Selling
Carly Shay walked down the stairs into the kitchen, about to make herself breakfast to start her day. She stopped in her tracks, though, when she reached the foot of the steps and spotted Freddie standing at her kitchen sink, shaving.
"Um…what?" Carly frowned.
"Oh, morning Carls," Freddie said, looking over at her. "Spencer bought some orange juice for breakfast."
"Okay," Carly said. "But why are you shaving in my kitchen?"
"Oh," Freddie sighed. "See, my mom decided razors were too dangerous for us to keep in our apartment anymore, so I had to sneak over here to shave this morning. And Spencer's been in his bathroom for over an hour now, so I figured this was my best option."
"Ah," Carly nodded, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter. "Well alright then. Anyway, you ready to finish up the last few skits for iCarly tonight? Sam should be here soon, and then we can-"
Right on cue, Sam walked into the apartment.
"Hey, hey," she said, heading into the kitchen.
"Hey," Freddie smiled at his girlfriend.
"Why are you shaving in the middle of the kitchen?" Sam grinned, giving Freddie a quick kiss on his lips, getting a bit of shaving cream on her nose in the process.
"My mom," Freddie explained simply, wiping the cream off of Sam's nose.
"Hi to you too, Sam," Carly said, rolling her eyes as she watched her two best friends with a somewhat amused look.
"Oh, hey Carly," Sam said, pulling away from Freddie. "What's up?"
"Well, like I was just telling Freddie before you got here," Carly said. "We need to finish rehearsing the rest of the iCarly skits for the show tonight. Did you pick up the bread pans we needed?"
"Oh…you said bread pans?" Sam asked. "That makes more sense…See, I thought you said bed pans, so I had to go to this retirement home and-"
"Okay, do not want to hear this," Carly said quickly, grabbing her keys. "Let's go run to the store to pick up the right pans, and then we can go by the retirement home and apologize."
….
"Great show tonight, you guys," Spencer said later that evening as him, Gibby, Carly, Sam and Freddie sat around the coffee table in the living room, digging into a pizza. "Real funny stuff. I loved it when you guys set Gibby's shoes on fire."
"That wasn't exactly planned," Carly said slowly.
"Yeah! And you guys owe me a new pair of socks," Gibby said indignantly.
"Please, those things were hideous," Sam said from the couch, where Freddie had her arm around her.
"They were my special Christmas socks!" Gibby defended.
"Who wears Christmas socks?" Sam scoffed.
"Okay," T-Bo said suddenly, letting himself into the apartment. "Mrs. Benson is too crazy."
"Dude, she's always been crazy," Freddie pointed out.
"Did she take your razors too?" Carly asked.
"Yes!" T-Bo exclaimed, sitting down next to Spencer and helping himself to a slice of pizza. "Now I have to ask for new razors for Christmas instead of the fancy heated mittens I told my grandma I wanted."
"Whoa, they make heated mittens?" Spencer gasped.
"Yup, you can buy three pairs for twenty dollars at ," T-Bo nodded.
"Sweet!"
"Hey, maybe we should get a pair for granddad," Carly said to her brother. "I mean, Christmas is only ten days away and we still don't have a gift for him."
"Whoa, Christmas is ten days away?" Freddie frowned. "I thought it was further away than that."
"Aw man, I totally lost track of time," Sam moaned. "I was supposed to order my mom some fancy toenail clippers weeks ago!"
"Aw! And I was supposed to get something for that English girl at the donut shop," Spencer said.
"You're dating her?" Freddie asked.
"No! That's why I was getting her a gift!" Spencer said. "It's called 'wooing her in'."
"And I still need to find something for Guppy," Gibby said. "But that kid is so hard to buy for. He doesn't have any soap preferences, he can't pull off the color green…"
"Hey," Carly said, crossing her arms. "Let's not get stressed out, you guys. It's Christmas time! It's supposed to be happy. You know what? I have a fun little idea. Why don't we have a sort of secret Santa thing with the six of us?"
"Secret Santa?" Gibby repeated. "What's that?"
"You never heard of Secret Santa?" Spencer frowned.
"Listen," Gibby said. "I don't know much about the whole 'Santa' thing. The guy always freaked me out when I was a kid. Big fat guy breaking into your house in the middle of the night? That's some scary stuff!"
"It's just a game," Carly explained. "We all put our names in a bowl and then you pick someone and you buy them a present. And you can't tell anyone who you got until we get together to exchange the gifts."
"That sounds fun," Freddie said.
"Yeah, I haven't had enough friends to secret Santa in years!" T-Bo said excitedly.
"Great," Carly grinned, grabbing a bowl and a pad of paper from the counter and heading back to the group. She wrote down all their names on slips of paper and tossed them into the bowl.
"Okay, here you go," Carly said, handing the dish to Spencer. "Pick a name. Oh, isn't this so exciting?"
"Tons of fun," Sam smirked as Spencer passed the disk to T-Bo.
"Can you improve your attitude?" Carly asked, rolling her eyes.
"That's what I ask her every day," Freddie chuckled, taking the dish from Gibby.
"Hey, watch it, nub," Sam snapped. She grabbed the bowl from her boyfriend and took the last piece of paper.
"So is everybody fine with doing the gift exchange next weekend?" Carly asked. "On Christmas Eve."
"Yeah, I don't have any plans," Spencer shrugged.
"What a surprise," Sam said.
"Hey!"
"Okay then, we'll meet in a week," Carly said happily.
"You know, I think this whole thing was just a plan to give you an excuse to do more Christmas shopping," Sam said knowingly.
"Maybe," Carly said.
Sam laughed as she unfolded the piece of paper and looked down on the name written on it: Freddie.
She did a little cheer inside her head; she had been hoping she'd get Freddie.
But then her joy was quickly replaced by the pounding question of what exactly to get her boyfriend. This was her and Freddie's first Christmas together as a couple, and she didn't want to screw it up. She knew she was going to have to find him the perfect present. She had to start right away.
"Hey, where are you going?" Freddie asked as Sam quickly got to her feet.
"Um, home," Sam said, grabbing her jacket. "I forgot that I need to give Frothy his rabies medicine." She gave Freddie a quick kiss. "I'll see you guys later."
"Bye," Freddie said, watching as his girlfriend rushed out of the apartment. Once the door had closed behind her, Freddie looked down at his own piece of paper and unfolded it to see who he would be buying a gift for.
The sheet of paper read Sam.
Alright! Freddie thought to himself. But what am I supposed to get Sam? Oh man, this is our first Christmas as a couple; I've got to get her an amazing gift!
"Where are you going now?" Carly frowned as Freddie jumped up and headed towards the front door.
"Um, I-I think I heard my mom's whistle," Freddie said. "Gotta go!"
He flew out the door and slammed it shut behind him. If he was going to find Sam the perfect present, he was going to have to start now.
…..
"Sam, no, you cannot send Melanie a box of taco shells for Christmas," Carly sighed as her and Sam walked through the packed mall. "She's your sister; you have to buy her a real present."
"Hey! Tacos are delicious," Sam defended.
"Melanie hates tacos," Carly reminded her.
"Not my problem," Sam shrugged.
"Look," Carly said. "How about this? We'll go to the jewelry store and buy her a cute pair of earrings or something, okay?"
"Fine," Sam sighed. "But can we at least stop by the food court?" She dug into her bag and pulled out her beloved giant fork. "I brought my big fork with me!"
"No! No snacking," Carly said firmly. "You need to finish your Christmas shopping. You still need to get something for your grandma, your Aunt Maggie, your cousin Blake-"
"Okay, okay!" Sam conceded, shoving her fork back into her bag.
Just then the girls walked past the large comic book shop.
Wait, Sam told herself, looking back at the shop. That place is full of all sorts of nubby things Freddie would want for Christmas!
"Hey, um, Carls?" Sam asked. "Do you think maybe you could hit the jewelry store and pick something up for Melanie? I was thinking I could maybe go to the lotion place and grab something for my Aunt Maggie's rash, and that's all the way on the other end of the mall. Besides, you're taste is more like Melanie's anyway."
"Well…I guess that would save us time," Carly said thoughtfully. "Okay, I'll meet you back here in an hour."
"Good deal," Sam said. She waited until Carly was well out of sight before turning around and darting into the comic shop.
"Whoa!" a scrawny looking boy near the sales bin said as Sam entered the shop. "Look! A real live girl!"
"Watch it, or I'll be the last girl you ever see," Sam said, raising a fist warningly.
The boy gulped and Sam smiled triumphantly as she headed over the counter where the store's owner was working.
"Um, hey," Sam said. "So I'm looking for a gift for someone and I don't know anything about all this geek chiz-"
"Excuse me, this merchandise is not 'geek chiz'," the owner snapped. "Everything in this store is an authentic collectible!"
"Yeah…okay," Sam said, resisting the urge to smack this man. "Can you just show me some things that a dude who has way too big of a Galaxy Wars obsession would want?"
"Well, if you're shopping for a Galaxy Wars fan," the owner said. "Then you've come to the right place. We've got a one-of-a-kind Nug Nug helmet-"
"Nah, he's already got some sort of Nug Nug head," Sam said.
"We have a Sky Naut battle ray."
"Eh, I don't think he likes the Sky Nauts that much," Sam shrugged. She looked down at the glass display case in front of the man. A golden rod caught her attention.
"Hey, what's that gold thing?" Sam asked.
"Oh, that's a brand new piece," the man told her. "It's the golden Light Sword handle that gave Lou Groundrunner the strength to fight off the Dronotrons in Episode III."
"Hey, I think Freddie actually has that light stick thingy," Sam said, remembering seeing the prop in Freddie's bedroom and making fun on it. "Yeah…Oh! And he said that he was looking for some special golden handle thing to go with it but he could never find it!"
"That's because this baby is one of the rarest pieces in the Galaxy Wars franchise," the owner said. "They don't even sell them over the Internet anymore."
"It's perfect," Sam said. "Completely lame and stupid, but perfect. I'll take it."
"Great," the owner said. "That will be nine hundred and forty-one dollars."
"Nine hundred forty-one?" Sam exclaimed.
"Plus tax," the owner added.
"I don't have that!" Sam said, setting her bag on the counter and pulling out her wallet. "I have…thirty-three dollars and half a peanut crunch bar."
"Then you don't have this gem," the owner said firmly.
"Listen," Sam sighed. "I need to get that handle thing. Isn't there any way you could sell it to me for thirty-three. I-I'll work here for the rest of the week! You guys have to be swamped with all the holiday shoppers."
"No, we don't have many customers," the owner said simply.
"That's because you have the worst prices, genius!" Sam snapped. "Um, okay, well…what if I give you free advertising on ? It could boost your businesses."
"I don't advertise on websites that aren't centered around MMORPG's," the owner told her.
"Come on!" Sam said angrily, pounding her fist on the counter. "There's no way that thing is worth almost a grand!"
"My prices are the fairest in all of Seattle!" the man retorted. "And if you don't have the money, then you don't have the Golden Handle of Panthatar!"
"Fine!" Sam snapped. "Whatever!" She made to grab her bag and storm out, but in the process, her giant fork fell out and landed on the counter.
"Whoa!" the owner said, looking down at the oversized utensil. "That's the biggest fork I've seen in my life."
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I know," Sam mumbled.
"In fact," the man said, studying the object intently. "It's exactly what I've been looking for as the finishing touch for my Acrytic Giant costume for the War of Warlords convention next month."
"Cool," Sam spat. "I'm sure you'll be the most giant geek there." She turned to walk out of the store.
"Wait," the owner called after her. "Okay, how about this? I make you a trade for the Golden Handle of Panthatar?"
"A trade?" Sam repeated curiously. "What kind of trade?"
"I'll give you the handle," the owner told her. "If you'll give me your giant fork."
"My giant fork?" Sam exclaimed. She looked down at the utensil in her hand. It was probably one of her favorite possessions. She brought it almost everywhere she went, just in case a meal broke out. It always promised her large portions of ham, steak, roast beef, anything. Just the idea of parting with it made her feel sickened.
But then she thought of how Freddie's face would light up when she would give him that handle…
"I-Okay," Sam sighed. "Deal."
…
"Gib, we've been at the mall for over three hours now," Freddie moaned as him and Gibby tried to avoid colliding with the many bustling shoppers. "Just go buy your cat a Christmas present from the pet store like a normal person!"
"No way," Gibby said stubbornly. "That's so impersonal. Hey, do you think he'd like a calendar?"
Freddie rolled his eyes. Gibby may be one of his best friends, but he definitely didn't understand what went on in his head sometimes. But this shopping trip was taking far too long; he had things to do! Mainly finding a present for Sam…
You know what, Freddie told himself as Gibby perused a Mexican desert calendar at a small kiosk. I'm at the mall, I might as well take advantage of that and try and find Sam something here.
"Um, Gib, I'm gonna run over to Placemat Paradise and see if I can find something my mom would like," Freddie said. "I'll meet you by the corndog stand in an hour."
"Huh? Oh, okay," Gibby nodded, looking up from his calendar.
Freddie began to walk past the many stores, racking his brain for gift ideas.
"Perfume?" Freddie said to himself, walking past a fragrance store. "No, Sam's not into that stuff. Jewelry? Maybe, but I don't know if she'd love that as much as something else…"
Then he walked past a huge novelty store that specialized in odd, unusual items. It was the perfect place to find something Sam would enjoy.
"Let's see," Freddie mumbled, looking through the shelves of merchandise. "Half of these things would probably be used to cause me bodily harm, so we'll stay away from those…Maybe she'd like beanbag massage chair? Nah, her mom ruined her last beanbag chair by taking a nap in it wearing her bikini…"
"Hey, you looking for something?" a cashier asked from behind the glass counter.
"Yes," Freddie said. "I'm trying to find a present for my girlfriend."
"You're getting a gift for your girlfriend at a novelty shop?" the woman frowned.
"She's really into this stuff!" Freddie defended. "Look, do you guys have anything really…special?"
"Hmm," the woman said thoughtfully. "Well, this just came in today." She reached down and pulled out a jar filled with green slime and what looked like an eyeball.
"Um…what is that?" Freddie asked, cringing.
"It's Charles Dingo's eyeball!" the woman said. "See, about a year ago, the Dingo channel was having some financial trouble, so they had to sell Charles Dingo's frozen head, and this is one of his actual eyeballs we managed to get!"
"Wow, that's real, er, nice," Freddie said, trying not to gag. "But Sam's not a fan of the Dingo channel. But we're definitely on the right track with the grossness level here. What else do you have?"
"We have a custom made talking yo-yo that speaks Spanish," the woman told him.
"Nah, anything else?"
"Well, we just got in a shipment of celebrity teeth," the woman said, pointing to a row of molars stored in the glass counter.
"Hmm, maybe that will work," Freddie said, studying the different options.
"Well while you make up your mind," the cashier said, pulling out a large case and a lunchbox. "I'm going to eat. There's so many dang customers in here today that I have to work though my lunch break!"
She typed in a long code onto the security system on the case and opened it up to reveal a giant spoon.
"Whoa!" Freddie said. "That's a huge spoon."
"I know, I got it from the Internet," the woman nodded.
"You know," Freddie said slowly, staring at the spoon case. "My girlfriend actually has a giant fork just about that size. Man, she loves that thing. And she doesn't really have any place to put it. She usually just stashes it in her purse, but she's always complaining about how scuffed up and dirty it gets in there. Plus she's worried that it will fall out or someone will take it. That case would be great for her. Do you sell them here?"
"Nope," the woman replied, taking out her laptop.
"Oh, well, do you know where you got your case then?" Freddie asked.
"Japan," she told him. "But they don't make these babies anymore."
"What?" Freddie moaned. "Come on! This is the perfect gift for Sam! Um, listen? Would you be willing to maybe sell me your case? I can pay you…" he pulled out his wallet and quickly counted his cash. "Two hundred and fifteen dollars."
"No deal," the woman said firmly, typing onto her laptop. "Now if you aren't planning on buying anything right now, I'm just going to check and see if I won my online auction."
"Okay," Freddie sighed. "I guess I'll just-"
"Aw man!" the woman said angrily, looking at her computer screen. "I lost! Stupid CheesyTies29 outbid me! Dang it, now I'll never find another Lou Groundrunner Light Sword."
"Oh yeah, those things are hard to find," Freddie nodded. "I remember it took me over a year to track down mine."
"Wait," the cashier said slowly. "Are you saying you actually own a Lou Groundrunner Light Sword?"
"Yes I do," Freddie said proudly. "That baby's handing right above my bed."
"Holy chiz! You're probably the only person in Seattle with one of those things!" the cashier gasped. "Listen, how about we make a little deal about this case that you want?"
"What kind of deal?" Freddie asked, interested.
"I'll give you this case, completely free of charge," the woman told him. "If you give me that Lou Groundrunner Light Sword."
"My Light Sword?" Freddie exclaimed.
That Light Sword was his favorite Galaxy Wars collectible. He had blown all his savings on it and spent an entire weekend building a special shelf above his bed for it to rest on. He couldn't dream of giving it up.
But he knew Sam would absolutely love that case for her beloved giant fork. And he desperately wanted to make their first Christmas together as a couple a special one.
"So do we have a deal?" the cashier asked.
"Alright," Freddie said heavily. "You've got it."
…..
"You know, sometimes I think I like Christmas Eve more than Christmas itself," Carly said happily, setting down a tray full of hot cocoa mugs on the coffee table. "Sitting around with friends and family, drinking hot chocolate, watching cheesy holiday movies, eating Christmas cookies…"
"Yeah, but on Christmas you get presents," Sam reminded her, grabbing a mug. "And everyone knows that the best part of any holiday."
"Way to kill the moment," Carly sighed. "But speaking of presents…is everyone ready to exchange secret Santa gifts?"
"Yup!" T-Bo nodded. "Oh man, this is better my old college teddy bear fights!"
"Alright, I'll go first," Carly smiled, pulling out a small wrapped box. "I picked T-Bo."
"Ha! And I'm first!" T-Bo said excitedly, taking the present. He unwrapped the box and opened it up to reveal a pair of earplugs.
"Earplugs?" T-Bo frowned.
"Industrial strength earplugs," Carly explained. "I got them for you because I know how horrible it is to wake up twice a night to Mrs. Benson's fire drills. Now you can sleep through all her sirens and yelling."
"What? No way!" T-Bo explained. "This is fantastic! Now I can finally get my beauty sleep again. All these fire drills have really been taking a toll on my silky skin."
"Maybe I should invest in a pair of those," Freddie chuckled.
"Me next!" Spencer said, jumping up and pulling out a gift bag from behind the couch. "I had my wonderful little sister, Carly!"
"Aw," Carly grinned. She opened up the bag and pulled out a black pair of studded boats. "Whoa! These are so cute!"
"You mean you found a pair of boats that she doesn't already own?" Sam laughed.
"Hey, I don't have that many pairs," Carly defended.
"Please, you have more pairs of boats than my cat," Gibby said. "And he has four feet!"
"Well I love these, Spencer," Carly said, hugging her brother. "So thank you."
"Anytime, kid," Spencer said.
"Okay, looks like I'm up," Gibby said. He tossed Spencer a package.
"Alright!" Spencer cheered, tearing off the wrapping paper like a young child. "It's…fire retardant underwear?"
"Yeah, I figured if anyone could use that, it would be you," Gibby nodded.
"Have you actually set your underwear on fire before?" Freddie frowned.
"No!" Spencer snapped.
"Well you did come pretty close that one time," Carly pointed out. "When you were trying to-"
"Hey! We're not speaking about that!" Spencer hissed.
"That's messed up, man," T-Bo said, shaking his head as he pulled out his own present and handed it to Gibby.
Gibby opened up the gift bag and pulled out a large cup. "Wow…it's a…cup," Gibby said.
"A special Jamaican cup!" T-Bo said. "That's top of the line plastic! You know how expensive plastic like that is?"
"Thirty-six bucks," Freddie mumbled darkly.
"Plus," T-Bo continued. "Every time you bring that to the Groovy Smoothie, you get four percent off your purchase."
"Shut up, no way!" Gibby gasped.
"True chiz," T-Bo nodded.
"Think of the savings!" Gibby exclaimed.
"Yeah, I'm sure you'll save a ton," Carly said slowly. "Okay, well, since only Sam and Freddie are left now, I guess they picked each other's names."
"Huh, what are the odds of that?" Spencer commented.
"Let's just do this," Sam said, trying not to look excited about seeing the look on Freddie's face when he opened his present. She pulled out her gift and handed to Freddie. Freddie handed her a large wrapped box.
"Why don't you guys open them at the same time?" Carly suggested.
"Fine with me," Freddie shrugged.
"Me too," Sam agreed. "On the count of three…One, two, three!"
The couple pulled the paper off of their presents.
"Whoa," Freddie breathed, staring down at the golden handle in his hand. "Is this the Golden Handle of Panthatar?"
"Uh-huh," Sam grinned.
"Oh my God," Freddie said. "Sam, this is one of the rarest pieces of Galaxy Wars paraphernalia."
"I've heard," Sam mumbled.
Freddie looked down at the handle. It would look great on his Lou Groundrunner Light Sword! And then he remembered that he no longer owned that prop…
Sam examined her own gift from Freddie.
"Is it some sort of safe?" she asked.
"Not just a safe," Freddie said. "It has one of the highest-tech security systems ever installed on it. I programmed it to respond only to your voice and I put in a special security code. Here, let me show you."
He quickly typed in the code onto the keypad on the front of the case and opened it up. "It's for your giant fork, baby! I know how much you love that thing, and I want you to be able keep it safe."
"Freddie, this is amazing!" Sam exclaimed. "Now I can keep people's grimy hand off of my-"
But then she remembered that her precious fork was currently in the possession of the comic book store owner.
"What's wrong?" Freddie frowned, noticing Sam's smile flickering.
"N-Nothing," Sam said quickly. "I love this." She leaned over and kissed him. "So do you like your fancy handle thing?"
"It's-It's great," Freddie said. "But hey, why don't you see how your fork looks in the case?"
"Maybe later," Sam said. "I really want to see what your Light Sword thingy looks with that handle on."
"Since when do you want to see my Galaxy Wars stuff?"
"Since now!"
"First let me see your fork in the case, baby," Freddie said.
"After you show me the Light Sword."
Freddie took a deep breath. Knowing his girlfriend, he wasn't going to get anywhere in this argument until he told Sam what really happened to his Light Sword.
"Okay, look, baby, don't get mad," Freddie began.
"You don't like it?" Sam asked, her face dropping.
"No!" Freddie said. "I-I love this. It's the best Christmas present I've ever gotten. But, well, I-I sort of had to trade my Lou Groundrunner Light Sword to get you that case for your fork."
"What? You traded that Light Sword?" Spencer exclaimed, his eyes widening. "Dude! That's a one-of-a-kind collectable!"
"You-You gave up your lame Galaxy Wars toy to get me my present?" Sam whispered.
"I just wanted to get you something perfect," Freddie sighed.
To his surprise, Sam began to laugh.
"What?" Freddie said. "What's so funny."
"Baby," Sam said, smiling at him. "I had to trade my giant fork to get you that handle."
"You traded your fork?" Carly frowned, nearly choking on her hot chocolate. "Sam! You take better care of that thing then you do yourself!"
"Sam…you gave up that fork?" Freddie said, hardly daring to believe her gesture.
Sam shrugged. "I wanted to make sure you got the best Christmas present ever."
Freddie chuckled. "Hey," he said. "I already have the best Christmas present I could ever ask for. You. You're all I want, Sam."
"Okay!" Spencer said loudly, getting to his feet. "I'm going to go try out my new underwear before I gag from all the teen romance going on out here."
"Yeah, like the thought of you in your underwear isn't enough to make anyone gag," Sam smirked.
"Hey!"
