It had been almost two weeks of radio silence between Steve and Catherine following the events at Grace's birthday bash. Catherine didn't even consider attending the 5-O dinner, but she did consider texting Steve about 10,000 times between the last time she'd seen him and her latest therapy session. Each time she went to reach out something stopped her; he had Lynn. It was preposterous for her to consider being just friends with Steve; to watch Lynn all over Steve and have to pretend to be cool with them together.
If Catherine was honest, she wanted Steve to break up with Lynn. If Steve dumped Lynn, she'd consider getting back with him. Catherine deserved happiness and plenty of men could make her happy, but none would ever be Steve.
Everything about Lynn bothered Catherine. Lynn's naivete, her normalcy, that blond hair and those ugly ass bangs – it felt like he had picked the complete opposite of her in every aspect and had found happiness. The fact that Lynn knew about the engagement ring before Catherine still hurt. The fact that Steve, Lynn, Melissa, and Danny were this little happy double-dating foursome irked her. When she left Steve, Danny had excommunicated Catherine from the ohana. He was the watchdog making sure Chin and Kono didn't press into Steve and force him into fighting for what he wanted. Catherine wanted to be fought for; each time she left, Steve just let her go. How was it possible he could fight for everybody but her? Catherine knew Steve didn't have to fight for Lynn, she'd be complacent in their relationship, she wasn't his equal the way Catherine had been. Something about that Lynn didn't need fighting for bothered her more than anything else.
"Rollins! Quit daydreaming." Her boss snaps her out of her reverie, and she focuses on catching her suspect. If only she could find more information on this fugitive, she could apprehend him, and then maybe call it an early night. She needed to produce results, but she didn't understand this fugitive. He just seemed really into conspiracy theories and violence. She knew it was inappropriate, but she texted Jerry and asked if he was free. He told her 5-O was out on a case, but they were sure it would be open and shut. For someone as intelligent as Jerry is, he could never merely answer the question asked in the least possible words. She gave Jerry the suspects name, username, and IP address hoping he could find any chatter about her anarchist-conspiracy theorist-violent suspect. Jerry loved a challenge and any excuse to enter the dark web.
Two and half hours later, Jerry's got something, but he needs her to come to headquarters to pick up the documents and view something on the smart computer. Catherine's apprehensive, but she needs a lead. Hopefully, 5-O would be out for lunch celebrating their easy case. She looked at herself and was glad she had to testify in court this morning, her no-nonsense black business suit, white camisole, and Marshal star would communicate that this was hardly a social call. Alex, her partner, doesn't feel like going to 5-O, his stomach hurt or some other bullshit. She calls him a pussy, he just doesn't want to see the ex-husband of the woman he's been sleeping with for the past week, Rachel. For good measure, she pulled her hair back in a high sleek pony.
She takes a deep breath before she enters the offices of 5-O. Everyone seems to be out except Jerry who was rapidly tapping the smart computer. She wills herself not to look in Steve's office, she's on a no Steve diet, even as she approaches Jerry in Steve's workplace.
"Hey, Jer, what do you have?" Catherine attentively listens as he projects the smart computer onto the tv screens and shows her exactly what she should be looking for, what chatrooms the fugitive has frequented, and some other useless information. He's got two file boxes worth of "useful information," and Catherine takes a brief second from the work to watch Jerry. His face is illuminated, he's animated, he truly loves this stuff. It's beautiful to watch, and it will help her earn brownie points with her boss.
"Catherine?" She was so wrapped up in Jerry's spiel she hadn't noticed 5-O entering the office. She takes a breath before she turns around and sees the confused faces of 5-O's field members and Adam.
"Hi! Sorry, I was stumped on a case and wanted to bounce ideas off Jerry. I was actually just about to leave." Catherine wasn't just about to leave, but she couldn't stand Steve's piercing eyes, Danny's annoyed expression, and Lou's awkward smile. She hugs Jerry and hoists one box onto the dolly, Jerry told her to bring. Junior rushes into action and loads the other one, which is actually a big help since they're full of paper and she has three-inch court heels on.
"Thanks."
"No problem ma'am. Always happy to help. Do you need me to wheel these out to your car?"
"I'd appreciate that."
"Yes, ma'am." It's just then she remembers he was also in the Navy.
"Hooyah."
"Hooyah ma'am." He flashes her a bright smile, he always appreciates hearing the familiar Naval cry of support.
When Catherine looks back towards the team she catches Tani looking affectionately at Junior; the three old men are still staring at her, which is definitely her cue.
"Mahalo Jer. I really needed this. You don't know how much you've helped. Lunch on me anytime, anyplace." She means it; Jerry has given her leads which would have taken her days.
"Catherine be careful! This guy's bad. Like really, really bad. Also, you're rolling out some of the US government's most classified secrets." Jerry says, a little too enthusiastically.
She wants to tell Jerry she's capable of handling herself; she hunted terrorists for two years in the CIA, but she knows the CIA is a sore spot for Steve. She nods to Junior to signal him to begin wheeling the dolly to the doors and walks right through 5-O. She doesn't need to fake nice and exchange pleasantries with people who don't like her.
Steve's stunned; he's immobilized, watching her and marveling at her beauty as she talked to Jerry and Junior. He barely recognized she had already explained why she was there and the next thing he knows, she's out of the door. He hadn't expected her to be there to talk to him, they hadn't spoken in eleven very long days, but he wished she'd have acknowledged him beyond a generic hello. Before Danny can start his shit, he's out of the door to catch up to Catherine and Junior.
He reaches them at the carpark and grabs the remaining box from the dolly and loads it into the Corvette. God, he's missed that car. Junior gets the memo and excuses himself, when Steve realizes Junior's out of earshot, he takes a deep breath before taking an even more significant risk.
The wind has blown a piece of her ponytail, and he tucks it back behind her ear. They stare into each other's eyes for what feels like forever. There's so much emotion in her eye, he's drowning in those beautiful browns, he's melting.
"Did you think about it? Therapy?"
"Steve…"
"Cath, please. I want to fix us."
"Steve as long as we are with other people, there can't be an us. I want to fix us too, but I can't be your friend. I can't. I can't watch you with Lynn or anyone else and pretend to be happy for you because I want to be that with you."
"Cath what does that mean?" Steve flies into a venomous rage, he's panicking that she's gonna leave him again and this time for good. If he needs to get on his knees and beg right here in front of the palace, he will. What didn't she understand about him saying he couldn't lose her again? He had stated unequivocally that he needed her in his life.
"What that means Steve is I am asking for you to choose. It's me, or it's not. I want you to fight for me. I don't want you just to let me leave, I want you to fight for me."
"What are you talking about? I've fought for you! I went to Afghanistan and got shot, for you."
"No Steve, you fought alongside me, but you've never fought for me. I left because you were complacent, too comfortable with treating me casually. You couldn't call me your girlfriend, it took you over ten years to tell me you loved me, you let me leave when all I want you to say is 'stay Catherine, we will figure this out.' I want for you to show me I am the most important thing in your life. I need you to put me first, not the job, not the restaurant, not Danny. I was comfortable taking all the risk in our relationship. I sacrificed my Naval career for you time and time again because even though the Navy was my life, you were more important. I need you to choose me and then fight for me. I don't leave you because I don't love you or I want to hurt you, I just come back and realize you're not ready. If you had proposed back then, we wouldn't have worked, we were too emotionally stunted; I need you to let me in, and I need you to forgive me. Do the work, choose me, fight for me and we can fix us." Both of them are crying now, albeit her tears are flowing much faster than his.
"Steve, I can be with Scott, and he will make me happy, but he won't be you. No one will ever be you. I know you told me you couldn't wait for me anymore and you 'moved on,' but I want you to listen to your heart and go for what you want. I hope that's me, but if it isn't, I pray you're happy and fulfilled. Steve, you're my soulmate, and I really wish we could just be together, but we have real problems. If we aren't going to be together, there's no sense in tormenting each other by being in each other's lives and trying to resolve those problems. When you asked me was I happy with what I was doing – I told you the truth, I was happy, but you didn't ask the right question. The right question was am I happier doing that than being home with you. I wanted you to ask me to come home; you're so scared of putting yourself out there emotionally, being vulnerable, that I knew there was nothing to come home to. If we can't have emotional intimacy, I can't be with you."
Catherine's words pierce his soul. She wraps herself in his arms, and all he can do is stand there with his arms around her. He would rather do anything for her than what she's asking. But fuck she's worth it.
"Sailor, I have to go back to work now. I want you to choose me, I want you to fight for me. If you choose me, then we can work on emotional intimacy, but you have to prove to me that I'm really what you want. Not the idea of me in your head, but the actual me. Consider my needs and put me first. I love you so much, you have no idea how much I love you. Prove you love me how I need to be loved." She wiggles out of his tight embrace and wipes a crocodile from his eye. She gives him a chaste kiss and walks around to the driver's side. It kills her to walk away, but she knows that she needed to do this; the ball is in his court.
Fuck, he thinks. He hates ultimatums, and she's given him the biggest one of his life. Fuck he wishes his father was still alive, he needs John McGarrett's help, guidance, courage. He returns to the office and drowns himself in his work, it's his refuge when he can't deal with life. He knows his team is watching him closely, trying to gauge his mood, and he refuses to bring his personal problems into the workplace. When they catch a case, he's relieved, he needs the action.
Danny doesn't say a word as Steve chaotically navigates the Honolulu streets. Steve turns the radio on to relieve the awkward tension. Steve and Danny haven't been right since Catherine's reappearance in Steve's life. Steve thinks back to Grace's words and realizes there's no way he's seeking Danny's opinion on Catherine's ultimatum; Danny lives in fear, and he's not about to counsel Steve into taking a risk. Matter of fact, it was Gracie who had said, he needed to take a risk. Damn that girl was smart.
After inspecting the crime scene, Steve beckons Lou over when he's sure Danny isn't paying attention. He asks Lou if they could go out for dinner, just the two of them. The SWAT captain was looking forward to soaking his feet, listening to some Al Green, and smoking a cigar, but his friend needed him. Lou's surprised that Steve is letting him pick the place and treating him; this would be a DEFCON level 5 as Jerry would say.
