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Chapter 11


The night came unlike any other, Rachel Black's night light fought against the dark, the miniature crescent moon cast a golden glow about the room, the shape of it reminded Jude of Billy's delicate bracelets he had whittled for his twin daughters, and the gift he had given to Jude by letting her stay here in the warm cocoon she had made in the sheets softer than clouds, and pale blue walls darkened and warmed by the comforting night light.

The color of the room reminded her of the constant peace she had found staring up at the desert sky.

The memory of New Mexico pale blue cloudless day, and dark bright night of flickering stars, drawing her further into the powers of her imagination for spinning a story where she could be daughter, mother, and herself all in one, and all parts were better than the ones she gave the people she claimed to care for and love.

Jude felt her body relaxing, relaxing deeper and deeper than she had done in a long time. She nudged her face deeper into the soft pillow Rachel had on her bed, it smelt of lavender and perfume, and for once she was no longer worrying about trying to catch a nap in a haunted mansion, but in Billy's home, she felt it a personal gift that she would cherish to the highest regard.

Here, in this place, she could replay the sweet memory of her mother asking about her, asking her if she was hungry… it made Jude feel hopeful for what progress she could make, and the progress she could yet to make with Winona when they met again.

Moonsea.

She went to sleep with the troubling word in her mind, tormenting over the meaning no one seemed to grasp even when she asked Winona, even Billy the night before. Billy had given a look as if he was regretting introducing her to the Makah spirit healer, and so she knew that was the last time she would ask about the elusive word. It rolled in her brain, leaping through her memories of confronting Bella, speaking to her father that night on Mark's Mart awning, and hearing the voice of her mother after years of being without it.

It reminded her of Jordan sleeping, the way he closed his eyes and expected nothing but to enjoy his dreams of being a hero, or waking up the next morning to bounce on his mother's chest.

Moonsea.

"Jordan," Jude whispered to the room before she dreamed of him, "good night baby."

The next morning, she called Susan, spoke to her son about his newest wrestling guy toys, and that delightfully simple conversation with Jordan woke her with renewed energy for what the day brought her, it was nearly dawn when she began folding up Rachel's sheets to wash, she was planning on going to the kitchen to cook and clean some more before Billy or anyone woke up, but she didn't wake up early enough.

Voices rose down the small hallway, a door was shut hard enough that the walls of Billy's home shook, "she is using you Dad, can't you see that?"

"Lower your voice Jacob-"

"She is poison Billy, Harry won't even have anything to do with her, doesn't that show you how far she is willing to go, no I will not be quiet," he raised his voice even louder, and Jude bit her lip in aggravation, willing herself not to confront him.

"You will respect this house Jacob, you will respect my decision-"

"I do," his voice contradicted his wrathful words, "I do respect you, you did nothing wrong. I can appreciate your kindness for giving her a day to get herself together Dad," Jacob was unafraid of voicing his opinion in that bass voice, it did not calm her as she had imagined it would, instead she held her amulet inside her fist, painfully listening in, her heart pounding at the accusations, "but when do you expect her to run off with her nosy ass friend, using up all your time with helping her, or worse she could trash our home when we aren't here, just to spite you, maybe even steal what she can from Rachel's room, I wouldn't be surprised if she already did-"

Jude immediately put back the book she borrowed from Rachel's collection, that is the only thing she had taken from the room, and now she felt guilty for it, "She isn't like that Jacob," Billy advocated for her, "you don't know her enough to make that judgment-"

"Do you know her Dad?" Billy didn't get a chance to answer Jacob as he yelled, "that is what I thought, you don't trust the story she fed Harry, because you know anyone with common sense would never trust someone that left her family behind. I can't do it Dad. I can't stick around when you plan on playing father daughter with a girl that would punk around Bella in front of a whole Diner and get away with it."

Jude's eyes narrowed, she muttered, "Bella?"

"I hardly believe Jude would have done that to Bella-"

"Stop, stop protecting her," Jacob growled, "Bella is not a liar," he said, "you don't even know her well enough to know if she is a liar. If what Old Quil told me, it would seem that would be the least of our problems when it comes to her, I'm going to be with Bella today, don't expect me back early-" his footfalls silenced the cold words he had spoken.

"Jacob! Come back here right now!"

Jude snapped her eyes shut at the slap of the front screen door, Billy yelled after his son, and Jude knew he wasn't going to come back.

If she had any doubt before what Jacob Black thought of her, it was made painfully apparent know that he thought her a delinquent, thief, bully, a liar, and everything went stiff inside of Jude at the thought. A threat of violence shifting underneath her skin. Just what a girl wanted to hear the morning she woke up in a good mood.

"Hello Billy."

"Oh Jude!"

"You guys were pretty loud," Jude put it lightly, better to start there, let Billy know she heard every damn thing.

"Oh, you're awake, well," he disregarded it, "are you hungry? Would you like me to help you cook something up?" He plastered a fake smile on his face, and that is when Jude felt a flicker of disappointment for him.

She had never dared touched the thought that Billy would ever be fake to her, and then she knew this was the man that had opened her heart to hoping for something better, but in fact had opened her heart wider just so that he could put a lashing where it mattered most.

"Don't pretend Billy," Jude knew exactly where she fit in this situation, jumping on the conversation she was dying to have when Jacob was present, "you don't have to pretend that you are sick of my presence, I am sick of myself too. I know, I knew it before I even came back, I told myself that someone would care to know my side of the story, but I knew it was a lie I told myself to just push myself to come back. No one cares for my reasoning, not when it caused so much damage, nothing I can do, nothing I can say, hell I think I even made it worse by coming back, but that is fine, this isn't about me anymore, so," Jude huffed to herself, "I am going to pack up my stuff, and I am going to-"

"Now Jude," Billy Black became serious, taking control of the conversation, "this is my house, and if Jacob has a problem with you, then he can deal with it with me," he put his hands in his lap, "I don't care what you do outside this house, as long as you don't share the information you hear here, you don't make any more scenes at Diners, and you don't go with that pale-face girl, she isn't good for you Judith, you can't see it because she is your friend," he said trying to calm Jude's aggressive eyes, "I would rather have you here, if that is selfish than fine, but let it not be said that I didn't tell you the truth when you asked, or tried to give you a better way to deal with seeing these scary things."

"Thank you Billy," Jude could give him that much, "thank you for caring," but she didn't feel like seeing him, perhaps for the whole week, because his words had hurt ten times more than Jacob's ever could, "I am going to go with the pale-face friend, she is my best friend," Jude said right away, she had always been very protective of Casey, that would never change, like the way she would never want to stop pushing Leah, Seth, her parents to take her back, even when she had to pull herself back from doing so, because they wanted space. Jude ripped the words out of her, "but don't worry Billy, I will keep all your things a secret, no one needs to know that you feel threatened by her."

"That isn't fair Jude, you aren't being fair to me," he said as she got her phone, soccer bag, and already going to her car, he wheeled after her, and she roared her engine to life, his large hand grasped the diver side window, leaving his imprint there, "are you going to come back?"

She roared her engine once more, her legs ready to push the gas... but she didn't speed off.

Instead, she stayed in that driver's seat, staring out to the road, thinking.

She didn't want to become what Jacob had professed her to truly be, despite her earnest pleas otherwise, and what the town gossiped she really was when you tore away the desperation and stupidity of her newfound character. Jude thumbed her fingers over the wheel of her car, wanting to be cruel to Billy, to tell him that she never wanted anything to do with the tribe, with people that had pushed this loathing of her visions, tore her fragile mind when she was so young, and she felt that she deserved to be mean to Billy, to anyone that allowed the things that happened to her as a small child, and as a troubled teen, and the fact that no one reached out to Winona much sooner to explain her case, instead of believing insanity was the only option.

Yet, Jude was falling short because of what Billy had said lay underneath her persona, he had told his son that he had no right to pass judgment, that there was hope for retribution, even from a person like her, and that made her self-aware of her hurricane of emotions clouding her mind, knowing she was angry, and Billy was the last person to take it out on.

Jude exhaled the peaceful words, "of course I am coming back, you gave me a home Billy, that means a lot to me," she did not dare take her eyes off the wheel, "I will bring food home when I get back," she said, "and I need to get a job, so…" Jude shrugged, "I will call you later if anything changes."

He turned his head to the road Jude would take to Forks, nodding for whatever reason he found in her words, "See you Jude."


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The tribal school was off all this Spring Break week, but she knew Seth would be practicing rain or shine, the tribal school was no joke when it came to their own football practice.

As she drove the familiar path that she had picked up her younger sister from school, so stubborn to follow her own path instead of following her older sister to the pale-face school, the memory of Leah's grumpy face whenever she came to Forks Highschool to watch her games with her father, her judgy comments that she could have played better, even those memories were golden in Jude's mind, she held her phone was still at her ear, asking her very talented soccer student, "Did you have fun today?"

"So much fun, you kicked our butts into shape," Casey agreed, "Thank you for today Jude!" She swore happily in her ear, "but who is a fucken badass for getting you a job here! I am the best! I said it, you know it-" she sing-songed about getting her into the strict little circle of the teachers and staff of her old school. Good thing she had left the school on good terms, an alumni was always something good to mention, and she also had been all-star Varsity players for three different sports and that supposedly won her the job. All-star players were in short supply, most of them moving far away from Forks to bigger and better things, instead of returning for it's small town city vibe.

"You are my badass friend," Jude smiled with all her teeth, "there I said it," she said, wiping her forehead as she parked in the tribal school's parking lot, there was still sweat at her hair's roots to the lovely french braid one of the soccer girl's had given to her as they prepared for Varsity Soccer practice, "so Tuesdays and Thursdays right, or do the girls want more practice?"

"Yes, we are going to CIF, we practice on Saturdays too, this is going to be so much fun," Casey giggled happily, the same way she had when she slide-tackled one of the girls competing for her popular Striker position. The position in soccer that was the most offensive player, had to deliver goals each game, and Casey did deliver.

The rain had picked up as Jude got to her little brother's school, a drizzle now, and the fields would be muddy, death traps for knees and ankles of growing boys, "I am going to go see Seth," saying that sent excitement crushing through Jude, "wish me luck Cass!"

"Sure Jude, have a good one," her friend sounded alive and whatever problem had formed at their conversation at the Diner, it felt almost healed.

That is what worried Jude as she exited her car, locking it in pensive thought.

She was not worried about Casey, no, it was for Seth, it was about what he would think of seeing her here showing up to see him... after Leah had already refused her. The idea of him practicing, refusing to see her, or worse, twisting his ankle when she yelled distracting him. It was a foolish thought, but not too foolish with the luck she was having these days. As she spotted the muddy field, she knew it was a dangerous combination when grown boys, football boys were tackling and colliding into one another in the rain and slippery more mud than grass field. It had never bothered her before, but as she walked into down the stadium bleachers, watching Seth tackle and be tackled by other players, the sight made her catch her breath with every impact.

How did their mother let him do this?

When she had first seen La Push's tribal school, her breath caught. Everything about the tribal school was made anew. They had renovated it and Jude could agree that the tribal school needed it. Even if the population didn't reach a hundred students.

"Hello, I am looking for Seth Clearwater," she had found the football field but didn't know how to get on it without going all the way around, "do you know where the opening is?," she asked of a young woman with girlish pigtails, whom pointed to the end of the stairs to the left, and went back to reading and scribbling in her notebook. She had earphones in and even Jude could hear the music.

She read the scribbled hearts, "Jared Cameron and Kim Cameron," Jude read aloud, "Cameron, huh, I think I knew his cousins when I was growing up."

"What?!" the tribal school girl trapped her journal against her chest, "Don't tell anyone," she began freaking out, "oh please don't read my doodles please," the girl, Kim, blushed deeply and began packing up.

"Hey," Jude felt defensive, "I was just joking, I don't think it is that big of a deal."

Kim certainly did, "why don't you mind your own business!"

"It isn't a mortal sin to crush on someone," Jude said, laughing at the silliness of it all, "I am not going to tell anyone." Mrs. Jared Cameron did not look convinced as she stuffed her backpack, "Hey, don't leave, see, I am leaving, already going," Jude descends the stadium stairs, "don't be afraid to tell him how you feel," Jude butted her head in where it didn't belong, but knew that this girl needed it, "the worse he could do is tell you no."

"Please," Kim repeated, "Don't tell anyone."

"I won't tell a soul. I am Seth's big sister, and if you know, yeah you look like you do," Jude put up her hands, "then you know no one is going to talk to me anyways."

"Thank you," sad the girl, and Jude walked down the metal bleachers to the football team. That girl really needed to sort out her priorities, but yet, Jude had bigger problems than an unrequited love. Her love-life had been left in the dust. She would be lucky if Conner ever wanted to talk to her again.

Jude made it to the football field.

The football team were taking a break, but after watching them for awhile she saw that the coach had let them go early.

Some of football players eyed her as she stood on the fence, and she wondered if they even recognized her. She remembered doing this at Forks for Conner. Waiting for him to finish his football practice, but Conner had a much bigger team for their Senior year at Forks than this mere twenty. Jude wondered if all high-schoolers looked this young, and if she had looked so when she was Seth's age? When Jude was Seth's age she was getting into all sorts of problems, she didn't have time or patience for academia or teams. Conner had shown her something better when she started dating him.

Seth was chatting with some friends when Jude's grey eyes found him.

He was wearing a pullover, and for a moment she wanted to pull on it to get his attention. She had to stop herself. Jude would probably give him a heart attack. She watched Seth bend down and lift his bag over his shoulders. One of his friends pointed her out, and his eyes lit up like a Christmas Tree. It made Jude feel so very special.

He spotted her first, she let him, "Jude!"

She answered back, not reigning in the happiness, "Seth!"

He jogged over to her, unrelenting surprise and satisfaction growing on his face, "Jude! What are you doing here?"

He didn't sound upset, so she raised up her peace offering, "I brought food. Can you take a break?"

She hoped he still like BBQ and fish fries. It didn't beat their father's fish fry, but Debbie's Diner's was always been their Diner. Harry, Billy, and Charlie Swan were always regular customers which made Jude, Leah, and Seth one too. That would include Bella too now, but she didn't want to think of that.

Seth's smile was like the sun, "Hell yeah, we finished already," he grinned, excused himself from his football buddies, and she kidnapped him. It wasn't hard, because he was excited about a football game that she promised to go and see this weekend. He enjoyed the food as they shared, and he ate like he hadn't tasted anything in his life as good as this.

He exclaimed as an answer, "We haven't gone to the Diner in ages! This stuff is bomb!"

That didn't sound right, her father had always been a favorite of the place, "Why not?"

"Well," Seth shrugged, "you now, we get busy," he deflected, making her suspicious, "Is this your new car?"

"Yeah, I bought it from one of Casey's friends," she patted the car she had bought from Austin Marks, one that was growing on her, knowing her brother was not saying something very important, and she decided to push him by saying, "Why don't I drive us somewhere, for dessert? Hop in!"

Seth made a face that meant he wouldn't even consider it, "I can't," he kicked some pebbles on the gravel that surrounded the parking lot of the tribal school, and Jude got the reason why Seth said no. Harry did know about her return, and had forbade Seth from "hopping" into anywhere with his disgraced older sister.

Jude had to know, "Does he know I am staying with Billy? Does he talk about me?"

"Dad and Billy have talked," Seth shrugged, but didn't say yes, "but Dad didn't say anything about us eating on the curb. We can just chill here, is that okay?" He was so cute when he didn't want to hurt other people's feelings. Jude would eat in the dumpster if she could share a meal with Seth.

"Well," Jude was less excited, "this is going to be the best meal you have ever had on the curb."

"I have had the Diner before," he rolled his eyes.

"Not with me Seth, not on this very comfortable curb," Jude pointed her fork and butchered the BBQ, "dig in little bro."

"You know what I like Jude," she smiled feeding him some pork from her plate and Seth pushed it away laughing. They did a lot of laughing and Seth didn't look surprised, because he remembered this old Jude, and she was desperate for his affection. They talked until Jude got tired, and then Seth picked up where she left off. They talked about her time in California. They talked about Susan and Peter, and most especially about Jordan. About what he liked to do. What put him to sleep. If he was allergic to anything. Seth was most interested about, "why did you name him Jordan?"

"Hm," Jude had not thought of it very often, "oh, the Jordan River," she exclaimed, and Seth gave her a look.

"The Jordan River was where the people crossed to the Promised Land, and where Jesus," for some reason that made her blush, "where Jesus was baptized, it just sounded right, like I needed rebirth too, and I wanted to give it to Jordan."

Seth nodded, finishing off his plate, "and I thought you were going to say that the name sounded cute or something, don't all chicks say that?"

"Seth! Who do you take me for," Jude grinned, using her hand to ruffle through his raven hair, and for a second she was playing with Jordan's hair, it took her breath away.

"What?"

"Nothing," Jude nodded away the memory, "tell me more about you?"

"What do you want to hear?"

That was easy, "everything."

Seth obliged her.


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It had grown late, later than she first had planned to stay with Seth, and still she couldn't leave his infectious attention, "Come over," she tempted him after they finished, were patting their bellies, and watching the after school traffic outside of the tribal school, "I made so much more food, and we can stay up having s'mores at Billy's campire thing in the back, tell scary stories! It will be just like old times."

"Sorry, but I don't think Billy will like the extra company, he doesn't like when people just show up," that was not Billy at all, Jude sighed into her hands, knowing which Chief Prince was to blame for Seth's reluctance to join her to extend this sibling reunion.

"We both know you mean Jacob Black," she rolled her eyes, "he has been so nasty to me, but I guess that is what I get for being mean to his big mouth girlfriend."

"Bella?" Seth really looked at her, "you know Bella?"

"Casey and I met Charlie and her at the Diner," it had started off so well, "and then Casey hurt her feelings about bringing up her old boyfriend, and we made her cry, and so I got in trouble for the whole thing. God, I wish Casey would keep her mouth shut sometimes, it gets us in trouble more than once."

Seth shrugged, so much like Jude, "that sounds like Casey to me."

"I know right," Jude was so happy that he understood it, how people like Casey were like that with everyone, "why don't you come over and hang out with me, I miss you little bro? I can tell you all about my new job at Forks," Seth congratulated her, "I know, I always wanted to get back into soccer, and now I actually get to coach it, I'll come to your games if you come to mine?"

"Deal," Seth closed his take-out, shaking his head slowly, "but not today Jude, honestly, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but we are having this thing at the house. It is just a party thing."

A party thing? Jude picked herself up and leaned on her elbows like Seth,"What type of thing?"

"Well," he laughed but saw Jude's face, "It's just a kickback, nothing big. Charlie wanted to try more of Dad's fish fry. I am going to be too full to have some," he groaned but didn't look to upset by this, "honest this was the best Jude."

"Don't lie," Jude teased him, "you are still going to eat everything you pig," she pushed him and he pushed her back on the gravel, she flipped out of his hands, she had always been more agile than him, "you should be talking, you eat more than me!"

Jude laughed pretending to be hurt, "not anymore you jerk. You finished the second plate! That was supposed to be for Casey!"

"Tell her it was delicious," Seth burped loudly.

"Your disgusting," she didn't have a problem with it, she just wanted to prolong the time, Jude picked up her keys sitting on the curb when they disposed of the take out, "Do you think I could drop you off at the house?"

"Well," Seth rolled on his heels while Jude tried to give him the cutest eyes possible, the ones that Leah called her stupid face, "I don't think it would be too bad. It's beats having to walk there, and I owe you for that one time I made you walk to Mark's Mart in the rain."

"Three miles," Jude hated the memory, how soggy and cold she had felt, "don't remind me!" She was internally celebrating in getting Seth to ride in the car with her, and how much easier each day would be to learn even more about him, and get him to see that she actually cared about him, and it was not all an act to redeem her character, that she was doing it because she missed and loved him. It seemed to be working.

Score! Jude - 1, Life- 0.

He continued, gushing out as she turned on her car, both of them getting in, "Besides Mom is really missing you, like really bad, and Leah doesn't want to say anything," Jude's heart was beating fast, this was good news, what she had dreamed of last night in Rachel's bed, "she doesn't get a lot of sleep. She blames it on other things, but I know what you said to her really got to her," Seth looked so happy to be saying this, "I don't understand why we have to be keeping this all hush-"

When Jude was pulling back, "don't tell me too much Seth, I don't want you to get in trouble-"

Someone interrupted their moment, heavy footfalls that bounded over the gravel, swift, and like an Olympic runner, it was a deep voice, with so much confidence it stopped every thought she had of taking her brother to Billy's, "get out of the car," Jude got out, only because she was afraid he was an undercover cop or something, Seth did too, and the guy addressed her brother first by name, "Seth, why aren't you at home?"

Jude and Seth looked up at an enormous man. A giant. One of Sam's gang members, Bella had warned her at the Diner, and Jude narrowed her eyes.

Jude had to tip her head back to get a good look at him, and for the life of her she could not recognize him. He was taller than any man she had ever met. Seven feet at least, with cropped hair, bulging muscles, dark eyes, russet skin, and a tribal tattoo on his shoulder. He did look like he was in a gang, and Jude knew the Elders never allowed gangs to form on the Rez.

That didn't mean that one didn't exist, a little voice said in her mind.

"Everyone is waiting for you at the house," the guy said again, looking Seth up and down like he was sizing her kid brother, "so why aren't you there?

"Because I don't want to be there right now," Seth said back with the same confidence, his smile was gone, and his eyes no longer filled with silliness, but hard, serious, "What are you doing here? Don't you have things to do?" It was a stark difference to what she usually associated with Seth. Her baby brother was not happy to see him, and that intrigued Jude. It took a lot to make Seth take that tone.

"What are you doing here," the guy repeated much meaner than Seth's angry retort, "You should be home. I came by to see what was taking you so long," the last was aimed at Jude, but he refused to acknowledge her. This guy took Jude's shunning to a whole other level.

Jude refused to be ignored, tired of when Jacob did it, not in the mood now, "What the hell is your problem, man," Jude crossed her arms, refusing to take the silent role, "don't you see I am talking with my brother."

"A brother that you left behind," he said finally looking at her, and that retort made Jude gasped, that was low.

She let him know it, "Who gives you the right to talk to me that way! You are such an asshole," the stranger smiled at her use of language.

A smile that made her want to smother him, he made himself taller, pulling himself back, his arms going over his broad chest, "I can see where Leah gets it now."

At the mention of Leah, Seth growled, "Shut your mouth Sam, before I shut it for you."

A cold understanding came over her mind, "Sam," Jude's eyebrows rose, "Sam Uley?"

Samuel Uley's grin grew at the mention of his name, "you are a lot slower than Leah, and they said you went to College," an insufferable smile tugged on his lips, "I always wondered why I never believed that."

The nerve.

The cheating asshole.

The one that had hurt her little sister.

The one that she was meaning to give her regards.

"Sam Uley." Perfect. Her hunger for retribution was served on a silver platter, all plans of behaving was an effort to even remember when the Sam Uley was before her, finally in her grasp, and it was as if Fate was working in her favor, giving her a chance, this was it, and Jude snarled, letting her rage explode, "is this slow for you!"

She pulled back, jumping high enough to get him, and she successfully landed her punch to his pretty-boy cheek with all her force her body could pack behind a well-placed punch.

Seth yelled too late, "JUDE NO!"

It was too late.

Her hand broke into a hundred pieces.