Dummy
"Sam! You're adding too much barbecue sauce!" Freddie exclaimed as he watched his wife prepare chicken for their barbecue.
"It's called giving it flavor," Sam said. "No one wants to eat bland chicken like you make."
"My chicken is fine, isn't it girls?" Freddie defended.
"You're chicken tastes funny, daddy," seven-year old Emma replied.
"Mommy's tastes better," Ashton nodded.
The girls were sitting at the kitchen table, playing a computer game on Sam's laptop with Clarissa and Quincy. Carly and Gibby were at the Benson's house for lunch and were currently on the patio helping set the table out there.
"Boom!" Sam said triumphantly.
"But I still think that's way too much sauce, Sam," Freddie said. "Wouldn't it be nice to actually taste the chicken and not just the sauce?"
"Will you stop criticizing my food?"
"I'm not criticizing, I'm just-"
"Guys," Carly said, coming into the kitchen. "You realize that Gibby and I can hear you clear from outside. Don't you think after thirteen years of marriage, you should be a little better at communicating without yelling?"
"Well he's being stupid with the chicken!" Sam snapped.
"Mommy! Stupid's a bad word!" Ashton gasped.
"Yes, it is," Freddie said, smiling at his wife victoriously. "Now what do you think she should do to make up for that, Ash?"
"She should say sorry," Ashton said proudly.
"Well, you heard her," Freddie said, beaming. "Do you have anything to say to be, Samantha?"
Sam glared at him but bit her tongue. "Sorry for calling you stupid," she muttered.
"Thank you," Freddie said. "I accept your apology."
"You just wait until I have you alone," Sam mumbled under her breath.
"You two are really something," Carly said, shaking her head at the couple.
"Hey, you guys," Gibby said, joining everybody in the kitchen. "Guess what I just saw out in the backyard? These two squirrels started chasing each other around, and then one squirrel jumped on the other squirrel and-"
"Hey!" Carly exclaimed, swatting Gibby's shoulder. "There are children here!"
"Oh, right," Gibby nodded.
"What did the squirrels do, dad?" Quincy asked.
"Were they wrestling?" Emma asked.
"Um, yeah sweetie," Sam nodded. "That's exactly what they were doing."
"So is the grill warmed up for this chicken?" Freddie asked Gibby. "Although I don't know if you can call it chicken anymore with the amount of sauce Sam put on it."
"You are asking for it, aren't you?" Sam frowned.
"Sam, please don't murder your husband tonight," Carly said, rolling her eyes.
"We'll see," Sam said simply, grabbing the chicken and heading out to the patio.
"You're gonna get it tonight, man," Gibby said as Carly followed Sam out of the kitchen.
"Yup," Freddie sighed. "You'd think I'd have learned by now."
Him and Gibby headed out of the kitchen out of the girls, leaving the four children alone at the table.
"Emma, you've been hogging the game all day," Ashton moaned. "Give me, Clarissa and Quincy a turn!"
"But you guys aren't good at this game," Emma said.
"Yes we are!" Clarissa pouted.
"We're supposed to take turns, Emma," Quincy said.
"It's still my turn," Emma replied.
"You better start sharing, Emma," Ashton said. "Or I'm going to tell mommy and daddy on you."
"You're a tattletale," Emma frowned. She paused the game and pushed the laptop over to her sister, in the process accidently hitting Sam's favorite's list and causing the first site on the list to pop up.
"Hey! What happened to the game?" Ashton asked.
"You got rid of it, Emma," Quincy said. "And you brought us to a weird website…iCarly."
"That's my mom's name!" Clarissa said.
"Look Clarissa, that girl on the computer looks like your mom too," Emma said.
"And those two look like your mom and dad," Quincy said.
"And that guy looks like your dad, Quincy," Ashton said.
"What are you guys doing?" eleven-year old Jason asked, walking into the kitchen.
"Jason, look!" Emma said. "We found mommy and daddy on the computer. And Aunt Carly and Uncle Gibby too."
"Yeah, look!" Clarissa said.
"Come on, you probably just found people that look like them," Jason said. "What would they be doing on the Internet. Pfft, seven-year olds."
"Look!" Ashton insisted.
"Fine, I'll look, just to prove to you that those aren't our-oh hey, they are our parents."
"Told you," Emma said.
"What kind of website is this?" Jason asked curiously. "Looks pretty cool. It has some great graphics. I wonder what kind of programming whoever made this used."
"Hey, you guys, lunch is almost ready," Sam said, coming back into the kitchen with three-year old Tyler on her hip.
"Mommy, look!" Ashton said. "You're on the computer!"
"Huh?" Sam frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"My dad's on here too," Quincy said.
"And my mom," Clarissa added.
Sam leaned over to get a better look at the screen.
"Whoa, no way," she laughed. "You guys found this?"
"What's iCarly?" Jason asked.
"It was a web show," Sam explained. "That me, your dad, Aunt Carly and Uncle Gibby used to do when we were younger."
"Cool!" Emma said.
"Hey, you guys!" Sam called out onto the patio. "Come in here!"
"What's up?" Carly asked, entering the kitchen, Freddie and Gibby at her heels.
"Look what the kids found," Sam said.
"iCarly?" Freddie said, looking at the laptop. "Wow, I haven't been on this site in years."
"Oh yeah, that show was a lot of fun," Gibby nodded.
"I can't believe you guys found this," Carly smiled.
"You're on the computer!" Tyler said, pulling on Sam's hair.
"That's right," Sam nodded, wincing as she wrestled her hair out of the toddler's hand.
"You guys want to see some of the videos we used to make?" Freddie asked, taking Tyler from his wife.
"Yeah!" the kids all nodded.
"Oh, I remember this one," Carly said, scrolling through the video list. She pressed the play button and enlarged the screen.
A teenage Carly, dressed up like a farm girl, entered the screen, looking completely scatterbrained.
"Wow," she said dumbly, looking around the scene. "I think I'm lost. I wonder if I should ask for directions that here sody stand!"
"Mommy, you sound funny," Clarissa giggled.
"Hiiiii," Carly said back on the computer screen. "Are you a wizard?"
"What the-Are you insane there, missy?" Sam, who was dressed up as a cowboy. "Do I look like any sort of dang blasted wizard you've ever seen?"
"If I was a wizard, I would make a wish for some bubblegum," Carly smiled stupidly.
"You dummy, wizards don't grant wishes!" Sam the cowboy exclaimed. "You done be thinking about a genie!"
"I have a cousin Jean," Carly said. "She's stupid."
"Excuse me," a teenage Gibby said suddenly, stepping into the scene wearing a long robe and a fake silver beard. "I am a wizard looking to buy a beverage before heading back home to work on my potions and spells and other magical activities."
"Nice costume, dad," Quincy grinned.
"I know, I look pretty good in it," Gibby said.
"Whoa," Carly the farm girl gasped. "Are you a wizard?"
"Yes, I think I did just say that, yes," Gibby nodded.
"Can you give me some bubblegum?" Carly asked.
"Well…I suppose I can provide for your gum chewing needs," Gibby the wizard shrugged. He pulled out a magic wand and waved it in the air.
A flash appeared across the screen and a second later, Carly's hair was covered in a pink goop.
The kids all began laughing.
"Oh no!" Carly the farm girl shrieked. "What's in my hair?"
"Your bubblegum," Gibby replied.
"You moron!" Sam snapped, smacking Gibby in the head. "She didn't ask for you to put that sugary snack in her there hair! What kind of messed up wizard are you, boy?"
"Oh, sorry, did you want some bubblegum too?" Gibby asked, pulling out his wand again.
"No!" Sam yelled. "I don't want any-"
But Gibby had already waved his wand and another flash appeared on the screen, and a second later, Sam's hair was covered with bubblegum, just like Carly's.
"Well, okay," Carly said, turning to the camera. "That was another segment of The Idiot Farm Girl."
"Technical effects brought to you by our awkward and nerdy tech producer Fredwart Benson," Sam said, pressing a button on her blue remote, causing a chorus of 'boos' to sound.
"Very funny, Sam…jerk," Freddie's voice said lamely.
"Wow, what an insult," Sam smirked, her voice dripping in sarcasm.
"Well excuse me for not being as profound in those as you!"
"I don't know what profound means!"
"Yeah, surprise, surprise."
"Are you calling me dumb, nub?"
"Maybe I am, Puckett!"
"That's it!" Sam snapped, throwing down her remote and starting towards Freddie.
"Sam, no! Not my-ow!"
"That was funny!" Quincy said.
"Yeah!" Clarissa agreed.
"Did you beat up daddy, mommy?" Emma asked.
"Um, well…not-not really-" Sam started.
"How come you called mommy dumb?" Ashton asked Freddie.
"Well, see, I-I didn't exactly mean-" Freddie began.
"Look, this was made before your mommy and daddy started dating," Carly explained quickly. "But they still didn't mean what they said on that video. They just got into a few arguments back then. Of course, they still argue about the stupidest things…but we all know that they love each other very, very much."
"Yes, we do," Freddie nodded, leaning down to kiss his wife.
"Yuck!" Tyler cringed, covering his eyes.
"Can we see more videos?" Jason asked.
"Sure," Sam nodded. "Hey, we should show them some of our random debates!"
"Oh, don't forget The Jitters!" Gibby added.
"And that skit that we sent in for the web awards in Japan!" Carly said.
"I think we're gonna be here awhile," Freddie laughed.
