It is easier to blame, to confess is harder. It is dumb to hide the shame, to atone is smarter
It is a tranquil morning and the warm but not disturbing sunlight is waking me gently. I feel…recovered, fulfilled with a sort of melancholic jocularity. I get out of my bed to check on my brother. I hope he got home alive. I´m a bit surprised though, he rarely gets up before me.
"Finally, awake? How are you? I hope the pain of getting crushed by a car wasn´t too severe?" Now he´s asking about my well-being? Who is that person and what did this person do to my brother? I look directly at him, unable to form an expression, I sense nervousness in his eyes, he seems almost anxious.
"Nah, like you said, it couldn´t be worse than last time, right?" His now introverting demeanor tells me that he got the wink with the fence post. I can´t help but getting angered by him. So many times, he had no problems to sell me out, his caring act seems so hypocritical to me. "So, did you get back home with the loot and more importantly, alive?"
"Yes, I did, both I mean. And the fact that cuddles doesn´t seem to notice that he got rubbed by us…" Wait a minute… "Cuddles wasn´t here you say? Then who was bothering knocking at our door so penetrant?" That didn´t really made any sense to me. Who else would bother with us than our victims?
"Oh, no one important."
Why isn´t he telling me? Where is the use of secrecy between us? Suddenly my brother looks at me with a somber gaze. "Well, Lifty. Why exactly did you throw yourself between the car yesterday? I could have just dodged it." No, he couldn´t. He was carrying most of the loot and noticed the car way too late to be able to dodge it. "Why exactly do you ask?" I throw back the question in the same tone he asked his. If he thinks he can accomplish anything with his passive-aggressive behavior, he´ll see how wrong he is. And I do not intend to let him of the hook so easily. He starts it, he´ll carry it out. "I just accomplished that you got out of the way, so you could get home with all the "valuable-belongings" to ensure we will be able to live in our apartment just a while longer. With the food Flaky provided us everything you care about was provided." I said smugly complacent.
Like I thought, he is out of arguments, that means if he ever had some. Speaking of food, I really need to breakfast. I walk past him without appreciating a glance, but as I enter the kitchen I realize that I don´t have to do it myself this time. On the kitchen table, there was toasted bread, fried…eggs? Where did we get these? And bacon. It smelled marvelous. But the thing that startled me the most was the fact that there are two plates on the table. Did he make breakfast for himself and me? I sit down at the table but notice that Shifty just stands where I left him in our little "conversation". "Do you come?"
"What do you mean with "everything I care about"?" Is he really bringing this up now? I try to speak up but I couldn´t muster any witty arguments as I saw his face, tears welling up in his eyes. What´s happening? I never saw him cry. It must be just another attempt of him to make me feel sorry for him. He mostly started just cooing at me, waking me gently, behaving like he had no choice. "Lifty I care about y…"
"Stop it right there! How am I supposed to believe you that? Just for a little second please think about every time I died because of you! There is only one thing this and last time which was different! That I died on purpose! Every time I fucking died hurt, it hurt a lot!" I was infuriated, but with sadness overwhelming me I couldn´t muster the strength to scream anymore, I could only whimper further. What the hell is he even thinking? "You want to know why I threw myself before the car? Because I knew it would hurt, but I also knew it wouldn´t hurt as much as the fact that I die because of your betrayal…And it seems that If I die to save you, you actually manage to survive the day. Imagine the beautiful fact that you now managed to survive 2 days in a row…I am not like you, Shifty. We may share our look like, but I´m not able to take the existence of my own brother for granted, using that as an excuse to dump him…So please stop telling me that you care about me when you obviously don´t…" I´ve had enough of this. Without talking to him any further I go back to our bedroom, leaving him alone with the now cold food.
"If you´re not content with the situation, try to make the best out of it." Flaky was quoting her own creed. She hated this town with an undying passion. Sure, you can make many negative things out of immortality, but you have to admit that there is something pleasant behind the imagination of being with your best friends without the worry about their well-being. So, this place wasn´t so bad if it weren´t full of dead and pain…the incredible amount of pain…Flaky got up early to clean her house. It is taking her a long while as she´s only doing it with high safety standards. The most accidents happen in your own house and since Flaky is mostly in her own house in a town full of accidents… let's just say she likes it safe and sound.
She was almost finished cleaning her windows as she suddenly recognized a weak knocking on her door.
"Shifty? What… aham how are you doing?" She asked to serve her own formalities, but she could already tell on the look on his face that he is doing anything but fine.
"I…need your help Flaky…" With a worried expression she asked him to come in "Tell me, how can I help you?" Flaky asked, ready to help him with anything, but she didn´t expect what was to come. "If I really don´t bother you to much, I would like you to listen for a moment…" That surprised her. Most men in this town weren´t about to talk about anything but interests and here he is, a kleptomaniac raccoon about to talk about his…feelings? "Well… sure, tell me what´s bugging you?"
And with that said Shifty told her about his relationship with his brother. He told her about Lifty's attitude towards him and the reason for that. Flaky, although seeming so inconspicuous, was capable of being many things: A good friend, a caring one, a consoling one, an honest one but she never took the position of a judge, more of a psychologist. She listened carefully about any tales and the appearing atrocities Shifty committed towards his twin brother.
"But the worst thing about it is… I… I really never wanted any of his deaths happen. I always tell him that the worst possible death is starving on the streets, I tell him that I´m afraid of a long and gruesome death but in fact I´m afraid of any death in here… They are so painful and…and…"
"And it´s easier for you to let your brother die rather than dying yourself. Is it that what you´re trying to confess?" At that, Shifty curled up in her armchair and started sobbing. With that she grieved in the black one. "Well, shoving the questionable morality of this aside, did you ever apologize to your brother?"
Suddenly Shifty looked up to her but couldn´t muster the strength to speak. All he could do was mumbling a quiet "no…"
Finally, his whining ceased "No I didn´t. The only things I did was trying to justify it…"
Flaky knew the answer to the next question, but if she intents to help him she has to see whether he has understood it or not. "And you think that killing your own brother, or killing in general, is justifiable?" Shifty gazed to the bottom.
"No, it is if anything rather pathetic…I…am rather pathetic…"
Now this goes into a wrong direction, Flaky thought. "You know, just because you did a mistake doesn´t mean that you are a bad person. Yes, what you have done to your brother was gruesome to some extent, but the thing is that you see that now. Why don´t you try to say "sorry" to him? If he is really about to believe you that you´re caring about him then you have to show that you understood that what you did was wrong. Forgiving is only about to be granted with the presence of remorse."
"Can you come with me? I´m afraid to talk to him alone, he might not want to listen…" Flaky was now completely puzzled at the fact that this green furred criminal was about to ask her help to settle a dispute between him and his brother. But saying "no" would be against her nature, so she decided to come with him. Maybe it would even be a good idea to be there. Maybe her presence would smoothen the edges just a little.
Something seems odd. There were regular goings-on but at his own house, the venetian blinds at their bedroom are down. Is his brother now sleeping again? He doesn´t hesitate to open the front door. Without bothering of closing it he rushes up the stairs. Flaky, who closed the door as a polite guest, followed him as swift as possible. Shifty tried to open the door to their bedroom but it was locked. "That´s weird. Why would he lock himself up in our bedroom?"
Flaky was shivering as her paranoia struck her and flashed the worst possible scenarios before her eyes. It didn´t take Shifty long to open the door using his lock-pick. The moment he put on the lights, Flaky screamed in total terror. The wall of their bedroom was full of disparaging words written in blood: Worthless, hated, disgraced, shameful, filth, unloved…
The last one was written more often than the others. As soon as their gaze went to the bed their apprehension of whose blood it is was now a proven fact as they saw a pale Lifty on the bed, lying on his stomach with gaping wounds on his forearms. Shifty was on the edge of a break down as he noticed a weak but still persistent breathing emerging from his brother's body. He was, somehow, still alive.
"Flaky, call for help please! I see what I can do as first aid!" With that said she went down as fast as possible to grab the phone as she noticed Sniffles on the street about to get in the ambulance and drive off. She shouted his name as loud as she could and luckily, he heard her.
"Flaky! What a sight for sore eyes! What can I…" He couldn´t complete his question as Flaky grabbed him on his wrist and tagged him along to the twins. He saw the scenery, and, on an instant, he ordered Shifty and Flaky to help him getting him in the ambulance. It wasn´t hard for them as exasperation was giving them the needed strength to perform that almost effortlessly. As soon as Lifty lied in there, Sniffles placed the infusions to compensate the blood lust for at least a minimum of time. Normally Lifty would just die and be resurrected. But if death was somehow to be prevented they would do that. Shifty clenched his fists in despair in hope that he, Flaky and Sniffles could help his brother. The moment all three of them drove to the hospital Shifty curled up in his seat, silently blaming himself for that disaster.
Lifty lies once again in complete darkness, outspreaded on his back. He gazes apathetically into the nothingness, embracing the void engulfing his soul.
It was 8:12 am in the morning as Shifty woke up from the rain splattering against the window. He slept next to Lifty's bed the entire night. He got startled at the thought of his own brother and looked at him to realize something strange.
His wounds didn´t heal, his condition didn´t get any better. Normally everything "reset" at 8 am but not this time. His anxiety now turned into utter fear and he dashed out of the room for Sniffles. "Sniffles" Flaky!" For some reason he assumed Flaky still being here, and he assumed right as she exited the women's lavatory. "Shifty, is something… not right?" She asked, knowing the happenings of yesterday, but seeing him this terrified left her worried. But Shifty ignored her in his panic and wen straight to Sniffles who was finishing his cup of coffee just in time before he got dragged by the rascal directly into Lifty's room. Flaky, barely holding up the pace, arrived just seconds after them, panting in exhaustion.
Sniffles, mostly used to overexcited patients and their relatives, wasted no time and looked after Lifty, realizing the same problem. "his wounds are not healing up…"
"What does that mean? Why is that so?" Shifty asked in great worry.
"I had this phenomenon once, it was a patient who was unwillingly responsible for many deaths. Many failed attempts of attending to the reason of it led him into depression as he was trying to kill himself. As he suffered this mental disorder, he wasn´t healing up as well."
Thinking of that it all makes sense to Shifty now. His brother felt unloved by the person he loved the most. He hurt him so many times without the slightest sign of repentance. Suddenly Shifty became solemn "What did you do about it?"
"Well, I have a machine which enables you to divide your body from your mind. Under this condition you´re able to travel into the patient's mind and try to find the source of this thought. Such thoughts are mostly manifested in defined shapes. I had to deal with them to tear him out of his miserable state of mind."
"Does this machine really function?" Shifty asked, holding his stern gaze towards the ant eating (Well, at least he tries) scientist.
"Yes, it does!" He answered slightly offended "unlike most of my other inventions this one was actually tested!"
"Then I want to go into his mind and save my brother."
Sniffles was surprised by this. His machine was indeed proven to be functioning but as he will be traveling in his brother's mind, the dangers he will face are unpredictable. "Well… this can be arranged but I cannot foretell what you will face in there. Many of his thoughts and even his emotions can be manifested in some disturbing shapes and I cannot guarantee you that he will recognize you in there on an instant! You may suffer some gruesome deaths of yourself!"
"If I am really about to die in there because of my brother's whatevers in his mind, then it is most certainly a deserved death. When I die, where will I be resurrected?"
"You will start at a certain point in his mind. If you die you will be resurrected at this exact starting point. But I must tell you that you will feel every bit of pain when you die, and it is possible that the pain lingers a few seconds till minutes even after you got revived! Are you sure you want to go through this?"
"This entire mess is just because I was such a bad brother to him. I am most certain that I´m ready to fix this mess on my own, I owe that to him."
"Very well." The ant eater sighed a little desperate, doubting whether Shifty really understood what he is about to go through. "Then please lay down on this bed." Shifty went to the bed behind the bed of his brother, many strange wires are attached to it, he gulped a little at this sight. He did as Sniffles instructed him and laid down in the bed, Flaky staying next to him.
"Flaky, I don´t know why you are so nice to me, but I want you to know that I appreciate that greatly." Flaky blushed a little. Many tree friends just noticed her presents but not really anyone appreciated her presence actually. "It´s fine, I gladly do that. I just hope that you are able to help your brother right now." Shifty didn´t admit it but he as well had doubts and fears about the outcome of this. But no matter the risk, he wants to save his brother right now and is ready to take anything that is able to help him at this very moment.
"Close your eyes, the machine is about to get started and I don´t want its bright light to blind you." With that said, the machine began to buzz loudly, and its noise was becoming louder and louder. Soon he doubted his eardrums can take this any longer as suddenly the noise disappeared completely.
He opened his eyes and found himself in a small and dark hall. Before him were different corridors, each leading into a different direction. There he is now, he is in Lifty's mind and now there is no turning back.
