This overlaps with Monster 5.1, 5.2 and 5.3. And then of course transitions into 5.c, somewhat awkwardly.

How I Met Your Monster 13: Delving Deeper

When I get back, Taylor is juuuust freaking out at some random wandering roaches. Uh. Oh, did she think that swarm was, like, a changer? "No no, that's her on the couch." Creepy awful lady of awfulness was a controller, girl! A master, like me, only way more disturbing.

Taylor keeps glancing nervously at the bugs. Okay, I know why I'm freaked-out, but why is Taylor so freaked out? What'd I miss? "You sure? Actually, no, seriously, explain what just happened. Last I knew, you were fleeing to safety."

Wait, fleeing to safety? I mean okay that's kind of true, but that's not at all the image I want in Taylor's head. Pride does not flee! She is a fearsome goddess of... uh... stuff. Whatever. Aaaargh why does she keep thinking I'm less-than-awesome? Okay fine whatever shrug it off. I can salvage this! "Well, yeah, initially. If only to not blow my cover of Perfectly Ordinary Teenage Girl. Buuuut I... hm." Wait wait I have a plan, stick to the plan, the plan is Lying To Make Myself Sound Better. And also gloss over the fucking cocoons. "Okay, background! Conversation has a back and forth, right?" Taylor obligingly nods while making a sarcastic face. "Well, I can generally tell when two people are having a conversation, because there tends to be a clear, uh, action-reaction thing. Like, someone is going to tell a joke, their anticipation is high, they're amused at the joke themselves, and once they've told it, the anticipation levels off and everybody who heard the joke laughs." Let's inject some humor that will probably fall flat, thus becoming a self-demonstrating article. "Assuming it was actually funny." I wait a second to see if Taylor catches the funny. She does not catch the funny. I still win, because now it's self-demonstrating! "Aaaaanyway, so take that principle, okay? And Iiii... didn't know exactly what kind of conversation you guys were having after I left, but I could see how the beats of conversation were playing out with you and no one else was in the alleyway."

I mean once I was pretty sure where the girl was I was paying attention to that stuff but I really don't want to admit she was basically fooling my power and I only found her because of the isolation and whatnot. I'm trying to impress Taylor here. It doesn't work: she interjects. "Fog was present."

Stupid invisible-to-my-power jerk. "Yeah, okay, I couldn't sense him when he was, uh, foggy-" Looked more like smoke to me, but I guess he was named Fog for a reason. "-so that's not surprising." Okay having admitted to weakness TIME TO DISTRACT FROM IT. "Not the point! Point is, there was someone who you were having an action-reaction interaction with, and they were... here." Hi creepy dead bug-girl, I'm pointing you out to Taylor! "So I figured they were the bug person, and if they were hiding away like this, I figured they were proooobably fairly..." Uh how do I frame this I wish I had more time to, like, rehearse this-

"Mortal?"

Okay that's a bit more Conan-y than I'd have picked, but sure whatever. "Sure, mortal. That. Well within my means to kill. Just, whammo! Depression and apathy and stuff and then I knife her." You know, aside from her stupid suit of stupidly tough crap. I'd be tempted to steal it if the Dragonslayer suit wasn't so much cooler.

"Speaking of the knife..." Taylor is doing that thing where she looks at me like she wishes she had heat vision and could glare hard enough to trigger it. Why is this bothering her so much? We're capes! She's killed people herself! She is a WALKING BUNDLE OF BLADES!

But okay fine whatever. Open with a joke. "Girl's got to carry protection, ya know?" Hah! She caught the double-entendre! There's hope for her yet! Also more importantly her anger over that is distracting her a bit from everything else. "Not joking. My power is... mostly reliable at protecting me from the unempowered, but your power isn't the only one that interferes with mine." I mean honestly it was only since I got to Brockton Fucking Bay that this was really a problem, and I only grabbed the knife for giggles in the first place, but I'm still trying to pretend this was a well-considered and planned-out thing and not something I checked out on impulse and then changed my plans partway through because oh god the cocoons. "So! Protection." Hahahaha please don't notice the lying.

Taylor gives me a dubious look, feelings matching pretty much perfectly to that, but she moves on so I think I'm in the clear. "So you found... Locust, apparently. And?"

Oh thank god she finally namedropped the horrible and awful girl now I can pretend I knew that the whole time. WAIT THAT WAS HER ACTUAL NAME WHY. That's a terrible name- no, forget it. She's dead I don't even care anymore now we just need to get to Kaiser. So.

Okay, I think I should sit down for this part so I can hide the shaking as we get to the REALLY AWFUL PART I'M ACTIVELY TRYING TO GLOSS OVER. "Took me a bit to find the way in, and I... actually had to, uh, pick the lock-" Taylor naturally gets all judgy and irritable about that, come on, this was basic fucking common sense in my house. "-yeah I figured you wouldn't like that part but ANYWAY I got in, and the place is pretty empty. Like, I poke into a couple of rooms along the way and they have these huge spiderweb thingies-" Okay now let's sort of acknowledge what it looks like and then act like it's not that or at least that I don't realize it's that and we can move on and get to killing Kaiser which is purely because I am a supportive girlfriend (Maybe?) and not at all because I have a personal desire to see him rot why ever would you suspect that we've long since established I don't care about other people haha why would you even consider that. "-like people are cocooned inside or something-" Taylor reacts in a dully horrified way where I can't tell if she's inferred correctly and is just not that surprised by Locust (seriously dumb name still) doing such a thing or if she's horrified by some idea that's way less grotesque. Regardless, time to sell it. "-though it's just Locust in the building so I dunno what that's about-" YEP I AM TOTALLY UNAWARE THOSE MIGHT BE DEAD PEOPLE OF COLOR BECAUSE KAISER IS A PLEASANT PERSON LIKE THAT AS A TOTALLY UNRELATED ASIDE CAN WE GO MURDER HIM NOW? "-and anyway I go to knock at her door and she says something like 'No solicitors' in this robotic tone and she's not really paying attention, and... honestly? I just tried the doorknob. Wasn't even locked. 'course, I knew I was on the right track when bugs came pouring out of the walls-" Time for a theatrical shudder!... mostly because I've noticed Taylor is really bothered by these bugs and pretending they bother me too means she's more likely to empathize and less likely to, you know, think about my story. "-so then I hit her with crushing depression and a side dose of more ordinary apathy." And also the knife but it didn't actually work right away and we're hiding my failings here.

Okay, now the best way to hide my other fuckups is to admit to a totally different fuckup that I don't care nearly as much about. While averting my eyes and otherwise acting like this really bothers me. "I... actually kind of fucked up. Thought it would take her out of the fight entirely. It... I'm not sure why, but she wasn't really affected at all. Like, I could feel she was a little depressed, a little apathetic, but not anywhere near where she should've been. If her bugs had been faster, I might be dead right now." This last statement is technically true but not anything I ever worried about, and in retrospect I am fully justified in not worrying. But see: things sort of went wrong in a way that didn't actually matter due to unforeseen power interactions that have already been established to be a flaw with my powers re: Taylor herself and not any kind of new failing!

...

Wait, is this really the best fuckup to pick? Fuck, I dunno, this day is stupid and I just want it to end and also Kaiser to end.

Anyway, time to emphasize the positive! "But it worked out anyway! I got to her, and wow she was just... she's pathetic. She tried to hold me off, and she was struggling just to move. Which is weird, because her and her costume barely weigh anything at all." Wait, would Taylor be able to see my initial cut attempt? Drat, I should just admit that. "I initially thought the costume might be, like, really serious armor, and I... actually tried to cut past the neckpiece initially to no success so it can't be that bad, but she was no burden at all. Weird stuff."

At this point for some damn reason Taylor has turned morbidly curious and goes to Locust and starts fiddling with the helmet while I keep rambling/lying profusely. "So I got her in a grapple thingie while I'm trying to figure out how to stab her to death and her bugs buzz out something, sounded like a cry for help to me?" Taylor nods, still messing with the helmet. "Oh, so she called for Fog to come then?" Another nod, Taylor isn't really paying attention, I'm fine with that, means less probability of her catching me out on a lie. "Aaah, I was wondering about that. Good to know. Anyway! I spent a bit on that, and then I had the knife to her throat and she was whispering how her-"

And that is when the helmet comes off to reveal that Locus is not merely some dumb diet-too-much freak, but in fact is just... "Holy fuck." What is wrong with her face?

Taylor keeps going though, revealing that her upper body is even more skeletally thin than I'd thought, and pale, and oh god. "What's wrong with her?" I ask.

Clinically, idly, disinterestedly, Taylor says, "It looks like malnutrition. Possibly a lack of exercise as well, but mostly I'd guess she wasn't eating enough." I find myself glancing at the barely-touched chicken on the table. She had food! She had support from Kaiser! Money and food should not have been an issue! She's a goddamn cape! Her husband is a goddamn cape! Fuck, and the Fog fellow was supposed to care about her? What the fucking fuck, man, you're worse than Daddy! DADDY! I didn't think that was fucking possible!

I thought she was a little too easy to hold.

Fuck.

And Taylor is stone cold and normally I find that awesome but right now it's actually kind of upsetting, this is fucked-up shit. Then she goes to look at Fog and says THIS gem: "Continue your story." Like, no big. We just found out bug-control lady who was feeding people her organization hates for no good reason to her goddamn bugs was actually horrifically malnourished for no good reason such that her life must have been a living hell, AIN'T NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT? PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR STORY, THAT WAS FAR MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS (totally horrifying) TWIST RIGHT?

Fuuuuck why is this bothering me.

I don't even want to tell this dumb half-true story anymore, it was kind of fun spinning a half-true lie that made me look good but now I just feel sick all over again and want out of here but Taylor wants to hear the rest of the story why did I do this to myself. Fine. Fine... "Um. Where was I-" Wait did I say that out loud I said that out loud shit. Everything is fucked-up, stay on top of yourself Cherie. "Oh. Her superiors. She was telling me about how they'd make an example of the two of us -I guess she recognized me from when her bugs surrounded us?- if I killed her, the pain would be so bad we'd beg for death, yadda yadda yadda. Um. So then I had the idea."

I try not to react as Taylor manages to get smoke-dude's helmet off, but thankfully it isn't necessary. He's... a little pale, but he really looks like a random working-class joe, one who shaved just earlier this morning and everything. He doesn't look normal exactly, but... forgettable? I'd maybe wonder if he worked night shift or something if I saw him in another context, not knowing who he was.

You know, aside the damage Taylor already did to his skull, but that honestly doesn't bother me much. I mean I guess I'm a little weirded out at Taylor studying him carefully even though she tore out a decent chunk of the top of his head? But I mean I don't think I'd be noticing it if Taylor's total non-reaction to Locust's state wasn't on my mind right this instant. Dead body, she's the one who made it dead, no big deal right? But she didn't seem bothered by Locust so-

"Idea?" Taylor tosses out cavalierly because oh right I'm supposed to still be telling this story.

Really glad Fog was less horrifying. "I got to thinking I could get her to call her boss, and I'd backtrack him the same as I backtracked her." Except that isn't what I did with her at all, but I already claimed I did and made out like it was impressive, sooo... "Boom! Instantly find Kaiser. None of this wasting our time looking at irrelevant losers nonsense. In fact, we could go right now, if you want!" Please want to do it he must die.

Taylor takes another moment to take a look at foggy-dude, gets all weirded out by I-don't-even-know-what, and then turns around and turns innocent doe eyes on me that have to be affected. "I thought you wanted to party, Cherie."

You fucking what. "That was your idea, Boss." I mean okay when she said night on the town I brought up clubs and stuff, so maaaaybe this is kind of my fault? Except she never acted like I'd misunderstood so what the fuck girl.

Taylor sort of gives me this lidded stare that's juuuust off from being bedroom eyes. Um. "I thought you liked... stuff like that."

Um.

Is that innuendo?

'cause that sounds a lot like innuendo and she did the thing with the eyes and oh god I just murdered someone and now she's giving me bedroom eyes I'm starting to reconsider the appeal of this relationship.

Actually wait hold up. "You had us go for an 'afternoon on the town' because you thought I would enjoy it?" I'm really confused and she's sending me mixed signals only they're not so much 'mixed' in the sense of 'I hate you and would never date you but also can we get together on Friday for a suspiciously date-like proposal' as much as in the sense of 'I am possibly covertly interested in a normal sort of relationship with you and possibly also covertly interested in a murder-as-intimacy-based relationship with you' with a side helping of 'also I'm so oblivious this may all be entirely on accident'.

I desperately want to ask so many different questions I don't even know where to start and I'm not sure which ones would lead to her threatening me because I'm being 'flirty'.

With tremendous reluctance -and it's real- Taylor nods her head and, apparently recognizing that I just pointed out something weird about what she did, drags out the 'yes' and says it like it's a question.

I'M EVEN MORE CONFUSED.

I wait a bit for her to explain this bizarre line of thought, and eventually I realize she is waiting for me to talk and what okay fine. "Why did you do that?"

I have SO MANY OTHER QUESTIONS, but I'm going to start with this safe-seeming one.

Taylor does this song-and-dance routine that makes it real damn obvious she doesn't actually want to answer the question but hey that shame thing is actually helping me here! She's not willing to back down because she... thinks I'd judge her, I guess? Hah! My opinions matter to her now! "I... think... I was trying to make up for... how I... treated you in response to... um." Taylor stops and gives me a not-very-covert glance like she's hoping maybe I've stopped being interested in where this is going in the last two seconds. Then she visibly and literally grits her teeth, forcing the words awkwardly out through her clenched teeth. "I went too far when you kept hitting on me."

I. Um. Wait, she actually felt bad about- oh! That's not mixed signals at all! Kinda! She wanted the overt flirty behavior to stop but she didn't actually want to kill our relationship or be mean to me because she totally does like me and possibly wants us to murder things together or possibly just do what normal teens do when they like each other so having been overly-mean she decided to metaphorically feed the puppy its favorite snack (Even though she has no idea what that is) after having kicked it in its poor innocent face!

She, uh, she does realize that's like totally an abusive relationship right? Hit them and then apologize profusely and- ah. No, she would've actually apologized (Instead of sort of indirectly trying to be nice without ever admitting she'd done anything wrong) and claimed it wouldn't happen again if this were stock abusive stuff. Or never felt bad at all if it was Daddy-style abusive stuff. So never mind, not asking her that question, it would just confuse and possibly enrage her.

So. Uh. Let's go back to that core idea: "You were trying to apologize?"

That is so weird an idea. Has Taylor ever admitted to doing anything wrong before? You know, while murdering people. A lot.

And.

Then.

Taylor goes all shame-y and apparently I said the wrong thing or something I dunno but she's starting to do that self-loathing spiral thing she does sometimes so hey no let's put a stop to that with the power of HUGS! And also monologue without really stopping for breath. "Shhh, shhh. It's okay. You don't need to apologize. I knew -okay, I didn't know exactly what I was getting into, but I knew you were a murderous psychopath willing to kill people who have offended your sense of justice." I mean, broadly. Kind of. I'm trying to be emotionally supportive here! And I don't care that Taylor isn't exactly thrilled by that description, the point is this whole silly business was unnecessary and also horribly traumatizing so can we please never go for an 'afternoon on the town' again unless that's like a metaphor for something?

But okay fine I'll keep talking. "I was prepared for there to be bumps along the way. Bumps are fine." There's like two other layers that's true on, now that I think about it. "Very fine." Oh shit let's move on before Taylor maybe figures out that double-meanings are a thing and decides this is Evil Flirting! "But you've misunderstood me, and frankly, I'm more offended by that than the, erm, incident."

Which is the point Taylor breaks out of the hug and gives me a frazzled and puzzled look, and naturally her feelings are a logical extension of that goddammit how are you this ignorant. "I've been over this. I'm here because you are doing fuckawesome stuff and I want some of that. I'm not here to party. I didn't sign on to- to go to clubs or whatever. " I don't even like clubs that much, seriously. "I only did that sort of thing back at Daddy-" Taylor has this weird little sliver of horror when I say Daddy, I don't even know why but okay fine whatever I'll reframe it. "My father's to pass the time, fuck's sake!" Okay, less angry, trying to be reassuring right? "This?" Yeah, look at Locust. Look at what goddamnfucking Kaiser has wrought. "This is why I'm hanging with you."

Taylor just sort of looks all doubtfully at me and I'm starting to wonder if she gets it, and finally I go, "What?"

Taylor blows me off. Of course she does. "Never mind. So... you don't want to continue our... adventure."

WHY DOES SHE KEEP DOING THIS INNUENDO THING wait, wait. Is this. Is this revenge? Is she turning the tables on me?

... that is a fascinating theory, worth exploring.

Oh right and I need to uh respond before Taylor gets all jittery. "Fuck no!" Oh come to think of it I can maybe check if she's playing along? "You won't let me do any of the really fun stuff anyway." ie I'm sure she would've been appalled if I grabbed a boytoy. And not just because she's got a possessive streak, nosirree, it's totally that 'morals' thing she has, honest!

Response: ambiguous. Taylor doesn't really respond to the, you know, implications, so maybe she's moved into a headspace where this is a game between us and maybe she just legit didn't notice. Instead she focuses on the most important thing. "... and you know where Kaiser is? Right now?"

"Yes!" Wait should I have not let on how much I want to do this I was trying to not let on but now it's maybe too late? Oh never mind I don't think Taylor noticed. Or maybe she attributed it to, uh, my other speech? Yes, okay, that makes sense, let's assume that for the moment.

And she totally goes along from there and YES KAISER IS GONNA DIE FISTPUMP OF JUSTICE!

... which Taylor smiles at?

Oh whatever I don't even care we're KILLING KAISER IT'S GLORIOUS!

Leaving is simple enough, though I make sure Taylor takes my sunglasses to break up connections to ourselves a bit. I also give a whole monologue about stuff, Velocity finding the FUCKING COCOONS and thankfully proving himself a real human being by being just as horrified as I am, etc etc, but honestly I don't care that much and thankfully Taylor doesn't either.

Cavedude has a reaction, I'm almost completely certain. Low-key relief mixed in with more overt frustration. Hm. Okay, I was theorizing he was a PRT mini-Birdcage manager before, and him reacting to this is consistent with that, but that feels like a weird reaction, and he's so off and confusing I really doubt I actually pegged him right the first time. So... he has to be connected to the PRT. He spends time at the actual office, he's clearly hooked into their information network on some level even when he's not at the office, etc.

The obvious second theory is that he's in some crazy villain-made hideyhole and he's actually a spy for some villain. That doesn't quite fit, though. Him having an invisible-to-me boss would explain the weird, confusing readings I get from him, but everyone else down there doesn't do that. Like, there's clearly an internal speaker system or maybe a radio system or something where Cavedude has the conversation sync effect with not-entirely-precisely-controlled groups at a time, and I never really see this presumably-PA-caused thing coming from Nobody At All. If Cavedude has a boss who's invisible to me, they're a secret boss while Cavedude... pretends to be the actual boss of the organization?

That's sort of plausible, especially with powers opening up a lot of weird and dumb avenues, but the simpler scenario is that Cavedude is the boss, and he just has a power that's somehow messing with me. No idea how, but the how isn't that important right now.

Which either makes him some secret Protectorate hero who... runs a mini-Birdcage or something?... or makes him... a villain who's leading a double-life at the PRT?

My gut feeling is that 'Protectorate hero running mini-Birdcage' is way off base. He's never moved with the heroes, or even interacted all that much with the other heroes, and I don't buy for a second he's some Ward child genius criminal mastermind. That shit is the kind of thing utterly terrible capefiction (that Nicholas ate up, goddamn) comes up with, not real life. I don't think the PRT knows he has powers. Either his power is subtle enough he can use it on the job without being noticed, or he's really good at not giving in to the temptation to use it, which might not be much of a temptation depending on what it actually is. Given how secret his Batcave is, I'm inclined to guess subtle, or maybe not subtle itself but something that combines well with being subtle. And if he's not getting the money for his Batcave from the government, and he's a standalone villain, he's got to be getting the money from somewhere... when I haven't 'seen' his cronies going out and knocking over banks or anything that could justify this kind of money. Like, I'd theorize he's using his power, maybe it seeps into his environment and lets him manipulate it kind of thing, except there's clearly people coming in and digging out more space and doing work that's, at a guess, installing electricity and lights and so on, I'd just glossed over them before because I'd been thinking 'PRT mini-Birdcage, of course they can sneak employees in to do work'.

So he has to have money. He has to have a lot of money. He has to have a lot of money while being an employee at the PRT who, as far as I'm seeing in the interactions, is moderately-respected but not anywhere near important enough to be able to justify this income. The most natural explanation is that his power pulled this off, and if he's not been traced by government capes who hunt these kind of people down and metaphorically put their heads on pikes so new triggers don't think they can get away with gaming the system, this... well, it comes back to the subtle theory. Either his power is so subtle there's nothing suspicious enough even for government thinkers to find, or it's reasonably subtle and his application of it is especially subtle.

A really subtle power that's somehow making it a nightmare to make sense of his reactions, which don't always seem to sync up with anything going on in Brockton Bay.

...

Feels like there should be another logical step I can take here, some other inference to be made, but I can't get my head around it any further.

Hm. What is he even doing? He's got a fair amount of staff on retainer, and in retrospect they've had skirmishes with people (I just didn't think much of it at the time because PRT employees), but I've never noticed any obvious revenue stream. No chains of drug dealers who meet up with his people and presumably pass on money to them sort of thing. No knocking over banks.

It's so weird I'd revert back to the 'mini-Birdcage' theory except it can't be right.

So Cavedude is a dude who is... building up a secret underground base while not doing anything that could possibly make him money with said base. He's also not accruing power, and the base itself is fairly small and I'm fairly confident most of the people on his staff are not capes, so it's difficult to imagine he believes he'll be able to take over the United States by threatening to knock the moon out of orbit kind of thing. There's... ya know, I think the only conclusion is he's preparing to do something down the line...

... wait, the Jean-pals were in contact with him, weren't they? Okay, so maybe they were a revenue stream? I haven't noticed them stirring up much trouble, and they certainly haven't been collecting drug money or doing protection rackets, but they'd managed to piss off Lung enough that he didn't really question me pointing him at my poor dear brother that I HAVE GOT TO STOP FEELING BAD ABOUT GETTING KILLED SHUT UP BRAIN fuck.

...

Thankfully, Taylor doesn't notice that hiccup.

Right, that tells me... what? He's secretly building up a base, but he's also... now that I think about it, probably also secretly running a minor parahuman gang? As... some kind of cats-paw, I guess?

...

I literally cannot think of what he's doing. Dude is either too subtle for me or he's some special form of nuts.

Why does Brockton Bay have so much shit like this, anyway?

...

I manage a running chatter with Taylor the whole way, but it basically boils down to us working out some semi-plans for future incidents of this sort. Both the, uh, misunderstanding part but also the part where I went running off and confronted a cape I was 'poorly-suited to fighting' (pffff) with Taylor having no idea it was happening at all. These semi-plans are... vague, but hey, talking is good. It's an improvement, I think!

Taylor, naturally, finds something to brood about once we're back in the warehouse and I'm working on getting into my suit, but whatever.

Still no interruptions, thankfully.

Once we're both suited-up... Taylor wants to go roof-hopping. In broad daylight. When being seen is what reverts her to a squishy human.

It's like Taylor just turns off her brain periodically.

Seriously, just let me do the bridal carry again. That was great last time, and it'll be way stealthier! Though... Taylor brings up the question of whether the suit has a stealth mode, and it totally does!... but it's not like active camouflage or anything so whatever. Lame.

Conversation from there goes to, for once, Taylor educating me about cape-world. I mean okay there's also her crazy theory about unspoken agreements, but I'm not counting that because like okay there's kind of evidence for it but it's still crazy. In this lesson, student Cherie learns about the Manton effect! The short version: the Manton effect is what prevents most capes from doing horror-show shit to you.

Naturally, Kaiser isn't Manton-limited. Oh, and his power is to turn my flying tin can into razor blades growing right into my skin. It's an iron maiden waiting to happen. Fffuuuuck.

Thankfully, Taylor sensibly points out Kaiser's range isn't very far, so I can just shoot him from a distance. Whew. Good. Because he needs to die.

And then blah blah blah packing up etc.

...

Honestly, super-strength is amazing, I don't care that it's from the suit, it's so fun being able to pick up a box that probably weighs as much as I do and just heft it into the truck. Is this why people whistle while they work? I give it a try, unheard by Taylor, and yeah it adds to the fun factor! Especially when I start getting into a rhythm, timing my steps and my whistling so there's something musical to the whole thing. 'tis fun!

Taylor is even pretty tolerant when I haul her up by the armpits, just enjoying the superstrength, 'cause uh you know I need to load up the tinkertech computer.

Then comms comes up, and while Taylor pointedly ignores me bringing up my missing phone grrrr, overall it's a pretty nice conversation and I get to show off what I discovered with the Dragonslayer suit having some bullshit phone wackiness going on.

I also get a comment in on how Taylor looks as the creature of the black lagoon, but I think she misunderstood me and I don't want to press my luck too hard.

Though Taylor kind of ruins the rhythm with her weird thing of complaining about the physics of how the suit reads my eye movement. It's tinkertech! Powers are bullshit! Shut up and just be happy it's cool!

So I kinda half-spitefully change her ringtone real quick, though honestly the Imperial March seems like an, uh, okay maybe not a perfect fit to her but pretty darn good fit.

And all that busywork and mild play done, we head out!

Turns out Taylor isn't willing to trust me being right about Kaiser being Kaiser and so wants to, like, provoke him into using his power before killing him. I don't like that. He really, really needs to die. I don't argue though because ffff fine whatever it shouldn't matter in the end. Though honestly this is a fucking terrible idea and I kind of hate that she's just taking it as a given that she'll be doing the killing. We really should just snipe him, where by 'we' I mean 'I'. I'm sort of regretting trying to rope Taylor into this instead of handling it myself, actually, though I'm not sure how I could've avoided it with how these events have gone down. Still. I'm kind of noticing it's a pattern with her...

Anyway, up into a cloud, stealth mode active when it occurs to me, maintain a running monologue and- hold up. Hahaha ohmygod whatshername is on patrol! Nearby! Okay forget Kaiser for a moment, I've got a prezzie for Taylor!

Taylor, stop with the sinking feeling, stop feeling like this is ominous it's totally a good thing and you'll love it and don't you trust my judgment?... no, no she doesn't. Bleh.

Whatever, tossing her anyway, she'll like it I just know it!

It is really interesting listening in to Taylor's fall, with the calm and then the panic and then the calm again just before she comes to a fairly smooth stop. Sweet! That plan worked perfectly! I mean the worst that could've happened would be Taylor dying and that would kind of suck since I'd need to find someone else to act as a testbed for a relationship not based on blatant mind control and all that, but meeeeeh. I can deal! Could've dealt! Whatever!

Oh and okay Taylor is kind of really mad at me but pffff what else is new?

Aaaaand there we go!... uh. Taylor. Taylor, you gonna. You gonna like attack her? She's your bully, I can tell you can hear her talking, surely you recognize her face? Taylor? Hey, Taylor? Come on, Taylor. Taylor! It's the bully-girl, Fury or whatever I was calling her! Shady Stocking! Ugh okay fine let's dial her phone with my bullshit tinkertech...

Aaaand there we go. "Yes! You met the jerk!" Come on surely you've noticed it's her, right? Right?

"Pride. Clarify."

Whoa, I think Shady Stocking just recognized Taylor's voice. I mean, she's all shocked and confused and a wee tiny bit lots of angry and I think she's feeling like something about her world is busted and wrong? It's always a pain to parse that kind of more abstract feeling.

Oh wait right I'm supposed to be 'clarifying'. Um, I don't really have a speech prepared here, so, uh, rambling it is! "One of the jerks who's bullying you! They're a Ward, they're right in front of you, we're leaving town after this. Vengeance!" Sort of like the vengeance I desperately want to enact on Kaiser, but even more personal!

Taylor spends a bit ruminating on that, and I can totally tell when she figures it out.

Because she drops the damn phone!

Come on, it's time for righteous vengeance!

And ugh, Shady Stocking is all suspicious and hostile now. More than her usual, I mean. Taylor, you're letting the opportunity slip away! Soon she might figure out she really is in actual danger and then flee or something! I'm not sure you can follow her if she flees! "Pride, I went over this. This is not how we do things."

Um what oh god is she getting stuck on the stupid- the- the fucking- really? She still really truly thinks that thing is true, and also she didn't have an issue with- come the fuck on Taylor! "You're trying to kill Kaiser like this!" Seriously! "And they broke those rules first!" Like just fucking last night!

Okay Taylor actually kind of reacts in a way that makes me think she doesn't have a defense against what I said- "The Wards are not the Protectorate or PRT."

Whu- oh god is she doing word games I got enough of that shit out of Guillame to last a lifetime. "Whaddya mean the Protectorate's child soldiers aren't a part of the Protectorate?" Seriously! Taylor! You're being RI-DI-CU-LOUS.

There's the crackly sound of Taylor sighing into the phone. "Pride, they probably don't even know." I- um. Hm. You know, that might actually be true. "They certainly didn't make the decision." ... okay that's true for sure. There's a bit of a pause while the tykes say I-can't-tell-what, and then Taylor says, "I'm Monster."

Which elicits like no reaction except minor confusion. Dammit. Fuck. This is not going at all the way I though it would. Oh wait Shady Stockings is reacting to that!... with approval? Uuuuuuh approval. Approval? And... those signs I was maybe taking earlier as an indication she felt her world was being flipped upside-down are fading. So. If I'm following this correctly, Shady Stockings was having her mind blown by the idea of Taylor as a cape in general, but learning she was specifically Monster somehow canceled that out. I. I do not get this town, and I don't want to get this town.

More talkiness happens, including Taylor talking. "That was an accident." Oh- hahahahaha oh my god is Shady Stockings approving of Taylor because she killed Leet? Hahahaha holy shit that's amazing. It's, what, important to how she thinks that people of the world all be heinous jerks? Or something?

Then hey wait a second I think I can juuust barely hear Shady Stocking- MY NAME IS NOT PREJUDICE! "PRIDE!"

Hey wait a second- no Taylor don't turn off the phone this is just getting good goddammit you, you total jerk! I mean okay at least she's no longer feeling that murder-anger thing but come on this is great, if not the great I wanted it to be.

So I ring her up again, let her know she's being rude- and she just ends the call.

And nothing rings when I dial her again.

Well. Fine. You do that, I'm still listening in on the important parts anyway.

... okay not really because the entire interaction wraps up almost immediately after, with the kid with the hoverboard, I forget his name, being like friendly and apologetic and sympathetic? I guess? Whatever, bored.

Fuckit, I'm dialing her phone until she answers. She's gotta be, what, being annoyed by the ringtune? Gotta be.

...

Wait, I'd be hearing the annoyance. So. Uh, wait, did she actually turn her phone off, am I wasting my time here- aha! There we go. "Ruuuuude." I am so disappointed in you, Taylor, you could've murdered that completely horrible girl and felt way better afterward.

Like.

With me and Jean-Paul.

...

Fuck, fine, maybe you have a point.

"What. Was. That. About." Oh. Huh, I thought Taylor wasn't mad at me but she sounds pretty mad by phone. Is she faking, or is her power messing with mine more than I'd have expected? Oh wait, she's irritated, I thought she was irritated at something else but she's irritated at me, and... that's interesting, that she's irritated but not actually mad. Hmm.

Um. Okay I've kind of maybe parsed why Taylor would be unhappy with this, and now I'm not sure how to spin it. It's waaaay too late to pretend I wasn't suggesting she kill her tormentor, so. Uh. Um. Er. Ffffine let's go with honesty. "It was supposed to be a present. A surprise gift! You get to kill one of the people who's made your life hell for, um, a long time, you feel better-"

"I'm not going to school ever again anyway." Errrr. Like okay that's kind of a conveniently-timed interruption since the truth is when I went for murderrevenge it actually just made me a wreck crying over spilled milk-which-is-to-say-blood-of-my-blood and I wasn't sure what I was going to say afterward, but I don't see her point.

Like, at all. Actually, honesty is working kind of okay so far! Let's... just go with more honesty! "... so?" Straight to the point.

"So the bullying is done."

Uuuuuuuh. I mean okay that's I guess true? But you weren't exactly over the bullying when you gave me that deadpan backstory dump thing. In fact, there's quite a lot of evidence that you're not remotely over this whole thing. You need catharsis! Plus... "But they've hurt you so much! A-and you're fine with killing terrib-"

"No." Uh what. "My goal is not punishment." It's- what? "I don't kill people because they are bad. I kill people to prevent badness. Nilbog was an apocalypse waiting to happen, though I... overestimated myself there. Heartbreaker was a serial mind controlling rapist showing no sign of stopping or returning these women to their own lives or anything. The Dragonslayers cle-... I thought the Dragonslayers were simple blood money monsters who would never give a damn about the consequences of their actions. If So- if my tormentor is Shadow Stalker?" Oh. That was her name, right. Eh. Shady Stockings is a better name. "She's done. The bullying was personal. They won't take it out on someone else, and even if they were the bullying doesn't justify fucking murder."

So yeah that whole spiel was delivered in an increasingly angry and, uh, angry tone and with rising volume and also she's getting agitated and I think she wants to pace but isn't because... oh. Oh right, she needs a reflective surface to not be the monster-thing so she can be on the phone, so she's presumably staring at, like, a particularly shiny air conditioning unit?

Okay so- "I actually used to keep a journal of every incident of bullying." Uuuuuh okay? That's weird why would you dwell on this shit when you could be fucking them up? "I thought I'd be able to use it as evidence so the teachers would believe me, catch out the bullies, and make them stop." Taylor's breathing hard, she's getting worked up... okay, so she was hoping to fuck them up with the pen instead of the sword. "They didn't take the journal seriously. They were 'impressed with my dedication', but 'wished I had put so much effort into my schoolwork instead of fantasy'." Another pause while Taylor tries and kinda fails to fight down her anger. I'm seriously confused. "And, you know, a lot of the teachers ignored it happening even when it was right in front of them-" Ouch. "-so eventually I concluded there was no fucking point, the journal served no fucking purpose except to fuel a vague hope that one day the bullies would be punished for what they'd done to me. You know what I did?"

Okay, if it were me I'd have kept doing the journal to spite the assholes and then, like, emailed it to everyone everywhere and printed hundreds of copies to flood the school with it, but Taylor isn't exactly being subtle with where she's trying to take this so I guess I'll play along. "... you stopped with the journal?"

"And I threw all the notes I'd already made into the furnace." Uuuuuh you what? "So like I said; I'm not about fucking punishment."

So.

Um.

Either I've badly misread Taylor, or she is waaaaay clueless about herself. Okay, so theory time! I'm probably focusing on righteous vengeance because Kaiser needs to die. So, basic projecting fail, whoopsy, been a bit since I did that I think? So step back and go to my current Taylor-theory. The one where murder is intimate. Uh. Hm. That's really not that hard to spin into explaining her rejecting this kill. Like, if I'd been focusing on my model and not myself I think maybe I'd have predicted this even? Taylor wants privacy, and I threw her at the girl publicly, and also maybe she doesn't want to associate the unpleasant feelings of the bullying with this whole shebang?

So hey I dunno maybe I'm horribly wrong or maybe I'm still totally right and just got caught up in myself.

I think it's time to go with the apologetic route? And the honest route, even! "I thought it would make you feel better." Interesting, that actually takes Taylor aback? Huh.

"I like that you want to help, I really do. But you really should... talk with me. It's better to talk with me and find out what I want than to try to... surprise me with it."

Hypocrite says what? Really? REALLY? Ffffff no calm down, then point out the hypocrisy. Okay. Calm. Calm. Calm. Right, let's go. "Boss, you tried to spring a pleasant surprise on me." JUST EARLIER THIS DAY.

Taylor clearly takes a minute to get it. "That... was a mistake-" Huh. That's pleasant to hear from Taylor. "-and it's a... little different anyway. If you'd objected when I suggested it, we would've talked, tried to figure out what to do instead. Here? You didn't explain to me what you were trying to do, and threw me into a situation that... could've ended quite badly."

"Oh." Shit, that's actually a really good point. Damn, and here I got all worked up. "Um. Sorry?"

"Yes, an apology is appropriate. And thanks."

Oh god I'm being mildly condescended at over a social thing by Taylor, you've got to be shitting me.

Forget it, let's get her pointed at Kaiser. She's basically there anyway.

Blah blah blah Taylor can't believe that a murdercape is passing for a grocery store person (What, like this is less plausible than you passing for an ordinary high school student?), etc etc, phone connection popping back on its own when Taylor reverts that's actually interesting, yadda yadda and hold up a moment is Taylor asking me to help?

"Okay good this should work. New plan: you land on the roof, panic the shit out of Kaiser, and then fly away when he comes out, probably using his power. And if he's not Kaiser, well, we've just scared a civilian. Not... ideal, but no permanent harm done."

HaHA! Yes! I'm all over it! I mean I'm still not sure what's going through Taylor's skull, but this is an improvement, right? Right.

And something I do impresses Taylor as I fly on down. I think. I'm not sure what else could be impressing her. Now if only I had any idea what it was. So I could replicate it every time, of course.

Regardless, I proceed to do a bunch of really tedious, irritating experimentation to get Kaiser outside.

Whereupon it turns out all these issues are moot because Locust's boss wasn't Kaiser at all. I know smokey dude called this guy, but if Taylor has led me true on this point Kaiser doesn't have, like, speed manipulation. Which is what's happening down there, Taylor going slow-for-the-squid, Not-Kaiser going fast by plebeian standards, and oh fuck are you kidding me why are those capes heading our way, some of them are flying! I was sure they were in their civvies and could be ignored! Fuck, dammit, fuck! Forget this, I snipe Not-Kaiser's fucking head off -turns out his power doesn't slow down my green death bolts, ha!- swoop down to grab Taylor, and we run because oh shit oh shit oh shit we've got like seven capes trying to follow us and they are mad.

Dammit.