia's smile becomes brighter now but Rhaegar knew it to be more forced. "She never met anyone so nonplussed by her."
Rhaegar, though he tries not to react, he hesitates at the reference to the war and the months after. Judging by her expression he knows Elia does not want to dwell on the subject either. With one look towards their topic of discussion he settles for a light response of, "Jon was in shock at her being so animated."
Though the weariness was still present in her eyes, Elia stifled a laugh. "I suppose it is because he is outside her usual audience." Her smile diminishes once more, "I think she misses having the captive audience the likes of Viserys used to be."
He frowns. "It will not be long before he returns."
She sighs, "True."
As they quiet, they take in the sight of Lady Arryn entering the Hall on the arm of her uncle. She looked curious when she observed husband was speaking to Jon. Though Elia and she share a smile as she passes he refrains from commenting on that or the lady's more frequent public appearances of late. It was not long after that she joined her husband that the woman begun to look relieved, if not happy.
As the meal progressed, Rhaegar felt what passed for true relief at having Jon firmly welcomed back here that not even seeing the stern-faced Master of Coin deep in conversation with Maester Pycelle with both of them glancing frequently towards Jon from their location at one end of the Great Hall could threaten to deflate his mood.
Elia takes a bite from the plate in front of her before speaking once more. "I received a letter from Ashara."
He nodded, now mildly curious. "Oh? How does she fare?"
She smiles. "She writes that she is well."
Now his eyebrows are raised, "Just well? Nothing else?" He doubts that is the extent of their letters; it rarely is. For a moment he frowns remembering Aemon's letter before he tries to, unsuccessfully, shake away the thought.
With a smile still on her face, the reply from Elia comes, "While she rather enjoys the idea of becoming a mother once again, Ashara writes she feels she has become as big as a barge."
Rhaegar, almost smiles, but, remembering his mother's words on the subject and Elia's own times with child, says only, "I do not doubt for one moment her perceptions are entirely untrue." Elia smiles knowingly and so Rhaegar hurriedly asks, "What else does she say?"
Elia takes longer to answer this time and Rhaegar does not quite know why that would be until she whispers, "She tells me they have decided on possible names for the child."
When Elia pauses, despite himself, or because of himself, Rhaegar feels something of a weight settle in his stomach at the indirect mention of Stannis Baratheon. Elia looks at him, tone falsely light, "She says that if it is a boy child they would name him Steffon." Rhaegar almost winces remembering Lord Stannis' harangue, but, nothing shows, even if Elia looks at him worriedly. He does not think of Lord Stannis with much frequency, but, he remembers the man's thoughts on subject on the death of his parents all too well. Still, he cannot say he did not expect this.
"And if it is to be a girl, 'Cassana'?" He asks though he already knows the answer.
Elia nods, but, he sees the concern for him clouding her eyes.
As he returns his attention towards his plate, he says, "Good names", in part to reassure her and partly as if to say the matter is settled for him, which it is. After all, they are good names; very appropriate ones. He could expect no different from Ashara or Stannis Baratheon. Ashara obviously had named her daughter and no doubt she wanted her husband to have his pick of names for his first child. Stannis Baratheon, as direct as he is and unconcerned about the opinions of others as the man could be, dearly loved his lord-father and lady-mother and he would have chosen names those names. Rhaegar could not and would not begrudge him that. Rhaegar also knew that it was not an indictment on him; if the man intended such a thing he could have chosen the name 'Robert'. Rhaegar would not know if he could have blamed the man if he did that, either.
Still, it is with some difficulty that he continues, "Does she write anything else?"
He sounds less than enthusiastic and judging by her expression Elia knows it but she answers, "She writes to me about the antics of the children. They seem just as anxious about this as she is. Lord Renly seems entranced by the idea."
He manages a non-committal, "I see"; but, only just.
Elia changes the subject, "How was most of your afternoon spent?"
"I spent much of it with Jon." Elia nodded, expecting that answer.
Knowing it to be a lost cause to keep these thoughts at bay he also offers. "Uncle Aemon wrote again."
This time, Elia looks up, blinking in some surprise. She had never met this uncle of his, after all Aemon went to the Wall years before he was born, yet, before it all went completely wrong they used to speak of him. When Rhaegar told her of his last letter she had been pleased saying that "it was kind of him to write". That he would write once again so quickly after months between letters would make anyone as curious as Elia seemed to be. "Oh, what does he say?"
Rhaegar smiles though it does not reach his eyes. "It was not a very detailed letter; or a lengthy it one." At the evasive answer Elia gives him a piercing look. He swallows some more wine, not for the first time, grateful Elia has access to some of Dorne's strongest. He begins again, "He says the Wall is cold, but, no colder than usual. He discusses some of the recruits I sent up the last time. I think I should make an effort to make such a prospect more attractive." He pauses, almost sighing. The last round of recruits mostly consisted of criminals and with less than a handful of younger noble sons with no prospect outside of the Night's Watch.
He takes a deep breath, when he continues, "Otherwise, he asks after the state of things here. He asks after me and you. He asks after the children." Try as he might he could not help stop the worry from creeping into his voice at that.
She looks at him for a moment before putting her fork down. She glances at him before sweeping her gaze about the hall to ensure no one was listening to them. She looks more than just uneasy. "Why does his asking after the children worry you so?"
He closes his eyes, not wanting to discuss this with Elia, knowing how she feels on the subject he does not quite want to discuss, but, keeping this from her would be a disservice.
"It usually would not, however…" He stalls does not know quite how to continue.
He takes another breath and decides. "Not here."
Her mouth is a grim line. "Yes, perhaps later."
It was late when they returned from looking in on the children. Seeing them just made his concerns all the more potent. The worry rolling off of Elia had not helped matters; neither did his delaying things. The tenseness between them had only become worse when they withdrew to her rooms.
"Why would you be so uneasy because he asks after the children?" A man of the Night's Watch or not, Aemon asking after family is nothing he should be this hesitant about. On previous occasions it had been nothing he had been very hesitant about.
"I do not think I can explain. It is just a feeling I have." He had been wrong before; he desperately desires nothing more than to be wrong.
"A feeling? I do not think just a feeling would cause…this sort of concern." He nearly flinches at the suspicion and anxiety in her tone and expression.
He agrees. "No, it is not." He tells her.
When he was done, in between uncertainty and fear there was a frustrated resignation in the way she looked at him and she sat he did not like. He expected anger; however, lack of fury makes nothing easier. Nor does the silence become less thick as they sit across one another. He said all he could say; it eased none of his burdens. He knew and had no expectation that telling her would.
When she does speak her expression is contemplative, but, it is a mask; he will not ask for her to show more. He already knows her and having her tell him will change little. Still, she says, "I do not know Aemon as you do. Does he share your fears?" What he knows is that Targaryens did believe and no matter how wrong he had been about himself, this terrible fate for his children could still come to pass. How could he not believe? He had believed strongly, once. That part of him still lives and will continue to do so no matter how much he could wish otherwise.
"I do not know." While Aemon had proved insightful about the family history and dragon-lore and even the prophecy, there had never been enthusiasm in his letters; not about this or anything else. These last two letters from Aemon provided no further insight or overtly probing questions. There was no mention of any of that or Rhaegar's previous interest at all. Rhaegar's mind supplied that he had not asked Aemon, either.
"You do not know? Has he has seen anything? Have you seen something?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but, he thinks he would have preferred if she screamed at him. He would prefer that to the desperation in her voice.
He wants to be angry that she would like nothing better than to think of this; never discuss this again; that she would not believe or want to. He cannot be. Some part of him wants to be the same. But, telling her such a thing would do no good. That he still has these thoughts tells her enough.
"Not as such, no." He had not pressed Aemon. He regrets not asking Aemon outright, but, he would despair at any answer Aemon would give him.
"I see." The words are breathless and terse. Her jaw clenches and she looks away. She cared little for prophesies and the like; not many did. Of late, he had not gone looking for more proof; he kept away from all talk of it. After all, the last time he let it become a factor in his life, it only led to ruin; but, he acted and once done things cannot be undone.
When she does speak again, she is slouched in her chair; looking the most tired he has seen her in a long while. "Then what are we to do?"
Not for the first time does Rhaegar wish he had been a different sort of man. "I do not know why I cannot let the matter rest. You know I have read all the books I have access to and glanced over every document within my reach many times. I admit I misinterpreted things in the past…" She closes her eyes; looking just as pained as he feels. He swallows a mouthful of air, "After Viserys returns and things are once more satisfactorily settled at Court, I think I should go North to Aemon."
