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Chapter 13


A man's path swerves two ways in life.

The way of nature, and the way of grace.

Jude remembered her father telling her that, we have to choose, choose the one we will follow in the end.

Harry made it very clear, the roles both played in man's life.

Grace, it doesn't try to please itself, it accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. It accepts the all ways of the world, even the times of injuries and insults.

Nature, only wants to please itself. It get others to please it too, likes to Lord it over them, to have it's own way rather than the ways of others. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the all the world is shining with happiness and love.

He taught them the truths, even as small children, that the people that follow the way of grace never find the path of destruction, evil, and most especially hopelessness.

She was feeling it, knowing the path she had taken weighed on her, "Lord?" Jude whispered against the covers of her parents bed, questioning whatever almighty power held them to live out their lives, "Why?" Why did she have to see the face of her father, grimacing, cold,and dead. The face kept her from joining the voices in the kitchen, the conversations she is not ready to have, "Where were you?"

Jude wet her parched lips, "Answer me. Where were you when they needed you most? When we needed you most?"

Jude closed her eyes and let her mind explore the reason among the dark pathways of her mind, every moment she had with her father, every smile, every hateful word, every argument, seeking forgiveness, every unsaid thing, all the powers of grace and nature, and found nothing to explain why her siblings were chosen for this graceless life, that they had to suffer so much in this world, her poor mother had lost all her family in one day, and all Jude could do was sit there, rocking, rocking, just like that damn rocking chair that taunted her even now.

"Damn you," Jude stood to pick up her mother's picture frame, lifted it over her head, to slam it into the mirror that showed her devastated face, "damn you," but held herself back from committing to the act, her still broken hand shaking above her head, and she knew as she relaxed her arm, letting the picture frame fall to the floor, safe from her mistreatment, she knew deep down, that she didn't want anyone to hear what her destruction would inflict. She did not want a soul to hear the pain she was ready to unleash into the world.

Not when it would affect the people she loved.

Jude could only dry her eyes, and stand.

There was people in her father's home, people talking in the kitchen, and this time it was louder as she went to the bedroom door to open it. Her mother's side of the slept in bed was empty, too cold for her to have just left, and Jude walked into the lone hallway, still in her clothes from yesterday, and pulled her hair up in a bun, scrapping her baby hairs against her scalp. There was some rubber bands and some deodorant on her mother's side, and she made use of it.

After relieving herself in the restroom, Jude went in search of Sue.

It was her mother she found and a few other people in the kitchen. Billy's wheelchair was gone from the living room, she chose to ignore the slighted feeling of his absence, and focused on the blue tarp covering the living room wall that was no longer standing there.

Jude watched as the tarp blew out making an eerie flapping noise. Someone would have to fix that soon. She wondered if Louie and his Company could come out soon and help them, they had always been good friend of her fathers, many people in Forks and La Push had known her father as a good friend, a good man, and the familiar wave he would give from his car as he passed by them on the street.

Jude knew she would have to make a few calls... when she found her cell phone.

The kitchen conversations turned into louder chatter about her father's funeral rites, presumptions were being made that her mother should say something, and Jude's attention went again to that dark place, and right back to her selfish side wanting to prolong the pain that would come form entering it once again.

Jude fought her instincts and went back to where this mess had begun. The kitchen.

It was meeting place of all the racket, and Jude peeked around the corner thankful that her father's cold prostrated body was gone from the ground. It filled her with a great sadness for feeling so, because this was his home, he had bought it as a teenager, built it with his own hands, and if he was still alive she would not have been welcome inside.

Even if her life-changing conversation was a bit awkward the night before, the torment of watching her mother weeping, Jude had become closer to mending the self-made rift with her family, but with her Father… "Dad," she whispered to him, the tarp flapping was her answer, and the living room silent of his deep sighs and tiredness, and the only thing left was the impressions his back had made in his leather club chair, "I'm sorry."

"Judith Clearwater come here," said a person that was not her mother when they caught sight of her.

You are Jude Clearwater. You are here for family. Jude told herself as she walked into the yellow creamed kitchen walls, with cracked white tile, and a redwood kitchen table twice her age, and ready for the struggle that would come with explaining.

The kitchen walls were more of a canary yellow than a mute one and it was supposed to bring in more light through the white skirted windows. It had been Grandma Julia's decision, as many of the decisions of the house and her parent's marriage had been made by the Clearwater Matriarch. It was supposed to make you feel light and cheery, but it did nothing of the sort when Judith looked around her family of strangers.

"Judith," Aunt Elizabeth stood next to her mother, her father's sister, "aren't you going to hug me?"

"Hello Aunt Lizzie," she hugged her and her Aunt huffed moments after, her face pinched, and the dark bags under her eyes must have meant the plane ride from California had been a sleepless one, "you hug me like you don't want me here? Is that what you think, because the door is right there Judith."

"I am glad to see you," Jude said the lie through her teeth.

"I don't believe you, you aren't going to start something, act like a brat and make a fool of this family are you?"

"That is enough Lizzie," like Jude had expected from her Aunt, many of her family saw her as the outcast, and her mother's interruption surprised the room.

"It's the truth Sue, I am only telling her the truth-"

"If you can't respect Jude," Sue started, her knuckled white as she gripped the kitchen sink, "then you leave. That is for all of you," her mother's whispered threat made her eldest take a step back, especially at the poorly veiled motherly anger that had come with it, "you will respect her as a member of this family."

Just like that, Jude had won her mother's forgiveness, it was a bit too easily given, and the look her mother gave her, the slight blush in her cheeks, Jude knew both of them were surprised by the development.

"Well then we shall see, " said Aunt Elizabeth, folding her hands over her chest, "I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are surprised you came back Judith. That you would help with Harry's funeral on Sunday."

Jude was surprised by the quickness people had made of the arrangements, wondering whom had helped her mother this morning with all the preparations that came with arranging a funeral, "It's been settled? Have people been called?"

Aunt Lizzie clucked her tongue, "people have been called since last night girl, while you were sleeping your mother and I contacted the Makah, the Hoh, the Elders told their family, we are preparing for tomorrow's potlach for family out of state, we will have the wake tomorrow too at the Baptist Church in Forks, closed casket," Jude frowned at her implication, "the funeral will be held by Billy, and I got it all done," she said proudly, "and I didn't even land in La Push until two hours ago, and look at all the work I have done, someone had to get it done," was her judgy response.

"Thank you Aunt Lizzie, thank you for helping," Jude distracted herself from riling up with the abundance of aluminum foiled covered food in the kitchen was already filling with foods and her mother was adding to it. Her eyes were red and raw but that did nothing to stop her from continuing making a lasagna.

Jude took her place, next to her grieving mother, preparing the tomatoes.

"You have done a fine job Sue," said a voice behind them as they worked, "this house looks the same, just like when Harry built it when the girls were babies," said a man that Jude had yet to notice, his seat sat over the spot she had found her father, no wonder she had overlooked him, "it's good to see that at least your cooking stays the same."

Jude looked around at her her uncle, finding two, "Hello Uncle Mike," she said to the first man that was her father's oldest brother. Michael Clearwater lived on the outskirts of the Rez and kept to himself. He was known to go exploring for days and missing in action for the rest. She hadn't remembered seeing him in years, and that was before she left.

"Hey Jude-bug, how you holding up," he opened his arm and she hugged him over the spot her father had died, "Don't take Lizzie's words seriously, honestly, I am not mad at you Jude, not for leaving," his voice was deep and warm, it reminded her a bit of her father's voice, but had none of the discipline in it, "I am so sorry this happened. You have my support."

Aunt Lizzie, his younger sister found it funny, "As if your bony old ass will stay here long enough to give it. They are practically the same Sue, you can't trust my brother for anything, and Judith… well she proved herself these past years what family means to her."

"Hey that's enough," someone yelled from outside, and that made Jude jump, "you aren't playing fair!"
"Stop pushing me!"
"You stop pushing me!" but it was the children yelling at one another, giggling, unaware of their argument inside. It was Jude's younger cousins playing outside. Aunt Lizzie had three children and all under the age of ten, and it would seem they all had come on the plane ride over.

That must be the reason for her short-attention span, and how Aunt Lizzie kept doing what her mother had told her not to do, "I mean can you see her actually staying here?" Her mouth twitched, "I can see right through your act. The main reason you came back was to get her father's money? Wasn't it?" That was just disgusting, the nastiest thought to have come out her insufferable mouth, her anger was mistook from her Aunt, "Your not getting anything Judith, you can leave before you make your mother think better of you!"

"Hey cut that shit right now," said her other Uncle on her mother's side, "you heard my sister, she said said to cut it out! If I hear you disrespect this house one more time Liz, I don't care if we are in-laws. You and your own are going back to California."

"Fine," Aunt Lizzie snarled and went outside with the children.

Jude looked at the man that defended her, "Thank you Uncle Luke," she nodded to her grim Uncle. This one she knew the best and had obviously been hurt the most by her departure.

His dark eyes that he shared with Sue, Leah, and Seth appraised her, "It is good to see you back Jude. I hope you will be staying with us," his veiled threat didn't go unnoticed.

"I promised my mother I wouldn't leave," Jude held her mother's hand and she squeezed back, "I intend not to break it, and hope that I can be of use to people."

"That's just silly," the back door opened again, Lizzie was not accepting a thing that came out of Jude's mouth, her mother sighed into her hands, "How old are you anyways? Nineteen now? What would you know?"

Jude was glaring at her now, hoping she just got eaten by the wolves already, "Twenty Aunty Lizzie. I am legal adult, capable of making my own decisions, knowing what is the right thing to do, and when is the appropriate time to have these conversations-"

"My point exactly, right now is the perfect time, before everyone comes for the funeral," Aunt Lizzie cut in, ready for this argument, "what can a twenty year old homeless girl give you Sue? Please tell me because I am still not seeing the whole picture here. How could make this better, when all she has ever cared about is herself?"

Judith opened her mouth to argue, but her mother said, "This twenty year old has been working hard, accepts her mistakes, and had the strength to come back and tell us all about it, and that is something you could never take away from her Lizzie, no matter what you are trying to accomplish by finding fault in her. "

"Damn," Jude muttered. She couldn't believe that her mother had known all that.

"She has a car too," someone butted in, and they looked up to see Seth standing at the barrier of the kitchen, his same bright smile refusing to die even now, "she even let me drive it around."

"Seth!" Jude smiled, but it was her mother that ran to him and hugged him like he had gone off to war and just returned to them. Jude watched the space behind Seth, expected Leah to be behind him, but there was no one there. That made her frown. What had happened to her little sister? Was she safe?

Instead a very familiar face came through the front door and into the kitchen, "I leave for just a few moments," an elderly hunched woman walked in, her face riddled with wrinkles, and her hair in a grey bun, "and a car crashes through the front door, Harry was sick for gods knows how long, and the rest of you guys are at each others necks. Ah! Clearwaters!"

"Grandma," Judith felt her eyes water at the sight of her grandmother that had lived on the Makah Rez from before she could remember.

Grandma Julia came in with an Aunt Joy. Quil's daughter-in-law held a box of bagels and coffee, and her eyes went straight to Sue, leaving the breakfast on the table, opening her arms to her, "Oh Sue! Come here!"

It was a beautiful reunion between the widowed woman. "Joy, oh how I have missed you," her mother embraced with Aunty Joy, and Jude was given one quickly afterwards, and it was a nice reprieve from the stilted conversations with her estranged family.

"I have missed you too little one," was Aunt Joy's words inside Jude's ear, giving her a kiss there.

"You're not angry," Jude questioned, "not after what happened with Old Quil-"

"Never," Aunt Joy rejected it quickly, "I don't know the whole story, but I know you would never do any harm Jude, you loved working there, I could see it in your face," the look of love in her real Aunt's eyes, so incredibly different from Aunt Lizzie's showed how much she had showed her path of grace while she had been working for her father-in-law.

"How is Old Quil," Jude was tempted to ask, "is he still angry with me-"

"Later," Aunt Joy smartly thought, "come here Sue, give me another hug, you need some love," said the loving nurse that continued to overwhelm her mother with her very powerful hugs.

Her mother really finally let go of her grief in friend's arms, "I was so afraid. I didn't know what to do, I was so afraid-" her mother repeated, drying her tears as she nestled her face into Aunt' Joys neck.

"We are here for you, just like you were there when I lost my Quil" said Joy remembering her husband's death, rubbing Sue's back, "whatever comes." Her words continued on, so very comforting, "the tribe is here for you, Dad is making preparations with Billy. He is going to have the best, everyone is coming, you will never be alone Sue," Joy promised her and was shoved aside by Grandma Julia.

"Sue, come here," mother-in-law and daughter hugged, less tears, more composure from the two woman that new Harry Clearwater best, "thank you. You are a good wife and a mother."

Her grandmother and mother shared a look without words, yet they said so much. It was a overwhelming moment, there was no more dry eyes in the room, and Jude wanted to understand it.

What the hell must be going on in their heads, Jude wanted to know, because she was still remembering her father smoking on the porch, laughing at his girls playing soccer in the front, and signing in her ear during the bonfires they would always go to.

Her father still felt so real, and yet he was supposed to be dead. How was Jude going to get that into her mind. How was she going to let her father's memory go little by little. Now it was fresh and raw, but years from now... she did not want to think about it.

"You are strong," Grandma Julia told Sue, "stay strong for your family Sue, like Harry was the rock for this family, you have to be like that too. You can't give up when things get like this, he wouldn't have wanted you to give in to your sorrows."

"She has always been strong," Uncle Luke said, standing beside his younger sister.

Jude agreed with them all, whatever comes.

"Who is this young lady, I don't recognize this one," Jude's Grandma pretended to size her up, a smirk on her creased lips.

Jude played along, "It is me Nana, it's Jude."

"Judith Clearwater, the girl that ran away and came back a woman," her grandmother searched her face, and turned it to the side to side. Inspecting. Critical. Knowing. It was like she was looking at two people, one that she had grown up with, and the other that knew exactly what had made a wall fall down in their living room.

Jude couldn't' believe how blind she had been to the Legends, and how the Elders had slighted them for so long by not giving them the chance to understand the that the Legends were the truth, one in the same, her grandmother asked her, "what did you learn while you were off gods know where with gods know who?! Hm, what good did you get out of it?"

She felt everyone's conversation go quiet, Jude wet her lips once more, "I learned what it was to be hungry, homeless, and to live without a single person to care for you," the room was silent, because she had not told this to anyone. Maybe because no one had asked like her grandma did, "I learned that family means everything, and without love you are lost."

Her grandmother tapped her face thoughtfully, "At least you learned something. Welcome back, it took you awhile, but at least you did it while you were still young. Some of us," she looked at Aunt Lizzie and then Uncle Mike, "never do. I hope my Harry saw this," always my Harry, Grandma Julia had her favorites, it was always Harry and Seth in her book, "he loved you Judith, never could shut-up about you," that clenched Jude's heart, "he must have been so happy to have you back," Jude didn't say anything, did not deny it, because she didn't want her father's name to be put under any negative stigma today.

Especially, when the family was all present like this.

Instead she stood taller, and searched for Seth while introductions and reunions happened around her oddly repaired house.

She looked for Seth, but came up short.

He was here a moment ago, Jude thought.

Her mother touched her back, "you must be tired. Take a nap, then shower, and after I will have someone drive you to Billy's. It's time you brought a few things over. The wake will be here before we know it," her mother whispered these things and for the life of her Judith could not match this mother with the crazed one from yesterday.

"Aren't you tired too mom?" Her mother looked a little too energized to be good for her.

"Oh Judith," she smiled and touched her face, "not here, not in front of all these people."

Jude looked around at the smiling, crying, and emotional people. Suddenly they appeared uninvited and unwanted. Her mother needed time to grieve and instead she was playing hostess over the spot her father had died on the day prior. This is fucked up.

"I need some air," Jude said to her and went outside, walking to the treeline, and jumping on one of the boulders to sit down on. She wanted to be alone.

She was not alone for very long.

Little happy monsters were running amuck in the same field the wolves had battled it out the life-changing day before. The ground was still lose, and mud was getting everywhere paw prints had been ruined by their little feet.

One of them pointed at her, "That's my cousin."

"No, it's not that's Leah."

"No, that's Jude, she's the oldest," the kids (her cousins) watched her and she them. The last time she had seen them playing like this they had been in diapers and the last one was in Aunt Lizzie's belly, they stopped playing, "you are cousin Jude, huh," said the oldest, a ball in his hands, "didn't you run away?"

"Yeah," Jude said.

A smaller one, a lollipop in her mouth, popped her lips, "I heard you ran away because you couldn't get any money?"

Little monsters. Jude frowned, no longer pleasant, "didn't your dad make the same excuse to your mother?"

Got that little twerp there, the little girl's face ballooned red, "Shut-up," her boy cousin yelled back, "you don't know a thing about our father!"

Jude could only stare as Aunt Lizzie came outside to get them.

"What did she say? You picking on them?"

"No," Jude growled at her.

Of course, Aunt Lizzie didn't believe her, "They are just kids, what is your problem!"

"Apparently I am still angry for not getting my dad's money," she yelled back and the Clearwater backyard was cleared so she could get her time alone. They shut the back door when there was more screaming inside her house, giving her mother no rest from the hectic chaos that came with family, "this sucks," she whispered to herself.

Who would think that she left for money? What the hell was everyone thinking about her? Jude began to truly recognize that her parents had refused to tell others of what happened and so they had thought the worst. Of course, the truth was worse of the two. No one should hit their parent… respect thy mother and father.

Jude flinched at the memory of her father slapping her across the face, "get out," and a father should never say the things Harry did to her.

"I'm sorry Dad," she breathed in the cold pine air, "I forgive you," she brought out her same raggedy cell-phone she had found while she had been searching for Seth.

She scrolled through her contacts, and thought seriously of calling Casey, but right now she didn't feel like talking to anyone, or god forbid explaining what had happened. The house. The wolves. The secrets. Her father having died for things they had no control over. That would just tear Jude in two. How did her mother get through this? How were they all going to get through this? Jude needed her mother and siblings. Seth had disappeared and there was no one…

"They annoy you too?"

She knew that voice.

Jude turned around on the boulder, her ass almost fell off, "Leah?"

Her sister had a cigarette in her finger, it burned, the smoke rising, and she brought the thing to her mouth as if she had been doing it for years, and Jude found a reason to hate what had happened even more.

It didn't look like her sister, she said in wonder, "Leah?" and then, "your hair?"

"Don't like it," Leah with her long hair, Leah with her snarky words, and her true self, it was gone. Her raven locks were cut to her cheeks, she was taller than she remembered, stronger looking, muscular, and even if it was freezing she was wearing a cropped shirt, army shorts, and a cigarette still held between her teeth.

Leah never had smoked. The sight of it made Jude want to rip it out of her mouth, but Jude didn't feel like fighting with her. Looking at her sister was enough. Her deep brown eyes were staring at her, the edges were yellow now, and it made her feel like something else had taken her sister father away, father than she ever could. Leah was one of them, the Spirit Warriors, and Seth was one of them too, and if she knew the Legends she should be afraid of the Quiluete guardians.

The gigantic wolves were made to kill the immortal undead, and Jude would be an easy kill. As she kept staring at her, she could only feel sadness, her baby sister had the most fucked up day yesterday, and here she was outside without a soul to tell her so.

"Huh," she said breathing out the smoke, "I'm going to take a guess and say you think the same way they all do."

Jude felt even more confused, what was everyone else feeling?

Her sister wasn't finished, "I thought you would be different, but you blame me for dad's death too. That this is all my fault for some reason, that if I hadn't blown up, literally, he would still be here," Leah said as if it was the truth, "go on, say it."

Jude felt herself shaking her head, "you are wrong Leah, who the hell told you that?"

"See," she scratched the top her head, "you say you don't agree with them and your body says something else," she noted and Jude stopped flinching each time her sister lifted the cigarette, "I guess it is the wolf genes. Everything is heightened, I hear, feel, and see everything now. It's annoying but I see clearer now," Leah laughed at that, it was so much more mean than before, "I guess you are not the worst Clearwater, congrats to you," she flicked her cigarette on the ground, stomping it out.

Jude couldn't let her believe that, "You are not one either Leah, this is fucked up. Especially for you-"

"Oh stop with the pity party," Leah refused to let Jude speak, "Well, tell me how I fucked up. How you wished I was dead instead of him. At least Dad had a reason to hate you, but me," she shrugged, "hey, I was just upset that when you left everything changed. Our happy little family was not happy anymore. It was all about you and guess what," she pointed to the cigarette, "you didn't even care to find out what we thought."

"Leah."

"Don't Leah me, I killed your father," Leah lifted her hands in the air, "I guess that is the trump all- just look at me Jude," her hands were shaking, "I am the Clearwater freak, the first female wolf in all of history, so you're free form the curse now," like it was all some magical story, "because the murderess has taken your place. Who cares about Jude and her schizoid tendencies, look at Leah, she is werewolf freak, and she killed her her father," she was crying out loudly and Jude jumped off the rock.

First, she was afraid that others would hear her ravings or worse they would get a front row seat to see what a big furry problem La Push really had going on underneath everyone's noses.

"Leah, you are safe now," she tried saying, coming near to her, even as he sister stepped back, "no one, is going to blame you! No one should blame you."

"I blame me," she growled out, "I hate this, I hate you, I hate everything," Leah screamed and Jude hugged her shaking body, hugged her as tightly as she could.

It was terrifying, hugging Leah's shaking body.

She was afraid that if she so much as blinked Leah would become a wolf and rip her to shreds, tear her apart, and make an even bigger mess of their lives. Leah really could, but Jude closed her eyes and prayed, prayed out loud, "Please almighty God, or gods, whoever is listening, please bring us peace. Our family is so messed up right now," Jude prayed and Leah listened even if she didn't want to, her muscled body rigid as a board, "give us some peace and help us forgive. Please forgive us, Amen." After a drawn moment, Leah said her Amen reluctantly. They were never religious and now it didn't make them so. Jude knew they needed something graceful in their life, they had just loved and lost their dad, they needed something like grace.

"The path of grace," Leah sniffled into her shoulder, "Dad."

"I know, I know," Jude nodded back into her sister's shoulder too, "we need it."

It was all she could give to her little sister.

Jude hugged Leah even when she stopped shaking, and it started pouring over their heads. It was like the floodgates had opened and all the emotions of three years past had suddenly been cleansed. That was how Jude felt. Leah's skin was warmer than anything she had ever felt, it burned Judith's cold skin, but she didn't care because for once Leah wanted to be hugged by her.

"I love you Leah," she whispered as her sister calmed, "and I am never leaving." The rain turned to small drizzle as they sat against that boulder.

After a few minutes, Leah found her voice, her body becoming lax, less stubborn, less Leah, "I hope you keep your word," Leah had finally admitted it. She wanted this closure, "I would never forgive you if you did not follow through this time."

"Hey," that was not something that needed bringing up, "I think I am all right. Do you remember when I was dead to you three months ago, remember?"

Leah smiled for a second, and then it disappeared, "I am still angry with you."

"Good," Jude gave her sister a smile, an idea forming in her mind, and the truth that she could no longer stay away from them, even now. Her father was stubborn but if the dream from last night was anything to go by, he wanted peace for this family, just as much as she did right now. There must be something about being around family that made her want to take Fate into her own hands, "hey Leah," Jude asked, hoping, "I need to get a few things from Billy's. Do you want to go for a ride?"

That drew Leah's attention away from the obvious, "A ride? with you?"

They had plenty of those, scared Leah half to death all the times she sped over 90, and Jude remembered when she had complained to their father, effectively giving her father a reason to never use his care again.

She patted Leah's incredibly muscular arm with her good hand, "I won't kill you."

"I doubt anything could kill me now," at leas the furry problem could bring humor to Leah's face, "can you even drive with your messed up hand?"

Jude waved it like it was her very own pinata, "Wanna find out?"

"Sure," Leah agreed, "beats sticking around here," and they both got up from the ground, whipping the dirt from her knees, and eventually followed back to the kitchen screen door. Jude noticed as Leah no longer taking measures to ignore or stay away from her, a timid start, but a start all the same.

"Is it true that you still drive like a madwoman?"

"Seth told you didn't he," Jude wouldn't put it past him, "I only drove like that because I was in pain, and Sam was in the car-" Leah agreed, "believe me, I drive better than anyone on my worst day-"

"Leah! Jude!" Someone said from the inside noticed them as they passed, "Jude, where are you going, I need you-" it was Aunt Lizzy.

Jude picked up her job, "Run Leah!"

They both picked up speed, running away from the home, Leah easily overtaking her now, her long limbs thrummed as she ran, like a deer, it was effortless, "Why are we running!"

"Because we can," was Jude's easy answer, "and it'll piss her off."

Leah caught on, and they ran past their guests that were occupying the front porch, Billy was there, "Jude!" and still they both went straight for Jude's car parked where she had left it the day before, mud smeared on the side where the wolf had slammed into her care.

"Get in hurry," as if they could outrun Sam's goons in the front, or Billy's judging stare.

"I am, I am," was Leah's grumble. It was so wrong for them to have excitement over something so small, especially since their father was not even in the grave yet, but it just felt good to drive away from something like this. If only they could take their Mother and Seth with them. Have a few days to recuperate.

"Hold on, little sis," Leah did her hand tight on her own handle, "this car picks up some speed," Jude warned and pushed the gas as far as it could go, not minding the screeching noise it made as she drove off for Billy's house.


o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o


"What the hell Jude! You're lying! No, no, no," Casey was crying over the phone after being told what had happened, they had called her after a joint decision to do so was made in Rachel's room, and now they were packing all her things to move into her real home, "I am so sorry, so sorry, don't you worry Jude, me and my mom will take the first plane back home, we should be there by Saturday for the funeral-"

"No," that was not what Jude was saying at all, "no thank you, but you stay, we have family here, they are helping us, my mom and Leah came around," Leah gave her a look as if Casey's declaration to come back was stupid, Jude wouldn't say she agreed, but she did, trying to distract her distraught friend, "how are things with you right now? How is Conner?"

"Who cares about him," Casey repeated, upset for some reason, "what is going to happen to you? How are you going to surrounded by all those people that are going to give you shit for leaving, don't lie to me Jude," she wept some more, "they aren't nice to you, you need me to be there, for support!"

Leah gave a motion for the phone to be given to her, "No, Leah I have her-"

Casey sniffled, asking, "Is Leah there with you?"

"Yeah," Jude watched as Leah asked again for the phone, "but I don't think you should talk to her right now."

"Give her the phone." "Give me the phone," they both said at the same time.

Jude did and Leah took the phone, "I have her Casey, I am with her," there was some talking on the other end, "yeah I know, well that's family for you, yeah, we already called Susan and Peter, they can't come on such a short notice, I know, Jordan is a talker," she chuckled eyeing Jude as she spoke of her nephew for the first time, "sure, that is what I was trying to tell her too on the way over here, sure, I can do that, excuse me," that is when Leah took her cell phone and left the room, shutting the door behind her so she could have a private conversation.

"Ugh," Jude rolled her eyes falling back on the bed, Casey was going to probably vent everything on her little sister, give away all the reasons why Jude should be let back into her lives, "pushy little pale-face," it was endearing though, everything Casey did was so.

There was a knock at the door.

"You can come back in Leah," Jude grumbled, "I don't know why you left-"

It was a guy's voice, "I'm not Leah."

That made Jude rethink letting that someone in, she looked like hell this morning, and when she had been with family, with Leah, none of that had been such a big deal. It was different when the door began opening by Jacob Black hand, and Jude all put launched herself at the door, closing it, almost smashing his fingers, and keeping her hand clenched around the turning knob, "you can't come in here."

"Why not? That is my sister's room," she rolled her red puffy eyes at Jacob, knowing he would use this to his advantage, that this was his home, not hers.

"I'm a mess right now," for some reason that seemed like a reasonable explanation, "please Jacob, I can't deal with you right now," Jude rested her head against the door between them, "I can't take what you have to say-"

"Then when would be a good time for you," his voice dripped with sarcasm, "when should I make my appointment?"

He had some nerve to joke about that, "maybe," Jude bit back, "when I am not bawling my eyes out, how does that sound to you-"

He gave a drawn out sigh, as if she had punched him in the gut or something, and that is when she heard a little knock as he cracked his knuckles against the door, "I didn't come to argue with you Jude," and that was the first time she had ever heard him say her name, he said it differently, as if it was a great pain to say it, "please, I came to say that I am sorry, that I am sorry what happened to Harry."

"I don't want your pity," Jude didn't want anyone's pity, didn't want anyone faking their concern.

"It's not pity," he exhaled his anger, "I miss him too, you think I don't care what happened to Harry. You're wrong, we are all suffering Jude, you aren't the only one, I wanted to come and say I am sorry, that I-" he caught the word before it became anything more, "doesn't matter, Leah taking care of you?"

"Yeah, why shouldn't she?" Jude wondered what he was about to say.

"Good, stick with her, she'll keep you safe," was his half-assed apology with sticking his nose in places that he had no place sticking them, and his poor attempt at giving his regards for her father.

Jude heard his steps retreating to his room, the same way he closed it a bit too hard each time, and then she felt herself moving to where she knew he would go, it was not right what she was doing, but Jude pushed back the little voice in her mind telling her to stop. Instead she kept on moving as silent as she could to Rachel's closet, getting on her knees, and putting her ear to the back wall like she had done the other time she had an argument with Jacob.

At the same time, Jacob rested himself against his headboard of bed, laying it right up against the same place on the wall hers was now, and like she expected he sang something entirely new, and something that made Jude catch her breath,

"Someday I'll wish upon a star

Wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where trouble melts like lemon drops

High above the chimney top

That's where you'll find me."

Out of all the songs the insufferable Jacob Black could have sung, it was the one song that belonged in her dreams, the one Jude sang to herself when the need arose to remember the good times with her father. Jude had to fight every instinct she had to sing along his soothing deep bass. She fought the urge to agree that Billy's son truly knew how to sing.

"What are you doing in there?"

Jude bonked her head against Rachel's clothes, knowing Jacob must have heard her through the wall, and came out of the closet with as much dignity she could carry, "nothing, I was doing nothing."

She looked even more suspicious now, but Leah still gave her back the cell phone, "did you get everything you need?"

"Sure, sure," Jude made Rachel's bed for the last time, "yeah, I am ready."

As expected, Jacob's door was open when she walked out, and he was standing at the threshold of his door, probably ready to confront her suspicious looking ass as she left, instead he mumbled, "bye Jude."

"Bye Jacob," she couldn't even have the decency to meet his eyes, making her feel like even more of a coward, and passing the chance to see the amused glint that would surely shine in his knowing eyes.

There would be no escape from the conversation that would come, and the reason why she was listening in on him in the privacy of his own room. She would have to see him for her father's funeral Saturday, but she knew that it would be a while before then, maybe at the potlatch he could corner her among the guest, confront her with an audience, but at the back of her mind she knew he would go right back to ignoring her.

Hopefully, he would forget the whole thing had ever happened, forget that she had ever came to live with him and Billy in the first place.

Hopefully.