Chips
"So has your mom calmed down yet about this whole thing?" Carly asked Freddie.
"No, she's still dead set against me moving all the way to Massachusetts," Freddie sighed. "This morning I caught her trying to throw one of my suitcases out the window."
"Guppy did that to me one time because he was jealous that our dad was taking me on a fishing trip and not him," Gibby said. "I just got the last of my underwear out of the tree…"
"Well, I know your mom's not exactly the most sane person at any time," Spencer said. "But you've got to admit, Massachusetts is pretty far from Seattle."
"I know," Freddie nodded. "But it's MIT!"
"Yeah, and we're all really proud that you got in there," Carly smiled. "But you know, if you want to change your mind right now at the last minute and come to Washington State with Sam, Gibby and me…"
"Believe me, that's very tempting," Freddie grinned.
"Nah," Carly said. "I was just kidding. Going to MIT has been your dream pretty much your whole life, and you deserve to go."
Suddenly Gibby threw his arms around Freddie. "Oh man…here comes the waterworks," he sniffed.
"Gib, just because I'm leaving you guys doesn't mean we're not going to stay buds," Freddie assured him. "I promise, I'll call you and Carly and Spencer and Sam all the time."
"Hey, where is Sam?" Spencer asked, starting to clean up some of the scattered paper plates and plastic cups that littered the apartment. "She didn't come to Freddie's going away party, did she?"
"No, I have no idea where she is," Carly frowned. "She knew the party was starting around eight, and she was actually supposed to come by earlier and-"
"Yo yo," Sam said, letting herself into the apartment. She looked around. "So…some party."
"You missed the party!" Carly exclaimed. "Everyone left about an hour ago."
"Oh, well, I fell asleep," Sam shrugged. She turned to Freddie. "So, Fredwash, you excited to finally get away from your mentally unstable mother?"
"Um, yeah, a little," Freddie nodded. "I mean I'll miss her, but-"
"Hey, while you're in Massachusetts you should check out the Worlds Longest Shoelace," Sam cut him off. "Man, that thing's supposed to be over four hundred yards!"
"I'll be sure to check it out," Freddie said.
"Who would wear a four hundred yard shoelace?" Gibby asked.
"You don't wear it, Gibwad," Sam snapped. "You look at it and admire it."
"Um, so-so Freddie," Carly said. "What time are you supposed to be at the airport tonight?"
"Well my plane leave at two in the morning, so I should probably start leaving for the airport in a few minutes," Freddie said slowly.
"Oh!" Carly mumbled, giving Freddie a big hug. "I'm going to miss you so much. It's going to be weird not having iCarly's technical producer across the hall telling me stories about his batty mom and the latest Pear Company news that I really don't care about."
"I'll miss you too, Carls," Freddie said, hugging her back.
"Okay, you've had your turn!" Gibby exclaimed, shoving Carly out of the way so he could hug Freddie again. "Oh, I promised myself I'd be strong!"
"Take care of yourself, kid," Spencer said, giving Freddie a quick hug too. "And if you decide you want to spruce up your dorm room with something like, oh, I dunno, a wacky sculpture-"
"I'll know who to call," Freddie finished.
And then everyone turned to Sam, who was sitting on the Shay's couch, looking down at her lap at a bowl of chips.
"Well, um," Sam said awkwardly, clearing her throat. "Have-Have a good fight." She made no effort to get up and hug him as the others did.
"Thanks," Freddie said, giving her a small smile.
"Try not to choke on the airline peanuts," Sam continued. "And, um, don't geek up MIT too much…"
"I'll try," Freddie chuckled.
"Yeah, well," Sam mumbled. "Bye then, I guess."
Carly looked up at Freddie and she could see hurt in his eyes, but he pulled on a fake grin.
"Bye," he echoed. He turned back to the others. "Well, I guess I should go get my mom so I can try and get her to stop sobbing hysterically for twenty minutes to drive me to the airport."
"We'll come with you," Carly said quickly. "We-We'll walk you down."
"Okay," Freddie nodded. "I-I'd like that."
Carly looked back at Sam as her and the others began to head out the door and across the hall.
"Sam?" she asked softly. "Are you coming?"
"Nah, Mama's stomach's grumbling and these chips have my name on them," Sam said simply.
Carly opened her mouth to argue and insist that Sam come with them, but then realized that her best friend was probably one of the most stubborn girls in Seattle, and if she didn't want to do something, it was no use trying to force her. So she instead closed the door behind her, leaving Sam alone in the apartment.
Once she was sure the others were gone, Sam pushed away the chips. She didn't feel like eating at all; her stomach felt so twisted that she almost wondered if she'd ever be able to eat again.
So this was it. Freddie was leaving her. In a couple hours he would be boarding his plane that would take him across the country to his fancy college where he'd start a new life. He'd meet new friends and maybe even find himself a new girlfriend…
Sam hugged her knees, feeling as if she had just been slapped in the face and punched in the gut. She didn't think it would hurt this much…She knew seeing Freddie leave would be painful. That's why she made sure not to attend Carly's little going away party for him. It would just be rubbing it in her face that soon he'd be gone.
Sam knew the others were going to miss Freddie a lot, but she knew none of them could understand what she was feeling now. They were all losing a friend, but she…she was losing the boy she loved…the boy who she loved but who didn't know it because she was too scared to tell him.
They had broken up over a year ago, and Sam had regretted it shortly after. But no one could know that. No, all they could know was that tough-girl Sam Puckett had broken the stupid nub's heart and felt nothing but relief from the ended relationship. They couldn't know that she still stayed up some nights re-reading the old love emails he had sent her or would sometimes walk slightly behind him just so she could have an excuse to stare at him without anyone realizing.
Maybe this is a good thing, Sam thought to herself. Maybe with him so far away my feelings for him will start to go away and I can stop feeling so sucky…
But as she felt a few tears escape her eyes and roll down her cheeks, she knew in her heart that that was far from true.
She would always be in love with Freddie Benson.
…..
"So how's the campus?" Carly asked about a week later during a web chat with Freddie.
"It's awesome, Carls," Freddie told her. "It's a little empty, though, since it's summer, but I'm sure once the fall semester starts up, it will be more busy."
"Well how are your classes?" Carly questioned.
"Are they hard?" Gibby asked.
"Gibby!" Carly exclaimed. "He's studying computer programing at MIT! Of course his classes are hard!"
"Well sorry," Gibby frowned. "Maybe I was just trying to make conversation."
"Yeah, the classes are real hard," Freddie chuckled. "They're a lot of work, but they're really interesting."
"Well I'm glad you like them," Carly smiled. "Have you met any new friends yet though?"
"A few," Freddie shrugged. "My roommate seems nice, but I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to him too much because I think he's still a little freaked out about the safety drills my mom made him do with me when I moved in…But I joined a study group, and the kids there seem pretty nice."
"Good, but don't you go starting up anymore hit web shows with any of them," Carly said jokingly.
"Don't worry," Freddie assured her. "My heart belongs with iCarly. Hey, you guys? Is-Is Sam there?"
"Oh, um, no," Carly said slowly. "She-She isn't. I told her that we were going to web chat with you today, but she never responded to my text…I'm sorry, Freddie."
"Hey, it's cool," Freddie said quickly, trying to mask his disappointment. "Um, but, I-I need to start reading class now. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay, bye," Carly said.
"Wait!" Gibby exclaimed. "How's the soap situation at MIT?"
"The soap?" Freddie repeated.
"Yeah, is it bar? Liquid? Foam?" Gibby asked. "Or do they have those little flake things?"
"Why do you care about MIT's soap?" Carly cried, exasperated.
"Because," Gibby said. "Maybe I'll transfer there one day, and I'd like to know what kind of soap I have waiting for me there."
"Yeah, like you're getting into MIT," Carly chuckled, rolling her eyes.
"I've really got to start reading," Freddie said. "But I'll look into the soap for you Gib."
"See, that's supportive," Gibby said to Carly.
"Have fun with your reading," Carly sighed. She made to cancel out of the chat window, but instead of clicking the exit button, she accidently hit the minimize button without realizing it, so that when she got up and stepped away from her computer, the webcam was still blinking and on…
"Hey, what do you mean I couldn't get into MIT?" Gibby asked, getting to his feet as well.
"Oh," Carly said, sitting down on her bed. "Um, just-just that Massachusetts has a really-um-they have a no rubber head policy. Yeah, so-so if you went there, you couldn't bring your Gibby head."
"What?" Gibby exclaimed. "Well, I'm never going there! Hey, did Spencer restock on the pudding?"
"Yeah, there should be some more in there," Carly nodded.
"Gibby!" Gibby cheered happily, hurrying out of the room.
Carly sighed as she laid down on her bed, picking up her Pearpad.
She was starting to get a little worried about Sam. She hadn't seen her since the night Freddie left, and even then she had disappeared by the time she had come back up from walking Freddie down. Except for a few short texts here and there, it literally seemed like Sam had gone into exile.
"Hey," Sam herself said suddenly, bursting into Carly's room. "You up for some shopping, Carlotta? My mom's dating a rich banker this week and I have his credit cards, so we can have some real fun."
"Um, maybe later," Carly said. "You-You know you just missed Freddie. We were web chatting with him."
"Oh, too bad," Sam shrugged. "Anyway, we should hit Build-A-Bra because I got barbecue sauce all over my fancy glow-in-the-dark bra, and-"
"Sam, what's going on?" Carly cut her off.
"What do you mean?" Sam frowned. "You know I always eat rib without a shirt and-"
"No, not with that!" Carly said. "I mean…with Freddie."
"What about Freddie?" Sam asked.
"Well, have-have you talked to him at all since he left for MIT?" Carly questioned. "Have you called him or texted or emailed or anything?"
"I retweeted something of his the other night," Sam said. "Why? What's the big deal?"
"It's just, well, I-I know you and Freddie never really had a traditional friendship," Carly began. "But I just…I just thought you were still really close. But you barely even said goodbye to him the night he left and you haven't even really contacted him at college even though he's been there for a week. Do you not miss him?"
"I-I do," Sam mumbled.
"Well you're not showing it," Carly said. "I mean, Freddie's been our friend for years, and now we're probably not going to see him in person until we're all back here for Thanksgiving or Christmas in a few months. I just don't get how you can be so…blah, about him leaving and-"
"Well I didn't want him to leave!" Sam exclaimed. "I didn't want him to move across the country; I wanted him to go to Washington State with us, or even University of Washington or somewhere that wasn't a gazillion miles away! But, well, the-the nub's been wanting to go to MIT since before he could talk…"
"Oh, Sam, I knew you missed him," Carly smiled. "I knew you had a heart…but why didn't you say anything?"
"I'm not good with goodbyes, okay?" Sam snapped.
"But still, you have Gibby and Spencer and me," Carly told her. "We all miss Freddie just as much as you. We know how you're-"
"No you don't," Sam mumbled.
"Huh?" Carly frowned.
"You three don't know how I'm feeling at all!" Sam said, anger suddenly flooding her voice.
"What do you mean? Of course we do!" Carly said. "Freddie was our friend too, who we loved, and not getting to have him around all the time's going to be hard on all of us-"
"Well I'm in love with him, okay!" Sam said loudly.
Carly blinked, taken aback. "W-What?" she stammered. "You-You still…You're-"
"Yes," Sam moaned, falling down onto the couch, across from Carly's still open laptop. "I'm still in love with him. That's-that's why I didn't want to say goodbye. Because if I did, then-then I probably would've lost it."
"But Sam," Carly said gently, sitting down next to her. "Why didn't you ever tell Freddie that? He might've-"
"It wouldn't have made any difference," Sam said heavily. "He wouldn't have stayed."
"But you could've maybe done something long distance," Carly reasoned. "Or-Or who knows, maybe Freddie would've stayed for you-"
"No, he wouldn't have," Sam said firmly. "And long distance relationships only work in the movies…And anyway, for him to have even agreed to a long distance relationship, he'd-he'd have had to felt the same way about me, which, let's face it, is about as likely as me getting into MIT."
"Sam, I-I know you're not the type of girl to put your feelings out there," Carly said softly. "But-But don't you see, you have to sometimes! If you're in love with Freddie, you need to tell him."
"Why?" Sam said harshly. "So I can just get rejected and have closure?"
"Why do you keep thinking that Freddie would reject you?" Carly inquired. "You guys did date before."
"Yeah, I know, and we broke up!" Sam snapped. "We broke up because we were too different and he couldn't deal with my abnormalness! So what makes you think that it would work out a second time? I'm not like you, Carly. I can't just bat my eyelashes and curl my hair and flirt my butt off and have guys swarm me! He wouldn't want to get back together with me because I'm still too…me! This isn't some stupid romance movie where I could've told him I was in love with him right before he got on that plane and have him run back to me and spin me in his arms as he kissed me stupid and told me he loved me back and was going to stay with me! You want to know what would've happened? I'd tell him, he'd look at me like I was an idiot and then mumble that he didn't think it would work out between us again, got on the plane, flown to Massachusetts and then whenever we did see each other again, he'd look at me like I was some freak!"
"Well then what are you going to do if you don't tell him, huh?" Carly demanded. "Just sit here in Washington and let your feelings drive you crazy?"
"I can fall out of love with him," Sam said, not meeting her best friend's gaze. "Just-Just give it some time and-"
"Sam," Carly said gently, putting her arms around her. "You know that's not true."
Sam didn't respond. She didn't think she could.
…..
Freddie walked back into his dorm room. He had decided to take a quick shower after talking to Carly and Gibby on the webcam to try and clear his mind before he sat down to do his work.
He hadn't heard from Sam since he had gotten to MIT. He felt hurt. Weren't him and Sam friends? Yeah, they had dated and broken up, but that didn't mean they didn't still care about each other, did it? He still loved her. He had meant it when he said it, did she only say it back to try and spare him the humiliation. Part of him wanted to call her; to demand to know why she was being so…cold, towards him.
But this was Sam Puckett he was talking about, did he really expect her to give him tons of hugs and gush about how much she was going to miss him like Carly?
Still, though, he thought their relationship was strong enough to at least warrant one hug and a quick 'I'll miss you'.
Ever since he had gotten here, he had been thinking of that blonde-headed demon, and even though he was upset at her less-than-warm goodbye, he missed her. A lot. At times it felt as though he missed her the most; it was strange not having someone snickering at how he color coded his schedule with highlighters or looking over and not seeing her fast asleep in her desk during class, with her blonde curls falling over her face and her cute nose scrunching up as she dreamed of bacon and ribs…
Just as he was picturing that image, though, he realized he heard voices. He looked back over at his desk and saw that his webcam was still on, and there on the screen was Sam and Carly.
Did Carly forget to turn off the webcam? Freddie frowned. But seeing Sam again, even if it was only through a tiny computer screen, made Freddie's feel a familiar warmth.
Neither girl seemed to realize that Freddie could see them and hear them. It seemed as if they were fighting…Freddie sat down at his desk, torn between the moral dilemma of letting Carly know she had left the webcam on, or taking this chance to see what they were fighting about.
And then Freddie heard his name, and he knew there was no chance of him missing this opportunity.
"What do you mean? Of course we do!" he heard Carly say. "Freddie was our friend too, who we loved, and not getting to have him around all the time's going to be hard on all of us-"
"Well I'm in love with him, okay!" Sam said loudly.
Freddie's eyes widened. Had he heard that right? Was that true?
"I'm still in love with him. That's-that's why I didn't want to say goodbye. Because if I did, then-then I probably would've lost it," he heard Sam mumbled as he watched her sit down on the couch in Carly's room, giving him a perfect view of the sincerity of her words reflecting in her blue eyes.
Sam loved him? She was in love with him?
Oh my God, Freddie thought to himself. She-But she-she still loves me! But-Why-why didn't she tell me sooner?
Freddie tried to wrap his head around this new information. So that's why Sam had been so distant with him. Not because she was glad he was gone and wanted him out of her life, but because she loved him and was crushed to see him leave.
How could he have missed this? But then he remembered that he didn't pick up on Sam's feelings the first time either. The girl truly was a master at hiding her emotions.
But what did he do now? He of course wanted to call Sam and discuss this, but then he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be hearing any of this. He couldn't just ignore this though! Sam Puckett was still in love with him.
And then the big question came into his head. Was he still in love with her?
Truthfully, he had given their relationship thoughts back home Would they ever get back together? Did she miss him as much as he missed her? But he was never one to take a risk, which may have been why he had avoided asking Sam about this himself when he was still in Seattle.
Sam, Freddie thought, churning his teeth in confusion. Why couldn't you just talk to me? Because then…then we could've been-
"Well then what are you going to do if you don't tell him, huh?" Carly's voice said forcefully, bringing him out of his thoughts. "Just sit here in Washington and let your feelings drive you crazy?"
"I can fall out of love with him," Sam said, and Freddie's heart skipped a beat. "Just-Just give it some time and-"
"Sam," Carly said, putting her arms around her. "You know that's not true."
Freddie quickly turned his webcam off, because he didn't think he could take any more of this. He was so confused and his heart was racing and his palms were sweating.
"Sam," he whispered to his empty room. "I-I'm still in love with you too."
But he was in Massachusetts, and she was in Seattle. He was not supposed to know any of what he had just heard, and even if he did decide to bring this up to Sam, he knew for a fact that her walls would be up in a second and she'd deny everything.
So what did he do? He went to his bed and collapsed into it. What could he do? He may be at a top notch school, but he still felt totally clueless.
