Well this is it.
To you who are reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kudos, comments, reviews, views, following .. just sticking with this story so far.
Thanks to the two Guests and Hellokotu for commenting.
Love is like a spice. It can sweeten your life - however it can spoil it too.
Late night in the Castle, the previous day
Pepper crept quietly along the luxuriously carpeted hallway of the royal guest wing. King John had insisted they spend the night on his hospitality and they had been given a room each, in the upper wing of the castle.
Pepper and the Blonde from Boron had dressed each other's wounds. She liked the young woman's friendly yet firm manner. Her name was Beatrice and like Pepper, she was tired of being a bystander while the men did all the fighting. She was fascinated by Pepper's skill and was astounded to hear that Lord Stark was the one who had taught Pepper how to fight.
Pepper had said goodbye to the Blonde and while walking back to her room, suddenly realized that she hadn't seen Tony after they had come back from meeting King John. He hadn't come for dinner either which they had all had together as a group.
The stubborn man. I must find him. I must check if he's fine.
She slowly opened the first door on the other side of the landing. She peered into the room and saw Happy sprawled like a dog on his bed, arms and legs flung everywhere. Snoring deeply and sleeping soundly. She smiled and went in to pull a blanket over him.
Then she crept back out and went to the next door. She opened it to find the room was empty.
Oooh, where can that man be? He should be here somewhere.
She heard a loud clanging and clashing sound. Something of iron falling over. There he must be.
She walked slowly to that room and knocked gently on the door. She didn't hear a response, so she opened it anyway.
Just as she expected, Tony was struggling to take off his armor on his own. Clearly he had fallen over as he was flat on his rump, legs spread comically and a confused expression on his face. His helmet was on the floor.
Well, that explains the noise.
Pepper huffed in amused exasperation and Tony looked at her dazedly. His eyes were bright but unfocused.
Great, he is also foxed. She came closer to him and sniffed the air suspiciously. Yes, he's definitely drunk. That explains why he is still in his full suit of armor.
She extended a hand, which he ignored and pushed himself up with his arms. He swayed shakily as he straightened and she steadied him by catching him firmly.
'Sit down Tony, we need to get your armor off."
"Don't need your help, you. I'm fine. I don't need anyone's help."
He growled at her but she ignored him and gently steered him towards the foot of the bed where she urged him to sit down.
He sat down and she knelt to pull his greaves off. He didn't resist but just stared at her blankly.
"Tony, how much have you had to drink?"
"Not much" *hiccup* "just a smidgeon." *hiccup* "I needed it. Demon."
She looked at him then. He was staring at her with defiance in his eyes, as if daring her to leave. She pulled off his leg guards and he stood up then. She stood up as well.
"Now Tony, stand still and let me help you."
He ignored her again and pulled off his chest plate but stumbled and she caught him.
"Tony, you are very drunk, will you stand still, please. Now give me the chest plate."
She placed the plate on the bed and he began to take off his gauntlets. He placed each one reverently on the bed and she smiled at his tenderness for what were clearly his favorite parts of the armor.
Then he turned slowly and she gasped at the red streaks on his white shirt. I completely forgot how bad the gashes on his chest were!
"Tony, I've got to dress your wounds! They are so deep and they might get infected. After all, there could have been dirt in Morganna's nails and it might have passed to your flesh."
Tony was busy ignoring her and had walked over to the basin to splash his face vigorously with water. He seemed to be trying to wake himself from his drunken haze.
Well he can ignore me all he wants but I know the consequences of not dressing wounds.
She left the room and ran back to hers down the hall, to get the items she and the Blonde used and a pair of scissors.
She came back to Tony's room. He warily looked at her like a cornered cat.
"Pepper, I do not need any dressing or what not. I am perfectly fine. Go back to your own room and good night."
She walked over to him and pushed his hands away, then she opened his shirt. He tensed at that but let her do so.
She bit her lip on seeing the angry gashes on his chest, bloodied and deep. Her eyes started to fill with tears. God's teeth, that bitch really hurt him, how could she? She's scarred him so badly.
Tony tightened his jaw and angrily said "If this is so upsetting to you, please leave. I can take care of myself."
She looked at him and wiped at her eyes. "I'm not leaving, Tony, until I take care of your cuts. You need dressings. You may be the Iron Knight, but you are not made of iron, you know that right?"
He said nothing, just looked at a spot beyond her shoulder as she examined the cuts and scratches gently with her fingers. He just stood in place, perfectly still. She tutted and told him to sit on the edge of the bed.
He obeyed her surprisingly and sat down, still staring at her warily. She filled a small bowl with vinegar. Then she came to the bed and pulled up a chair close to him, so she was sitting between his knees.
Satisfied that she could reach him easily, she cut up a small strip of cloth and dipped it in the vinegar. Then she dabbed at one of the gashes in his chest, the one on his left pectoral. He jerked at the sting but still did not say a word.
Pepper tried to distract herself from the sight of Tony's lightly furred, hard, muscular chest bared to her gaze. Even with the smell of alcohol on his breath, the scent of musk prevailed. She wanted to bite the taut slope where his broad, firm shoulder joined his neck.
Pepper, now is not the time to fantasize about Tony! He needs tending to.
She counted the cuts as she dabbed them with vinegar to clean them. One on each pectoral, one near the arc, three below the arc, oh... these nasty downward ones on his abdomen, wait there's one on his cheek... she lifted her gaze to his face, to catch him staring at her bandaged arm. Hmmm...I thought he'd be looking down my dress.
She dabbed at the cut on his cheek and spoke. "I got scratched by one of Morganna's bone shards." Tony looked straight at her then, his gaze so dark and piercing, eyes melting molasses brown, that she momentarily forgot what she was saying.
"She... she had... erm... conjured up these shards of human bone from thin air and was throwing them at me. I got grazed on my arm and on my thigh." He gently ran his fingers over the bandage on her arm and her heart began to thump loudly in her chest.
Then he touched her thigh where the raised bandage was visible through her shift and she licked her lips. Suddenly her throat felt so dry.
"Did they bleed badly? Any sign of infection or poison?" He asked so low, that she almost did not hear him.
"No, no, they were just flesh wounds, just cuts. The areas are just a little tender."
He removed his hand and nodded jerkily and she wondered anew why he was so tense, so on edge.
All the cuts were dabbed with vinegar and it was time for the yarrow root salve. She mixed it well with a spoon and coated the tips of her fingers with it. "I'm going to wipe this paste into each cut. This is going to sting quite a bit, Tony, so brace yourself."
He just stared blankly at the wall and she took a deep breath and started with the cut on his face. She rubbed the salve into the cut, feeling Tony's warm, stubbly cheek under her fingertips.
Next were the cuts on his pectoral muscles. She swallowed as she suddenly realized what she was going to do. I'm going to intimately massage this salve into this virile man's flesh. And I have to do it in 10 places. Come on Pepper, be mature. Do not act like a silly, lovestruck maid.
She gently rubbed the cut on his left side, massaging in the salve. This time, Tony hissed in pain and trembled. With her other hand, she brushed her palm over his jaw and soothingly murmured, "It is ok, it just stings for a little while and only for the first cut. Bear with it just a little longer." She shifted to his right side and did the same there. Tony just tightened his jaw and shifted his hips.
Then she moved to the cuts near and just below the arc. She mentally admired the firm, warm flesh she was caressing with her fingertips. She could see the muscles in his neck move and his arc was unusually bright, the flame dancing riotously beneath the steel-enforced glass lid. The thought of laying her head on his appealing, warm chest and resting there, using him as a living pillow, was so appealing.
Ok, ok , keep it together now... just the three left on his abdomen. His taut, muscled abdomen... which I now have to touch.
She slowly trailed her hands down to his abdomen. She rubbed the first cut and felt his abdomen muscles ripple powerfully under her touch. His entire chest flexed and he groaned loudly.
Pepper looked at him, very puzzled by his reaction. "It shouldn't have hurt you so much..." She trailed off as she saw the front of his trousers tighten and a ridge of flesh appear. Suddenly, the intimacy of the situation occurred to her and Tony's reaction as well.
I am sitting between his legs and caressing his bare chest intimately while he is sozzled.
Before meeting Tony, before Stane had come to her home and destroyed her life, she had a very sheltered existence and did not have any exposure to worldly knowledge. But from her time with the village women, most of whom were married AND Magdalene, who was a veritable fountain of knowledge, she had learnt a lot about men and their sexual habits. She may be a virgin but she knew enough to realize she had aroused Tony.
She flushed deeply, feeling her face and ears burn as Tony abruptly stood up and walked away from her, cursing under his breath. She stood up and looked at him. His chest was heaving and he was staring at the ceiling.
"Tony... I'm sorry, I did not mean to..."
Then she bit her lip as he stared at her, eyes blazing brightly. He seemed so angry that she was slightly scared.
"Woman! Do you have any idea what you are doing? You do not come into a man's room at night and touch him! It is just not done! I am trying to control myself here!"
Pepper's feelings of shame turned into anger. "Do not raise your voice at me, Anthony Stark! I was simply trying to help you. I wanted to dress your wounds..." she swallowed and stared as his aroused state was now painfully obvious while he was standing up.
"Tony, I... I was not trying to ... I mean, I did not realize what my touch was doing to you."
He said angrily, "Lord save me from the naivety of virgins!" He turned his back to her and this for some reason, was unbearable to Pepper. She felt very calm and she knew, she knew she had to tell him, she had to tell him how she felt.
"Tony, look at me please." He turned to stare at her darkly, his eyes still stormy.
She swallowed again and said firmly, "We did not meet under ideal circumstances. I lied to you about who I really was. But you came back for me, you saved me and then again, we had a..." He shook his head and she said pleadingly, "Hear me out please. I offered myself to you out of gratitude and you being a noble man, did not take what I was offering. I... I began to think highly of you then, not just gratitude. And you.." again she gulped.
Tony was looking at her with an unreadable expression in his eyes.
She carried on, raising her chin. "You helped me when I needed help the most. You taught me how to fight, how to be a warrior, you gave me courage and strength. I was destroyed and you helped me come together."
She continued, "You humbled me by taking me into battle with you, choosing my armor, caring for my well being, by treating me as your equal. You introduced me back to society, to the villagers. You did not want me on this adventure, I know I disobeyed you but I did so... not out of pride or spite but because... I could not bear to leave you. I wanted to stay by your side."
"When I saw the flame leave you and your life fade away, I felt as if my life was leaving me too. I realized that I ..., Tony, your friendship, your concern, your esteem for me... you are all that I have. And I treasure you with all my heart." The last was said on a whisper, she looked at him, her love in her eyes, trying to wordlessly tell him how she felt.
"Tony, I, I have... feelings ff.."
"Virginia, let me stop you right there. Before you say something you will regret because I will not reciprocate. I do not want anyone in my life. I am not the kind of man who falls in love. Who "settles" down, who remains faithful to one woman."
"I am first and foremost, a knight of the realm, former as it were but still, a man of the sword. And a woman by my side," he took a deep breath here, "is not something I want or will ever want. I am destined for something greater. I do not want love in my life. Nor do I have any... any feelings for you."
He said this in a cold and firm tone. Pepper listened to him dully. She felt a numbing sadness, a painful throbbing in her heart, at his words.
I've made a huge mistake. The words echoed endlessly and repeatedly in her head.
He went on ruthlessly, looking at her intently, emotions flickering in his eyes. "I realize now how confusing some of my actions must have been to you. I felt nothing but pity for you. I taught you how to fight out of a sense of duty. I wanted you to be independent because you took up a lot of my time. It bored me soon, so I delegated it to Happy, who I felt, had the level of skill you needed."
If he had plunged a sword into her heart, he could not have hurt her more. Here I thought, he trained me because he wanted to, because he liked to. Nothing but duty.
He was looking at her very casually, head tilted to one side and she whispered now, trembling slightly, "What about that night...?"
"Which night is that?" he inquired.
"The night in the salon, the night we almost kissed, I thought you..."
He again cut her off, laughing mirthlessly. "Oh that... Which red-blooded man would not want to kiss you? Come on, have you no sense of your own beauty? You are a very desirable woman. Today, my body could not control itself at your touch. Do not mistake lust for attachment. Never fear, you will make some farmer, a very happy, lucky man. This life of a warrior, adventures, fights, independence, it is not a life for you."
His dismissal of the moonlit night, whose memory she treasured, clinched it for Pepper. He does not have any feelings for me, he has made it very clear. Then why... why should I torture myself by staying with him? I cannot use his hospitality any more. I do not want his pity. It is time for me to wander again.
She hardened her heart and lifted her chin. Be strong, Pepper, do not show him how much his words have wounded you. Do not show him your heart. Walk away tall. Break down later.
Tony was staring at her intently.
She said firmly, determined to be as formal as he was, "Lord Stark, since you have been so frank with me, I must also be frank. I have no intention of settling down and making some farmer happy, as you so nicely put it. I want to live my own life. I want to see the world. I thank you for all your help and I will be eternally grateful."
Her voice broke slightly at her next sentence, it was painful for her to say it. "I am a fool as I mistook your kindness for something deeper and I apologize. So you will understand when I say, I cannot impugn on your generosity any more. I will leave Stark Keep as soon as I return to Lorinthia."
Something flickered in his eyes, some emotion but it was gone too quickly for her to make out.
She bowed her head, suddenly tired. She felt as if she was relieving that horrible day when Stane entered her home and... No, Pepper, do not think about it, do not think about what he did, not now please.
She was feeling the same feeling of losing something truly precious to her. Hopelessness and despair and the enormity of realizing she was once again, on her own.
She did not realize till now, how much attachment she had, how much passion she felt for Lord Stark. There was a word for such emotions that she was struggling not to use.
Can I use that word if only I felt it? If the feelings were all on my side... No, no, I can not, will not use that word, it was just a foolish yearning on my part. She could feel her eyes pricking, holding back tears was pure torture now.
She turned blindly and walked to the door, head still down. He did not say anything.
She opened the door but could not bear to look at him. She whispered "Goodbye, Lord Stark" to nothing and slowly walked to her room, down the hallway, tears slowly pooling and falling from her eyes onto the floor.
Tony walked to the side table and picked up the jug of ale, raised it to his lips and drank and drank deeply, until he felt his lungs would burst from the lack of oxygen. He set it down when it was finally empty and wiped his lips with the back of his arm. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the sight of Pepper's wide, deep blue eyes, shimmering at him with sadness, with despair, with hopes destroyed.
That's... the end of that, I guess. She's leaving. It is for the best. It is what I wanted.
The room started to spin. His head was pounding now, chest burning from the salve. He collapsed to the floor, once again on his ass. The dragon whispered Did you? Did you get what you wanted, Anthony? What was it that you wanted? I'm struggling to understand.
Tony grimaced through the pain in his head. Did you see the wounds on her arm and thigh? Did you see the anguish on her face when she killed Morganna? When she looked at the blood on her hands? Happy told me it was a close fight. She could have died.
So ....drawled the dragon. You preferred to viciously break her heart, rather than tell her you were scared for her well being and sad that she had to see death? Hmmmmmm.. did you see the sadness in her eyes just now? She wanted to tell you she lo...
"Damn it, Dragon! Everything I have ever loved, has died around me! Everything!" Tony shouted out loud. "You know this! Either I reach to see their bodies or they fade away in my arms. I do not want to feel that pain ever again. I do not want to be attached to anyone anymore. I do not, cannot bear to..." he trailed off here as painful memories assailed him.
First his parents beaten, throats slit, all because the assassin was searching for Lord Stark, Iron Legion Knight and had found them instead.
Then James Rhodes, another Iron Legion knight, his right hand man, his best friend from his days as a squire. His counsel was always sound, yet he ignored Rhodey's advice and went charging into the snow filled valley. And instead of leaving him to his fate, loyal Rhodey followed him in and ended up dying in the cold.
Tony shivered at the memory. His entire troop had been massacred in the Battle of Nioh. Men he had known for years. Good men with wives and families. Yet only he survived.
"Then Yin Sen. I was busy fighting with my new strength and that Raza, Stane's stoogie killed him. I should have protected him."
Here the dragon interjected angrily. Anthony, you are dangerously indulging in self pity. I'm sorry for your men. But there are always casualties of war. Yin Sen died with the nobility that befits a knight of Ryunn. He himself admitted that he wanted to pass on the flame and go to his family. You cannot blame yourself.
Tony argued back, "What about Morganna? She was just a silly woman. I could have been a better man, I could have let her down gently. Could there have been a way to save her?"
Again the dragon huffed. She was weak if she judged her own worth by what a man thinks of her. And yes, you could have been more circumspect. But Morganna chose to align herself with darkness and got what she deserved.
Think of the good you do. You have saved so many people. You saved Pepper. And you are sad she experienced death. How do you know she hasn't seen it before ? You cannot protect her forever, it is better you are there to support her in her trials, rather than try to shield them from her.
Tony paced up and down. "I know I hurt her badly but..."
Anthony, the truth is, you don't want to admit that you love her. But love her deeply you do. Said the dragon so gently that Tony stopped walking with shock. Do not run from love. It is a force more powerful than fire, hate, fear and can live eternally. Of all the seasons in your life, for once you should experience the sunshine warmth of genuine love and have your love returned.
The dragon yawned, Never mind, Anthony. I've lived for centuries and seen that often, when something is lost, then only do we realize how much we need it. You need some time apart from Pepper to realize that you cannot live in peace without her.
Ah ah ah.. Tony was about to interrupt ... no point arguing with me. I know what I know and I know that you are not so foolish to let someone like that walk away. You need to realize this eventually but on your own. You cannot avoid love because you are afraid of losing it. Tsk Tsk.
Tony said bitterly "Even if I ... I mean Pepper will never think of me again. She hates me now. She hates me." He whispered the words, painful even to be said aloud.
Well ... Once you do realize this truth and admit it clearly to yourself, you will do anything to get Pepper back. And I know, Pepper will try her best but she will not be able to cut you out of her heart. She can't.
The dragon chuckled here. It will be fun seeing you struggle and woo her back. Women are made for making men realize their mistakes.
Again it yawned and Tony yawned too. Now sleep, Tony. Sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. Soon we will be called to another trial. I can sense it. Morganna summoning the demon, could not have been a coincidence. The horsemen charging down the mountain towards the very village you live near ... again, not a coincidence. There is an evil force working in the background. These events are all part of its grand plan.
Tony lay down on the bed, tapping his arc for comfort, closing his eyes tiredly. He dreamt of the giant moon that he saw when Morganna had taken the flame from him, in the realm between the living and the dying. The moon of shimmering cerulean blue, was so far. He saw it move further and further away as he tried to drift closer. And then it turned into a phoenix of reddish gold, flames dancing in the blackness and flew far, far away, out of sight. Tony floated in the darkness, feeling empty and alone.
To be continued...
The title "Amans iratus multa mentitur" is a Latin proverb that means "An angry lover tells himself many lies"
So this is the end of Tony and Pepper. Maybe. Nah...
I had a very eye opening conversation with an amazing Pepperony guru (you know who you are) who told me that Tony and Pepper are two flawed individuals who work at their relationship. So I decided Tony should see what life would be like without Pepper. He 's stupidly trying to run away from his feelings.
And Pepper ? She needs some time on her own as well. She needs some time to heal.
The Iron Knight and Lady Virginia will return soon in a new adventure: Something Celestial This Way Comes.
Once again, I plan (I hope) to update every day, so bear with me as I start the next adventure after a short break.
P.S. I could not resist adding the moon. I may be turning into a werewolf.
