Danny leaves the kids at Steve's knowing McGarrett wouldn't want to be alone, and it would be easier to talk to Rachel without the kids. Danny doesn't tell Grace he's about to speak with her mother, he doesn't need the drama that will ensue. The drive from Steve's to Rachel's is not particularly long, but it gives Danny a second to center himself.
When he enters with his key, Rachel is in the kitchen cooking. He's not hungry, but he accepts a plate and sits at the kitchen island. Rachel cooks when she's nervous, and he can tell she's nervous to be around him alone. Their history and their chemistry make it hard to navigate the tension between them.
"Thanks for letting me come over, I know we aren't in the best of places right now." He says as he eats the delicious chicken pesto pasta she's prepared, he'll need the recipe for the restaurant whenever it finally opens to the public.
"You're welcome, Daniel. You said it was an emergency, but Grace said she and Charlie were fine."
"Oh, it's not about the kids. It's Steve." He says quickly, reassuring her that their children are perfectly fine. It does not escape him that at the mention of Steve, her face falls and disappointment shrouds her body. She steps away from the kitchen island and sits on a countertop.
"Right. It's about Steven." She's tired of Steve's drama, it's like a whirlpool or an underwater current; it pulls everyone around, into the water and drowns them. Why did she let Danny come over? This was a mistake. She can't do this with Danny. She has her own shit she's dealing with and sorting through Steve's shit isn't her top priority of things to do.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He's irritated. Though he knows exactly what "that's" supposed to mean.
"Nothing. Forget it." Rachel can't fight with him right now. She doesn't have it in her.
"Forget it?"
"Yes, Danny. If you want to have this conversation, forget it." So, he does. He waits a second before speaking, to relive the tension between the two of them. They always fight, and if he isn't careful, it'll happen again. Fighting was both of their defense mechanisms; fighting, nagging, and ranting to express concern or complaints.
"Rachel, look I'm sorry, but I have no one else to talk to about this; Lynn's pregnant. Or at least she thinks she's pregnant. She told Catherine, it was a big thing. Steve's upset, Catherine's upset, Lynn's upset. The poor schmuck; it's like this guy can't ever catch a break." Danny continues ranting, but Rachel's no longer listening; she's worried about her friend, she doesn't give a shit about how Lynn or Steve feel at the moment.
"Well, maybe, Steven should have used protection. Then he wouldn't be having a child with someone he isn't in love with and losing the best thing to ever happen to him." She shrugs her shoulders and pours herself her third glass of wine.
"That's all you have to say? Really? You? Of all people, Rachel." He shakes his head as he drinks a glass of wine she's provided.
"Care to elaborate on what that means, Daniel?" She says in a warning tone. If he thinks this is the time to go on a rant about the circumstances of Charlie's birth, then this is going to get very ugly, very quickly.
"We didn't use protection, you had a child and pretended he was not mine! I lost years with my son because you lied. The only reason I know is that our child could have died and your marriage crumbled. I gotta tell ya, hypocrisy is not the most flattering look on you."
She takes a long deep breath. This conversation is over. Or else someone is going to jail.
"Leave Daniel. Please just go." Rachel is tearing up she's so mad. There are so many things she wants to say, but the damage will be irreparable.
"No! You always do this, Rachel, kick me out when the going gets tough!" He's shouting and pacing; pissed.
"Danny, I am sorry about Charlie. I am so sorry. I made a mistake, a terrible, bloody awful mistake. And I can never fix it, but I am sorry." Danny surprises her by taking in a sharp breath and coming to an abrupt stop. His face is as red as a tomato.
"You think Charlie is a mistake? What is wrong with you? Are you serious?"
"No! No! I do not think our son is a mistake! Is that what you think of me? Fuck you! The mistake was Stan! I wanted Charlie to be Stan's so that my marriage could be saved. I was in love with you! I am still in love you! And I knew if I found out Charlie's paternity with 100% certainty then my marriage would be over! And I would be alone! I'm still alone! It was selfish, and I am sorry. God, I am so sorry." She dry heaves and begins sobbing; it's the wine and Danny. Danny feels the fight leave him. He goes and hugs her, their tears ruining his shirt. He knows it's wrong, but he kisses her. The kiss is intoxicating.
He misses her. God, he misses her. Rachel's lips, her scent, her hair, the way her moans come out as they kiss. He picks her up and takes her to the couch. They kiss, and they kiss. She whimpers when he moves to her neck. She hooks her leg around his waist as he spreads himself on top of her. She can tell the moment they move from love to lust. She wants him, but they can't because it will hurt too much in the morning when he leaves and she's alone again. Rachel pats Danny to signal to stop, and he lets out an exasperated sigh. He had been looking forward to making love to Rachel, because that was what it was, love.
Instead of the sex he'd been eagerly anticipating, they sit side by side on the couch with her leaning into his chest, his arm around her. Neither speaks. They let the heat cool between them. He misses the contact when Rachel gets up, but she returns just as soon as she left, with another bottle of wine. They drink straight from the bottle as they curl up together once more.
"Danny, I want to try again. It's always been you, love. I want us to be a family again. I want another baby. I don't want you to be a cop anymore. I can't go through you getting shot again. I can't do it. I almost lost you, Danny. Do you know how that felt? I almost lost you… I want my children to grow up with their Mummy and Daddy, together in love. I don't want us to break our children. I need you here for them as they grow up. I am tired of all of this breaking up and making up, my poor heart can't take it. I want us back, not for the kids, but for you and me. If you don't want to try again, I understand, but I do. A lot." She has no idea what's possessed her to tell him her innermost thoughts.
She cries as she tells him what's been on the tip of her tongue for years. Her heart races faster each second he doesn't speak; she's unsure what she is more afraid of, him wanting to try again too or rejection. In the morning she'll punish herself for this, but right now she's overcome with feelings, love, and loss.
"Daniel, please say something. Anything. Please." He can hear the hope in her voice. For once in his life, Danny is silent. He's scared even to breathe. He doesn't know what he wants, except he knows precisely what he wants. But Danny is not a risk taker; he's not a glutton for punishment like Steve. So, he doesn't speak, and she cries more. He tightens his arms around her and pulls her into his lap. He strokes her hair and murmurs that he loves her in her ear. He nibbles on her ear in a way he knows drives her crazy because he needs her to stop crying. The truth is, he'd like nothing more than for them to try again, but the stakes are too high. If it doesn't work out, it'll crush him. But telling her, he doesn't want to try, will break her. Daniel silently cries as he thinks about how hard it is to make a decision, the most important decision.
"Rachel…"
"Danny, don't. I know your answer. I shouldn't have brought it up. I am sorry." She whispers before giving him a sad smile. As he looks into her eyes, he realizes he's being stupid, what they have is everything to him. He kisses her again. No one could ever make him feel this way, and that's why it's killing him what they're going through, what they've been through. He sighs as he kisses her again. Everything about her feels right and perfect.
"I need time Rachel. I want to try too, but I need time. I want us to work." For the first time since he's been at Rachel's, he remembers his girlfriend, Melissa. Shit. Melissa, Melissa, Melissa. She was a great girlfriend and an even better woman. But it wasn't love. No matter how you cut it, she wasn't the love of his life, the mother of children, the woman he had vowed to love through better or worse for the rest of his life. And boy, had he loved Rachel through better and worse.
There's too much thinking going on for Danny. All of the fractured relationships he had with Melissa, Rachel, even Steve. He realizes, for not the first time, that he obsesses over Steve's issues, Steve's actions, and Steve's dumbass personal decisions in a way to avoid thinking of his own. Rachel's presence brought him the clarity he needed to admit some of his fear for Steve was wholly justified, but other parts of it were selfish. If Steve figured his shit out and was happy and Danny wasn't – he wasn't sure how he'd be able to handle it. Truthfully, he didn't want to be miserable alone, and it was petty, childish even. But it was how he felt. And then again, why is he thinking about Steve with Rachel in his arms. He picks her up and takes her to her bedroom. Drunk and uncertain, they strip off their clothes, lie down and fall asleep in each other's arms.
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