Saitama returned home that night full to the brim with expensive cuisine. The night was full of happy chatter and food, even Mutsuko was willing to converse with him, though it was very clear she's in the beginning of the recovery phase. As the hero dried himself off after a relaxing shower, he changed into his pajamas and sat down, thinking about what had occurred.


Flashback

A couple of hours prior

Bang, with tears in his eyes, gave the bald hero his thanks. "I don't know what I can do to repay you, Saitama-kun."

Saitama blushed a little bit. This was almost as bad as that candy incident back when he still had hair. "You don't have to Bang. Just think of it as payment for the lobsters, alright?"

Bang shook his head, quickly returning to his cool facade. "Of course Saitama-kun. I did not mean to disrespect your-"

"For the love of god, don't start. Let's just go have hotpot, okay?"

"Yes, of course. But uh, Saitama-kun?"

"Yea?"

"Might I ask how you plan on helping my granddaughter?"

"Eh, I figure Genos and Fubuki will fall in love, then Genos will give her a talk about how she isn't weak and isn't just a nobody. The kid's real good with talking." Saitama had his finger on his chin, imagining how the whole scene will play out. It was a little bit... too mushy for his tastes, but it should work.

"I'm referring to Tatsumaki-chan, Saitama-kun." Bang inwardly chuckled. "Avoiding it already, Saitama-kun?"

"Hm? Oh, I'll have to try and get her to make more friends I guess. Let her know there's more to relationships than strength alone. If nothing else, I'll at least get her to trust others again, isn't that what you want?"

Bang hummed in agreement. "A feasible idea Saitama-kun, but don't you think it would take more than a few friends to help her?"

"Eh? What do you mean old man?"

"Well... similar to your plan with Genos-kun and Fubuki-chan, don't you think you could..." The old hero wiggled his eyebrows to get the point across, though it couldn't penetrate the dense chromedome.

"I could what?"

Bang let out a sigh, how someone so seemingly wise could be this dense is beyond his comprehension. "Wouldn't it be better if you and Tatsumaki-chan were in a relationship? That way she'd truly love and trust someone."

Saitama froze once more. "Did I just get played?"

Bang, seeing the bald stiffen, chuckled. "Why not? You seem like a good person. I'd be happy if Tatsumaki-chan is wedded to you."

"I... listen Bang, I uh..." Saitama paused to think about his words. He'd rather not piss the old man off with his blunt nature, not when the lobsters were on the line. "Ever since I became a hero, since I've gained this strength... I've kinda... I dunno, been less human?"

Bang raised his eyebrow, but stayed silent, gesturing for the hero to continue. Saitama sighed as he prepared to break his '20 words or less' rule.

"It's just... I kinda feel numb, like I don't have any emotions. I mean, I still do, but only for certain things. I can't really explain it but in general, I'm just... incapable of loving people and stuff. Ever since I met Tats, I've never seen her as more than a friend. I don't wanna jump into a relationship when I could make everything worse by being an insensitive asshole. I mean, my first girlfriend broke up with me 2 years into my training for precisely that reason, you get what I mean?" Saitama rubbed the back of his neck as Bang slowly nodded.

"I understand Saitama-kun. Still, I cannot help but notice no one but you has gotten this close to Tatsumaki-chan this quickly. I am quite certain you are her only hope of ever entering a relationship beyond something platonic, are you certain you won't try?" Bang pleaded again. He could tell the bald really did mean her well, and yet, something in the back of his mind is nagging at him to push it with all his might. Could his instincts really have rotted with old age?

"I mean... if I feel something, I'll give it a go. But for now, I'm content with helping her purely as a friend. Nothing more." Saitama did his best not to look into Bang's eyes. Old people always have this weird effect on him that just makes him wanna do what they ask. This was something he can't risk.

"Haigh, very well Saitama-kun. Well, let's not delay dinner any longer, we wouldn't want overcooked food now would we?" Saitama nodded and began to drool at the thought of lobsters. "One more thing, Saitama-kun," Bang pulled the bald hero out of his dream, "could you keep this conversation between us? I only know so much because Fubuki-chan told me what Tatsumaki-chan told her. I'd rather not lose my years of hard work just like that." Saitama nodded, running off, not catching Bang letting out another sigh. "I'll just have to try..." muttered the old man and he pulled out his phone.


Present

The bald hero let out a sigh. He never thought he'd open up to Bang of all people. Old people just have that kind of effect on him. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if he really did have an impact on the petite ESPer's life. If he did, just how much guilt would he feel, knowing he couldn't do more? He sure as hell couldn't enter a relationship with her, and from what Bang told him, no one else could either. Shaking his head, Saitama went back to his manga when his phone rang.

Saitama picked it up, noting to himself to change the custom ringtone that was just a repeating 'Sensei, please pick up.'

"Hello? Is this Saitama?"

"Yea, and who's this?"

"I'm Kuseno, we met briefly when you brought my boy to the lab for repairs." An image of a small old man with a really pointy nose and an outrageously huge bowl cut appeared in Saitama's brain.

"Ah, what's up? And why are you using Genos' phone to call me?"

"Ah, straight to the point, like Genos said. It's simple, I don't have your number. As to 'what's up'. he wanted me to let you know the custom arms he has requested will take a while, and that he would like to apo-"

"Ah for fu-okay, I get it. I don't really care. Anything else?" Saitama quickly interrupted. The doctor on the other side chuckled, slightly annoying the bald hero. "Why do old people always do that?"

"He wanted to know if you were free tomorrow afternoon, Saitama."

"And why would he care?"

"Well, he'd like you to accompany him on his date, that's why."

"What? Why the hell would Genos want me to play the third wheel?"

"Ah, something about 'helping Sensei with his emotions' as he put it."

A few things went through Saitama's head. The first being how the hell did the kid know, the second being why this method and the third if a certain spiky haired old dude has something to do with this.

"Yea, no. I'm not gonna be the third wheel."

"Oh, that is unfortunate. He said something about a fantastic restaurant with all you can eat udon." Now this got Saitama's attention.

"Ah, what was that about all you can eat udon?" Another chuckle from the doctor.

"You can have as much udon as you'd like in this restaurant, along with whatever else they serve. Genos says he'll be paying for all of you and the lady's expenses.

With twitchy eyes and a drooling mouth, Saitama quickly changed his mind, earning himself one more cheeky old chuckle.

"Alright, I'll let him know, thank you for your time Saitama, have a good night."


"You were right Genos. Your Sensei has a weakness for food." Kuseno mused, his adoptive son nodding in agreement.

"Yes, I have noted it is one of the only things that can make him happy."

"I still find it funny you convinced him this easily Genos. From what Bang jii-san told me, he's a hard nut to crack." A certain green haired ESPer spoke.

"Yes, and I am grateful for Bang-san informing me of Sensei's situation. You must help me thank him, Fubuki."

Indeed, Bang had informed Genos and Fubuki of the situation. Genos, being the great disciple he is, agreed in no time. Fubuki on the other hand, felt extra cheeky from the talk she had with her Onee-chan, and could see Bang's point, so she joined in on the plot. Of course, Bang omitted the part the part about her and Genos' relationship being a plan, much to the cyborg's relief. Now, the trio had to prepare themselves for the next day, where they would have to accomplish a very difficult task: Make Saitama human again, so that he may make Tatsumaki happy again.


As Saitama arrived at the address Genos gave him, he noticed a few things out of place. Not only was this not a restaurant, it was the headquarters of Fubuki. Adding to that, said ESPer was standing outside, along with the teenage cyborg and... the goddamn old man. Feeling a vein pop, Saitama marched over to the three.

"Just what the hell is going on?!"

"Ah, Saitama-kun, please calm down. We will explain everything inside." Bang walked up to Saitama, trying to calm him down.

"Oh hell no, I'm not going to sit around while you three give me long ass talks about-"

"Sensei! There is a mass of food inside, I would rather we talk while we ate, would you not?" Genos glanced over at Fubuki.

"Yea," said the ESPer, "we just want to help you. It's not right you know, being numb to emotions. Don't worry, we'll try to keep it short."

Saitama, seeing all of their pleading eyes, could only sigh as he agreed to this bullshit. "If nothing else, I'll get a free meal... been having quite a few of those though, wonder why."

As Saitama chowed down on another gyoza, the staring of the other three finally got on his nerves. "Okay, what do you want to talk about? And can we please make this quick?"

Bang was the first to speak. "As you know Saitama-kun, I believe you are the only one with a chance of helping Tatsumaki-chan, and I believe being in a relationship with her is the best way to do so."

"And yet," continued Genos, "because of your numbed emotions, you cannot do so as you fear you may do more harm than good."

"And so here we are, trying to fix that, so that my Onee-chan can finally get the life she deserves." Ended Fubuki.

Saitama took a deep breath as he placed his hands over his head, sighing heavily. The other three waited in anticipation as their 'Only hope', 'Sensei', and 'Saving grace' respectively silently contemplated whether or not he should continue with this. Miraculously, the bald hero slowly nodded. "I'm only going to do this because you guys seem so determined. And because... cuz I myself will never have a clean conscience if what you say is true. I'd rather not fail as a hero, you know..."

Bang hummed in content, Fubuki inwardly cheered and Genos... he went into full on monologue mode. "I am glad, Sensei. Rest assured that I, as your disciple, along with Bang-san and my girlfriend, Fubuki will assist you in regaining your emotions. I will not rest until the day I see you smile for something other than sales and food, I will not rest until you, Saitama Sensei, am happy, for you are the greatest hero, and you deserve it, and no one can ever convince me other-"

"TWENTY WORDS OR LESS GENOS, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" exploded the bald hero, causing Fubuki and Bang to explode in laughter, which only further escalated Saitama's frustration. "I'M SERIOUS HERE! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT OR I'M LEAVING!"

Unfortunately, before any more words could be said, a man in a suit burst through the door, panting heavily. "SILVER FANG-SAMA! YOU ARE NEEDED AT THE ASSO-OH, GENOS-SAMA, SAITAMA-SAMA! I'M SO LUCKY YOU'RE HERE TOO! ALL S CLASSES ARE NEEDED AT THE ASSOCIATION! WE HAVE A POSSIBLE GOD LEVEL THREAT!"

Saitama let out a confused 'eh?', Bang sighed, muttering to himself, Genos cursed the man's horrible timing and Fubuki just facepalmed, with quite some force might I add.

"Well, I might as well come along. These guys always exaggerate, we can continue this when it's over." Commented the ESPer

"Ah?! But Blizzard-sama, only S classes are-"

"Fubuki comes with. Argue, and you will be incinerated." Genos placed a menacing glare at the poor dude, who just continued sweating bullets. The four of them got on to the helicopter, and were soon dropped off outside of City A's branch of the Hero association headquarters.

"I am sorry Genos-sama, but Blizzard-sama MUST stay out here, orders of the higher ups!" The association member bowed, praying to god he doesn't die this day.

The ESPer let out a sigh, pushing the three S classes on. "It won't hurt if I just wait here, right? Just get this over with quickly." Genos very reluctantly pulled away, cursing the association member once more for stalling his task, Bang and Saitama following close behind.


EDIT: Added a single line. Thank you Ander Arias once again for pointing out my very obvious mistake.. goddamnit.

Welp, here we go. Next up, Dark matter pirates.

First off, I hope you guys had a great holiday, and happy new year. So, this is the last delay chapter, and I apologise for it being so short. I just needed a segway into the DMP arc, so I just decided to start with Saitama's path to a relationship here. This probably feels so goddamn rushed, so sorry. I can't wait any longer ('-'). Hopefully I don't disappoint too much... Oh, and thank you all for the- *squints eyes just to confirm once more*- 20k+ views!


Hektols: Oh thank god. Let's just hope everything else I write feels natural, too.

Ander Arias: So glad you enjoyed it! And yea, I'm planning on having that happen some time in the future. Glad I managed to somehow make that work. Emotional scenes are so damn hard to write. As for the fight... I have something similar in mind, may or may not involve the three of them fighting the heroes.

Guest #1: Uh... I haven't really thought of that. I don't know of anyone in the OPM universe who would fall in love with a literal bug lady, so I'll see what I come up with.

Guest #2: Aside from the whole timeline making 'Saitama is Blast' impossible, that's another reason I won't go down that path. From the little we know of Blast, he and Saitama are two very different people, and if the whole 'Don't expect someone to save you' line isn't enough to prove it, the crazy theorists will just have to wait for the epic reveal to have their hearts shattered.

Elfetrange: Happy new year to you too! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you and the other readers still can in the future. As to Blast... yea, no idea what to do with him honestly. I mean, I got a few ideas...

wildarms13: Hell naw! You don't fall in love with someone who killed you and scarred you, do you?...

Guest #3: Thanks for the suggestion, but I now have a rough idea of how this will go. Turns out the random crap my brain thinks as the days go by isn't that useless after all.

dat very EPIC, Review 1 and 2: Yea, I know. I still can't believe I didn't shit myself the first time I realised that! I guess I'm just lucky I got so many great writers who not only stumbled onto my story, but took their time to read and critique it! Still trying not to shit myself every time I have to respond to them...

dat very EPIC, Review 3: *Walks over to a wall, banging my head on it* Prepare yourself for a long excuse. Basically, I initially wanted some of the pieces to still land, but I figured that was doing a disservice to Tatsumaki's insane strength, so I initially went along with the brothers just dissing Saitama for stealing her credit. Then I watched the episode to get an idea as to how the assh-blackhole's speech would go, and I guess it just ended up slipping into the story with the whole meteor destruction thing. I probably should get to fixing that soon, shouldn't I?


My inspirations:

The Bald and The Esper: Fanfiction

The Strongest Hero: Fanfiction

Icebreaker: Fanfiction

An Odd Kind of Love: Fanfiction

There is definitely more to the list, please let me know if you read anything similar! It could be from this here site, ArchiveOfOurOwn or Wattpad.


The names given to the HoE's creations belong to "The Lone Lobster".