Wedding
"Come on, guys, we just need one more thing for iCarly this week," Carly said as her, Sam, Freddie and Gibby sat around the Shay's kitchen table.
"I got it," Gibby said. "We take wiener dog…"
"Yeah?" Sam said.
"And teach him Spanish," Gibby finished proudly.
"Ugh! Why are you so stupid?" Sam moaned.
"Hey! Freddie! She called me stupid?" Gibby gasped.
"What do you want me to do about that?" Freddie asked.
"She's your girlfriend! Can't you tell her to stop?"
"Yeah, like that would work," Freddie laughed.
"Gibby, we can't teach a wiener dog to speak Spanish," Carly sighed.
"Well, if we could just go back to my idea of bringing in two mimes to fight in a vat of bacon fat…" Sam said.
"No!" Carly and Freddie said firmly.
"See," Gibby said triumphantly to Sam. "Doesn't feel good when people spit all over your ideas, does it?"
"It also won't feel good when my fist makes contact with your face," Sam snapped.
"Wow, someone's extra feisty today," Carly commented.
"She's mad that they sold out of tickets for the big MMA fight coming to Seattle this weekend," Freddie explained.
"This was going to be the fight of the century!" Sam moaned. "And now I'll have to watch on Spencer's pay-per-view like some chump!"
"It'll still be good, baby," Freddie said, putting an arm around her.
"No, it's going to be worse than that time Gibby made us all watch that video of his cat getting a shot at the vet's!"
"Hey! That was a big moment for him!" Gibby defended.
"Sam, I really think watching the fight on T.V. will be just as entertaining as watching it live at the ring," Freddie sighed, reaching into his pocket. "But…if you insist on going to the match…these might help."
He handed her two slips of paper.
"Holy chiz!" Sam exclaimed. "These are tickets for this weekend!"
"Yeah they are," Freddie beamed. "I thought you and I could go, you know, like a date night."
"Oh my God, you're the best!" Sam grinned, throwing her arms around her boyfriend.
"Alright, that's very touching an all," Carly said, smiling at the couple. "But we do still need to figure out that last bit for iCarly. So can you guys try to hold off on the make-out session for just a little bit?"
"Fine," Freddie nodded, pulling away from Sam. "Why don't we maybe try-"
"You guys!" Spencer exclaimed suddenly, bursting into the room. "I have the best news ever!"
"Oh, did that thing on your back go away?" Gibby asked.
"Um, no, it's actually getting bigger, thank you," Spencer frowned. "But seriously! I found you the perfect guy to do something totally cool on iCarly this week!"
"Really?" Carly said. "That's perfect, we were just trying to figure out one more thing for the show."
"Who's the guy?" Sam asked.
"Well, I was at that fancy bakery near the pet store," Spencer explained. "Sampling wedding cakes-"
"Why, you're not getting married," Freddie pointed out. "You're not even in a relationship."
"I just wanted the cake, okay?" Spencer snapped. "Anyway, while I was sampling the cakes, I met this guy who, get this, is a real-life hypnotist!"
"A hypnotist?" Carly repeated. "Come on, Spencer, you know there's no such thing as hypnosis."
"There is too!" Spencer retorted. "So I got to talking with this guy, and it turns out he's gonna be in Seattle until the end of the week, and he said he loves doing performances, so I asked him if he'd want to be on your show and he said yes!"
"Whoa, you think this guy could hypnotize me?" Gibby asked. "I've always wanted to be hypnotized."
"Why?" Carly frowned.
"It's on my bucket list," Gibby shrugged.
"Spence, you can't really believe that people can be hypnotized," Freddie said.
"Yeah, I once tried to hypnotize my mom into giving up spaghetti straps, but it didn't work, and now our entire neighborhood has to suffer," Sam said.
"But he says he's the real deal!" Spencer said.
"You know, even if this hypnotist guy is just a fake, it would still be kind of fun to do an iCarly bit about hypnosis," Carly reasoned. "Maybe we could have the guy on anyway, and if it winds up tanking then we just pretend that was the plan the whole time."
"Well if it means this planning session is done, then sure," Sam agreed. "Bring on the hypnotist." She turned back to Freddie. "So…wanna go make out now?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Freddie smirked as the couple got to their feet and ran out of the apartment.
…
"So where is this guy?" Sam asked, digging into a bag of pork rinds as the teens waited in the iCarly studio.
"Yeah, the show starts in ten minutes," Freddie nodded, fiddling with his camera.
"Spencer said he'd be here in time for the show," Carly said. "Gibby, you ready to be hypnotized?"
"So ready," Gibby said. "This is gonna be great!"
"Hey, you guys, guess who's here…" Spencer said, coming into the studio with an older gentleman. "It's Gordon Kazam! The Hypnotist!"
"That's right, it's me!" Gordon said. "Ready to show the Internet my powers!"
"Er…right," Carly smiled politely. "Nice to meet you Mr.…. Kazam?"
"Thanks for agreeing to be on the show," Freddie said. "We really appreciate it."
"Anytime, anytime," Mr. Kazam said.
"Mr. Kazam, it is an honor to meet you," Gibby said, rushing over to the man. "And I cannot wait to be hypnotized by someone of your-"
"Oh…I didn't know I would be hypnotizing this fellow," Gordon frowned.
"Yeah, it's sort of been a dream of his," Carly said.
"A dream?" Gordon repeated.
"Yeah, he's not exactly 'right in the head'," Sam said.
"Hmmmm," Gordon sighed thoughtfully.
"Is there a problem?" Freddie asked.
"Well, I did have my best trick prepared for the show," he said slowly. "But I need two people for it. And I was hoping I could demonstrate it with the two lovely young ladies."
"Us?" Carly said.
"You want to hypnotize us?" Sam asked.
"Sure do!" Gordon replied.
"Wait, wait, wait," Gibby said. "What about me?"
"You up for it?" Carly asked Sam, ignoring Gibby's comment.
"Eh, why not," Sam shrugged.
"Super!" Gordon grinned.
"But Mr. Kazam, you-you are still going to hypnotize me right?" Gibby asked.
"Eh, we'll see kid," Gordon said dismissively.
"Guys, show starts in thirty seconds," Freddie announced, tossing Sam her blue remote.
"But I wore my new kakis," Gibby said. "And-And I put on a fresh pair of socks! And I even had my underwear-"
"In five, four, three, two…" Freddie said, waving a hushing hand at Gibby.
"Happy National Buy Sam a Ham Day!" Sam said, jumping in front of the camera with Carly. "Please send all hams to Bushwell Plaza with a bottle of barbecue sauce!"
"She's kidding, there's no ham holiday!" Carly laughed.
"Yet…" Sam said. "I'm still waiting on a response from the representative at the Board of Holidays."
"We have a real treat for you iCarly viewers tonight," Carly continued. "My brother Spencer arranged for an actual hypnotist to be on iCarly tonight!"
Sam pushed the applause button on her remote.
"So come on out here, Gordon Kazam!" Carly grinned.
"Hello, Internet!" Gordon said, waving at the camera. "Er, they can see me, right?"
"Yes, they can see you," Carly chuckled. "So Gordon, why don't you tell our viewers what sort of hypnosis trick you'll be showing them tonight?"
"Well, it's my very favorite!" Gordon explained. "I am going to make Carly and Sam here switch brains!"
Freddie held back the desire to roll his eyes. He couldn't believe people actually bought this stuff. But then again, this was the Internet.
"Whoa! Maybe I'll have a chance of passing chemistry then!" Sam joked for the audience.
"So how do you make us switch minds?" Carly asked.
"Here, have a seat," Gordon said, gesturing for the two girls to sit down in the conveniently placed chairs. He pulled out an odd pendulum. "Just relax your minds, and I'll take care of the rest."
"Oh boy," Freddie mumbled under his breath.
"You are both getting very sleepy," Gordon began, swinging his pendulum in front of the girls. "Very, very sleepy. You fill your eyelids growing heavy. It's okay to let them close."
Carly and Sam both closed their eyes. Freddie really had to admire their acting skills; they were making it seem like they actually were falling into Gordon's trance.
"You are both drifting off, very peacefully," Gordon continued. "You're becoming very open to outside suggestions. Now, Carly, you are going to push away your own persona and take on the persona of Sam. You will do this when I say 'Bird', okay?"
"Bird…" Carly mumbled sleepily, not opening her eyes.
"And Sam," Gordon went on. "You will also push away your own persona and replace it with Carly's. You will do this when I say 'Yo-Yo', okay?"
"Yo-yo," Sam muttered.
"On the count of three," Gordon said. "You will both wake up. One, two…Three!"
Carly and Sam's eyes bolted open. If Freddie didn't know better, he might actually be a little freaked out right now.
The girls were simply staring out in front of them now, completely spaced out.
"Now here's the fun part," Gordon said to the camera. He cleared his throat. "Bird!"
Suddenly, Carly snapped out of her daze.
"You feel like Sam, Carly?" Freddie smirked, pointing the camera at her.
"Can you get that thing out of my face, Frednub?" Carly snapped. "And what did you do with my pork rinds?"
Nice acting, Carls, Freddie smiled to himself.
"And now…yo-yo!" Gordon said loudly.
Sam snapped out of her daze as well. She looked down at her shoes. "Ugh," she said, her voice sounding girlier than usual. "Why are my shoe laces so dirty? I really should get them cleaned. Oh! Or maybe I can just buy some new ones! I think the mall is having a sale on sandals this weekend!"
"Wow," Freddie chuckled. "That's pretty impressive."
"The art of hypnosis, my friend," Gordon said, his eyes sparkling.
Sure…Freddie thought to himself.
"Ugh, can you stop rambling about shoes?" Carly said, rolling her eyes.
"Guys, if you two would like to 'take back your personas' now, we have to finish the show," Freddie said. "Next we're doing the bit with Gibby and the flaming, extra-spicy hot sauce."
"Hot sauce?" Sam frowned. "Couldn't Gibby get hurt with that?"
"Who cares?" Carly scoffed.
"Um…" Freddie frowned, unsure of why the girls were dragging this out so long. He turned the camera onto himself. "While we get this whole thing sorted out, please enjoy this prerecorded video of a snail and an earthworm slithering around an old guy's foot."
He clicked a few buttons on his tech cart and then set down the camera.
"You guys, very funny and all, but we need to move on to our next segment," Freddie said, walking over to Carly and Sam.
"You're not the boss of us," Carly snapped. "Go back to your camera, tech monkey."
"Don't call him a tech monkey," Sam said. "He's a very important part of the show."
"Um…what?" Freddie frowned. "You guys, you can stop acting now."
"Oh, they're not acting son, that's real hypnotism right there," Gordon said proudly.
"N-No way, it can't be," Freddie said.
"Oh darn, I think I chipped a nail during the show," Sam said.
"Who cares about a fingernail? My pork rinds are still missing!" Carly said.
Freddie groaned and turned back to Gordon. "Fine, fine, whatever. Clearly they're dead set on playing along on this little charade. So can you please 'unhypnotize' them so we can get back to our show?"
"Very well," Gordon conceded. "I'll just-"
Suddenly, his phone began to ring. He reached into his pocket and answered.
"Hello? Yes. You don't say? Well I'll be right there!" he hung up and stuffed his phone back away.
"Sorry kid," he said, heading for the door. "My ex-wife wants to meet me for fro-yo!"
"Wait!" Freddie frowned. "You have to fix them! You can't just leave them like this."
"I'll be back tomorrow morning!" Gordon called as he ran out of the studio. "Don't worry, they'll be fine!"
"Well that's just fantastic," Freddie sighed. He looked back at Carly and Sam. "Come on…you two can't really be hypnotized."
"Hey, since we ended the show early, we have time to go to the mall now," Sam said. "I need to pick up some more lip gloss from Pucker Up."
"You hate lip gloss," Freddie pointed out.
"Oh, and I need to buy some fireworks," Carly said. "I have some 'plans' for Ms. Briggs' car."
"This is starting to really freak me out, guys," Freddie said. "This has gone on far enough. Will you start acting normal again!"
"Oh, and right next to the fireworks store is that novelty coffee mug shop with the cute cashier," Sam grinned. "Maybe if I really work my flirt, he'll ask me out!"
"Whoa!" Freddie exclaimed. "You can't flirt with coffee mug guys!"
"Why not?" Sam asked innocently. "He has the cutest eyes."
"Because we're dating!" Freddie cried.
Carly let out a loud laugh. "Who would date a doof like you?"
"Sam, tell her we're dating," Freddie said.
"Well, Freddie…I-You know I love you as a friend," Sam told him.
"What?" Freddie yelled.
"Come on, we're just friends," Sam smiled at him. "Buds, pals…"
"We are not just friends!" Freddie said. "We're quite more than just friends! We made out for like, three hours this morning!"
"Are-Are you sure that was me?" Sam said gently.
"And not just your pillow?" Carly smirked.
"Sam!" Freddie said. "We've been dating for eight months! We love each other!"
"Yes, as-"
"Not as friends!" Freddie groaned. "As boyfriend and girlfriend!"
"Dude, this is getting pathetic," Carly said.
"We have tickets for that big MMA fight this weekend!" Freddie continued, ignoring Carly's comment. "We're going there on a date."
"Why would I go to an MMA fight?" Sam cringed. "Especially on a date. Fighting's not romantic."
"Whoa…you got MMA tickets?" Carly said. "What are you waiting for, Fredwad, hand them over!"
"Okay, this is-this is insane!" Freddie yelled. "There is no way you two really switched brains!"
"Freddie, calm down, there's no need to yell," Sam said. "Look, why don't you come to the mall with us and-"
"Why, so I can watch my girlfriend hit on every guy that she sees?" Freddie spat.
"Okay…maybe the mall isn't a good idea," Sam said slowly. "I know, let's just go watch a movie together. Oh! There's a new romantic comedy I've been dying to see!"
"Romantic comedy? You hate romantic comedies!" Freddie cried, exasperated.
"Ugh, can't we watch an action flick?" Carly asked. "Or some horror movie with lots of guts?"
"And you nearly throw up at the sight of blood in any movie!" Freddie exclaimed. "This is just too weird!"
"The only one weird here is you," Carly snapped.
"We'll order pizza," Sam told him. "Maybe you're just acting…off because you're hungry. Want to split a thin crust tomato basil pizza?"
"Yeah, split a pizza with her, because there's no way you're getting any of my Meat Slam pie," Carly said firmly.
"Ah! I can't take this!" Freddie said, turning and leaving the studio, shaking his head and mumbling something about 'dumb hypnosis' under his breath.
…..
"Whoa, you look terrible," Spencer said, coming into his living room the next morning, spotting Freddie slumped on the couch as the girls at breakfast in the kitchen.
"Yeah, thanks!" Freddie snapped. "Do you know what I've had to deal with? Where were you all day yesterday anyway? You dropped off that hypnotist and then you left."
"Oh yeah, Socko and I spent the day collecting old banjos from the junkyard," Spencer explained. "For my banjo sculpture."
"A banjo sculpture?" Carly repeated. "Dude, that sounds lame."
Spencer gasped.
"I'm sure it'll turn out just fine," Sam smiled at him. "You're a great artist."
"What-What-" Spencer stammered, looking at Freddie with a confused expression.
"Yeah, see what your little friend Gordon Kazam did to them?" Freddie said. "He swapped their brains! Carly's acting like Sam and Sam's acting like Carly!"
"Oh, you mean my hypnotist fan who's a fake?" Spencer said triumphantly. "This proves hypnosis is real!"
"No!" Freddie retorted. "He-He-They're just-"
"Sorry, I can't hear over all the hypnosis in the air!" Spencer smirked.
"Look, you can gloat later, okay?" Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "Gordon's going to be here any minute to fix them. Thank God, because this has been a nightmare!"
"It's been that bad?" Spencer asked.
"Yes! My girlfriend doesn't even know she's my girlfriend!" Freddie exclaimed. "And she's acting all nice and sweet and girly and I hate it! I just want Sam back! And I want Carly back too! I don't like her when she's mean! You know she poured a gallon of chocolate milk on me this morning to wake me up?"
"Aw man, that's rough," Spencer frowned.
"I know!"
"I was really looking forward to having some chocolate milk."
Before Freddie could reply, there was a knock at the door.
"Finally!" Freddie sighed in relief as he went to answer the door. He opened it up and let in Gordon Kazam.
"Alright, what's the problem?" Gordon asked, stepping inside.
"The problem is Carly and Sam's brains are still switched!" Freddie yelled. "Now I've got an abusive best friend and a girlfriend who doesn't think she's dating me!"
"Wait…you're dating that blonde one?" Gordon frowned. "Isn't she a bit out of your league?"
"Very!" Freddie snapped. "Now will you just fix them?"
"Okay, okay," Gordon said.
"Mr. Kazam?" Sam frowned. "What are you doing back here?"
"Yeah, and why are you wearing that gross tie?" Carly asked, popping a piece of bacon into her mouth.
"You see?" Freddie said.
"Well girls, I just wanted to finish up that trick I showed you yesterday," Gordon said. "Is that okay with you?"
"Sure," Sam smiled.
"Why not," Carly shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do."
"Okay," Gordon said as the girls sat down, pulling out his pendulum. "Let's get started then."
He began to swing the pendulum again. "You both are getting very sleepy…you're feeling very relaxed and open to my suggestions."
"Whoa, this is so cool!" Spencer grinned. "A real hypnosis in my kitchen!"
Freddie rolled his eyes but said nothing.
"Now Carly, on the count of three, you will push out Sam's persona and take back your own," Gordon said. "And Sam, on the count of three you will also push out Carly's persona and take back your own. Yes?"
"Yes…" both girls said sleepily.
"Good," Gordon said. "Now…one, two, three!"
Both girls started awake, blinking as though they had just woken up.
"Did it work?" Freddie asked anxiously. "Do you need to try again? Maybe you should-"
"What are you blabbing about, Fredward?" Sam said.
"Sam!" Freddie grinned, throwing his arms around her. "You're back!"
"Aw," Carly smiled at her friends. "That's sweet."
"Carly!" Freddie exclaimed, hugging her as well. "Yes, you're both back to normal!"
"Dude, seriously, what did your mom but in your fiber-enriched oatmeal this morning?" Sam asked.
"Hold on," Freddie said, turning back to Sam. "Sam…what are you doing this weekend?"
"What are you talking about?" Sam said. "I thought we were going out to the MMA fight. You know, for our date night."
"Yes! You know you're dating me again!"
"Okay, you've officially gone insane," Sam said.
"Sam, be nice," Carly said. Then she frowned. "Um…why does my hair smell like bacon?"
"Yeah…and why the heck am I wearing a dress?" Sam asked, looking down at her apparel.
"Freddie, what's going on?" Carly questioned.
"Oh, it's a long story," Freddie said. "A very long, stressful story."
