Tommy woke up in a crumpled heap on the floor, broken glass all over his hardwood floor. There was a loud pounding and he wasn't sure if it was the front door or his head. He grabbed the couch for support and slowly stood and stumbled to the door. Holding the door frame so he wouldn't fall over, he opened the door and found his old friend Jason Scott.
"Dude, you look like shit," he laughed.
"Yeah, tell me about it," Tommy grumbled. He moved out of the way and let Jason in.
"What the hell happened in here," Jason asked upon seeing the broken glass all over the floor.
"It was a rough night, alright," Tommy snapped.
"Geeze, calm down bro," Jason replied, holding up his hands in defense.
"I'm sorry," he replied, "I just have some nights that it gets to hard….it's like she just won't leave me alone."
"Look, Tommy," Jason said, placing a hand on Tommy's shoulder, "It's been five years. Kimberly would not want you to live your life this way. Look at you man, you're hung over-you smell like you went swimming in bourbon."
"I know," Tommy said hanging his head, "Let me go shower and then we can talk or something," Tommy said, walking to the stairs and going up them slowly so as not to stumble.
"Yeah," Jason half yelled up the stairs, "I'll just clean up this mess."
Everybody has their days but Jason felt like he had seen this day far too many times. Tommy wasn't dealing with Kimberly's death. He hadn't been back to her house since it happened. Aisha and Katherine had to go out there and clean up. They packed up the important stuff and it was stored in Tommy's attic, they sold most of the furniture, but for whatever reason Tommy refused to sell the place. He wouldn't even rent it out. It was just an empty property that he paid taxes on every year. Kimberly didn't have a will at the time of her death but her mother, knowing what Tommy meant to Kim had decided to leave everything to him. Even she had moved on though. Tommy seemed stuck in endless agony. Like his life had also ended with hers. Jason just didn't get it.
"Look man, you gotta pull yourself together," Jason told him at the dining room table over coffee, "This is becoming ridiculous. I can't stand to see you like this, bro. I mean I'm half tempted to have you committed."
"You don't understand, Jason," he said, "It's like she's here. All the time. I hear her voice in my head. Rarely does it stop. I can hear her talking to me. Telling me stories. Sometimes out of books. Other times about somebody named Noah. It'll be Noah did this today and he did that and you'd be so proud…..I don't know what to make of it. And I can't stop it. I can't get her out of my head. They only thing that helps is when I'm completely inebriated. Then it gets quiet and then I just miss her. It's never ending, Jase. I feel like I'm going crazy, man."
"I hate to say it Tommy, but you actually do sound a little crazy," Jason said, nursing his coffee cup.
"I know," Tommy sputtered, slapping his hands on the table, "It is crazy. It's beyond crazy. A woman I put in the ground 5 years ago is talking to me. Constantly talking to me."
"Have you thought about seeing somebody," Jason suggested.
"Thought about it? I've done it. The doc thinks it's my inability to let go because I loved her so deeply. He thinks I'm creating illusions in my mind to somehow keep her alive," Tommy said, "They don't have medication for that."
"You know, maybe you should have a CAT scan or an MRI, see if there's something going on that could cause these things," Jason threw out.
"Been there, done that," Tommy waved him off, "All of my scans are clear. It's just in my head and I have to figure out how to shut it off."
"Maybe the reason you can't shut it off is because you haven't put it to rest," Jason said, "I mean you wouldn't even go back to the house. You couldn't go through her things. We had to do it for you. You just came back here to your cabin in the woods and shut down. Maybe you need to go back. Maybe you just need to walk into that house and put whatever ghosts you have left to rest."
"I can't do it Jason," Tommy said, softly, "I can't go back into that place. I can't be where she died."
"Then I guess you're just doomed to be drunk," Jason said, setting his cup down and getting up, "I'll go with you if you want. But I really think you need to go there and just put your demons to rest. If I'm being completely honest, I think you blame yourself. I think you blame yourself a lot. But her dying wasn't your fault, bro."
"But it was my fault," Tommy yelled, slamming his mug on the table and standing to face Jason, "I pissed that guy off. I could've just walked away, but I didn't. I got mad and I got in his face. He followed me home to kill me. But he killed her and it's my fault. I'm the reason she's dead. ME."
"Tommy," Jason said softly, "Do you really think she'd blame you?"
"I don't know, man," Tommy said, "I blame me."
"You need to go there and you need to put it to bed," Jason said, "You can't keep living this way."
